Sunday, February 26, 2017

The Proverbial Housewife

Yes that's me....

The one that is sitting at home putting away groceries and doing laundry while everyone else is off doing their thing.

My daughter is at the mall, 'running away from home' or me. Dare I say, being a brat.

Something that I haven't shared about the amazing birth of my grandson is that several days after his birth I became his primary caregiver.

As of yesterday I am now supervisor... In my eyes I don't really see much of a distinction in the two roles as my daughter is still limited to two or three hours a day of unsupervised time with her son.

I feel stuck. Stuck in a situation of my own choosing because of the things that I think are important. Family.

Over the last several months I have heard more times than I can count phrases like: You're a homebody and don't like to go out. You are home anyways. You want to be home. You don't like going on these outings.

Yes I'm a homebody. I love my home and have little reason to seek enjoyment or anything else outside of it. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy getting out of it. That doesn't mean that there aren't times when I want to 'run away' from the stress and responsibilities that are here. That doesn't mean that I don't want to spend some one on one time going for a drive with my husband.

My daughter and I have been butting heads for the last little bit. Mom speaking up doesn't seem to go over well with my children. :)

Any relationship needs a certain amount of give and take. Right now I'm feeling like a much worn out doormat. Feed him, change him, put him to bed, babysit... But don't tell me that I'm not burping him right (at all), getting up with him or question any of the other decisions that I'm making.

If she was living on her own then making decisions on what items to get rid of or what trips she would like to take or even her sleep schedule would be completely in her control and the consequences of those decisions would be completely on here. Such is not currently the case.

Yesterday it was about how she was feeding him. Today I have set her off by commenting on the fact that she is wanting to give away something that I use every morning to feed her son. Is it hers to give away? Absolutely. That's not really the point. Being an adult doesn't mean making decisions without taking other people into consideration. Certainly not the people that are there everyday. However when I say something I'm treating her like a child.

The other thing that is gnawing at me is money. I'm not asking for a lot considering we are helping out with pretty much everything. So yes when I see/hear my daughter talking about doing things with her money when I'm looking at the fact that we don't have enough money right now to cover what is coming out on the 1st, I tend to get a bit edgy.

When I comment on these types of things well she gets to go to the mall while I get dropped off at home to put away the groceries. When I let lose some of that frustration my husband walks out slamming the door.

Why did it frustrate me that she was going to the mall? She doesn't have a key so even as she is getting away from me and my criticism she is counting on me to be there when she gets home. Why? Because I love being at home. How much you wanna bet that right now I would rather be somewhere else?

Guess what... Where am I going to go and with whom? I don't have any friends. I don't have a life outside of the home because years ago I made the choice to leave my job, stay at home and eventually dedicate my life to my family.

My husband gave her his key. Called and asked if I wanted to go with him on his next drive about. My first thought: Hell yeah! Guess what? That will be leaving my daughter unsupervised for a lot longer then two or three hours. I'm the only one that thinks like that. :(

Recently she was visiting family and I'm pretty sure got used to barely being supervised at all. No that wasn't a good thing... She did however become more comfortable in the role of motherhood. That tends to happen when you are expected to do...

Now the honeymoon phase of her return is over and I'm trying to yet again find that balance between support and enabling.

Why can't I expect to be treated like others? Given a certain amount of respect and consideration? Not be lashed out at just because I make a comment that isn't to her liking? Why can't I expect her to step up without all the attitude?

So yeah as I listen to my daughter and husband talk about her working outside of the home. Getting baby daddy a job. My daughter looking down on the job I do have because I don't get paid frequently. My husband saying: Why can't you get a job?

Yes I guess I could if I wasn't the proverbial housewife.

Anyways, some laundry is calling my name. Thanks for listening.


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1 comment:

  1. Great write Up. Thank You :) I have also written a great blogpost on this Topic.