I have lost count.

My son is in the hospital. I don't recall what number that puts us/him at for hospitalizations...

Do you ever wonder what it is that causes us to do something even though we think it is pointless?

I do. Is it some mystical part of the universe. A gut instinct. Hope...

I picked up the phone this morning to call my son's worker even as I asked myself why I was doing it because I wasn't expecting to get through to anyone or accomplish anything. I had previously called and left two messages and wasn't getting a call back as my son had denied me access.

I had called the hospital this morning and talked to my son and he of course stated that he didn't want to give me access as he wanted to keep everything between him and his workers. No surprise there. They have put him on Ativan/Lorazepam so I'm pretty sure he is happily stoned on it and certainly doesn't want me interfering.

I know that he is on Ativan as his grandmother has been calling me, sometimes just because she needs someone to talk to, to feel better. Not sure how I'm feeling about this new turn as I'm caught between my own natural instinct to want to be supportive and a need to keep some emotional distance between us.

Anyways his worker answered my phone call. I started the conversation with: I know you can't give me any information however I know you can listen. He did. I hung up, thankful that I had picked up the phone despite thinking it was pointless. I had been trying to fax over my notes, since my son's diagnoses and I had been having no luck. Turns out I had been faxing the wrong number. Oops. After confirming the right number I was able to fax so hopefully he has it now.

As it turns out, he had not followed up with my son's treatment team out here because he had no idea who/what they were. All he had was a note that had been sent out with my son stating what his prescribed medications were for. So for the past couple of months no one has had any information on my son's time with me in Ontario or his treatment. Mind boggling...

I also called PACT here and left a message for his (old) nurse or case worker stating why they hadn't heard from British Columbia with his current workers name and number.

I just got off the phone with a worker from the hospital that called me looking for background information. Of course she couldn't give me any information... I guess they are trying to put together a treatment and discharge plan. I almost freaked when I heard the word discharge. They want to know what my son's capabilities are. If he can live alone. Me the broken record: No he cannot live alone. He has zero living/coping skills. That is why I was trying to get him into a group home. No matter how stable he is, if left to his own devices he will become unstable within a short period of time. Alcohol/drugs then missed medications and ensuing psychosis will be the result. He can't manage his own money. He can't even take care of his basic hygiene without support and prompting.

I had some good intentions of getting some house cleaning done today... Instead I have spent most of it talking to people about my son and what I think he needs or doesn't need. I did manage to put in my two-cents-worth on him being on Ativan.

I also made some cookies for hubby!

Mom
BarbieBF

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

'Tis the Season

It's been awhile...

I didn't escape getting sick after all. Ended up with an ear infection and bronchitis. All better now.

My daughter was here for 3 weeks. It was a great visit. She got in a lot of driving time, much to my hubby's despair the one day she went on the highway ;). Of course I was happily not paying attention to the speedometer... After that she kept to the speed limit in a quest to gain back his trust!

I have only spoken to my son a couple of times. The first time he was too busy smoking, drinking and whatever else to talk. The last time was earlier this week. He sounded not bad. At first I thought he sounded fairly clear headed then I realized it was more focused... He was happy that he had his head back as he had lost it and he has been listening to what his medications are doing to his head and body and doesn't like it. So yeah... focused just not really in a good way. Still he doesn't seem to be doing as bad as I feared.

On the home front things are good. Really good actually.

As each year passes I am learning to appreciate and love what I do have. I have always liked Christmas however now I can say that I love Christmas! It's not about the presents. It's just the fact that it is Christmas. I love my decorations and my villages that my daughter helped me to set up this year. Truthfully, after she got over her bah-humbug moment, she set up most of it.

I don't know if it's; that I'm getting older, what I have been through this past couple of years, or even my antidepressants. Honestly I don't care what the reason is, but I can say that I'm truly happy. I guess it stems from being truly grateful. I look at my home and I'm happy in it. I'm happy with who I am. I'm happy with the live that we are trying to build.

I wish that my children could be a big part of that life however I accept that they have to choose their own paths, good or bad.

Christmas is just around the corner and I would like to wish you all a wonderful holiday season!

Merry Ho Ho!
BarbieBF

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.