Another move... 2 month chip.

Yes we moved again...

This time we pretty much moved across Canada, from Ontario to British Columbia. We have moved into an in-law suite in my daughter's basement.

The drive itself went much better than I was expecting. Being here has been a bit more of an adjustment then I was expecting. At the moment we are mostly in our own suite however don't have a functioning kitchen yet so I think we are all finding it a little bit since everyone is used to having their own space.

Upside... I'm finally in the same province as both of my kids (and my grandson) which hasn't been since my kids where small.

For the first time in a couple of years now I have set up my christmas tree... There are now 4 cats in the household and 2 of them are loving my tree! ;) Been doing some reading and it looks like I may have to try cayenne pepper. It's not the tree so much but the electrical since my tree came with the lights already strung on it and I don't want one of them chewing on a bulb.

I have seen my son a couple of times. He is doing good. Pretty much the same as he has been for the past couple of years. Smoking weed, it's now legal here, which noticeably triggers some of his 'different' thinking. Of course it took all of about 1 hour of him seeing me to ask about moving in with me. If I was on my own then I would seriously consider working with him on it however I'm not and I'm pretty sure without the system in place that is keeping him on his medications than relapse would be a distinct possibility.

I went to a CA (cocaine anonymous) meeting with my daughter the other night and received my 2 month chip or fop for being clean. Yeah me!

I think I'm one of the lucky addicts that as long as it's not in my environment then I'm good. In July I came out to see my daughter and that gave me a break from the using. A chance to get my feet under me and my thinking clear enough to know that an addicts life is not the life that I want for myself. So with a little backbone or what I call 'won't power', I was finally able to find the strength to start on the right path to recovery.

Just wanted to pop in and do a quick update....

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2019. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Just a quick hello

I'm sorry for those that follow this blog for how long it's been. A year...

We moved, my hubby and I, into a 2 bedroom apartment last. I like it, hubby doesn't.

My daughter is doing awesome! She has her son and is engaged. She recently took her one year for being clean. Her fiance too. Sadly they aren't living close as they moved to BC last year.

I can't say last year ended on a good note. First time I didn't put up a Christmas Tree. Well it's over now.

My son is still doing very good. In fact...

I saw him and my daughter and grandson last month! Too see them all together was beyond words and I'm so thankful that I went out to see them. My grandson stole my heart even more. My daughter was worried that I might have too high expectations on him warming up to me. No worries there! He wanted me to take him out of his car seat when we got home from the airport.

The family dynamics wasn't as bad as I expected while there. You see, I'm not clean, yet. With that comes a certain amount of prejudice or stigma. Perhaps stigma is a better word. What they believe an addict to be. What they believe me to be. I can assure you that not all addicts are 'tared from the same brush'. We are not all the same. Some of us strive to maintain our morals and hold onto our humanity even as we try to fight our addictions.

It's hard to acknowledge that at times one does care what others think of them. Very much so in this instance because I still consider them family. My kids family... my family. My kids Nana doesn't think I should be able to attend my daughter's wedding. Granted she also didn't think I had the right to enter the group home my son is currently living in, which has nothing to do with my addiction. My ex apparently seems to think I would use drugs around my grandson. All of which I'm properly peeved over.

So yes I'm still using. To put into perspective, a lot less them most people drink alcohol and smoke weed. Not that that justifies my using because it doesn't. Every day I'm trying to kick that habit back into remission where it belongs. Some weeks are better then others. It's one helluva uphill battle. Most days I'm fighting it alone. But then again being alone in these battles is not so new to me. However trying to do it for 2 people is tougher then I was prepared for.

I think my biggest hurdle is facing all the pain of betrayal that I felt when everything came to light. It still hurts, alot. Perhaps it's a grieving process. I'm ok with it all as much as I can be. I don't resent anyone or even have hard feelings. It just still hurts and I think I'm shying away from that pain. I'm working on it, daily, as I know I have to move on.

As for my marriage. I think we have spent this year in a state of limbo. Going nowhere. Mentally I think I've found my limit on what I can carry. I have to say at the moment that I'm quit worn out.

And ready for bed...

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2018. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.