Thought I would give a quick update...
Not a lot has changed over the past week. Getting more comfortable with the job and fitting myself into the schedule my boss wants me on. In my opinion the hours are... Well they are broken up throughout the day. Monday to Friday he wants 11:30 - 1, 4:30 - 6 then 8-10. Friday's 11:30 - 2 and Saturday's 9-1. The 8-10 shift is a no go for me. I'm not giving up what little time hubby and I have together during the week and once I get my son back on a sensible sleep schedule than 8 is our bedtime ;). There is also fact that I'm pretty sure calling after 9 PM is legally not a go. I don't get calling at 9 AM on a Saturday and not at 9 AM during the week when it's expected that people be up. Aside from that I'm booking appointments and have submitted my first invoice. So hopefully I will be seeing some money soon!
On July 6 my son's nurse was here for his weekly visit. Like I told his psychiatrist who was here the following day, I think I held it together pretty good. When I told his nurse about his excessive, not in private, out in public masturbating... His response was that since my son didn't have a girlfriend that masturbating was a right of passage and that him doing it out on the front veranda was behavioral. *pats self on back* for not losing it ;).
They drop of his medications every Friday in a blister pack (medications are in pop-out boxes for each day). Which I think is ridiculous and have told them several times it's not necessary but the PACT team insists on it. I guess they like it because when they visit they can see if patients/clients are taking their medications. Since my son doesn't get himself his meds, I do it, it's pointless. A waste of the pharmacists time and resources (and I think costs the government more money) and means every week someone has to come here on Friday instead of just giving me a months supply in a bottle. Anyways... Because I'm apparently not using the blister pack properly (haha) which means not starting the new pack on Friday when they bring it and instead using up the remainder of the previous blister pack, then his nurse couldn't understand what days medications he had missed. For clarification the blister packs have 7 days. Monday to Sunday. So I start a new one on Monday. Confusing right? His nurse thought so. So when I showed him that my son had missed taking his meds on Tuesday and Thursday, he decided that my son had missed 2 days in a row. Sometimes there is just no point in carrying on a conversation...
He did however set up an appointment for Michael's psychiatrist to come here the next day. I filled him. Let him know that even though I appreciate how his nurse is with Michael and that in that regard he is doing very good, that he doesn't take my concerns seriously or listen to me very well. His psychiatrist makes decisions based on the feedback from the other team members and when that feedback isn't relayed properly then I tend to get a bit upset. It's certainly not the first time I have dealt with this. His first nurse with PACT was bad for that too. She blamed almost everything on behavior. I asked his psychiatrist what to do when this happens. Call in and make an appointment with him.
We discussed medication options and decided to add back the Lithium. *shakes head* I have off and on been suggesting this since he was in the shelter in February. I asked for clarification on who I am thinking about my son's behaviors and if I was completely off track. It's a bit of both I guess. On one hand yes some things are behavioral and I can acknowledge that. Punching and kicking my door, behavioral. Insisting on smoking in his room, behavioral. Not knowing that it is inappropriate to masturbate in front of your mother or out in public because one can't see past the urge to do it, not so much. His psychiatrist agreed that this behavior is not normal even for him and he isn't doing it just to piss me off. The problem though is that upping medications will not necessarily correct this. Upping his Invega could cause the opposite affect of what we are looking for and make his negative symptoms worse. I can understand that. Adding the Lithium back should increase the effectiveness of his Invega and hopefully help with his negative symptoms. I think Lithium tends to act like an antidepressant with Michael whereas actual antidepressants do him no good. Why would they? In the bigger picture he is not depressed. He is experiencing negative symptoms which is different.
The Lithium was dropped off on Wednesday. Of course he missed his medications on Thursday due to alcohol. If anyone thinks that alcohol is harmless... Come see what I see. It's far from harmless for my son. It's keeping him unstable and robbing him of a future. Hopefully we have a 3 week break from it and I can work on getting him started on some sort of stability.
He has his days and nights mixed up again. I'm reminding him several times throughout the night to take his pills however he isn't taking them until morning and then sleeping. If it happens again tonight I think I may just let him miss them and try to start fresh tomorrow night.
As for the smoking in his room. It's a constant battle. Thursday night I found his whiskey bottle in his room. His psychiatrist agreed with me that Michael most likely has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and sadly trying to discipline around and keep the appropriate boundaries is even more important due to the ODD. You let one slip and they all go. The mess he is making of his bedroom floor :(. They are shellacked and he throws his cigarettes on them when I walk into his room so I won't see it. Oh yes... According to him he is accidentally smoking in his room. Haha. Because you accidentally close your bedroom door, light an incense to cover up the smell and find something to use for an ashtray. Sometimes that is his garbage can with liquids thrown in it. I have removed his garbage can. He doesn't use it for actual garbage anyways. I have tapped a note to the top of the stairs that says 'no smoking, leave your smokes downstairs' and another one to his bedroom door. At least he can't pretend like he doesn't know the rule :).
The last day or so it's cigarettes... I have warned him and warned him that I'm quit and I'm not supplying him with cigarettes. He knew this when hubby took him to get cigarettes. He got 2 cartons which he now doesn't like. Where we go you can actually smoke in the store and you can try every kind of cigarette that they have to see if you like them. He tried them. I'm guessing he was more concerned with getting the cheaper ones so that he had money for alcohol. His choice. I also gave him the cigarettes that we had gotten for him from before which was another 4 packs. Yesterday he wanted me to buy him a couple of packs with the extra money he is giving me. He isn't giving me any money. Disability is sending me MY portion of his payments. I didn't respond to this comment at all. Then it was can he have a pack of hubby's. Hubby doesn't keep his cigarettes in the home anymore and he wasn't home yesterday. Kinda sad that we can't even keep our own things in our own home. Hubby is also quitting. We just got him patches too. So Michael I'm afraid is going to be shit out'a luck in the smoking department. The kicker though is that he does have cigarettes. He just doesn't like them.
So today is my day off! Yeah! I have to finish the laundry I started yesterday evening. I really need to clean the floors as Michael has spelt pretty much everything, everywhere. I need to wash his blankets too. Still haven't gotten him in the shower :(. He did have a bath on Monday night however that had more do with him liking being in the bathtub when he is drunk. God I hate alcohol!
I guess that wasn't a quick update after all. :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Showing posts with label Psychiatrist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychiatrist. Show all posts
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Bye bye Latuda
I was really hoping or had high hopes for the Latuda as I have heard of good results with it. However the small positives that I have seen are in no way outweighing the negatives. Honestly I'm not sure that the small positives I have seen are even as a result of the Latuda. The only positives I have been seeing is my son sometimes picking up after himself and making himself things to eat which most likely can be attributed to years of me trying to install this habit in him.
My hubby took my son out with him to clean the car on Saturday and they came back with these for Mother's Day:
My son came downstairs where I was doing laundry and gave them to me saying: I thought these would do you. Meaning he picked them out and thought I would like them. He was right!
As I mentioned on Friday he went to the liquor store. I don't think he drank everything on Friday although I can't say when he finished it. One day earlier in the week he threw out the empty bottles. This time he managed to hide them so that they weren't obvious.
After I cut the Latuda from 80 mg to 40 mg it was still several days before he actually took it and kept it down. He has been vomiting off and on. I wasn't sure if it was the Latuda causing this or not but I'm pretty sure that it is. Although part of it could also be how much he is smoking.
On Monday his new nurse visited. He seems nice... Sometimes my husband will comment that we need someone with more experience. I tend to agree ;) I don't know if it's that I'm so involved in researching medications or watching for signs, however I find that most of his treatment team just don't seem to get it. Maybe I think that I know more then I do. I know what I'm seeing and I know what my gut is telling me and I'm listening.
First I got the run down on cutting pills in half... Hmm... Ok way beyond that. I did my research first. I think I may have gotten chastised for cutting the dose as "How is the doctor going to know if the medication is working as prescribed?" The dose as prescribed was landing my son in an hallucinating state that could have had him suicidal if I hadn't intervened. So thanks for the input but my son is my priority not the doctor.
My son was looking at his nurse, not listening to him, and smiling to the point of almost laughing. His nurse was glad to see him happy... I found that a bit ludicrous, no pun intended. He's not 'happy', he's experiencing symptoms. My son continues to deny voices and hallucinations if asked outright if he is experiencing them. It's obvious that he is. Something I have difficulty pinpointing is the difference between intrusive thoughts and voices. Personally I think that are pretty close to each other with voices perhaps being one step above intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts implies that they are intruding or not wanted however if one is welcoming them then one wouldn't consider them intrusive. Still they are not, for lack of a better description, our own thoughts. So I asked about the difference. His nurse explained to me the difference between thoughts and voices. I guess he missed the word 'intrusive'.
Monday and Tuesday he managed to keep down the 40 mg doses of Latuda. Yesterday (Wednesday) he vomited twice. Once all over the bathroom. That was fun to clean up ;). Since Friday he has started with hand movements, like he is flicking something. It has been progressively getting worse. Now he is doing it almost all the time about once every minute or less. If I hold the hand that is doing it, he starts with the other hand. He says that it isn't bothering him however it IS bothering me because I know it shouldn't be happening. The last 2-3 days he has become very needy in wanting me to cuddle with him. Wanting to sit almost on me on the sofa. Wanting me to file his nails and rub and scratch his back. I'm doing my best to accommodate this change and spend more time with him. Last night he wanted to sleep in my bed. Sadly this is something I'm not comfortable with however I did hold him for awhile in his bed.
Yesterday morning I talked to his case worker. She has been with us since, I think, July of last year. Possibly before that. One thing that I truly appreciate about her is that she listens to me. She doesn't cut me off mid-sentence when I'm telling her about what I'm seeing (his new nurse does as have others). In fact she has commented what a good thing it is that my son has me. She doesn't question the decisions that I make when it comes to medications. Like I said, she listens. So she knows that I make the decisions that I do with some knowledge of what I'm doing. At least that is how I'm reading it ;). I feel reasonably confident that what I tell her gets relayed to the psychiatrist with the appropriate emphasis on the concerning things that I see. With all the others... not so much. Even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing she doesn't chastise me for it, instead brings it to the attention of his psychiatrist.
Yesterday his case worker and I agreed that my son is regressing. That what I'm seeing is not right for my son. I could tell that his hallucinating is getting worse again. He is lost. Goes the cupboard and doesn't seem to know what he is there for. I could tell by how he is walking that he is mentally lost. Some of his behavior has been almost child-like. After he vomited yesterday evening I told my hubby that Dr. Barb is saying no more Latuda. ;) I've tried to give it a chance however enough is enough.
This morning I called PACT and left a voice message as I know they are having their team meeting today with the psychiatrist and I wanted them to be aware of what I was doing. Last night I gave my son 10 mg of Olanzapine. He seems quite willing to go back on it. Yup, conundrum that he is! He was put on the Latuda because he decided to come off the Olanzapine. *sigh* I gave it to him around 8:30 last night. Put him to bed shortly after, spending time with him cuddling. Found out that there was a war going on his head... When I checked on him around 10, he was sleeping and snoring! As if that was a sound I ever thought I would be happy to hear and I was! I don't think he has had a sound sleep for over two weeks now.
I haven't been in the backyard for the past couple of days as it's been a bit chilly. I went out there this morning as when I looked out there I saw a pile of cigarette butts on the patio table. There is an ashtray on the other side of the table. I guess it was too far away and my son has been butting out his cigarettes on the table. There was butts everywhere. Some of them I could tell hadn't even been put out but went out on there own. It's a good thing there is no smoking in most of the house or there is a distinct possibility we could have been dealing with a house fire. I cleaned them up.
His nurse called me back after receiving my message this morning. I sat there silently fuming as he chastised me for making medication decisions without the psychiatrists ok. Finally I got blunt with him and told him that I'm going to do what I think is best for my son. I know what he has been prescribed and why. Keeping him on medications that are not working and making him worse, regardless of the doctor's orders is not going to happen. He kept cutting me off when I tried to explain what I have been seeing. Basically we ended the call with me saying that my son's psychiatrist should have enough understanding of me by now to know that I'm going to do what I think is best. If history is any indication he has yet to go against any of my decisions and I seriously doubt that he will this time either. The goal is to keep my son out of the hospital not put him there.
I think I need to do some research on medications. I think we need one that only affects dopamine and not serotonin as well, as most of them do. For me the only question right now is what dose of Olanzapine. Previously he was taking 20 mg a day which is supposed to be maximum dose and I would rather not go back to that if we don't have to.
Today he seems a bit better. The hand thing is still going strong. I'm guessing that will take time to go away however if I don't see an improvement in it within the next day or so I will be addressing it further.
We had our follow up appointment with ADAPT on Monday. It's at the mall which is like a 10 minute walk. My son will not be continuing with them. Voluntary and all that crap and he doesn't think that drinking 400 ml of 40% alcohol is a problem. So there you have it. I'm going to continue with them. I need the support and help learning to better cope with being the parent of an addict with mental illness. I have already booked an appointment for next month and registered with some sessions on the 25th and 26th. They also offer support and funding for quitting smoking so I'm going to get hubby and I registered so that hopefully they can provide us with free patches!
I did start the process of registering with a company for work from home opportunities. Been meaning to finish that for the past couple of days.
I wrote a piece for a book that I'm going to be participating in. It's currently pinned to the top of my Facebook page if any of my readers who are parents or caregivers are interested in telling their story and helping to support the non-profit that is putting it together. You can find my Facebook link on the side of this blog or by clicking above.
May 17-23 is Schizophrenia Awareness Week. I had grand intentions of creating a whole lot of literature and informational pieces to highlight on my Facebook page and the event that I created. I still have today and tomorrow...
PS: He has been continuing to take his Invega!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
My hubby took my son out with him to clean the car on Saturday and they came back with these for Mother's Day:
My son came downstairs where I was doing laundry and gave them to me saying: I thought these would do you. Meaning he picked them out and thought I would like them. He was right!
As I mentioned on Friday he went to the liquor store. I don't think he drank everything on Friday although I can't say when he finished it. One day earlier in the week he threw out the empty bottles. This time he managed to hide them so that they weren't obvious.
After I cut the Latuda from 80 mg to 40 mg it was still several days before he actually took it and kept it down. He has been vomiting off and on. I wasn't sure if it was the Latuda causing this or not but I'm pretty sure that it is. Although part of it could also be how much he is smoking.
On Monday his new nurse visited. He seems nice... Sometimes my husband will comment that we need someone with more experience. I tend to agree ;) I don't know if it's that I'm so involved in researching medications or watching for signs, however I find that most of his treatment team just don't seem to get it. Maybe I think that I know more then I do. I know what I'm seeing and I know what my gut is telling me and I'm listening.
First I got the run down on cutting pills in half... Hmm... Ok way beyond that. I did my research first. I think I may have gotten chastised for cutting the dose as "How is the doctor going to know if the medication is working as prescribed?" The dose as prescribed was landing my son in an hallucinating state that could have had him suicidal if I hadn't intervened. So thanks for the input but my son is my priority not the doctor.
My son was looking at his nurse, not listening to him, and smiling to the point of almost laughing. His nurse was glad to see him happy... I found that a bit ludicrous, no pun intended. He's not 'happy', he's experiencing symptoms. My son continues to deny voices and hallucinations if asked outright if he is experiencing them. It's obvious that he is. Something I have difficulty pinpointing is the difference between intrusive thoughts and voices. Personally I think that are pretty close to each other with voices perhaps being one step above intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts implies that they are intruding or not wanted however if one is welcoming them then one wouldn't consider them intrusive. Still they are not, for lack of a better description, our own thoughts. So I asked about the difference. His nurse explained to me the difference between thoughts and voices. I guess he missed the word 'intrusive'.
Monday and Tuesday he managed to keep down the 40 mg doses of Latuda. Yesterday (Wednesday) he vomited twice. Once all over the bathroom. That was fun to clean up ;). Since Friday he has started with hand movements, like he is flicking something. It has been progressively getting worse. Now he is doing it almost all the time about once every minute or less. If I hold the hand that is doing it, he starts with the other hand. He says that it isn't bothering him however it IS bothering me because I know it shouldn't be happening. The last 2-3 days he has become very needy in wanting me to cuddle with him. Wanting to sit almost on me on the sofa. Wanting me to file his nails and rub and scratch his back. I'm doing my best to accommodate this change and spend more time with him. Last night he wanted to sleep in my bed. Sadly this is something I'm not comfortable with however I did hold him for awhile in his bed.
