I have lost count.

My son is in the hospital. I don't recall what number that puts us/him at for hospitalizations...

Do you ever wonder what it is that causes us to do something even though we think it is pointless?

I do. Is it some mystical part of the universe. A gut instinct. Hope...

I picked up the phone this morning to call my son's worker even as I asked myself why I was doing it because I wasn't expecting to get through to anyone or accomplish anything. I had previously called and left two messages and wasn't getting a call back as my son had denied me access.

I had called the hospital this morning and talked to my son and he of course stated that he didn't want to give me access as he wanted to keep everything between him and his workers. No surprise there. They have put him on Ativan/Lorazepam so I'm pretty sure he is happily stoned on it and certainly doesn't want me interfering.

I know that he is on Ativan as his grandmother has been calling me, sometimes just because she needs someone to talk to, to feel better. Not sure how I'm feeling about this new turn as I'm caught between my own natural instinct to want to be supportive and a need to keep some emotional distance between us.

Anyways his worker answered my phone call. I started the conversation with: I know you can't give me any information however I know you can listen. He did. I hung up, thankful that I had picked up the phone despite thinking it was pointless. I had been trying to fax over my notes, since my son's diagnoses and I had been having no luck. Turns out I had been faxing the wrong number. Oops. After confirming the right number I was able to fax so hopefully he has it now.

As it turns out, he had not followed up with my son's treatment team out here because he had no idea who/what they were. All he had was a note that had been sent out with my son stating what his prescribed medications were for. So for the past couple of months no one has had any information on my son's time with me in Ontario or his treatment. Mind boggling...

I also called PACT here and left a message for his (old) nurse or case worker stating why they hadn't heard from British Columbia with his current workers name and number.

I just got off the phone with a worker from the hospital that called me looking for background information. Of course she couldn't give me any information... I guess they are trying to put together a treatment and discharge plan. I almost freaked when I heard the word discharge. They want to know what my son's capabilities are. If he can live alone. Me the broken record: No he cannot live alone. He has zero living/coping skills. That is why I was trying to get him into a group home. No matter how stable he is, if left to his own devices he will become unstable within a short period of time. Alcohol/drugs then missed medications and ensuing psychosis will be the result. He can't manage his own money. He can't even take care of his basic hygiene without support and prompting.

I had some good intentions of getting some house cleaning done today... Instead I have spent most of it talking to people about my son and what I think he needs or doesn't need. I did manage to put in my two-cents-worth on him being on Ativan.

I also made some cookies for hubby!

Mom
BarbieBF

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