It's been a fairly busy week. Saturday hubby and I decided it's time to start doing some things for ourselves and our apartment. For awhile we were tossing around the idea of moving and now that we can as we finally have clear credit reports!, we have decided not to (at least for now). Go figure right! So in deciding to stay it was time to do some painting and fixing. Between my hubby's work dust and my son's temper tantrums there was some painting and patching up to do. I learned how to use PollyFilla to fill in the knife holes among other things. We haven't gotten to painting these parts yet as it's mostly doors and we are doing those last so fingers crossed I did an ok job. First it was deciding on some neutral colors. We decided on tan for the main living areas and linen for our bedroom and probably the spare bedroom too. So far we have done the entrance way, dining room, living room and our bedroom. I'm impressed, it looks good! Scrubbing the splattered paint off the bedroom floor was fun! As was scrubbing the paint off of the marble window ledges that the lovely painters did before I moved in. Contractors paid by apartment which explains the painted macaroni I discovered when I moved in and went to put my dishes away (I'm serious!). SOS and some elbow grease... Will a lot of elbow grease for me. Going over and over the same spot is my way of cleaning since I'm not really strong enough to get it off that easily. As I told my hubby, it's one of the very few times that I wish that I was a man and/or physically stronger. Honestly I gave up after two window ledges, 3-4 SOS pads and arms that felt like jelly. Getting the paint off the bedroom floor was a lot easier. I have even helped paint some walls which I think is equivalent to a couple of work-outs on my stepper so I don't feel so bad that I haven't done it in awhile ;) I thanked my chiropractor yesterday as a couple of years ago I would not have been able to anywhere near what I have been doing to help. In fact it was painting that got me to a chiropractor in the first place. The straw that broke the camels back combined with 13 year old whiplash, bad posture and a touch of scoliosis in my neck.
Saturday we also went bedroom shopping. What started out as just mattresses turned into a bedroom set. Hubby is tired of us not sleeping in the same bed. Between my insomnia, his sleep apnea and restless leg... I wasn't getting much sleep. I'm on the fence with this though as I have been enjoying have a bed to myself and not being jostled awake by his restless feet! lol Seriously though I do miss having him beside me, sometimes ;) The mattresses we have are old. They were my mother's and like almost everything else in our room is not less then 10-15 years old. I realized that at the age of 42 I have never had a new or matching bedroom set and haven't had a new bed in about 20 years. Yup it was time! I even figured out yesterday how to put off paying for it for like 8 months! A little juggling here and there but it can be done. By that time we should have our finances under control, hopefully, I think I'm seeing a job in my near future...
The bedroom set is supposed to get delivered on Sunday. Even hubby is excited about this. We have actually had fun shopping, painting and cleaning together. Some good old one on one, husband and wife bonding time! Including the nagging from me that he needs to put on his glasses so he can see the messes he is making... paint all over my canisters, the coffee maker, kettle etc. He started doing clean up in the tub. Not sure if we were thinking that we could get the painting all done last weekend. If we were then we were obviously not thinking clearly. We still have the spare bedroom and hallway to do. Really there is no rush though. The priority was getting the bedroom done before Sunday and thoughts of the delivery people scratching a newly painted hallway...
The spare bedroom. It's been my daughter's room, my brother-in-law's room, my son's room and now my hubby's room (until Sunday). I figure it's best to just start calling it the spare room since from day to day I have no idea who is going to be in it anymore.
I have only talked to my son once since he left and that was a fairly useless conversation. He was so 'distracted' that he could barely answer a simple question. Last Friday he was admitted to hospital. I still don't know why... Not that it matters now. I'm guessing it was for psychosis related reasons? Yesterday he was released. I sometimes wonder how much more disappointed I can get in the system but that is probably not a question I want answered. To quote Elvis Presley during the (19) '68 Comeback Special, "Never ceases to amaze me. Baby" There is no way, in my opinion, that he was stable enough after barely a week of being medication compliant. He was released after three weeks during his last hospitalization and was barely stable. The chances of him staying medication compliant when he currently has zero insight is slim to none. Unfortunately I didn't find out that he was getting released or that anyone was trying to release him until it was too late. It seems no one thinks that keeping me informed on what is happening with my son is important. I keep asking myself why I would expect any different? (Yes, perhaps I do need a little cheese with my whine)
A week ago I was pretty determined on what my next steps were going to be. I have gathered information on what it is that I want to do and I have contacted a lawyer and got some advise on the steps I should take and who I should contact. Yet, I find myself hesitating... I'm hesitating because of my son. If everyone, including him, is so determined to keep him mentally unwell or psychotic then perhaps I should let it happen. I must say it really irks me to even say that however until he can reach a point where he can see that the choices that he is making, and consequences, are doing him more harm then good then I'm fighting an uphill battle that may not be the right thing for right now. If it was just him... However it's not just him. As long as he has the support that he currently has and wants, albeit for the wrong reasons (no boundaries, rules or expectations), then it makes advocating for his mental well-being a lot harder. It's like having a leaky roof that does damage to your walls so you paint your walls, over and over instead of fixing the leaky roof. How much advocating or painting can I do if the leak in the roof is not being attended to? But what irritates me is that now no one is trying to fix that leaky roof and damage is being done even if it can't be seen.
My biggest fear is that by not doing anything, I am in fact, making the wrong decision. Hopefully I will know when to step in and deal with my son's resentment and hopefully it will not be too late.
Mom
BarbieBF
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