Yesterday morning I talked to his case worker. She has been with us since, I think, July of last year. Possibly before that. One thing that I truly appreciate about her is that she listens to me. She doesn't cut me off mid-sentence when I'm telling her about what I'm seeing (his new nurse does as have others). In fact she has commented what a good thing it is that my son has me. She doesn't question the decisions that I make when it comes to medications. Like I said, she listens. So she knows that I make the decisions that I do with some knowledge of what I'm doing. At least that is how I'm reading it ;). I feel reasonably confident that what I tell her gets relayed to the psychiatrist with the appropriate emphasis on the concerning things that I see. With all the others... not so much. Even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing she doesn't chastise me for it, instead brings it to the attention of his psychiatrist.
Yesterday his case worker and I agreed that my son is regressing. That what I'm seeing is not right for my son. I could tell that his hallucinating is getting worse again. He is lost. Goes the cupboard and doesn't seem to know what he is there for. I could tell by how he is walking that he is mentally lost. Some of his behavior has been almost child-like. After he vomited yesterday evening I told my hubby that Dr. Barb is saying no more Latuda. ;) I've tried to give it a chance however enough is enough.
This morning I called PACT and left a voice message as I know they are having their team meeting today with the psychiatrist and I wanted them to be aware of what I was doing. Last night I gave my son 10 mg of Olanzapine. He seems quite willing to go back on it. Yup, conundrum that he is! He was put on the Latuda because he decided to come off the Olanzapine. *sigh* I gave it to him around 8:30 last night. Put him to bed shortly after, spending time with him cuddling. Found out that there was a war going on his head... When I checked on him around 10, he was sleeping and snoring! As if that was a sound I ever thought I would be happy to hear and I was! I don't think he has had a sound sleep for over two weeks now.
I haven't been in the backyard for the past couple of days as it's been a bit chilly. I went out there this morning as when I looked out there I saw a pile of cigarette butts on the patio table. There is an ashtray on the other side of the table. I guess it was too far away and my son has been butting out his cigarettes on the table. There was butts everywhere. Some of them I could tell hadn't even been put out but went out on there own. It's a good thing there is no smoking in most of the house or there is a distinct possibility we could have been dealing with a house fire. I cleaned them up.
His nurse called me back after receiving my message this morning. I sat there silently fuming as he chastised me for making medication decisions without the psychiatrists ok. Finally I got blunt with him and told him that I'm going to do what I think is best for my son. I know what he has been prescribed and why. Keeping him on medications that are not working and making him worse, regardless of the doctor's orders is not going to happen. He kept cutting me off when I tried to explain what I have been seeing. Basically we ended the call with me saying that my son's psychiatrist should have enough understanding of me by now to know that I'm going to do what I think is best. If history is any indication he has yet to go against any of my decisions and I seriously doubt that he will this time either. The goal is to keep my son out of the hospital not put him there.
I think I need to do some research on medications. I think we need one that only affects dopamine and not serotonin as well, as most of them do. For me the only question right now is what dose of Olanzapine. Previously he was taking 20 mg a day which is supposed to be maximum dose and I would rather not go back to that if we don't have to.
Today he seems a bit better. The hand thing is still going strong. I'm guessing that will take time to go away however if I don't see an improvement in it within the next day or so I will be addressing it further.
We had our follow up appointment with ADAPT on Monday. It's at the mall which is like a 10 minute walk. My son will not be continuing with them. Voluntary and all that crap and he doesn't think that drinking 400 ml of 40% alcohol is a problem. So there you have it. I'm going to continue with them. I need the support and help learning to better cope with being the parent of an addict with mental illness. I have already booked an appointment for next month and registered with some sessions on the 25th and 26th. They also offer support and funding for quitting smoking so I'm going to get hubby and I registered so that hopefully they can provide us with free patches!
I did start the process of registering with a company for work from home opportunities. Been meaning to finish that for the past couple of days.
I wrote a piece for a book that I'm going to be participating in. It's currently pinned to the top of my Facebook page if any of my readers who are parents or caregivers are interested in telling their story and helping to support the non-profit that is putting it together. You can find my Facebook link on the side of this blog or by clicking above.
May 17-23 is Schizophrenia Awareness Week. I had grand intentions of creating a whole lot of literature and informational pieces to highlight on my Facebook page and the event that I created. I still have today and tomorrow...
PS: He has been continuing to take his Invega!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Jinxed! A new nurse.
Logically I know that my last blog post highlighting the good didn't actually jinx things. Still it feels like schizophrenia is somewhere saying: na-na, na-na, boo-boo... I'm better then you. I got your son... (again)
By Tuesday morning the negative symptoms were obvious. His case worker dropped by with something for my son to sign so she could help straighten out the disability thing. She commented on how 'flat' he was. One word answers. No expression.
I guess it took a week for the Olanzapine to come completely out of his system.
For a couple of days I was managing to get some vitamins in him although it was hit or miss on which ones. One day he took his multi-vitamins. The next day the B50. Another day the omega-3 because he thinks the multi-vitamin is giving him energy. Now he is not taking any of them.
He has been eating dinners as I have been trying to make things that I know he likes and is healthy to keep him eating. He is not eating outside of that.
His sleeping is all over the place, when he does sleep. He won't take his Melatonin for some reason. This kind-of sucks because the Melatonin we take has 5-HTP and L-Theanin which can help him.
Friday I actually left him home alone for the most of the day. After being up all night and the previous two days he had finally gone to sleep. It was a busy day for hubby and I. Hubby had two doctors appointments and each of them were over an hour. We had car parts to get. Also Friday was the last day of my hubby's interlock condition on his license! If you don't know what this is then it's a device that is put in your car to make sure there is no drinking and driving. He is finally free of it! So we had to go to the license place and we had to go have the device removed from the car which was another hour long appointment. I must say that although a long and tiring day, it was good to be out of the house doing 'normal' stuff. My son's case worker stopped by to check on him since I wasn't home.
Hubby walked away from the doctor's appointments with a ton of medications ;) He has been coughing up some green/black stuff and green is usually a sign of infection so he got antibiotics for that. He also got something for his back. While I'm all for chiropractor first... He was still not getting much relief and these seem to be helping his back to relax. Which should help his next adjustment go even better.
My son was up when we returned, playing online. This was the last time he played online that I'm aware of. I was worried that he might not be ok if he woke up and I wasn't here but he seemed ok. Said he didn't call because his phone was dead but that he was charging it. He did answer the door to his case worker.
Saturday we took him with us to help out my hubby's son with an errand.
Yesterday he decided not to go grocery shopping with us. This doesn't happen very often. He really likes to go but I'm guessing even doing that is becoming too much for him at this point. Yesterday was also his Dad's birthday. I brought it up once but I didn't bring it up again because I know he can't process it right now.
Tuesday his case worker told me that he has a new nurse coming on board. His case worker has been seeing him almost every week however I do believe this is supposed to be a nurse making the weekly house calls. His from awhile ago is on maternity leave. So his new nurse dropped by today. He seemed nice and my son seemed to be ok with him.
I actually took myself to the basement for a cigarette while he was here to give them a chance to talk as I know I have a tendency to interrupt... I think I did pretty good and only interrupted a couple of times ;) It was easy to tell that participating in the conversation was a struggle for my son. I'm surprised he managed to ignore the voices as well as he did. His nurse commented that his answers where pretty short and one worded... Yes that's all he is capable of right now. Actually this was the most he has spoken in days. It can take several times asking just to get an answer on what type of tea he wants after dinner. Not that he drinks it but I keep hoping that he will and take the supplements I keep putting out.
I walked out with the nurse and filled in some of the blanks and corrected some things. Like I told him, I don't know if it's my son being delusional or if he just knows what to say. He doesn't give accurate information on questions about sleeping, eating or activities. He told his nurse that he went to bed at 11 last night. I think this is because he has been told that it's a good bed time. He went to bed at 2 when I got up and had him go. He was wide awake at 5 when I got up. He didn't sleep. Same with eating. He says he has been eating good. Dinner only for most of the week now. He says he has been playing his games. He hasn't since Friday. He says that he has no voices. I told his nurse we call them entities. They started becoming obvious last Monday.
His smoking is up and down. His fingers are brown, I noticed last night. He may go awhile without but then will smoke sometimes three in a row. That seems to be lessening today. So while smoking a lot is not a good sign, smoking less is an even worse sign. When he is smoking a lot he is stressed. When he isn't smoking much than he has gone further into his head. He has actually been smoking the cigarettes that he didn't want (we couldn't return them, we tried) and not even complaining about them which isn't like him.
After several days of me nicely hinting, my hubby actually managed to suggest and get him into a bath on Thursday. I think he has been in the same clothes ever since. Will have to try and get him in clean clothes today after he wakes up. I'm pretty sure he is sleeping now. He had a short snooze yesterday but other then that has been awake since possibly Friday around noon. It's hard to tell sometimes. He will go to bed when I prompt him but that doesn't mean he is sleeping.
His nurse set up an appointment with his psychiatrist for tomorrow morning. That's an appointment that has been long overdue. We certainly need to do discuss his medications and how to proceed. I know I have been hesitant about upping his Invega due to possible lose of his libido however that doesn't seem to be happening right now anyways and honestly it's not something we need happening right now as when he is like this he can have no sense of keeping it private.
ADAPT called me this morning. She apologized for taking so long to get back to me. I let her know that my son seems to relapses so we set up a tentative follow up appointment in two weeks. She also gave me some information on the next family event that deals with concurrent disorders, mental illness and addiction, and who to contact to register. I have actually met the lady that I am to contact. We meet through the early intervention program my son was in before PACT. I have also talked to her at an event I attended through the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario.
I'm off. Gucci is demanding some petting time and the homemade beef jerky I made is calling my name...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
By Tuesday morning the negative symptoms were obvious. His case worker dropped by with something for my son to sign so she could help straighten out the disability thing. She commented on how 'flat' he was. One word answers. No expression.
I guess it took a week for the Olanzapine to come completely out of his system.
For a couple of days I was managing to get some vitamins in him although it was hit or miss on which ones. One day he took his multi-vitamins. The next day the B50. Another day the omega-3 because he thinks the multi-vitamin is giving him energy. Now he is not taking any of them.
He has been eating dinners as I have been trying to make things that I know he likes and is healthy to keep him eating. He is not eating outside of that.
His sleeping is all over the place, when he does sleep. He won't take his Melatonin for some reason. This kind-of sucks because the Melatonin we take has 5-HTP and L-Theanin which can help him.
Friday I actually left him home alone for the most of the day. After being up all night and the previous two days he had finally gone to sleep. It was a busy day for hubby and I. Hubby had two doctors appointments and each of them were over an hour. We had car parts to get. Also Friday was the last day of my hubby's interlock condition on his license! If you don't know what this is then it's a device that is put in your car to make sure there is no drinking and driving. He is finally free of it! So we had to go to the license place and we had to go have the device removed from the car which was another hour long appointment. I must say that although a long and tiring day, it was good to be out of the house doing 'normal' stuff. My son's case worker stopped by to check on him since I wasn't home.
Hubby walked away from the doctor's appointments with a ton of medications ;) He has been coughing up some green/black stuff and green is usually a sign of infection so he got antibiotics for that. He also got something for his back. While I'm all for chiropractor first... He was still not getting much relief and these seem to be helping his back to relax. Which should help his next adjustment go even better.
My son was up when we returned, playing online. This was the last time he played online that I'm aware of. I was worried that he might not be ok if he woke up and I wasn't here but he seemed ok. Said he didn't call because his phone was dead but that he was charging it. He did answer the door to his case worker.
Saturday we took him with us to help out my hubby's son with an errand.
Yesterday he decided not to go grocery shopping with us. This doesn't happen very often. He really likes to go but I'm guessing even doing that is becoming too much for him at this point. Yesterday was also his Dad's birthday. I brought it up once but I didn't bring it up again because I know he can't process it right now.
Tuesday his case worker told me that he has a new nurse coming on board. His case worker has been seeing him almost every week however I do believe this is supposed to be a nurse making the weekly house calls. His from awhile ago is on maternity leave. So his new nurse dropped by today. He seemed nice and my son seemed to be ok with him.
I actually took myself to the basement for a cigarette while he was here to give them a chance to talk as I know I have a tendency to interrupt... I think I did pretty good and only interrupted a couple of times ;) It was easy to tell that participating in the conversation was a struggle for my son. I'm surprised he managed to ignore the voices as well as he did. His nurse commented that his answers where pretty short and one worded... Yes that's all he is capable of right now. Actually this was the most he has spoken in days. It can take several times asking just to get an answer on what type of tea he wants after dinner. Not that he drinks it but I keep hoping that he will and take the supplements I keep putting out.
I walked out with the nurse and filled in some of the blanks and corrected some things. Like I told him, I don't know if it's my son being delusional or if he just knows what to say. He doesn't give accurate information on questions about sleeping, eating or activities. He told his nurse that he went to bed at 11 last night. I think this is because he has been told that it's a good bed time. He went to bed at 2 when I got up and had him go. He was wide awake at 5 when I got up. He didn't sleep. Same with eating. He says he has been eating good. Dinner only for most of the week now. He says he has been playing his games. He hasn't since Friday. He says that he has no voices. I told his nurse we call them entities. They started becoming obvious last Monday.
His smoking is up and down. His fingers are brown, I noticed last night. He may go awhile without but then will smoke sometimes three in a row. That seems to be lessening today. So while smoking a lot is not a good sign, smoking less is an even worse sign. When he is smoking a lot he is stressed. When he isn't smoking much than he has gone further into his head. He has actually been smoking the cigarettes that he didn't want (we couldn't return them, we tried) and not even complaining about them which isn't like him.
After several days of me nicely hinting, my hubby actually managed to suggest and get him into a bath on Thursday. I think he has been in the same clothes ever since. Will have to try and get him in clean clothes today after he wakes up. I'm pretty sure he is sleeping now. He had a short snooze yesterday but other then that has been awake since possibly Friday around noon. It's hard to tell sometimes. He will go to bed when I prompt him but that doesn't mean he is sleeping.
His nurse set up an appointment with his psychiatrist for tomorrow morning. That's an appointment that has been long overdue. We certainly need to do discuss his medications and how to proceed. I know I have been hesitant about upping his Invega due to possible lose of his libido however that doesn't seem to be happening right now anyways and honestly it's not something we need happening right now as when he is like this he can have no sense of keeping it private.
ADAPT called me this morning. She apologized for taking so long to get back to me. I let her know that my son seems to relapses so we set up a tentative follow up appointment in two weeks. She also gave me some information on the next family event that deals with concurrent disorders, mental illness and addiction, and who to contact to register. I have actually met the lady that I am to contact. We meet through the early intervention program my son was in before PACT. I have also talked to her at an event I attended through the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario.
I'm off. Gucci is demanding some petting time and the homemade beef jerky I made is calling my name...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, February 9, 2015
It's none of your business... It doesn't take much.
First I would like to highlight some of the reading that I have been doing the last couple of days.
This blog caught my attention and I'm loving it: Behind The Walls
A couple of articles in particular that I really liked are: "Why a fear of labels can cause more damage then calling it like it is" and "The dangers of 'coddling' a child who lives with a serious mental illness. Five ways to be supportive instead".
Another site that I came across is: Empowering Parents
3 Parenting styles that undermine your authority
The Jekyll and Hyde Child
I have read and reread articles on keeping boundaries in place and keeping to the rules even more so when dealing with ADHD and/or ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Still I let them slip...
Saturday night I didn't stop him from sleeping on the sofa. Maybe one day I will learn... We had a good dinner. The chicken turned out good. Hubby again had to go snow plowing and left early evening. Around 9 or 10 I suggested to my son that he take an Olanzapine to knock out the voices and to get a good nights sleep as he hadn't slept much the night before and was up all day. He surprisingly easily agreed and went and took one and his Invega. Then dragged his blanket out to the sofa... I tidied up his room and fixed up his bed and told him to go to bed and watch his tablet or something. He went to bed and I went to read in bed.
