6) Addiction - Self Medicating

Addiction - Self Medicating

Since addiction and self medicating seems to be a big part of the lives of people suffering from psychosis and something that I'm currently trying to work on with my son, I figured I would delve into this topic next. Let's start with the statistic that 50 percent of schizophrenics have a substance abuse problem. Personally I think it's higher as I doubt very much that everyone is telling their psychiatrist that they are self medicating with street drugs or alcohol. I think I previously noted in another chapter that my son's medical team went a long time thinking my son was not abusing when in fact he was, daily.

Studies are showing that 23.5 million Americans are addicted to alcohol and drugs. Approximately 1 in every 10 over the age of 12, so 10 percent of the population. Only 11 percent receive treatment. Again I question that as how many of us tell our doctors that we are depressed because of drugs or alcohol use. I know I didn't tell my doctor that's why I was depressed, underweight and unable to cope with life when he prescribed me anti-depressants. When asked if I did drugs I said no. Of course a simple blood test would have proven what a lie that was but doctors tend to take us on our word unless given a reason not to. Addiction affects all of us whether it's a family member with or without psychosis, a friend or even a co-worker.

In chapter 1 I stated that I consider myself lucky that I can at least understand addiction. 10 years clean of the hard drugs and today would still not want the temptation of having them in my vicinity. Recently had to re-evaluate my life and stop smoking marijuana. Still smoking cigarettes.  Addiction is all around us in many different forms. Workaholics, alcoholics, drug addicts and smokers. I can't think of anything else but if it's something you need to do to make yourself feel better and it's taken over your life then it's an addiction. Some people are addicted to water, food, starving, caffeine, exercising and self harm. I remember when I was in a place to detox being told that once they had a patient that was addicted to water. They had to drain the toilets, etc every night so the person wouldn't drown themselves drinking water. Even being an addict myself I find this hard to get my mind around but I do understand the motivation of wanting something that badly.

I will quote some things from what is called the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I still have mine although this is the first I've looked at it in a long time. They may reference alcoholism but addiction is addiction be it alcohol, drugs or even nicotine.

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, the alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless the person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."

The sense of ease and comfort which comes at once... Pretty powerful words. To actually feel at ease and comfortable when normally you don't. Unless the person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of recovery. Hard enough for someone without psychosis.

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy: that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.", "In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater then themselves, if they are to re-create their lives."

I find myself in a bit of dilemma with this as my son in his opinion relies little on human things and thinks he is the greater power. Self-confidence isn't a problem due to his grandiose delusions regarding self. Phenomenon of cravings and problems being astonishingly difficult to solve are a certainty.

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. The tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

Again combine this with delusions and an already skewed version of reality that allows my son to just forget the negative consequences.

Abstinence is a solution that recovering addicts have to make. "Almost none of us like the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation."

Hopefully I have given you a bit of insight into alcoholism and/or addiction. An even bigger problem arises when drugs and alcohol are being used to self medicate and deal with symptoms of a mental illness that we currently have very little control over.

My son has been with me for 3 months now. Honestly everything is hard and gaining even the smallest step in recovery is a battle but I would have to say that trying to get him to recognize that he is developing an alcohol addiction is certainly up there. I can blame it on addiction, anosognosia, denial, psychosis or lack of discipline. Either way the end result is the same. He doesn't want to or won't acknowledge what is obvious to everyone else. If he's not drinking he's depressed. His inability to handle even the smallest amount of pressure or responsibility is because he never learned how to deal with normal every day stresses. Remember he started learning how to self medicate when he was around the age of 14. Almost every day I'm hearing 'I can't handle this shit...'  This shit being to clean up his messes, have his 20 minutes of school work done by 2 pm and watch his language and attitude.  For him these expectations are overwhelming.

What scares me is when he comes back from his friends after having alcohol and I can see just how good he feels. He's invigorated, full of energy, wants to talk to me and show me things, he's excited about life. The negative symptoms of his psychosis makes it hard for him to find enjoyment from life itself. Anti-psychotics are making it harder for him to find enjoyment in his mental world. When he does get some marijuana he gets his mental world back even if just for a little while. I can understand why all the negative consequences just aren't enough to make him stop.

Without the right medications I can understand why so many would self medicate. To get even the smallest amount of relief from symptoms that no one else can see or understand, regardless of the consequences, are at the time more than worth it. My son currently doesn't have hallucinations or voices telling him how awful he is. He used to before he was switched to Clozapine/Clozaril and was chronically abusing marijuana.  It's a vicious cycle. Self medicate to deal with symptoms... worse symptoms because of self medicating.  Anti-psychotics don't work as well because of self medicating. Ensuing addiction that needs to be overcome along with psychosis. Round and round and round we go.  Where we stop nobody knows... Certainly is a broken merry go round.

I don't have the answer on how to get off this merry go round. I only know to do what I'm doing and to keep trying. I didn't get clean from drugs on my first attempt. Not even my mother's deathbed wish that I get clean made me stay clean for any length of time. I was broken inside and no amount of outside force was going to fix me. I had to find it within myself that I wanted a better life for myself and was going to do what was necessary to get it. I had to look at myself and make changes. I had to stop blaming the world for my choices and be responsible for the choices I was making. No one was in control of who I was or how I react except me. I didn't have a permanent psychosis that was hindering my recovery and it was still a long and hard road. One I'm still travelling on. My son has a world that he can go to that is much easier on him then this physical world. It also allows him to create a reality that best suites his mental state.

I will do my best to help my son recover and hopefully choose a path that will do him less self harm. That maybe one day he will see the benefits of recovery as I did. I will continue to look for a way to get off the merry go round...

Mom
BarbieBF

© August 2013

No comments:

Post a Comment