Stigma, Prejudice
and Fear
I haven't written about stigma because I didn't think
that it was something that was a part of our lives. I still don't in the bigger
context that I previously looked at it. Meaning that I don't feel that when I
go out in public with my son that he is being looked at or judged differently
then myself. As a society we all look at each other and make judgements on who
or what we think we are looking at. Most of the time we are probably wrong and
being aware of that I try really hard not to make these judgements. If anything
I probably irritate a lot of people as I'm constantly pointing out that we
don't know what is going on and motivating the other person's behaviour. They
could be on the way to the hospital to see a loved one so that's why they ran
the red light. They were lost in their own thoughts and that's why they walked
into you, not because they are disrespectful. Not to say I don't sometimes make
snap judgements as I do have a tendency to do things like look at really skinny
people and think drug use. I'm working on that as I know that is a form of
stigma and I'm making a wrong judgement based on my own life experiences.
I thought it would be easy to find a definition of
stigma. Per Wikipedia: "Social Stigma is the extreme disapproval of (or
discontent with) a person or group on socially characteristic grounds that are
perceived, and serve to distinguish them, from other members of a society.
Stigma may then be affixed to such a person, by the greater society, who
differs from their cultural norms." I'm not too sure that I would fit into
what is considered normal society and I don't want to. This is especially true
for my son. On social stigma on people with mental disorders Wikipedia states:
" Empirical research on stigma associated with mental disorders, pointed
to a surprising attitude of the general public. Those who were told that mental
disorders had a genetic basis were more prone to increase their social distance
from the mentally ill, and also to assume that the ill were dangerous
individuals, in contrast with those members of the general public who were told
that the illnesses could be explained by social and environment factors."
I'm getting from this that the general consensus is that if it's genetic then
it doesn't warrant as much empathy then if it was caused by social and
environment factors.
How about prejudice. Per Wikipedia: " The word
prejudice refers to prejudgment: i.e. making a decision before becoming aware
of the relevant facts of a case." Per Dictonary.com: " 1) an
unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought,
or reason. 2) any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or
unfavorable. 3) unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a
hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group."
Now I find myself having to rethink what I considered to
be stigma. I can go out in public and not have my son treated differently then
myself basically because no one looking at him knows that he is suffering with
psychosis. He may appear a little quirky but most of us do. I know I talk to
myself all the time and even catch myself doing it in public when trying to
decide which product to buy. My insight into stigma has become a bit more
personal lately. I think it stems from a lack of insight into psychosis and the
person suffering from it. I'm finding this hard because it's not the general
public that is making me open my eyes and redefine my ideas of what stigma is.
What's even harder is that I know that what is causing this change is not being
done intentionally. A recent news article about someone with schizophrenia
doing something pretty awful and my son's own inability to control his emotions
are causing my family to pull back. I can't say I blame them for being cautious
and I totally respect their choices. I guess I'm struggling with this because
in reality my son is the same person he was three months ago when he was being
welcomed with open arms. Again I don't blame my family for pulling back as they
now think they have a better understanding of who he is. Or maybe I should say
what schizophrenia is. Although the diagnoses isn't new. He was diagnosed over
two years ago. Now it is becoming a part of their everyday lives and fear or
lack of knowledge combined with my son's own emotional instability is changing
the boundaries. The kicker is that he's more stable now then he was three
months ago.
I've had to open my own eyes on some of the ideas I
previously had regarding limiting my son's right to certain things like alcohol
and his right to refuse medications or treatment. I’ve heard comments like
‘Can’t you put his pills in his food?’ Said out of love but disrespects my
son’s rights to choose. Having a relationship with him build on trust and respect
is just as, if not more, important than him taking medications. We all have the
right to refuse treatment just as an alcoholic has the right to keep on
drinking and not attend AA. In my opinion they are not of sound mind but still
have the right to slowly kill themselves or even put themselves in a state that
could harm others. Every day we all have the right to make choices, including
wrong ones like drinking, drugging, smoking or putting ourselves over other
people but because we are legally sane we have a right to that choice. Because
my son has psychosis we, even myself on occasion, want to take away those
rights.
I’m struggling with feeling for my son who only sees that
places he was encouraged to go to before are now off limits or now have extra
conditions. He’s not getting worse with his psychosis, he is in fact getting
better. So I guess I have a better understanding of stigma now... Perhaps
prejudice is a better word. Preconceived ideas. In the beginning no one had any
idea what to expect and based on little or no knowledge acted a certain way.
Now with some insight into my son and still very little knowledge of his
psychosis the boundaries are different. Fear is also playing its role. Can my
son be violent? Can any of us be violent would be a better question. Wikipedia
on Schizophrenia and violence: "Individuals with severe mental illness
including schizophrenia are at a significantly greater risk of being victims of
both violent and non-violent crime. On the other hand, schizophrenia has sometimes
been associated with a higher rate of violent acts, although this is primarily
due to higher rates of drug use. Rates of homicide linked to psychosis are
similar to those linked to substance misuse, and parallel the overall rate in a
region. What role schizophrenia has on violence independent of drug misuse is
controversial, but certain aspects of individual histories or mental states may
be factors. Media coverage relating to schizophrenia tends to revolve around
rare but unusual acts of violence." This sums it up pretty good in my
eyes. My son is no more likely to be violent than anyone else who is in a
situation that feels they need to defend themselves. This includes someone on
drugs or abusing alcohol. If anything he is more likely to be a victim. The
media will highlight the crimes of someone with mental illness but if you
compare it to the number of crimes being committed everyday by 'normal' people
what do you think you will find?
I was thinking about a song sung by Elvis Presley,
written and sung by Joe Smith: Walk A Mile In My Shoes.
If I could be you, if you could be me
For just one hour, if we could find a way
To get inside each other's mind
If you could see you through my eyes
Instead your own ego I believe you'd be
I believe you'd be surprised to see
That you've been blind
Walk a mile in my shoes
just walk a mile in my shoes
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Then walk a mile in my shoes
For just a moment put yourself in my son's shoes. In his
eyes he has done nothing wrong, is being honest about his feelings and is doing
better. He sees all the wrong in this
world. He sees how we treat the ones we are supposed to love with disrespect
and how we worry more about how everyone else sees us then the ones we love. We
let ourselves be governed by societies expectations. What will everyone think
if you do that... Despite his psychosis or better yet because of it, he sees
himself as someone who can change the world. He doesn't want to be like
everyone else. I can't say I blame him. I've read articles stating that people
with mental illness are more courageous and stronger then we give them credit
for. So true. Every day they live with their own horrors and struggle with
dealing with a reality, the one we want them to see, that in their eyes doesn't
make sense. I see in him an innocence that should be cultivated not stomped
out. He's not pretending to be something that he's not. He's reacting to this
world with honest emotion. He doesn't understand the boundaries that society
puts in place. His innocence in thinking that being family should mean more
than it does, is humbling to me because he's right. Of all the people I know in
this world he is honestly one of the best people I know with a strength in his
own convictions that should be applauded as most of us would have given in a
long time ago. He's just trying to be himself. I've been learning that my
children are as much a role model for me as I am for them.
Whether it's stigma, prejudice or fear it sucks either
way. Walk a mile in the shoes of the person you think you know. See the world
through their eyes and not your own ego or prejudice. Things are not always
what they seem on the surface and without looking deeper you might find that
you have missed out on an opportunity to know someone very special with an
innocence that is truly heartwarming.
Mom
BarbieBF
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