Within about 15 minutes I could hear him almost hysterically laughing. I went to check on him as for a minute I wondered if he was crying... No he was laughing. I again suggested he watch something on his tablet as he wasn't helping himself by putting so much attention into the voices. I told him that if he continued to do so that he may make it worse and possibly bring on tactile hallucination which I know he doesn't like. He did start playing a game on it. For about 10 minutes... Then he was dragging his blanket out to the sofa again stating he was going to watch TV. I reminded him that he wasn't sleeping on the sofa.
I dosed off for a bit and woke up I think around 11:30. Of course he is asleep on the sofa. I wake him up and he states: I'm going to sleep here tonight. No you are not. Hubby wasn't home but he would need the sofa when he got home since that is where he sleeps now due to his restless legs being so bad. I nicely shooed him off to bed. My hubby's pillow was soaked with my son's sweat. I'm sure the sofa was too. So I took off the pillow case and went hunting for another one. Didn't find one ;)
My son got up around 11:30 today. I asked: How did you sleep? Good. Then I asked: How are the voices? I guess today that question wasn't ok again. I got told it was none of my business. This time I let him know that that comment pissed me off. I didn't yell or anything like that however I did calmly tell him that he had pissed me off. That he is my business and so is his mental health. If he is not my business than he can call disability today and straighten out his file since he is on it due to his mental health which is none of my business. Then I went for a smoke. Sadly I'm smoking more lately...
A little while later he decides to tell me that he has no entities and that the they are voices now and aren't real. I had to ask him: Now was that so hard? Reality is he probably wants me to call disability for him.
Several hours later I brought up to him about sleeping on the sofa and that he had slept on my hubby's pillow and soaked it with sweat. He insists he didn't sleep on the sofa... He started bringing out the room and board contract we had signed stating I couldn't do... I pulled it out and read it. Along with the things he is supposed to be doing per the contract and isn't. It was starting to turn into a disagreement so I finally said: If you don't want to acknowledge it then that's ok. And I started putting my stuff on to go out for another smoke!
I'm not sure where the verbal outburst came from but it came... I got called a string of derogatory comments and swore at. So many I couldn't count them. I calmly walked over to where the wireless internet is and unplugged it stating: Well you have lost the internet for a while. (Rule is one day for each offense so I think around 10?) He calmly got up and left for a smoke. Now the tell-tale sign that my son was in complete control over what he was saying was the fact that when he left he very quietly closed the front door. The way he had talked to me was on purpose.
Shortly after his case worker showed up with his Invega. I gave her a quick rundown. She tried to talk to him and he laughed it off, said it was funny that he called me what he did. Then he tried asking for Ativan. Could he get it if he went to the hospital? She said not likely that his psychiatrist won't prescribe it and it's on his file at the hospital that he is benzo seeking.
I did discuss with his case worker then I'm really believing that the Olanzapine is bringing out aggression in my son. This is probably the 3rd time that I have seen him become more aggressive after taking it. Everyone says it shouldn't... Tell that to my son ;) Don't get me wrong as I do believe he was in control and that it is behavioral just being fueled by something. Either the Olanzapine or voices... Yet the Olanzapine seems to knock out the voices so that would even more point to the fact that his behavior is not schizophrenia related. I'm seriously on the fence with the Olanzapine. Knock out voices vs. apparently causing aggression.
I did bring up perhaps upping his Invega due to the brief conversation my son and I had Sunday morning about the fact that he shouldn't have to be killing entities in his head like he was. He stated he liked doing it... laughing at her. Finally I just said to his worker that he doesn't appear to be stable enough to be having this conversation. Although I would bet a paycheck (if I had one) on the fact that he made it appear worse to strengthen his case on needing/wanting benzos. She is going to talk to his team about his behavior and see what they have to say. She may also be scheduling him an appointment with his psychiatrist as he is due and discussed having him participate in some of the groups and activities. One of them being swimming on Mondays. She thinks he needs out more. I agree.
He is supposed to make dinner tonight. We had spoken about that this morning. Before the disagreement ;). Hubby is now home and it's dinner time. I haven't reminded him will be his reason for not doing it. It's on his calendar which is on the end table... that he refuses to look it.
Perhaps another dinner out for hubby and I. He has been working so much I have hardly seen him this last week or so, so we could do with the one on one time.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
This blog caught my attention and I'm loving it: Behind The Walls
A couple of articles in particular that I really liked are: "Why a fear of labels can cause more damage then calling it like it is" and "The dangers of 'coddling' a child who lives with a serious mental illness. Five ways to be supportive instead".
Another site that I came across is: Empowering Parents
3 Parenting styles that undermine your authority
The Jekyll and Hyde Child
I have read and reread articles on keeping boundaries in place and keeping to the rules even more so when dealing with ADHD and/or ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Still I let them slip...
Saturday night I didn't stop him from sleeping on the sofa. Maybe one day I will learn... We had a good dinner. The chicken turned out good. Hubby again had to go snow plowing and left early evening. Around 9 or 10 I suggested to my son that he take an Olanzapine to knock out the voices and to get a good nights sleep as he hadn't slept much the night before and was up all day. He surprisingly easily agreed and went and took one and his Invega. Then dragged his blanket out to the sofa... I tidied up his room and fixed up his bed and told him to go to bed and watch his tablet or something. He went to bed and I went to read in bed.
Within about 15 minutes I could hear him almost hysterically laughing. I went to check on him as for a minute I wondered if he was crying... No he was laughing. I again suggested he watch something on his tablet as he wasn't helping himself by putting so much attention into the voices. I told him that if he continued to do so that he may make it worse and possibly bring on tactile hallucination which I know he doesn't like. He did start playing a game on it. For about 10 minutes... Then he was dragging his blanket out to the sofa again stating he was going to watch TV. I reminded him that he wasn't sleeping on the sofa.
I dosed off for a bit and woke up I think around 11:30. Of course he is asleep on the sofa. I wake him up and he states: I'm going to sleep here tonight. No you are not. Hubby wasn't home but he would need the sofa when he got home since that is where he sleeps now due to his restless legs being so bad. I nicely shooed him off to bed. My hubby's pillow was soaked with my son's sweat. I'm sure the sofa was too. So I took off the pillow case and went hunting for another one. Didn't find one ;)
My son got up around 11:30 today. I asked: How did you sleep? Good. Then I asked: How are the voices? I guess today that question wasn't ok again. I got told it was none of my business. This time I let him know that that comment pissed me off. I didn't yell or anything like that however I did calmly tell him that he had pissed me off. That he is my business and so is his mental health. If he is not my business than he can call disability today and straighten out his file since he is on it due to his mental health which is none of my business. Then I went for a smoke. Sadly I'm smoking more lately...
A little while later he decides to tell me that he has no entities and that the they are voices now and aren't real. I had to ask him: Now was that so hard? Reality is he probably wants me to call disability for him.
Several hours later I brought up to him about sleeping on the sofa and that he had slept on my hubby's pillow and soaked it with sweat. He insists he didn't sleep on the sofa... He started bringing out the room and board contract we had signed stating I couldn't do... I pulled it out and read it. Along with the things he is supposed to be doing per the contract and isn't. It was starting to turn into a disagreement so I finally said: If you don't want to acknowledge it then that's ok. And I started putting my stuff on to go out for another smoke!
I'm not sure where the verbal outburst came from but it came... I got called a string of derogatory comments and swore at. So many I couldn't count them. I calmly walked over to where the wireless internet is and unplugged it stating: Well you have lost the internet for a while. (Rule is one day for each offense so I think around 10?) He calmly got up and left for a smoke. Now the tell-tale sign that my son was in complete control over what he was saying was the fact that when he left he very quietly closed the front door. The way he had talked to me was on purpose.
Shortly after his case worker showed up with his Invega. I gave her a quick rundown. She tried to talk to him and he laughed it off, said it was funny that he called me what he did. Then he tried asking for Ativan. Could he get it if he went to the hospital? She said not likely that his psychiatrist won't prescribe it and it's on his file at the hospital that he is benzo seeking.
I did discuss with his case worker then I'm really believing that the Olanzapine is bringing out aggression in my son. This is probably the 3rd time that I have seen him become more aggressive after taking it. Everyone says it shouldn't... Tell that to my son ;) Don't get me wrong as I do believe he was in control and that it is behavioral just being fueled by something. Either the Olanzapine or voices... Yet the Olanzapine seems to knock out the voices so that would even more point to the fact that his behavior is not schizophrenia related. I'm seriously on the fence with the Olanzapine. Knock out voices vs. apparently causing aggression.
I did bring up perhaps upping his Invega due to the brief conversation my son and I had Sunday morning about the fact that he shouldn't have to be killing entities in his head like he was. He stated he liked doing it... laughing at her. Finally I just said to his worker that he doesn't appear to be stable enough to be having this conversation. Although I would bet a paycheck (if I had one) on the fact that he made it appear worse to strengthen his case on needing/wanting benzos. She is going to talk to his team about his behavior and see what they have to say. She may also be scheduling him an appointment with his psychiatrist as he is due and discussed having him participate in some of the groups and activities. One of them being swimming on Mondays. She thinks he needs out more. I agree.
He is supposed to make dinner tonight. We had spoken about that this morning. Before the disagreement ;). Hubby is now home and it's dinner time. I haven't reminded him will be his reason for not doing it. It's on his calendar which is on the end table... that he refuses to look it.
Perhaps another dinner out for hubby and I. He has been working so much I have hardly seen him this last week or so, so we could do with the one on one time.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Support & Facebook Page
Yesterday hubby and I did go for dinner together. I'm glad that we did. Sometimes it feels really good to get out and spend some one on one time with my hubby that isn't centered around grocery shopping, doctor's appointments or errands. Around 7 PM my son asks: Are you making dinner? No...
His case worker was here today and discussed with him what support meant. Asked him when the last time was that he went grocery shopping by himself? Never. Does he know how to grocery shop or what to look for? He knows what he likes to eat. Does he have any bills that he pays? No. Does he cook meals? No. Does he know how to use public transit? Yes (if there is drugs or alcohol involved lol). Does he do his own laundry? Yes (still not done from two weeks ago). Does he shower regularly? When it gets bad enough (when I insist). Does he know what medications he is taking or prescribed? Yes Invega (and Olanzapine). Does he know the doses? No. Does he take them on his own? Yes (I remind him sometimes/usually).
His case worker had him call and leave a message with the lady from housing support stating that he now understands what support means and that he is willing to accept it. I stayed out of the conversation as much as I could so that I didn't trigger any defiance in him. :)
Yesterday I was informed that his psychiatrist had discontinued his Trazodone prescription. Today I asked his case worker why because even though me may not take it often, sometimes it is needed and it's a PRN anyways... Apparently his nurse had advised his psychiatrist that he wasn't taking it so that is why. Good logic! If he stops taking his Invega would they stop prescribing that too?! Geesh! His case worker said she would let them know that he does take it sometimes.
You may want to hold onto something... My son just did the dishes! I think I'm smiling like an idiot, on the inside anyways. As much as I would like to make a big deal of this I know that it's not a good idea. Sometimes it can be taken as belittling or condescending and with my son it usually gives him the ok to not do anything else... I did say a very nice thank you! Think I'm going to go outside for a cigarette so I can smile like an idiot for a minute! Be right back...
Remember the calendars that I said I was going to print yesterday? Well I printed some for this month and next month. I noted what days he is supposed to cook, do dishes and clean the toilet. Today is the day for dishes. Of course he isn't looking at them on his own. Baby steps right? I pointed out to him that today is dishes day. No movement to do them... A little while later I reminded him again. He asked what was for dinner and if it could be the salmon I took out yesterday. I did buy it because he said he likes salmon. I told him we were having salmon but I wasn't going to start dinner until he did the dishes and that it would be better for him to do them before I made more dirty. If he didn't do the dishes then I wouldn't cook dinner and I would go out instead. He said this wasn't fair. I asked if he had any money? No. When he does then we will discuss fair.
Shortly after he got up to do the dishes asking for help as he had no idea how. I helped him get started and he did them! Soap suds galore! :) I'm also making honey roasted carrots for dinner since he really likes them too! Wish me luck on the salmon as I think this is my first attempt at making it.
I decided to start a Facebook page. I sometimes feel like I may be over posting mental health posts on my normal news feed. I started one before but I never gave it much of a chance. With this page I can post to my hearts content! Also I can't post news articles etc here so I feel like I'm missing out on passing on information that someone may find useful.
If you are interested then this is the page: Facebook Page: Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey
I was thinking about reminding my son, again, about his laundry but I think I will leave that until tomorrow. He is playing games etc today for the first time in probably over a week.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
His case worker was here today and discussed with him what support meant. Asked him when the last time was that he went grocery shopping by himself? Never. Does he know how to grocery shop or what to look for? He knows what he likes to eat. Does he have any bills that he pays? No. Does he cook meals? No. Does he know how to use public transit? Yes (if there is drugs or alcohol involved lol). Does he do his own laundry? Yes (still not done from two weeks ago). Does he shower regularly? When it gets bad enough (when I insist). Does he know what medications he is taking or prescribed? Yes Invega (and Olanzapine). Does he know the doses? No. Does he take them on his own? Yes (I remind him sometimes/usually).
His case worker had him call and leave a message with the lady from housing support stating that he now understands what support means and that he is willing to accept it. I stayed out of the conversation as much as I could so that I didn't trigger any defiance in him. :)
Yesterday I was informed that his psychiatrist had discontinued his Trazodone prescription. Today I asked his case worker why because even though me may not take it often, sometimes it is needed and it's a PRN anyways... Apparently his nurse had advised his psychiatrist that he wasn't taking it so that is why. Good logic! If he stops taking his Invega would they stop prescribing that too?! Geesh! His case worker said she would let them know that he does take it sometimes.
You may want to hold onto something... My son just did the dishes! I think I'm smiling like an idiot, on the inside anyways. As much as I would like to make a big deal of this I know that it's not a good idea. Sometimes it can be taken as belittling or condescending and with my son it usually gives him the ok to not do anything else... I did say a very nice thank you! Think I'm going to go outside for a cigarette so I can smile like an idiot for a minute! Be right back...
Remember the calendars that I said I was going to print yesterday? Well I printed some for this month and next month. I noted what days he is supposed to cook, do dishes and clean the toilet. Today is the day for dishes. Of course he isn't looking at them on his own. Baby steps right? I pointed out to him that today is dishes day. No movement to do them... A little while later I reminded him again. He asked what was for dinner and if it could be the salmon I took out yesterday. I did buy it because he said he likes salmon. I told him we were having salmon but I wasn't going to start dinner until he did the dishes and that it would be better for him to do them before I made more dirty. If he didn't do the dishes then I wouldn't cook dinner and I would go out instead. He said this wasn't fair. I asked if he had any money? No. When he does then we will discuss fair.
Shortly after he got up to do the dishes asking for help as he had no idea how. I helped him get started and he did them! Soap suds galore! :) I'm also making honey roasted carrots for dinner since he really likes them too! Wish me luck on the salmon as I think this is my first attempt at making it.
I decided to start a Facebook page. I sometimes feel like I may be over posting mental health posts on my normal news feed. I started one before but I never gave it much of a chance. With this page I can post to my hearts content! Also I can't post news articles etc here so I feel like I'm missing out on passing on information that someone may find useful.
If you are interested then this is the page: Facebook Page: Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey
I was thinking about reminding my son, again, about his laundry but I think I will leave that until tomorrow. He is playing games etc today for the first time in probably over a week.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Addiction-Go-Round
I just realized today that a lot of pictures have been removed from some of my past blog posts. My apologies. I think when I updated my profile to a blogger profile, it removed the pictures as I no longer had rights to them? I'm guessing :) I no longer have a lot of them however I did try to re-add where I could.
We did go to Red Lobster for dinner yesterday for my son's birthday. His first question: Can I have a real (alcoholic) Caesar? Even if I pay for it myself? No, not unless you want to sit at another table which would defy the point of us taking you out for your birthday.
