Sunday, February 8, 2015

Baby boy can we talk about medications?

Friday night my son actually went to bed early, around 9:30 and slept until 11:30 on Saturday. Saturday was an uneventful day with him spending some time on his computer playing games. Once he asked about what he could do to get a World of Warcraft subscription. Stating that he has been doing dishes... He has done dishes twice and he is supposed to be cooking dinner on Mondays and helping to clean the bathroom on Fridays which hasn't been happening. I nicely stated that I wasn't going to pay him for things that he should be doing to contribute to the household then went out for a cigarette. This is becoming my way of keeping myself from continuing or participating in needless discussions.

That evening I decided to take my cell phone to bed and read a book that I had downloaded on the Kindle app. My son came in and asked if we could watch a movie in my room. I try not to encourage him being in that type of situation with me. Besides the fact that he is physically an adult, I am aware that some of his thinking patterns when he is unwell can be sexual in nature and these thoughts don't discriminate regarding family. I don't know if he has ever had these types of thoughts (images, dreams and/or hallucinations) about me however I do know that he has about another family member and some other pretty out there imaging. I also know that tactile hallucinations can be sexual in nature. However I did agree to us watching a movie together in my bed. He picked out Snow White and The Huntsman.

I think for the second time I commented that he really needed to have a shower. He agreed and went to have a bath instead. I reminded him to wash, just like doing dishes, just being in water doesn't get them clean. After he was done we started watching the movie. Hubby had been snow plowing all day and got home when the movie was almost over and my son decided he had enough of the movie and was off to bed. I reminded him to take his pills.

I realized this morning when I got up that he must not have taken his Invega. I knew that he had been on the sofa during the night. When I got up at 6:30 he was too alert so I figure he didn't sleep. I asked him if he had taken his pills (Invega and Melatonin) and he said no. I suggested that he may want to do that. Notice how I said suggested... I don't tell him to take his medications. Coming from me it triggers his defiance or ODD. I suggest by saying things like: I think it would be a good idea if you took them. In a nice and monotone voice of course. If he doesn't... he doesn't. He did :)

Sadly this meant an increase in symptoms. Laughing out loud like he couldn't contain himself. Thankfully this seems to have calmed down as the day went on.

I came across this article the other day from HuffPost: The Consequences of Mental Illness That Nobody Talks About. Due to my research into schizophrenia I am aware that the three main types of symptoms are positive, negative and cognitive. The National Institute of Mental Health has a good break down here: Schizophrenia. The HuffPost article makes a very good point. If it wasn't for my research I would have no idea about the affects of schizophrenia and/or other mental illnesses on cognition. I speak about it when talking to his treatment team BUT no one has ever brought them up to me.

Sometimes it is the smaller things or the things that no one warns you about that can pull at my heart more then the positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I seem to take some things in stride easier. Yes it hurts my heart when he is telling me about his voices/entities or tactile hallucinations. Yes it hurts my heart when I see him not playing computer games that I know he loves.

What broke my heart today was seeing my son standing in front of his dresser to get dressed to go grocery shopping and he was lost. Just standing there, in a shirt and underwear, looking at his dresser. I went in, pulled out a pair of pants and handed them to him. I also got a facecloth with soap and washed his face for him. He let me... Honestly I would rather he push my hand away and tell me he was too old to have his mother washing his face. As parents I'm sure most of us have been there and smiled when our little ones did this as a way of showing us their independence. Instead he stood there and let me. He stated he had washed his face yesterday. Which was really on Thursday when we went to the doctors.

He came into the bathroom to brush his teeth. I think hubby reminded him to. He told me something about his voices. I forget what now. Before this I had asked him if he was ok as I was concerned about him coming shopping with us if he couldn't ignore them. It's not what others may think that I worry about but him walking into something or someone because he isn't paying attention. He said that he was done killing them so they were gone for now... So when he entered the bathroom and said whatever it was I suggested ;) that maybe on Monday we could talk to someone about his medications because he shouldn't have to be dealing with them like this. He agreed... *fingers crossed* he is still in agreement after I talk to his treatment team!

Grocery shopping I didn't need to be worried about him wondering off. He stayed right beside me, following me, even when I wanted him to stay put for a second. Once I had to make sure I had his attention and say: Stay here for a minute so the cart isn't in the way while I get something. If I wanted him to follow my hubby instead of me then I had to tell him to follow hubby. And of course I watched to make sure he did ;). When we were getting the groceries out of the trunk I told him that I needed his muscles and right away he was there, took the bag I wanted him to and offered to close the trunk for me.

So for today anyways, it's not what schizophrenia gives him but what schizophrenia takes away from him that has me crying some on the inside. He will always be my baby boy however him letting me treat him like my baby boy is just not right!

Time to finish getting dinner ready as hubby has to snow plow again this evening. I decided to roast a chicken and I must say it is smelling good.


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