It was a pretty quiet meal. My son due to symptoms and/or alcohol he may have already been drinking yesterday, was a little spacey. Slow to respond and had a hard time deciding and remembering his dinner choices. My husband asked him earlier in the day if he had been drinking already today as I guess he reeked of alcohol and my son replied: Yes. I don't know what to think unless he is hiding it in his room however I did a quick check yesterday and couldn't find it. Usually if he is hiding it outside the apartment then he is in and out a lot! but he hasn't been. Unless he finished it yesterday morning... Or I just didn't find it. *sigh*
Shortly after coming back from the restaurant my son was in bed, said he felt sick. I suggested he take an Olanzapine that night to counteract the alcohol and agreed that he looked sick as the alcohol and a missed dose of Invega was probably causing some psychosis. His typical response of: It appears that way and of course he later refused to take an Olanzapine.
I'm glad I got the pill case. Now I just peek in it and I can see what he didn't take. Right now he is only taking the Invega and a Melatonin at bed time. Thankfully he is sleeping as I'm pretty sure if we added no sleep to the mix right now he wouldn't be in a very good spot. He is also eating so that is a good thing.
He did get up and come out to watch a movie with us. Well set in the living room with us ;) When he is like this he doesn't watch TV even though he says he is. Twenty plus minutes into watching something and him saying something like: What are we watching? Is a pretty good sign that he has been in la-la land for the past twenty plus minutes.
A lot of lying around, doing nothing. Just lying there staring off into space or being in his own head space as I call it. He starts to play a game but it doesn't last long. Laughing out loud for no apparent reason is happening off and on. He is going to his room and closing the door... Ack! I was thinking he was doing 'private time' but perhaps I should be looking harder for the alcohol. *face palm* He is usually much longer when it's private time!
Today he asked me to call PACT for him as he wants his psychiatrist to prescribe a benzo. According to him it's been awhile since he abused them so they should be willing to try again. Hmmm. Because what we are seeing happening right now, missed meds and alcohol abuse, is an indication that things have changed? And he hasn't abused them because they haven't been prescribed. I reminded him that PACT's number is on his phone and that benzos are not allowed in the home so if he wants them then he will have to deal with PACT coming to administer them daily. Quit amazing how this little bit of information seems to stop him from trying to get them. If he really wanted them for the right reasons then PACT administering them wouldn't be the end of it.
He has been up for over five hours and I think has only gone out for two cigarettes. That's not a good sign. His smoking habits can be an indication of where he is at.
He has a telephone interview or intake session tomorrow morning with someone from either Ready4Life and/or one of the housing applications he did. It was the same number as the previous lady who worked for Ready4Life. I almost didn't answer the phone thinking it was here ;) It was another lady. I don't think he did an application for Ready4Life this time so they must be connected.
He still won't do his laundry but I did get him to cut his fingernails before going to Red Lobster. Toenails he put up resistance :(
Mark this on your calendar for January 28! Bell Let's Talk
Still no word on disability. While I'm not counting on his room and board money it would certainly come in handy! Juggling which credit payments to make priority isn't fun ;) Yet at the same time the thought of him having access to more money right now. *shudder*
I don't know if he is doing this just to push my buttons which is quit possible however he has started talking about smoking crack-cocaine, that he needs/wants to. He has no idea what a crack high is to even want it. Expensive as all get out is what it is and it only lasts for thirty seconds! Honestly if it was put in front of me today I don't think I would have any problems flushing it. So yah he is most likely trying to push my buttons. I haven't said much about the alcohol and I haven't been bugging him about taking his medications so his ODD is probably chomping at the bit to start an argument over something. Since he is cycling between addiction and symptoms then he probably has some pent up energy that needs a release. I will do my best to not be a scapegoat! Pray for me! :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
We did go to Red Lobster for dinner yesterday for my son's birthday. His first question: Can I have a real (alcoholic) Caesar? Even if I pay for it myself? No, not unless you want to sit at another table which would defy the point of us taking you out for your birthday.
It was a pretty quiet meal. My son due to symptoms and/or alcohol he may have already been drinking yesterday, was a little spacey. Slow to respond and had a hard time deciding and remembering his dinner choices. My husband asked him earlier in the day if he had been drinking already today as I guess he reeked of alcohol and my son replied: Yes. I don't know what to think unless he is hiding it in his room however I did a quick check yesterday and couldn't find it. Usually if he is hiding it outside the apartment then he is in and out a lot! but he hasn't been. Unless he finished it yesterday morning... Or I just didn't find it. *sigh*
Shortly after coming back from the restaurant my son was in bed, said he felt sick. I suggested he take an Olanzapine that night to counteract the alcohol and agreed that he looked sick as the alcohol and a missed dose of Invega was probably causing some psychosis. His typical response of: It appears that way and of course he later refused to take an Olanzapine.
I'm glad I got the pill case. Now I just peek in it and I can see what he didn't take. Right now he is only taking the Invega and a Melatonin at bed time. Thankfully he is sleeping as I'm pretty sure if we added no sleep to the mix right now he wouldn't be in a very good spot. He is also eating so that is a good thing.
He did get up and come out to watch a movie with us. Well set in the living room with us ;) When he is like this he doesn't watch TV even though he says he is. Twenty plus minutes into watching something and him saying something like: What are we watching? Is a pretty good sign that he has been in la-la land for the past twenty plus minutes.
A lot of lying around, doing nothing. Just lying there staring off into space or being in his own head space as I call it. He starts to play a game but it doesn't last long. Laughing out loud for no apparent reason is happening off and on. He is going to his room and closing the door... Ack! I was thinking he was doing 'private time' but perhaps I should be looking harder for the alcohol. *face palm* He is usually much longer when it's private time!
Today he asked me to call PACT for him as he wants his psychiatrist to prescribe a benzo. According to him it's been awhile since he abused them so they should be willing to try again. Hmmm. Because what we are seeing happening right now, missed meds and alcohol abuse, is an indication that things have changed? And he hasn't abused them because they haven't been prescribed. I reminded him that PACT's number is on his phone and that benzos are not allowed in the home so if he wants them then he will have to deal with PACT coming to administer them daily. Quit amazing how this little bit of information seems to stop him from trying to get them. If he really wanted them for the right reasons then PACT administering them wouldn't be the end of it.
He has been up for over five hours and I think has only gone out for two cigarettes. That's not a good sign. His smoking habits can be an indication of where he is at.
He has a telephone interview or intake session tomorrow morning with someone from either Ready4Life and/or one of the housing applications he did. It was the same number as the previous lady who worked for Ready4Life. I almost didn't answer the phone thinking it was here ;) It was another lady. I don't think he did an application for Ready4Life this time so they must be connected.
He still won't do his laundry but I did get him to cut his fingernails before going to Red Lobster. Toenails he put up resistance :(
Mark this on your calendar for January 28! Bell Let's Talk
Still no word on disability. While I'm not counting on his room and board money it would certainly come in handy! Juggling which credit payments to make priority isn't fun ;) Yet at the same time the thought of him having access to more money right now. *shudder*
I don't know if he is doing this just to push my buttons which is quit possible however he has started talking about smoking crack-cocaine, that he needs/wants to. He has no idea what a crack high is to even want it. Expensive as all get out is what it is and it only lasts for thirty seconds! Honestly if it was put in front of me today I don't think I would have any problems flushing it. So yah he is most likely trying to push my buttons. I haven't said much about the alcohol and I haven't been bugging him about taking his medications so his ODD is probably chomping at the bit to start an argument over something. Since he is cycling between addiction and symptoms then he probably has some pent up energy that needs a release. I will do my best to not be a scapegoat! Pray for me! :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
He is.... cycling?
Above picture credit to: Etsy
I have really been trying to work on this lately... with my husband and my son. I'm having better luck with my son then my husband but it's hard in both instances.
Thursday evening for whatever reason my son decided to check his bank account and it looks like he received his HST credit. Awesome! Of course off he goes to the liquor store. There isn't too much that I can do about it. It's legal and it's his money... I got to practice a little of 'keeping my mouth shut.' as my son told me that he didn't agree with the rule of no alcohol in the home. Sometimes I just have to remind myself: What's the point? I'm not going to get anywhere by arguing or even discussing this with my son. It's the rule. Period.
We went for a car ride as my hubby had to get gas. During this car ride I did discuss with my son that once we move this can't keep happening as he hides the alcohol either in the laundry room of the building or on the grounds. Where we are moving is a family orientated complex and if I start getting warnings because children are finding and drinking his hidden liquor then he will have to go. If he really wants to drink then that is what bars are for. Drinking in public is illegal whether he agrees with that law or not is a mood point.
After we come back he tells me that he is going to visit his 'partner in instability'. He used the transit system. Amazing what he is capable of doing on his own when alcohol and/or marijuana is involved. Maybe this is where he got the idea to check his bank account for money? I didn't say much... Again what can I say? He's 21 today. Crap! I was going to look into bakeries for a cake yesterday and forgot. I will see what hubby thinks about us going to Red Lobster for dinner!
He returned the next afternoon. He didn't take his Invega while there which isn't surprising. Within thirty minutes of being home he wanted me to either take cash from him to put on a Google play account for his Nvidia game or walk with him to the bank or Walmart. I won't even use or put money on these types of accounts for myself so I'm certainly not going to connect my banking information with accounts in his name. So he wanted me to walk to Walmart with him so that he could buy a Google play gift card. I think that's what they are called. I said no. If he could trek to almost the other end of the city on transit by himself then he can go two blocks by himself. He did.
This entertained him for a short period of time... He also wanted to give me money to get him a month of World of Warcraft. Why? He plays it so rarely I don't see the point. Also he can do this himself if he would go to the bank and update his details. He couldn't access his online banking as he got a new bank card while out in British Columbia and his details have changed since we no longer have the home phone and he can't access his old email accounts. So when he tried to access and it asked for information to verify and send a new code... Well it would go to an inactive phone or email. We did hopefully fix this yesterday as I had to go to the bank for loonies for laundry so had him update his details since he came with us.
Friday night he went to bed good and took his Invega and a Trazodone so got a good nights sleep. Still Saturday was him laughing out loud more... And him going to the liquor store again.
So for lack of a better word, he is cycling... Feeding his addiction which in turn is triggering his schizophrenia which cycles into wanting to self-medicate and trying to feel better or fight off the inevitable depression with more alcohol. Or asking me if I think his psychiatrist will prescribe him Ativan/Lorazepam... No he won't because he abuses it and wants to take enough that he is totally sedated which my son agrees is what he wants. We can up his anti-psychotics so that he is totally sedated if that is the goal... That pretty much ended that conversation ;)
I found myself in a bit of dilemma this morning. Yesterday my hubby asked my son where he was hiding his alcohol. Part of me doesn't want to know. My son pointed to where it was... This morning I couldn't resist looking there and sure enough there it was. Do I leave it or throw it out? I decided to throw it out. I'm responsible for the actions of everyone that is living in my apartment which means I'm responsible for my son's alcohol on the premises where it legally is not supposed to be.
Yesterday I bought my son a pill case. I can't be counting pills or trying to micro-manage if he is taking them or not. At least I'm trying not to... This way I can fill it up or he can fill it up once a week with his Invega, Trazodone and Melatonin. I don't have to ask him if he is taking them or not, just look in the pill case. Since he doesn't hide from me if he is taking them or not there should be no reason for him to take them out and put them elsewhere. Hopefully it will also cut down on him getting confused if he has taken something or not. The Olanzapine is a PRN so we didn't add that. His Trazodone is a PRN as well but he is more likely to take it for a good nights sleep.
I did manage to get him in the shower yesterday stating that if he wanted to come do errands with us then he needed to that first. I also gave him a new pair of track pants that I had bought that morning for him as he wears them the most and he gets them stained fairly easily. He spent some money in the dollar store on candy and an energy drink. Thankfully the energy drinks are now down to rarely as we don't buy them anymore. We also stopped at Timmies (Tim Horton's) :)
Next will be getting him to cut his nails... I really don't understand or get this off and on fascination with having long fingernails. If one is going to take care of them and keep them clean that is another story however my son doesn't. I sometimes forget to get him to wash his hands before going out with me.... *mental shudder* when we are in a store line up and he is cleaning his nails and smelling it. Sorry I know that sound gross. It is! However it is the reality of our lives at times. I stop him and tell him that it is not appropriate to be doing that at that time.
Hubby is back from going to see his grand-kids, my son is up and I have dishes to do before I get hubby to dye my hair. One look at my roots right now would definitely give away my real age :)
On a side note. I can't wait to move! Hopefully I'm not going from the frying pan to the fire... However I'm pretty sure not as the complex seems well maintained and monitored as staff is on site several times a day, I am told. My neighbors across the hall... have been enjoying the weekend since Friday afternoon. Started today Sunday morning at 11AM. They have been better lately. Better is still me listening to their music while I'm setting at my computer. Friday night was the clean out of beer bottles. Two stacks as tall as me that sat in the hallway overnight. I just keep reminding myself... soon!
Mom
BarbieBF
Saturday, December 20, 2014
I sound burnt out? Paranoia?
My son playing the Wii u was short lived... about 15 minutes or so. Then he was throwing air punches. I asked him what he was doing and he said dancing. I replied that I have been dancing for over 30 years and that was not dancing, it looked like sparring to me. He agreed. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him doing this within 5 feet of me so he went to his room. Shortly after he was lifting my husbands weights and I was somewhat shocked by what was coming out of his mouth. Something about inbred ignorants... I think I talked him through that stating that the circumstances of someone's birth shouldn't be held against them and that technically he was born a bastard... He should be sympathetic... Unfortunately the people we were talking about was obviously visual hallucinations.
Shortly after that his nurse called me back. His psychiatrist wants him to stay on Invega injection, he is not willing to give it every 3 weeks instead of 4 however he is upping the dose from 75 to 100 on his next dose. They will be discussing his case on Tuesday! So in the meantime we are supposed to be supplementing the fact that his Invega is NOT working enough with the Olanzapine. Honestly the whole conversation just pissed me off! I let her know that PACT is causing me to lose faith in them which apparently is fine as I don't have to trust them right just let his psychiatrist do his job. This partially in response to my questions/concerns about his serotonin being messed with too much. I seem to be the only one even looking at this and to date no one has been able to discuss or help me with my research into neurotransmitters. Have faith! Not likely. I let his nurse know what was happening and my feelings that we are seriously failing my son here. How can we expect him to keep insight or stay stable when we are not giving him what he needs. All I got in response was her agreeing with my concerns but not addressing them. Humoring me is not going to help my son. I asked on the schizophrenia.com forum if Olanzapine can cause aggression and it doesn't appear so unless in the context of withdrawal. I also fount out that the PRN dose that my son has been prescribed is actually the maximum dose for that medication. Not really reassuring. His nurse assured me that in her experience it doesn't cause aggression. It was more reassuring to hear it on the forum as these are the people taking and experiencing the affects of these medications.
About half way through this conversation I was told that I sound like I'm getting burnt out. I think I sounded mad and fed up. Honestly if they want me to trust them with my son and not be his psychiatrist then perhaps they need to show me that they can do the job. Sorry I know that I'm sounding harsh however I don't see any of them here, day to day, talking my son through delusional thinking or even helping him to understand what he is going through and experiencing. Telling me to not be his psychiatrist when he is mentally ill would be like telling any parent to not be cook, maid, teacher, therapist... You get my point. It goes with the territory. What am I supposed to say when he starts talking to me about entities? Call your psychiatrist. Talk to your treatment team about what they call voices and/or hallucinations. Ask them about dopamine and serotonin. I'm pretty sure he would believe me more at this point as very few on his treatment team have shown much practical understanding of what he is going through.
Basically I was left with the option to give or not give Olanzapine. To use my own judgement. I did give him one since the consensus on the forum was that it should knock out aggression and is giving in the ER setting for that reason. He said at first that it seemed to be helping but then later said that he felt depressed (hello serotonin blocker!) and today told me that it made him feel sick and he doesn't want me offering it anymore. I did end up giving him an supplement called 5-HTP which helps the body to produce serotonin and he said that he felt better after taking it. He wanted me to leave the bottle out... I said no that to much of it may cause mania. I let him know that the psychiatrist had left him on the Lithium in BC as he was worried about a mood component so he may be schizoaffective. My son asked what that was. It's schizophrenia with a mood component like depression. My son immediately said: Then I'm schizoaffective :) I also reminding him that he had missed his Trazodone the night before which might be further contributing to his low mood since it's supposed to increase serotonin. Honestly how am I supposed to not worry about or talk about dopamine and serotonin when the medications he is taking are having an affect on these neurotransmitters?! Wouldn't it be like not talking about the side affects of any medications and having blinders on to not try to understand? Would a doctor tell someone who is taking chemo to not worry about or talk about the fact that it is also killing the good cells and they may lose their hair or get sick? He did take his Trazodone last night and was sleeping at 12:30 and slept until 10:30.
Maybe I should consider having him go back on the Clozapine/Clozaril as that only messes with his dopamine (if his psychiatrist will even agree now). As much as I'm not liking or he is not liking the Olanzapine it does seem to be helping to calm his voices/entities. It's just doing it with negative side affects and because of that he doesn't want to take it. *fingers crossed* that we get through until Tuesday or Monday if I need to harass the PACT Team :P
On a side note I know that technically the diagnoses is not the important part but treating symptoms is. Still if someone is schizoaffective instead of schizophrenia then certain medications can carry a higher risk of triggering mania as far as I know. Same with not acknowledging my son's ADHD symptoms. Attributing everything to schizophrenia is not going to help my son be on the right medications.
Paranoia... I can't say that I'm seeing a lot of warning signs however I am seeing some indications that it is there. Yesterday he asked me if he could have a weapon for when he goes outside to protect himself. I reminded him that the weapons he is looking for are considered to be illegal and that I don't think that he needs protection here were we live. I hate the fact that I'm constantly telling him that what he is experiencing is a symptom of schizophrenia however that is what I did, letting him know that paranoia can make him feel like he is not safe or that he needs protection.
On a lighter note. We went grocery shopping last night as my son asked to go rather then waiting until today as he has been asking most of the week for treats and I've been putting him until shopping day. I was on the phone with my daughter so I wasn't paying to much attention at the check out... We get home and my son is taking items out of the grocery bags that I had no idea he had picked up. Haha! He probably added $20-30 to the grocery bill... Hubby said he had noticed him doing it but didn't say thing :)
I'm off to continue to ignore or nicely reply with no to my son's fairly constant requests for marijuana...
Mom
BarbieBF
Shortly after that his nurse called me back. His psychiatrist wants him to stay on Invega injection, he is not willing to give it every 3 weeks instead of 4 however he is upping the dose from 75 to 100 on his next dose. They will be discussing his case on Tuesday! So in the meantime we are supposed to be supplementing the fact that his Invega is NOT working enough with the Olanzapine. Honestly the whole conversation just pissed me off! I let her know that PACT is causing me to lose faith in them which apparently is fine as I don't have to trust them right just let his psychiatrist do his job. This partially in response to my questions/concerns about his serotonin being messed with too much. I seem to be the only one even looking at this and to date no one has been able to discuss or help me with my research into neurotransmitters. Have faith! Not likely. I let his nurse know what was happening and my feelings that we are seriously failing my son here. How can we expect him to keep insight or stay stable when we are not giving him what he needs. All I got in response was her agreeing with my concerns but not addressing them. Humoring me is not going to help my son. I asked on the schizophrenia.com forum if Olanzapine can cause aggression and it doesn't appear so unless in the context of withdrawal. I also fount out that the PRN dose that my son has been prescribed is actually the maximum dose for that medication. Not really reassuring. His nurse assured me that in her experience it doesn't cause aggression. It was more reassuring to hear it on the forum as these are the people taking and experiencing the affects of these medications.
About half way through this conversation I was told that I sound like I'm getting burnt out. I think I sounded mad and fed up. Honestly if they want me to trust them with my son and not be his psychiatrist then perhaps they need to show me that they can do the job. Sorry I know that I'm sounding harsh however I don't see any of them here, day to day, talking my son through delusional thinking or even helping him to understand what he is going through and experiencing. Telling me to not be his psychiatrist when he is mentally ill would be like telling any parent to not be cook, maid, teacher, therapist... You get my point. It goes with the territory. What am I supposed to say when he starts talking to me about entities? Call your psychiatrist. Talk to your treatment team about what they call voices and/or hallucinations. Ask them about dopamine and serotonin. I'm pretty sure he would believe me more at this point as very few on his treatment team have shown much practical understanding of what he is going through.
Basically I was left with the option to give or not give Olanzapine. To use my own judgement. I did give him one since the consensus on the forum was that it should knock out aggression and is giving in the ER setting for that reason. He said at first that it seemed to be helping but then later said that he felt depressed (hello serotonin blocker!) and today told me that it made him feel sick and he doesn't want me offering it anymore. I did end up giving him an supplement called 5-HTP which helps the body to produce serotonin and he said that he felt better after taking it. He wanted me to leave the bottle out... I said no that to much of it may cause mania. I let him know that the psychiatrist had left him on the Lithium in BC as he was worried about a mood component so he may be schizoaffective. My son asked what that was. It's schizophrenia with a mood component like depression. My son immediately said: Then I'm schizoaffective :) I also reminding him that he had missed his Trazodone the night before which might be further contributing to his low mood since it's supposed to increase serotonin. Honestly how am I supposed to not worry about or talk about dopamine and serotonin when the medications he is taking are having an affect on these neurotransmitters?! Wouldn't it be like not talking about the side affects of any medications and having blinders on to not try to understand? Would a doctor tell someone who is taking chemo to not worry about or talk about the fact that it is also killing the good cells and they may lose their hair or get sick? He did take his Trazodone last night and was sleeping at 12:30 and slept until 10:30.
Maybe I should consider having him go back on the Clozapine/Clozaril as that only messes with his dopamine (if his psychiatrist will even agree now). As much as I'm not liking or he is not liking the Olanzapine it does seem to be helping to calm his voices/entities. It's just doing it with negative side affects and because of that he doesn't want to take it. *fingers crossed* that we get through until Tuesday or Monday if I need to harass the PACT Team :P
On a side note I know that technically the diagnoses is not the important part but treating symptoms is. Still if someone is schizoaffective instead of schizophrenia then certain medications can carry a higher risk of triggering mania as far as I know. Same with not acknowledging my son's ADHD symptoms. Attributing everything to schizophrenia is not going to help my son be on the right medications.
Paranoia... I can't say that I'm seeing a lot of warning signs however I am seeing some indications that it is there. Yesterday he asked me if he could have a weapon for when he goes outside to protect himself. I reminded him that the weapons he is looking for are considered to be illegal and that I don't think that he needs protection here were we live. I hate the fact that I'm constantly telling him that what he is experiencing is a symptom of schizophrenia however that is what I did, letting him know that paranoia can make him feel like he is not safe or that he needs protection.
On a lighter note. We went grocery shopping last night as my son asked to go rather then waiting until today as he has been asking most of the week for treats and I've been putting him until shopping day. I was on the phone with my daughter so I wasn't paying to much attention at the check out... We get home and my son is taking items out of the grocery bags that I had no idea he had picked up. Haha! He probably added $20-30 to the grocery bill... Hubby said he had noticed him doing it but didn't say thing :)
I'm off to continue to ignore or nicely reply with no to my son's fairly constant requests for marijuana...
Mom
BarbieBF
Monday, December 15, 2014
When will it be enough?
Yesterday was interesting and not in a good way. I don't know if it's the Olanzapine/Zyprexa or the energy drinks, 2 a day, that is bringing out his aggression and triggering his ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). I do know that I have been seriously questioning, again, if I should have had him released on Thursday. Per Wikipedia Olanzapine is an atypical or next generation antipsychotic similar to Clozapine and Quetiapine/Seroquel. It affects serotonin and dopamine. I'm beginning to think that between the Invega Sustenna, Trazodone and now Olanzapine that his serotonin levels may be getting adversely (negatively) affected. Although he was showing signs of aggression on Friday, before the Olanzapine (picked up on Saturday) or the energy drinks, when not getting his own way. Perhaps I'm just searching for an explanation where there isn't one and it's just my son's ODD rearing it's ugly head.
Yesterday started off like most days with him getting up around 11:30 or 12 after me putting him to bed at 5 AM. He had taken his Trazodone around 3 when I got up and had him take it so probably fell asleep on the sofa shortly after that. I gave him an Olanzapine. A little while later I don't recall if he asked or I brought it up but he wanted two Neurontin instead of one. I said no, only one as I'm not even sure that I'm supposed to be giving him Neurontin and Olanzapine as his psychiatrist wasn't clear on that. Then I get asked if we can go get cigarettes. He has over a carton of cigarettes however it is not the kind that he wants since I'm guessing after smoking rollies, the ones he used to smoke just aren't strong enough anymore. Two kinds of cigarettes and chewing tobacco = not enough. My answer was that he will have to adjust and mix up smoking the two kinds or go without. I'm not even sure what triggered the first outburst but can you say deja vu? We were outside smoking and he is telling me that he needs more money, that he wants at least $300 a month spending money. Honestly I have a problem with the attitude that the people who are working 10 hour days to cover disability payments with there taxes are worthless and no bodies. Which is what I got told they were when I reminded him that there are people working their asses off who don't have $100 a month spending money. In walks anger and I'm being swore at, being told to watch my tone and not yell, when I wasn't even yelling. I stood there for a moment in a bit of shock as I looked at my son's face, full of rage. I walked away. Next he wants $2 to walk to the store for candy. He has at least 4 different kinds of goodies not including the other junk food that we have. My answer is no because I just can't keep spending money like we have an unlimited supply. Friday I got him a new Wii u game for $75 because he decided he didn't like the one he had previously picked out and that I couldn't return as it had been opened and used, so he ended up with another one. Last night my husband ended up needing to sleep on the sofa as his restless leg syndrome is currently ridiculous at night. It's like sleeping beside mini earthquakes. My son of course is lying on the big sofa. I get up to check and my husband who is a big guy is trying to get to sleep on the love seat. I ask my son to go to his room. His answer: Let me catch my breathe. I can't say how many times I have heard that in the past when my son's ODD was acting up and anything that I asked him to do was met with defiance, not doing it just because I asked him to and purposely making me wait. He gets up and starts telling me to kick him out and send him to a shelter. Not the first time I have heard him ask to go to the shelter in the last couple of days when he isn't getting his own way. I tell him no that I'm not kicking him out and that I'm not playing this retarded game with him again. I'm being swore at again and yes this time I raised my voice and told him that he is losing the internet for swearing at me. He says he can't live here and would rather be in a shelter. So living in a shelter where he is being told what time to go to bed, what time to get up, what time to eat, with no privacy, internet, laptop, Wii and having to be up and out everyday is better then living here? Apparently yes and I'm being told to get the fuck out of his room... He ended up calling 911 asking for assistance on how to stop my illegal pestering that I was hurting his spirit. I went to put some pants on while I listened to his side of the conversation discussing that he has schizophrenia. I went outside for a smoke while we waited for the police to attend. They showed up and the first thing he was told was that there is no such thing as illegal pestering and that he shouldn't be swearing at his mom. They took there notes, chatting for a couple of minutes and asked me if it was ok that he stay. I told them that I didn't have a problem with him being here that he is the one that doesn't want to be here and wants me to kick him out to a shelter.
So now I find myself in a bit of a conundrum (confusing or difficult problem). I'm pissed. I'm pissed because I'm hurt. I'm hurt because nothing I do seems to good enough for him. Because I haven't been being strict on structure and scheduling, I'm having a hard time getting his medications in him at the appropriate times. Because I want him getting all of his medications in him he has been getting medications early as he is not up long enough in the day to accommodate how they are being prescribed. His Olanzapine is supposed to be twice a day, morning and night, with 12 hours in between. He is not getting up until between 11-2 and still wanting his next dose between 7-9. Same with his Neurontin. Yesterday I gave him his next dose early because he said he needed it.
This morning he got up and went to the sofa around 6:30 AM. When he spoke to me it was very nice... Asking if he could have the internet back. I have been sworn at three times since Friday so no I don't think so. I told him at 8:30 that he needs to be up by 9. It's now almost 10:30 and I just got his first Olanzapine in him. Several times I reminded him to take it because if he doesn't take it now than he will not get another one today. From now own he needs to take them as prescribed. He says yes then does nothing. Refuses to take it. I asked him if he was paralyzed. I asked him this because last night after the police left he stated that he couldn't get off the sofa when I asked him to because he was paralyzed. I truly don't believe this as he was capable of talking to me and he was moving around on the sofa, just not getting up, so not paralyzed. His answer to being paralyzed this morning: Yah I guess so as he is stretching and moving around. Really!? I swear my son knows exactly what to do to piss me off. Either way if he thinks that a shelter live is better then this one... Okay. No more sleeping all day. No more staying up til 3 or 5 in the morning. No more getting medications outside of their prescribed time or without his psychiatrists okay. I asked him how the shelter got him out of bed since getting him up has not been easy today. He tells me that it would be easier for him to wake up if he had something to do. Really? What did he do at the shelter? No internet there. Apparently it's still preferable to being here...
What is the conundrum I find myself? I have been told by my son's Nana that if I was to put my son 'out on the street' again that she would step in again. Granted this time I'm sure that the people that actually purchased the ticket the last time wouldn't, considering the outcome. Will this stop her? Good question however I'm not sure that it is one that I want to find out as in the long run it will be my son paying the price as he did the last time. So I'm yet again between a rock and hard place. Try to do what I think is right for the long run and risk more interference or go against everything that I believe to be right so that we don't find ourselves repeating September, October and November. If it happened would I step in to fix it again? If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't have had the resources to do what I have done for the past two years. Maybe that is my answer. I don't have the resources to continue to fix and take responsibility for choices that I am not making. I truly believe that no one else can provide my son with the same level of care that I can. For clarification I am not saying that I am going to send my son to a shelter. I am just talking out what is going through my mind right as I weigh the pros and cons of what I should be doing next. I am weighing them because if my son decides that he would rather be in a shelter then it may happen regardless of what my intentions are. He made sure that it happened the last time so what is stopping him from manipulating and making it happen this time? Since it worked the last time why wouldn't it work this time?
My son just proceeded to punch the door entering our apartment, hard and twice for affect... Why? Because I'm refusing to give him back the internet. Good reason to vandalize someone else's property, isn't it? I got told that if I didn't he was going to lose control like he did last night when he swore at me and gave me the finger (I missed that) which he just proceeded to do yet again, calling me a fucking slut! What a sweet boy he is... (sarcasm) He was in control when he punched the door and it was obvious that he was. I can't even imagine calling my mother a fucking slut and certainly not for telling me that she deserved to be treated with respect in her own home. Sitting here with my son towering over me, giving me the finger, threatening to lose control, calling me a fucking slut while I keep my own voice neutral and I'm thinking: Am I in danger? Sadly the answer just maybe yes. Awesome isn't it!
The police just left with him and are taking him to a shelter since that is apparently where he wants to be. I tried talking to him while he was waiting for them, saying that I don't understand why he is making this choice. How is a shelter better then here? Because they can give him more. I asked what the more was but he couldn't answer, just more and that he will find out and for me to fucking shut up. I called his case worker while we were waiting and let her know what was happening and that I don't know what to do. The familiar, it's behavioral... Yes I get that but it's being motivated by something. His ODD, maladaptive or inappropriate functioning of his flight and fight response, the Olanzapine or a combination of these with his current instability? The police asked me if he can come back? I'm not kicking him out. I told him he can't come in if he is not in control and that I'm not putting myself at risk if I'm in danger. He didn't like that as in his eyes I'm supposed to lay down my life for him, needlessly if necessary. Who cares how that might affect other people in my life like my daughter or my husband? That's right we are all worthless and nobodies. He is making the choice to go to the shelter. I packed up his back pack with what I think he will need and let the police know about his medications, that he has already taken what he can for the day so if they see him taking more pills to be on the lookout as he already said something this morning about taking enough Olanzapine to get high. Can he contact me? Yes, my son knows how to contact me when he wants something, always has, even in psychosis and he now has a cell phone that I just got hooked up on Saturday under my plan. At least this one I can disconnect, with no penalties if needed. He won't contact me unless he wants/needs something because I am of no use to him when he is like this.
His case worker let me know that his psychiatrist wants him to stay on the Invega shot with an upped dosage from 75 mg to 100 mg. Can't see that going over very well but it's not my call. She will also talk to his psychiatrist and ask if the Olanzapine can cause aggression however this was starting before the Olanzapine and she doesn't think it's likely. I did finally get a call from his disability worker this morning. She is being held up waiting for clarification from disability in the other province stating that she has left them several messages with no response. She can't issue a drug card without reactivating his file and can't do that without hearing back from them. I had told her that I would call disability in the other province to see if I can further it along however now that my son isn't here to help with the call, I'm not sure how far I can get as they will want to talk to him.
So now what?.... FML... I don't know. I guess I will just have to wait and see how things play out. My son started this with I'm sure the same intend as the last time. He is most likely being driven by the want or need to self medicate or satisfy his addiction. At least that is what his case worker suggested and upon further thought she is mostly likely correct. He has never been able to satisfy it very well here but he has certainly tried his best while in British Columbia. I guess I can't blame him for wanting to take what he thinks is the easy route, regardless of the consequences. Hopefully it won't come to that again as honestly it just might take a miracle or some other miraculous event to make me put myself out there like that again. If he stays I will be there by his side like I have been and continue to do my best to give him the life that he deserves but if we repeat September... then maybe it will be time for me to let go and let him destroy his live and others in the process. I guess I can prey for a miracle. T'is the season after all...
Mom
BarbieBF
Yesterday started off like most days with him getting up around 11:30 or 12 after me putting him to bed at 5 AM. He had taken his Trazodone around 3 when I got up and had him take it so probably fell asleep on the sofa shortly after that. I gave him an Olanzapine. A little while later I don't recall if he asked or I brought it up but he wanted two Neurontin instead of one. I said no, only one as I'm not even sure that I'm supposed to be giving him Neurontin and Olanzapine as his psychiatrist wasn't clear on that. Then I get asked if we can go get cigarettes. He has over a carton of cigarettes however it is not the kind that he wants since I'm guessing after smoking rollies, the ones he used to smoke just aren't strong enough anymore. Two kinds of cigarettes and chewing tobacco = not enough. My answer was that he will have to adjust and mix up smoking the two kinds or go without. I'm not even sure what triggered the first outburst but can you say deja vu? We were outside smoking and he is telling me that he needs more money, that he wants at least $300 a month spending money. Honestly I have a problem with the attitude that the people who are working 10 hour days to cover disability payments with there taxes are worthless and no bodies. Which is what I got told they were when I reminded him that there are people working their asses off who don't have $100 a month spending money. In walks anger and I'm being swore at, being told to watch my tone and not yell, when I wasn't even yelling. I stood there for a moment in a bit of shock as I looked at my son's face, full of rage. I walked away. Next he wants $2 to walk to the store for candy. He has at least 4 different kinds of goodies not including the other junk food that we have. My answer is no because I just can't keep spending money like we have an unlimited supply. Friday I got him a new Wii u game for $75 because he decided he didn't like the one he had previously picked out and that I couldn't return as it had been opened and used, so he ended up with another one. Last night my husband ended up needing to sleep on the sofa as his restless leg syndrome is currently ridiculous at night. It's like sleeping beside mini earthquakes. My son of course is lying on the big sofa. I get up to check and my husband who is a big guy is trying to get to sleep on the love seat. I ask my son to go to his room. His answer: Let me catch my breathe. I can't say how many times I have heard that in the past when my son's ODD was acting up and anything that I asked him to do was met with defiance, not doing it just because I asked him to and purposely making me wait. He gets up and starts telling me to kick him out and send him to a shelter. Not the first time I have heard him ask to go to the shelter in the last couple of days when he isn't getting his own way. I tell him no that I'm not kicking him out and that I'm not playing this retarded game with him again. I'm being swore at again and yes this time I raised my voice and told him that he is losing the internet for swearing at me. He says he can't live here and would rather be in a shelter. So living in a shelter where he is being told what time to go to bed, what time to get up, what time to eat, with no privacy, internet, laptop, Wii and having to be up and out everyday is better then living here? Apparently yes and I'm being told to get the fuck out of his room... He ended up calling 911 asking for assistance on how to stop my illegal pestering that I was hurting his spirit. I went to put some pants on while I listened to his side of the conversation discussing that he has schizophrenia. I went outside for a smoke while we waited for the police to attend. They showed up and the first thing he was told was that there is no such thing as illegal pestering and that he shouldn't be swearing at his mom. They took there notes, chatting for a couple of minutes and asked me if it was ok that he stay. I told them that I didn't have a problem with him being here that he is the one that doesn't want to be here and wants me to kick him out to a shelter.
So now I find myself in a bit of a conundrum (confusing or difficult problem). I'm pissed. I'm pissed because I'm hurt. I'm hurt because nothing I do seems to good enough for him. Because I haven't been being strict on structure and scheduling, I'm having a hard time getting his medications in him at the appropriate times. Because I want him getting all of his medications in him he has been getting medications early as he is not up long enough in the day to accommodate how they are being prescribed. His Olanzapine is supposed to be twice a day, morning and night, with 12 hours in between. He is not getting up until between 11-2 and still wanting his next dose between 7-9. Same with his Neurontin. Yesterday I gave him his next dose early because he said he needed it.
This morning he got up and went to the sofa around 6:30 AM. When he spoke to me it was very nice... Asking if he could have the internet back. I have been sworn at three times since Friday so no I don't think so. I told him at 8:30 that he needs to be up by 9. It's now almost 10:30 and I just got his first Olanzapine in him. Several times I reminded him to take it because if he doesn't take it now than he will not get another one today. From now own he needs to take them as prescribed. He says yes then does nothing. Refuses to take it. I asked him if he was paralyzed. I asked him this because last night after the police left he stated that he couldn't get off the sofa when I asked him to because he was paralyzed. I truly don't believe this as he was capable of talking to me and he was moving around on the sofa, just not getting up, so not paralyzed. His answer to being paralyzed this morning: Yah I guess so as he is stretching and moving around. Really!? I swear my son knows exactly what to do to piss me off. Either way if he thinks that a shelter live is better then this one... Okay. No more sleeping all day. No more staying up til 3 or 5 in the morning. No more getting medications outside of their prescribed time or without his psychiatrists okay. I asked him how the shelter got him out of bed since getting him up has not been easy today. He tells me that it would be easier for him to wake up if he had something to do. Really? What did he do at the shelter? No internet there. Apparently it's still preferable to being here...
What is the conundrum I find myself? I have been told by my son's Nana that if I was to put my son 'out on the street' again that she would step in again. Granted this time I'm sure that the people that actually purchased the ticket the last time wouldn't, considering the outcome. Will this stop her? Good question however I'm not sure that it is one that I want to find out as in the long run it will be my son paying the price as he did the last time. So I'm yet again between a rock and hard place. Try to do what I think is right for the long run and risk more interference or go against everything that I believe to be right so that we don't find ourselves repeating September, October and November. If it happened would I step in to fix it again? If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't have had the resources to do what I have done for the past two years. Maybe that is my answer. I don't have the resources to continue to fix and take responsibility for choices that I am not making. I truly believe that no one else can provide my son with the same level of care that I can. For clarification I am not saying that I am going to send my son to a shelter. I am just talking out what is going through my mind right as I weigh the pros and cons of what I should be doing next. I am weighing them because if my son decides that he would rather be in a shelter then it may happen regardless of what my intentions are. He made sure that it happened the last time so what is stopping him from manipulating and making it happen this time? Since it worked the last time why wouldn't it work this time?
My son just proceeded to punch the door entering our apartment, hard and twice for affect... Why? Because I'm refusing to give him back the internet. Good reason to vandalize someone else's property, isn't it? I got told that if I didn't he was going to lose control like he did last night when he swore at me and gave me the finger (I missed that) which he just proceeded to do yet again, calling me a fucking slut! What a sweet boy he is... (sarcasm) He was in control when he punched the door and it was obvious that he was. I can't even imagine calling my mother a fucking slut and certainly not for telling me that she deserved to be treated with respect in her own home. Sitting here with my son towering over me, giving me the finger, threatening to lose control, calling me a fucking slut while I keep my own voice neutral and I'm thinking: Am I in danger? Sadly the answer just maybe yes. Awesome isn't it!
The police just left with him and are taking him to a shelter since that is apparently where he wants to be. I tried talking to him while he was waiting for them, saying that I don't understand why he is making this choice. How is a shelter better then here? Because they can give him more. I asked what the more was but he couldn't answer, just more and that he will find out and for me to fucking shut up. I called his case worker while we were waiting and let her know what was happening and that I don't know what to do. The familiar, it's behavioral... Yes I get that but it's being motivated by something. His ODD, maladaptive or inappropriate functioning of his flight and fight response, the Olanzapine or a combination of these with his current instability? The police asked me if he can come back? I'm not kicking him out. I told him he can't come in if he is not in control and that I'm not putting myself at risk if I'm in danger. He didn't like that as in his eyes I'm supposed to lay down my life for him, needlessly if necessary. Who cares how that might affect other people in my life like my daughter or my husband? That's right we are all worthless and nobodies. He is making the choice to go to the shelter. I packed up his back pack with what I think he will need and let the police know about his medications, that he has already taken what he can for the day so if they see him taking more pills to be on the lookout as he already said something this morning about taking enough Olanzapine to get high. Can he contact me? Yes, my son knows how to contact me when he wants something, always has, even in psychosis and he now has a cell phone that I just got hooked up on Saturday under my plan. At least this one I can disconnect, with no penalties if needed. He won't contact me unless he wants/needs something because I am of no use to him when he is like this.
His case worker let me know that his psychiatrist wants him to stay on the Invega shot with an upped dosage from 75 mg to 100 mg. Can't see that going over very well but it's not my call. She will also talk to his psychiatrist and ask if the Olanzapine can cause aggression however this was starting before the Olanzapine and she doesn't think it's likely. I did finally get a call from his disability worker this morning. She is being held up waiting for clarification from disability in the other province stating that she has left them several messages with no response. She can't issue a drug card without reactivating his file and can't do that without hearing back from them. I had told her that I would call disability in the other province to see if I can further it along however now that my son isn't here to help with the call, I'm not sure how far I can get as they will want to talk to him.
So now what?.... FML... I don't know. I guess I will just have to wait and see how things play out. My son started this with I'm sure the same intend as the last time. He is most likely being driven by the want or need to self medicate or satisfy his addiction. At least that is what his case worker suggested and upon further thought she is mostly likely correct. He has never been able to satisfy it very well here but he has certainly tried his best while in British Columbia. I guess I can't blame him for wanting to take what he thinks is the easy route, regardless of the consequences. Hopefully it won't come to that again as honestly it just might take a miracle or some other miraculous event to make me put myself out there like that again. If he stays I will be there by his side like I have been and continue to do my best to give him the life that he deserves but if we repeat September... then maybe it will be time for me to let go and let him destroy his live and others in the process. I guess I can prey for a miracle. T'is the season after all...
Mom
BarbieBF
Friday, December 12, 2014
Have I been played again?
Monday night I lost the battle of keeping my son away from alcohol. He went and got a small bottle of vodka. Not that it did him any good, in fact, it seems to have made things worse and I think he sees that. I asked him yesterday to throw it out as I don't know where it is. He is hiding it somewhere in our apartment building. Mind you I haven't searched his room so for all I know it could be in there.
Wednesday we ended up in emergency and he was formed or sectioned on a 72 hour hold for observation. I don't know if the events leading up to this were real or not. My son was asking for help for what he is going through, which is good, however he was asking for me to allow him to smoke marijuana. Of course I wouldn't agree to this and we ended up discussing benzos. As some of you may be aware I am very much against my son being prescribed these as I have yet to see them do him any good. Still I found myself hesitating and questioning if I should be so strict about them if my son was in a place where he really needed them. He has been wanting Ativan/Lorazepam for awhile now and is more then willing to go to the hospital for symptoms if that means he will get them. He knew that I was relenting and willing to consider it. I was totally caught off guard when he 'opened up' to his case worker on the phone and started talking about what he had been going through for the past 4 or 5 days. My son doesn't open up like that unless he is pretty deep into psychosis and I had not see any signs indicating that he was that psychotic. Still I didn't question and as I listened my heart bleed for him. I fought to keep myself from openly crying as I listened to him talk about how he had been killing spirits and that he had felt suicidal 4 days ago. I was crushed. I felt like both myself and the system were failing my son as here he was opening up and asking for help and we were not giving him what he needed. Later that morning I was advised to take him to the ER as after his case worker had relayed the things that my son had told her, his psychiatrist advised that he needed to be admitted. My son quit happily agreed that he needed to go to the hospital. As I type this I think to myself: Wow, can I be naive!? My son want to go to the hospital... Only if there is a chance to get Ativan. I was thinking with my heart instead of my head.
So I call a cab and off we go. By mid-afternoon he was informed that he was being formed and getting held for observation. His case worker at PACT was sending over a transcript of the things that he had told her. His reaction. Surprised and somewhat upset as according to him he was only there to get Ativan. This is where I'm having trouble. I know that my son was and is experiencing symptoms and voices. I know that he is struggling. I don't know if it is to the extent that he has implied. I have been watching my son and in the past my son's face or more to the point, his eyes have tendency to give away how bad his psychosis is. He will look similar to a combination of over tired and high. His eyes will have a glossed over look. I haven't been seeing this. This time he requested that I be a part of the assessment process. Is it because he thought he had an ally this time in getting Ativan? I hate that I have to question this however when I step back and look at the facts they easily speak for themselves. Other then some excessive foot movement my son was very relaxed throughout the assessment process. He was not showing any signs of extreme duress or agitation. At one point he told a nurse, after me prompting him to be honest, that he had 27 voices. Again my heart bleed, my poor son... Now I can ask myself if he has ever had that many voices? Not that I'm aware of and his answer was so quick, without a thought. He didn't have to think and count them. An indication of truth or lie? I don't know. I can say that he didn't seem to have a problem ignoring them while he spent a significant amount of time on my cell phone looking up a new gaming system that he wanted for being there... Yes I'm naive at times ;) I'm guessing 27 voices would not have allowed that.
Thankfully his psychiatrist sent over instructions that he not be given the Ativan and Haldol that they were going to give him. Instead he received 10 mg of Olanzapine/Zyprexa. Shortly after this I had to leave and had my husband take me to Walmart to get him the Wii u that he had settled on. We are selling the PS4 to help cover the cost of it. Later that night I was getting the phone call: Can you come bring it to me now. Sorry no. We had just gone to bed and my husband had to get up at 2 in the morning to go snow plowing. The next morning I started getting phone calls at 8. Between trying to get the Wii u set up and waiting for a long time for a cab due to bad weather, I finally made it to the hospital around 11 to find out he had been moved to the psychiatric wing. On my way over there I ran into his psychiatrist in the hospital lobby. I asked him what he was planning for my son and let him know that unless he was planning on drastically changing my son's medications that I didn't think he needed to remain in hospital. I did bring up to him my concerns that I have started to question my son's motivates regarding coming to the hospital and that I'm worried he may have exaggerated his symptoms to get Ativan. His psychiatrist was somewhat surprised and said that my son had not asked him for this. No and he won't. My son is more honest with me then he is with his treatment team. He was quit open with me about the fact that he wanted the Ativan and that that is why he was there. Of course he is not going to tell his case worker or his psychiatrist this. He is much smarter then that ;) His psychiatrist did discuss the fact that what he saw when he saw my son didn't support what his case worker had reported. We discussed with my son that he would not be getting a benzo and discussed other medications. He agreed to keep trying the Olanzapine stating that the voices were all gone. Hmmm, 1 dose of Olanzapine got rid of 27 voices in less then 12 hours? His psychiatrist did bring up the Neurontin asking if my son wanted to go back on it. It wasn't said for sure one way or the other however I did start giving it to him yesterday. I will let his team know. Still waiting to hear what is happening with the Olanzapine as the prescription was faxed over to PACT to fill and they haven't gotten back to me yet. It is being prescribed as a prn or as needed up to 2 times a day.
Yesterday was an up and down day. My son and I butted heads when I refused to agree to have my husband drive him around to look at gaming systems. He had decided the Wii u wasn't what he wanted. I got told to F off and he stated that he couldn't live here... Sound familiar? I just calmly said ok and said he needed to call PACT and discuss living arrangements with his case worker. Less then 20 minutes later he was nicely asking me to help him set up the Wii u. I reminded him that he had recently told me to F off and he apologized that he had gotten angry. He has now decided to keep the Wii u! I have tried to talk to him and explain that I'm not sure any gaming system will satisfy him since him feeling like this is part of the schizophrenia. We have been through this so many times. So many items purchased that didn't give him the satisfaction he was looking for.
Last night I don't know what to think of. My husband, after working all day, had to go snow plowing again last night and since my son seemed to be doing good I let him know that I was going to take a sleeping pill if he was ok with that. I actually asked him if he was suicidal and if he would be ok if I did. He said yes. Apparently not. I forget why he woke me up the first time as the sleeping pill affect was pretty strong at that point. The second time was because he had dropped and broke a glass of pop and couldn't clean it up. I somehow muddled through cleaning that up. Not very good it seems considering the glass I picked up this morning. I woke up on my own at 3 and did my best through my sleep haze to talk him into taking his Trazodone and going to bed. I'm not sure what he was doing at this point. The best I can figure is chanting... Yes chanting or spiritually sacramenting entities. He seems to be stuck on the word sacrament, whatever that means to him since I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the word really means. I think it was 5 when I managed to get him to take his Trazodone which he told my husband who must have gotten home sometime between 3 and 5, that it probably wouldn't help him sleep. How do you know if you haven't tried? This type of reasoning seems to escape my son when he is like this. Anyways he toke it and was asleep when I got up at 7. Thankfully he slept until 1:40 PM and seems to be doing better today.
I don't know what to think. On some levels he is being very odd yet on other levels he seems to be regrouping or recovering. He has been playing the Wii u for the past hour or so and seems to be functioning well enough. His anger moment yesterday was short lived. I did leave a message with his nurse at PACT this morning that I don't think he is on enough antipsychotics. Speaking off, when I saw his psychiatrist at the hospital he said something about the Invega shot having been upped from 75 mg. I think he was thinking about putting my son back on the Clozapine however I talked to his case manager and let her know that I would rather him be tried on oral Invega before going back to the Clozapine. I like what I see with the Invega, it's just that the dosage doesn't seem to be high enough. Hopefully they will take my recommendation. I did just receive a call from the pharmacy letting me know that my son's Olanzapine will be ready tomorrow as they had to order it. I asked how much? $127.82. Awesome! Another call and message to his disability worker letting her know that we have been trying to get a hold of her for over 3 weeks, that my son has signed a consent for her to talk to me and that this prescription needs coverage for tomorrow. I also stated that Ontario Works will not cover him as he has a pending file with them. Fat lot of good it will do but it was worth a try or two or three... You get my point.
On another note. I'm trying to find us another place to live. It would be nice if something went easy for me! I'm hoping! There is not a lot available in our city. I have found 2 townhouse complexes that I'm interested in. One I'm really liking. 3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, washer and dryer and unfinished basement with 1 parking spot and a back yard. $400 more a month rent however worth it to get us out of here. Plus it's not to far from the mall so maybe I can look there for a part time job once I think my son is stable enough. Another good note. My son is in the shower! He wants to walk to Walmart and exchange the Wii game I got him for another one that is online. I have bread to start so it can rise while we are gone...
Mom
BarbieBF
Wednesday we ended up in emergency and he was formed or sectioned on a 72 hour hold for observation. I don't know if the events leading up to this were real or not. My son was asking for help for what he is going through, which is good, however he was asking for me to allow him to smoke marijuana. Of course I wouldn't agree to this and we ended up discussing benzos. As some of you may be aware I am very much against my son being prescribed these as I have yet to see them do him any good. Still I found myself hesitating and questioning if I should be so strict about them if my son was in a place where he really needed them. He has been wanting Ativan/Lorazepam for awhile now and is more then willing to go to the hospital for symptoms if that means he will get them. He knew that I was relenting and willing to consider it. I was totally caught off guard when he 'opened up' to his case worker on the phone and started talking about what he had been going through for the past 4 or 5 days. My son doesn't open up like that unless he is pretty deep into psychosis and I had not see any signs indicating that he was that psychotic. Still I didn't question and as I listened my heart bleed for him. I fought to keep myself from openly crying as I listened to him talk about how he had been killing spirits and that he had felt suicidal 4 days ago. I was crushed. I felt like both myself and the system were failing my son as here he was opening up and asking for help and we were not giving him what he needed. Later that morning I was advised to take him to the ER as after his case worker had relayed the things that my son had told her, his psychiatrist advised that he needed to be admitted. My son quit happily agreed that he needed to go to the hospital. As I type this I think to myself: Wow, can I be naive!? My son want to go to the hospital... Only if there is a chance to get Ativan. I was thinking with my heart instead of my head.
So I call a cab and off we go. By mid-afternoon he was informed that he was being formed and getting held for observation. His case worker at PACT was sending over a transcript of the things that he had told her. His reaction. Surprised and somewhat upset as according to him he was only there to get Ativan. This is where I'm having trouble. I know that my son was and is experiencing symptoms and voices. I know that he is struggling. I don't know if it is to the extent that he has implied. I have been watching my son and in the past my son's face or more to the point, his eyes have tendency to give away how bad his psychosis is. He will look similar to a combination of over tired and high. His eyes will have a glossed over look. I haven't been seeing this. This time he requested that I be a part of the assessment process. Is it because he thought he had an ally this time in getting Ativan? I hate that I have to question this however when I step back and look at the facts they easily speak for themselves. Other then some excessive foot movement my son was very relaxed throughout the assessment process. He was not showing any signs of extreme duress or agitation. At one point he told a nurse, after me prompting him to be honest, that he had 27 voices. Again my heart bleed, my poor son... Now I can ask myself if he has ever had that many voices? Not that I'm aware of and his answer was so quick, without a thought. He didn't have to think and count them. An indication of truth or lie? I don't know. I can say that he didn't seem to have a problem ignoring them while he spent a significant amount of time on my cell phone looking up a new gaming system that he wanted for being there... Yes I'm naive at times ;) I'm guessing 27 voices would not have allowed that.
Thankfully his psychiatrist sent over instructions that he not be given the Ativan and Haldol that they were going to give him. Instead he received 10 mg of Olanzapine/Zyprexa. Shortly after this I had to leave and had my husband take me to Walmart to get him the Wii u that he had settled on. We are selling the PS4 to help cover the cost of it. Later that night I was getting the phone call: Can you come bring it to me now. Sorry no. We had just gone to bed and my husband had to get up at 2 in the morning to go snow plowing. The next morning I started getting phone calls at 8. Between trying to get the Wii u set up and waiting for a long time for a cab due to bad weather, I finally made it to the hospital around 11 to find out he had been moved to the psychiatric wing. On my way over there I ran into his psychiatrist in the hospital lobby. I asked him what he was planning for my son and let him know that unless he was planning on drastically changing my son's medications that I didn't think he needed to remain in hospital. I did bring up to him my concerns that I have started to question my son's motivates regarding coming to the hospital and that I'm worried he may have exaggerated his symptoms to get Ativan. His psychiatrist was somewhat surprised and said that my son had not asked him for this. No and he won't. My son is more honest with me then he is with his treatment team. He was quit open with me about the fact that he wanted the Ativan and that that is why he was there. Of course he is not going to tell his case worker or his psychiatrist this. He is much smarter then that ;) His psychiatrist did discuss the fact that what he saw when he saw my son didn't support what his case worker had reported. We discussed with my son that he would not be getting a benzo and discussed other medications. He agreed to keep trying the Olanzapine stating that the voices were all gone. Hmmm, 1 dose of Olanzapine got rid of 27 voices in less then 12 hours? His psychiatrist did bring up the Neurontin asking if my son wanted to go back on it. It wasn't said for sure one way or the other however I did start giving it to him yesterday. I will let his team know. Still waiting to hear what is happening with the Olanzapine as the prescription was faxed over to PACT to fill and they haven't gotten back to me yet. It is being prescribed as a prn or as needed up to 2 times a day.
Yesterday was an up and down day. My son and I butted heads when I refused to agree to have my husband drive him around to look at gaming systems. He had decided the Wii u wasn't what he wanted. I got told to F off and he stated that he couldn't live here... Sound familiar? I just calmly said ok and said he needed to call PACT and discuss living arrangements with his case worker. Less then 20 minutes later he was nicely asking me to help him set up the Wii u. I reminded him that he had recently told me to F off and he apologized that he had gotten angry. He has now decided to keep the Wii u! I have tried to talk to him and explain that I'm not sure any gaming system will satisfy him since him feeling like this is part of the schizophrenia. We have been through this so many times. So many items purchased that didn't give him the satisfaction he was looking for.
Last night I don't know what to think of. My husband, after working all day, had to go snow plowing again last night and since my son seemed to be doing good I let him know that I was going to take a sleeping pill if he was ok with that. I actually asked him if he was suicidal and if he would be ok if I did. He said yes. Apparently not. I forget why he woke me up the first time as the sleeping pill affect was pretty strong at that point. The second time was because he had dropped and broke a glass of pop and couldn't clean it up. I somehow muddled through cleaning that up. Not very good it seems considering the glass I picked up this morning. I woke up on my own at 3 and did my best through my sleep haze to talk him into taking his Trazodone and going to bed. I'm not sure what he was doing at this point. The best I can figure is chanting... Yes chanting or spiritually sacramenting entities. He seems to be stuck on the word sacrament, whatever that means to him since I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the word really means. I think it was 5 when I managed to get him to take his Trazodone which he told my husband who must have gotten home sometime between 3 and 5, that it probably wouldn't help him sleep. How do you know if you haven't tried? This type of reasoning seems to escape my son when he is like this. Anyways he toke it and was asleep when I got up at 7. Thankfully he slept until 1:40 PM and seems to be doing better today.
I don't know what to think. On some levels he is being very odd yet on other levels he seems to be regrouping or recovering. He has been playing the Wii u for the past hour or so and seems to be functioning well enough. His anger moment yesterday was short lived. I did leave a message with his nurse at PACT this morning that I don't think he is on enough antipsychotics. Speaking off, when I saw his psychiatrist at the hospital he said something about the Invega shot having been upped from 75 mg. I think he was thinking about putting my son back on the Clozapine however I talked to his case manager and let her know that I would rather him be tried on oral Invega before going back to the Clozapine. I like what I see with the Invega, it's just that the dosage doesn't seem to be high enough. Hopefully they will take my recommendation. I did just receive a call from the pharmacy letting me know that my son's Olanzapine will be ready tomorrow as they had to order it. I asked how much? $127.82. Awesome! Another call and message to his disability worker letting her know that we have been trying to get a hold of her for over 3 weeks, that my son has signed a consent for her to talk to me and that this prescription needs coverage for tomorrow. I also stated that Ontario Works will not cover him as he has a pending file with them. Fat lot of good it will do but it was worth a try or two or three... You get my point.
On another note. I'm trying to find us another place to live. It would be nice if something went easy for me! I'm hoping! There is not a lot available in our city. I have found 2 townhouse complexes that I'm interested in. One I'm really liking. 3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, washer and dryer and unfinished basement with 1 parking spot and a back yard. $400 more a month rent however worth it to get us out of here. Plus it's not to far from the mall so maybe I can look there for a part time job once I think my son is stable enough. Another good note. My son is in the shower! He wants to walk to Walmart and exchange the Wii game I got him for another one that is online. I have bread to start so it can rise while we are gone...
Mom
BarbieBF
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Salvia and psychiatrist's visit
We have had our run in with Salvia and Wild Dagga in the past when my son first came to live with me April 2013. It seems we were destined to have another run in with it yesterday.
DrugFacts: Salvia
I wrote about it in my first chapter here: http://schizophreniamomsjourney.blogspot.ca/p/1-my-big-boy-is-home.html
It produces hallucinogenic experiences that mimic psychosis. I had forgotten this and my son had already talked about wanting to get some on the plane ride home. I just told him not in the home so of course off he went to the corner store and came home with it and a pipe. I looked it up again and informed that it was a no go and why. He didn't argue and said ok to throwing it out and didn't put up a fight about me throwing out the pipe as well stating whatever didn't cause an argument between us. I would have to say I'm really liking the Invega :)
I'm not sure how much of what happened between us before he was taken to the shelter is playing a role here however he is still wanting to be out on his own. I think he still wants to do what he wants when he wants however without the attitude and since he can't do that here I think it is motivating him to want his own place. The reality is that him wanting his own place right now is not a good thing. He is not capable of taking care of himself. We are in agreement that a group home will help to teach him the necessary skills to take care of himself. He will always have people to talk to and will never be alone. He will be a part of that community and the things that they do. I assured him that this happening does not stop me from being mom that he will never lose this. I will always be a part of his life no matter where he is.
I did take a peak at some notes on the laptop yesterday... There is one dated July 30 stating not to worry that he would soon be moving to a place where he could live in peace. Kind of telling that perhaps the whole scenario was partially orchestrated by him to get what he wanted. Him telling me that he wanted me to kick him out because he didn't want to be here seems to support this. He had a goal in mind and he made sure it happened. I guess I will have to have my own guards up to make sure I don't get pulled into this type of thinking again since my son is very good at knowing what buttons to push.
My son seems to be doing much better. Yesterday there was no obvious signs of voices. No laughing for no reason. He went to the corner store by himself and he also biked to Walmart by himself to get a new PS4 game. He also came back with a speaker. Oh joy! Definitely have to get him out to buy enough cigarettes to last him awhile before his money is all gone as I gave him his bank card yesterday, letting him know that that money may have to last him 3 months since I still don't know the status of his disability file here.
When he got up yesterday the first thing he did was to walk out and pat me on the head. He does this sometimes and I think it's his way of showing me affection. He set his PS4 up in the living room and I let him know that is fine however in the evenings when my husband is home then he can't have control over the living room TV. He had trouble getting the PS4 screen to fit the TV screen so I looked it up and fixed it. He commented how I seem to be able to fix these things when he can't just like I have in the past for him. Hubby commented along the lines that I'm more then a pretty face. Yup I'm all that! ;) It felt good to have this banter happening with my son.
I made fish, rice and vegetables for dinner since I know my son likes rice and the fish is good for his brain, especially right now. He ate all of his rice and vegetables and over half of his fish. I was impressed! He even took 2 Omega 3-6-9 supplements and a multivitamin. We had discussed the Omega 3 on the plane as being part his 'very healthy life' note. While there doesn't seem to be conclusive evidence that Omega 3 helps or prevents schizophrenia there are still a lot of studies and testimonials showing that it can help with symptoms.
Omega 3 fish oils tested as preventative approach to schizophrenia with positive results
I'm really hoping that I can get him started on some healthy routines and habits now so that as he gains stability there will be less resistance to following through on them.
We discussed an appropriate bedtime. I wanted 11 however he asked for somewhere between 12:15 and 12:45 and I agreed. My son is pretty consistent in not following through or following rules... He was still up at 3 so I shooed him off to bed. Of course there was the usual me getting up to ask him to turn things down as it was keeping me awake. I'm guessing my insomnia is going to love this! As I was finally getting it under control...
His psychiatrist was here this morning. He will be doing a prescription for Trazodone that my son can take as needed. He suggested other ones like Seroquel which is a sedating antipsychotic however I said no as I know my son didn't like it the last time he was put him on it. I suggested the Trazodone as I know that he never had a problem with taking it other then not wanting to take 200 mg. He didn't mind taking 100 mg when he did take it. He agreed when the psychiatrist asked him about it. I asked the psychiatrist about his Gabapentin/Neurontin since I still have them and he said it's probably best to limit the number of medications he is taking for now. I have always appreciated the approach of his psychiatrists here to not have him on more medications than is necessary. I was worried that the amount of his Invega shot may not be high enough however he is doing better now so hopefully we can keep it at 75 mg. It appears that a Community Treatment Order is a no go for now. Even though he was inpatient for over 30 days in British Columbia, he has not been inpatient for over 30 days here in Ontario so he doesn't meet the criteria here. He has to have been inpatient for 30 days within the last 3 years here in Ontario or a previous CTO in Ontario, which hasn't happened.
Community Treatment Orders - Ontario
He wanted to call his friend to go see him however I let him know that I am saying no to that happening right now as he is unable to say no to drugs and alcohol on his own so for now I get to be the bad one and say no for him. He wanted to know why it's such a bad thing so I asked him how many breaks would he like to have? And explained that each break causes brain damage so how much damage does he want to do? If he wants to become retarded (sorry if that offends anyone) then keep going... He can't remember how to sign into online banking or how to use his visa bank card and I explained that's because his last break seems to have caused some damage. He seems fairly accepting of letting me think for him right now however I'm not sure how long that is going to last. He also seems agreeable to participating more with PACT and their group programs as I told him that that is another area that he can become a part of that community. This came up when he asked me for ideas on how to fill in his morning routines. He actually just talked to his case worker as he asked about having someone to talk to do about his personal problems so I suggested he talk to PACT. I'm hoping to further his bound with them so that he knows that they are always there to help him and support him. She is coming to see him tomorrow and they may be going for coffee!
PACT is trying to get his Trazodone prescription done and have it delivered to us by the pharmacy. Sometimes I get a little tired of having to explain how thing work to people :) I asked who was going to pay for it? The pharmacy should have his last ODSP (disability) card... Yes and they get a new card every month so the one sent out for September will not cover November. *sigh* They haven't been able to get a hold of ODSP either. We were given a number to call for medical coverage outside of ODSP and they should be calling us back tomorrow as his file was marked as urgent. *fingers crossed* they approve him. I wish I had known about this the last time as I might not have had to pay for his medications for 3 months. Oh well... Live and learn right? His case worker may even go to ODSP in person tomorrow if they can't get anywhere. I told her it's really nice to have someone do something for me for a change!
Hubby is on his way home from work and it's off to get cigarettes... Knowing my son he will also get some chewing tobacco. Yes ewww... Although he said it's better then satisfying his other addictions which I have to agree :)
Mom
BarbieBF
DrugFacts: Salvia
I wrote about it in my first chapter here: http://schizophreniamomsjourney.blogspot.ca/p/1-my-big-boy-is-home.html
It produces hallucinogenic experiences that mimic psychosis. I had forgotten this and my son had already talked about wanting to get some on the plane ride home. I just told him not in the home so of course off he went to the corner store and came home with it and a pipe. I looked it up again and informed that it was a no go and why. He didn't argue and said ok to throwing it out and didn't put up a fight about me throwing out the pipe as well stating whatever didn't cause an argument between us. I would have to say I'm really liking the Invega :)
I'm not sure how much of what happened between us before he was taken to the shelter is playing a role here however he is still wanting to be out on his own. I think he still wants to do what he wants when he wants however without the attitude and since he can't do that here I think it is motivating him to want his own place. The reality is that him wanting his own place right now is not a good thing. He is not capable of taking care of himself. We are in agreement that a group home will help to teach him the necessary skills to take care of himself. He will always have people to talk to and will never be alone. He will be a part of that community and the things that they do. I assured him that this happening does not stop me from being mom that he will never lose this. I will always be a part of his life no matter where he is.
I did take a peak at some notes on the laptop yesterday... There is one dated July 30 stating not to worry that he would soon be moving to a place where he could live in peace. Kind of telling that perhaps the whole scenario was partially orchestrated by him to get what he wanted. Him telling me that he wanted me to kick him out because he didn't want to be here seems to support this. He had a goal in mind and he made sure it happened. I guess I will have to have my own guards up to make sure I don't get pulled into this type of thinking again since my son is very good at knowing what buttons to push.
My son seems to be doing much better. Yesterday there was no obvious signs of voices. No laughing for no reason. He went to the corner store by himself and he also biked to Walmart by himself to get a new PS4 game. He also came back with a speaker. Oh joy! Definitely have to get him out to buy enough cigarettes to last him awhile before his money is all gone as I gave him his bank card yesterday, letting him know that that money may have to last him 3 months since I still don't know the status of his disability file here.
When he got up yesterday the first thing he did was to walk out and pat me on the head. He does this sometimes and I think it's his way of showing me affection. He set his PS4 up in the living room and I let him know that is fine however in the evenings when my husband is home then he can't have control over the living room TV. He had trouble getting the PS4 screen to fit the TV screen so I looked it up and fixed it. He commented how I seem to be able to fix these things when he can't just like I have in the past for him. Hubby commented along the lines that I'm more then a pretty face. Yup I'm all that! ;) It felt good to have this banter happening with my son.
I made fish, rice and vegetables for dinner since I know my son likes rice and the fish is good for his brain, especially right now. He ate all of his rice and vegetables and over half of his fish. I was impressed! He even took 2 Omega 3-6-9 supplements and a multivitamin. We had discussed the Omega 3 on the plane as being part his 'very healthy life' note. While there doesn't seem to be conclusive evidence that Omega 3 helps or prevents schizophrenia there are still a lot of studies and testimonials showing that it can help with symptoms.
Omega 3 fish oils tested as preventative approach to schizophrenia with positive results
I'm really hoping that I can get him started on some healthy routines and habits now so that as he gains stability there will be less resistance to following through on them.
We discussed an appropriate bedtime. I wanted 11 however he asked for somewhere between 12:15 and 12:45 and I agreed. My son is pretty consistent in not following through or following rules... He was still up at 3 so I shooed him off to bed. Of course there was the usual me getting up to ask him to turn things down as it was keeping me awake. I'm guessing my insomnia is going to love this! As I was finally getting it under control...
His psychiatrist was here this morning. He will be doing a prescription for Trazodone that my son can take as needed. He suggested other ones like Seroquel which is a sedating antipsychotic however I said no as I know my son didn't like it the last time he was put him on it. I suggested the Trazodone as I know that he never had a problem with taking it other then not wanting to take 200 mg. He didn't mind taking 100 mg when he did take it. He agreed when the psychiatrist asked him about it. I asked the psychiatrist about his Gabapentin/Neurontin since I still have them and he said it's probably best to limit the number of medications he is taking for now. I have always appreciated the approach of his psychiatrists here to not have him on more medications than is necessary. I was worried that the amount of his Invega shot may not be high enough however he is doing better now so hopefully we can keep it at 75 mg. It appears that a Community Treatment Order is a no go for now. Even though he was inpatient for over 30 days in British Columbia, he has not been inpatient for over 30 days here in Ontario so he doesn't meet the criteria here. He has to have been inpatient for 30 days within the last 3 years here in Ontario or a previous CTO in Ontario, which hasn't happened.
Community Treatment Orders - Ontario
He wanted to call his friend to go see him however I let him know that I am saying no to that happening right now as he is unable to say no to drugs and alcohol on his own so for now I get to be the bad one and say no for him. He wanted to know why it's such a bad thing so I asked him how many breaks would he like to have? And explained that each break causes brain damage so how much damage does he want to do? If he wants to become retarded (sorry if that offends anyone) then keep going... He can't remember how to sign into online banking or how to use his visa bank card and I explained that's because his last break seems to have caused some damage. He seems fairly accepting of letting me think for him right now however I'm not sure how long that is going to last. He also seems agreeable to participating more with PACT and their group programs as I told him that that is another area that he can become a part of that community. This came up when he asked me for ideas on how to fill in his morning routines. He actually just talked to his case worker as he asked about having someone to talk to do about his personal problems so I suggested he talk to PACT. I'm hoping to further his bound with them so that he knows that they are always there to help him and support him. She is coming to see him tomorrow and they may be going for coffee!
PACT is trying to get his Trazodone prescription done and have it delivered to us by the pharmacy. Sometimes I get a little tired of having to explain how thing work to people :) I asked who was going to pay for it? The pharmacy should have his last ODSP (disability) card... Yes and they get a new card every month so the one sent out for September will not cover November. *sigh* They haven't been able to get a hold of ODSP either. We were given a number to call for medical coverage outside of ODSP and they should be calling us back tomorrow as his file was marked as urgent. *fingers crossed* they approve him. I wish I had known about this the last time as I might not have had to pay for his medications for 3 months. Oh well... Live and learn right? His case worker may even go to ODSP in person tomorrow if they can't get anywhere. I told her it's really nice to have someone do something for me for a change!
Hubby is on his way home from work and it's off to get cigarettes... Knowing my son he will also get some chewing tobacco. Yes ewww... Although he said it's better then satisfying his other addictions which I have to agree :)
Mom
BarbieBF
Monday, November 24, 2014
You're real?!
Friday was the first time I had seen my son since September and obviously since his last full psychotic break. This break has a different feel about it then the one I saw him go through September of last year. A lot of it is the same of course however I don't recall the disorganization and word salad. I find myself having to ask him what certain words mean and once he describes it then I fill in the appropriate word. On the plane ride home he was tapping the tray and arm rest with a knuckle. When I asked him why he said he was testing the bandwidth of the carriage. I asked if he meant the density of the airplane and he said yes. Once he told me I was his limbo which meant I was like his left arm.
I didn't realize just how much he was still in psychosis until we were in the cafeteria at the hospital and he asked me how to tell if something was real or not. I asked him he was unsure about being in the cafeteria and he said yes and was concerned that the cafeteria would be scary to me. I can only guess at what he must have been seeing or hallucinating to think I would find it scary. He had denied hearing voices with the hospital psychiatrist however he knew better. I usually refer to them as entities as voices to me just don't give them justice. They are not just the sound of a voice. Clearly these entities were with us in the cafeteria so I told my son to not be afraid to try some reality checking by walking up to and touching what he is seeing to see if they are real. I toke his hand and had him touch my shoulder and after a couple of seconds he squeezed my shoulder and either asked or stated: You are real?!. Yes hun I'm real. Then I had him do the same with his sister so that he could know that we were both really there. It was sad to think that up until then he must have questioned that he was walking and talking with hallucinations. The severity of how sick he was struck me at that instance.
I questioned if I should have had him released when I did and I very much question if he should be out of the hospital yet. He is still too unstable. He wrote some notes on the plane and his thoughts are messed up. Some are good however the others are about sex and weapons. He actually asked me if he could have a gun... I added to his notes by changing his good thought of having a 'somewhat health life' to a 'very healthy life' and adding love, hope, family and that I love him very much. He seemed to like this. He did spend some time playing Mahjong, a matching tile game, on my phone for a bit. I was impressed to see that he could multitask to a certain degree. He still matched tiles even while he was laughing at his voices or intrusive thoughts :) I did ask him what they (voices) thought about me or if they had anything to say about me and apparently not so that is a good thing. I tried a couple of times to ask what was so funny that they must be saying something fairly funny however he couldn't or wouldn't tell me other then one comment about a dog's penis... Not sure I want to know more then that. He seems to have a fascination with animals during these times and not in a good way.
I did call disability again and left a message that he is here. I just called the pharmacy here to find out if they can bill another province for medications and was told 'sometimes it works'. I was really hoping for a yes as I'm hoping to get a sleep aide prescribed since getting him to bed last night was pretty much a no go and he needs his sleep to recover.
I have talked to his case worker at PACT today and she has already set up an appointment for his psychiatrist to come see him tomorrow. I have to talk to him about the amount of Invega he is on as 75 mg seems low to me. I also have to talk to him about putting my son on a Community Treatment Order (CTO) for medications. Hopefully the number of hospitalizations, now 8 of them, will be enough to have one put into place. I forgot to ask his case worker if she had prepared any releases for him to sign. Maybe PACT can have better luck getting disability to respond if they have a release signed. I think the psychiatrist will assess if my son needs to be hospitalized or not. He was left on Lithium as the psychiatrist was concerned there may be a mood component and didn't want to take any chances. I'm guessing that means he could be schizoaffective?
We got home around 1:30 last night... I had hoped that I would get him to bed at a reasonable time. Nope! Having the laptop and PSP4 set up was the first priority. Then it was the TV blaring at around 5 AM as he was watching Constantine. He said after that episode. Then it was calling Nana. Then it was not being able to sleep. Then I was being woken up as he wanted his bank card, then his glasses cause he was playing his PSP... I think he finally went to sleep after my husband left for work. Not sure how to fix this as this can't keep happening, him getting his nights and days mixed up, as it can contribute to psychosis.
It's 2:50 PM and my son just got up! I was thinking I would have to drag him out of bed if I wanted him sleeping tonight. Now that he is up I will put away his cloths.
Mom
BarbieBF
I didn't realize just how much he was still in psychosis until we were in the cafeteria at the hospital and he asked me how to tell if something was real or not. I asked him he was unsure about being in the cafeteria and he said yes and was concerned that the cafeteria would be scary to me. I can only guess at what he must have been seeing or hallucinating to think I would find it scary. He had denied hearing voices with the hospital psychiatrist however he knew better. I usually refer to them as entities as voices to me just don't give them justice. They are not just the sound of a voice. Clearly these entities were with us in the cafeteria so I told my son to not be afraid to try some reality checking by walking up to and touching what he is seeing to see if they are real. I toke his hand and had him touch my shoulder and after a couple of seconds he squeezed my shoulder and either asked or stated: You are real?!. Yes hun I'm real. Then I had him do the same with his sister so that he could know that we were both really there. It was sad to think that up until then he must have questioned that he was walking and talking with hallucinations. The severity of how sick he was struck me at that instance.
I questioned if I should have had him released when I did and I very much question if he should be out of the hospital yet. He is still too unstable. He wrote some notes on the plane and his thoughts are messed up. Some are good however the others are about sex and weapons. He actually asked me if he could have a gun... I added to his notes by changing his good thought of having a 'somewhat health life' to a 'very healthy life' and adding love, hope, family and that I love him very much. He seemed to like this. He did spend some time playing Mahjong, a matching tile game, on my phone for a bit. I was impressed to see that he could multitask to a certain degree. He still matched tiles even while he was laughing at his voices or intrusive thoughts :) I did ask him what they (voices) thought about me or if they had anything to say about me and apparently not so that is a good thing. I tried a couple of times to ask what was so funny that they must be saying something fairly funny however he couldn't or wouldn't tell me other then one comment about a dog's penis... Not sure I want to know more then that. He seems to have a fascination with animals during these times and not in a good way.
I did call disability again and left a message that he is here. I just called the pharmacy here to find out if they can bill another province for medications and was told 'sometimes it works'. I was really hoping for a yes as I'm hoping to get a sleep aide prescribed since getting him to bed last night was pretty much a no go and he needs his sleep to recover.
I have talked to his case worker at PACT today and she has already set up an appointment for his psychiatrist to come see him tomorrow. I have to talk to him about the amount of Invega he is on as 75 mg seems low to me. I also have to talk to him about putting my son on a Community Treatment Order (CTO) for medications. Hopefully the number of hospitalizations, now 8 of them, will be enough to have one put into place. I forgot to ask his case worker if she had prepared any releases for him to sign. Maybe PACT can have better luck getting disability to respond if they have a release signed. I think the psychiatrist will assess if my son needs to be hospitalized or not. He was left on Lithium as the psychiatrist was concerned there may be a mood component and didn't want to take any chances. I'm guessing that means he could be schizoaffective?
We got home around 1:30 last night... I had hoped that I would get him to bed at a reasonable time. Nope! Having the laptop and PSP4 set up was the first priority. Then it was the TV blaring at around 5 AM as he was watching Constantine. He said after that episode. Then it was calling Nana. Then it was not being able to sleep. Then I was being woken up as he wanted his bank card, then his glasses cause he was playing his PSP... I think he finally went to sleep after my husband left for work. Not sure how to fix this as this can't keep happening, him getting his nights and days mixed up, as it can contribute to psychosis.
It's 2:50 PM and my son just got up! I was thinking I would have to drag him out of bed if I wanted him sleeping tonight. Now that he is up I will put away his cloths.
Mom
BarbieBF
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