The last couple of days and certainly last night and this morning are not going to good. After my last blog post Michael did start taking his Olanzapine again so only missed the one night. The week ended and the weekend was quiet.
Monday when his nurse arrived I brought up that my son had agreed to try upping his Invega from 6 mg to 9 mg as we had discussed it and he agreed. Or so I thought... We had not discussed upping the Invega to replace him coming off the Olanzapine however that seems to be what his intentions were. His nurse said that he would discuss it with his treatment team.
Michael had also brought up to me wanting to try using vitamins. I cautioned him that this can work for some however not everyone and that for the people it do work for, they take lots of supplements sometimes several times a day. Also he needs to be on them for at least several months for the levels to build up in his system before even thinking about reducing medications to see if it will work. For one day he took all the supplements I gave him. The next day refused the Omega 3, a really important one if this is going to work, and nothing since that.
As of Tuesday things have been going down hill again.
I have no idea what prompted it however he didn't take his Invega or Olanzapine on Tuesday night and was up all night. I can't tell you exactly what he was up to other then some odd stuff.
In the middle of the night, one of the times that I got up to check on him, he was totally naked and acting guilty. I didn't really register this until I was back in bed. I reminded him about his pills and left it at that.
Wednesday morning he was lying on the sofa covered up with his blanket. I won't go into detail other then based on the sounds I was hearing and how he was lying... I'm pretty sure he was masturbating. Several times I 'interrupted' him and finally told him if he was going to keep doing it that he needed to go to his room. Off he went.
Later that morning I went into his room to clean as it was getting ridiculous in there. Even though I hadn't caught him again it was obvious he was smoking in there as there was more and more ashes and tobacco all over where he was putting them out on lord knows what since he had no ashtray. The first things I noticed was that he had sometime during the night grabbed the hammer and the knife sharpener. No I don't know why and he wouldn't tell me. I moved a box to clean and behind it was cigarette butts and his Olanzapine. So that is where he was stashing what he didn't want me to find.
I took the hammer, knife sharpener and Olanzapine downstairs and calmly asked him what he was doing with the hammer and knife sharpener. Like I said, he wouldn't tell. Just said the he thought he might need them for something. Then I asked him if we were back to him hiding his pills from me. His response was to tell me to stop being such a snob and that I had no right to yell at him or give him attitude for not taking his Olanzapine. One, I wasn't yelling and two, the point was that he hid them from me not that he didn't take them and three, he was still smoking in his room and lying to me about it.
I went back up to continue cleaning and vacuuming his room. Under his table I found his Invega. He says he didn't take them because he didn't sleep. They are no longer sedating for him so that is not logical. They do however slow his mind down so that he can sleep. Anyways this logic made sense to him :). I asked him for his cigarettes as they need to stay downstairs since I can't trust him. He handed them over then out of the blue told me dinner the night before was disgusting (it wasn't). No worries I won't be making dinner tonight... I got told to fuck off.
I let him know that he just lost his cigarettes (hubby bought them). A little while later I noticed that he was going outside and leaving the yard. Red flag. I went upstairs and checked and sure enough he had gone into my closet and grabbed a pack of smokes. I asked for them back... got called a bitch so I disconnected the internet.
We didn't talk much the rest of the day ;). Somewhat later he asked me what was for dinner. Before you think that he was psychotic or whatnot and didn't remember what had happened, he did. He was very much aware of what he said to me and it wasn't said spur of the moment. It was said on purpose. I told him whatever he made for himself. Hubby and I went out... He made himself noodles.
After we returned my son asked to talk. Stating it wasn't his fault that it was because he didn't take his pills and was up all night. If he took his pills that night could he have his cigarettes back. It wasn't my fault that he didn't take his pills either and I don't deserve to be talked to like that. I told him I wasn't going to negotiate with him about taking his pills. He needs to take them because he needs to take them and no he wasn't getting his cigarettes back that day.
He took his pills :), went to sleep early and as far as I know slept through the night. Yesterday morning I gave him a pack of cigarettes. We had a short conversation about what happened and he acknowledged that I didn't yell at him and that he guesses he needs to take his pills for now. My first thoughts were: Yeah, some insight. No... He was just saying what he thought I needed to hear.
At dinner time he asked for the internet back. I agreed however let him know that moving forward he was going to be losing it for longer for swearing at me so forewarned.
Last night he asked me to rub his back. He started talking about his Olanzapine being poison so he wouldn't take it. Took the Invega. Delusional talk about forcing his body to sweat was building up muscle and made up words stating that he had learned in chemistry in school. I did chemistry for three years and I don't recall that word. Well I went to school in Newfoundland and that place is... hmm I forget the word he used but not a nice one. For starters I also went to high school in Ontario and Newfoundland however surprising it may seem (Canadians will understand the reference) had a much harder curriculum. I told him that I thought he was being delusional, that he wasn't making sense to me and went to bed.
Several time between 9 and 3:30 I checked on him and kept reminding him to take his Olanzapine. By 3:30 he started asking for cigarettes and banging on walls. His bedroom wall is also my husband's bedroom wall (remember he has his own room for sleeping) and it was waking me up in my room. Once I gave him a cigarette then told him no because he will be out of cigarettes by noon if I gave him a pack them. 3:30 he stating he was going to make coffee...
Hubby was nice this morning and fed Gucci (our cat) so she wasn't doing her usual head-butting. I got to sleep in until 6 (if you can call being constantly woken up, sleeping in) when Michael came in and got me up asking for his cigarettes. I gave him a pack. As I'm walking down the stairs I'm noticing finger prints and smudges all over the walls. Same in his room even though I had washed the smudges off on Wednesday. Now two of his bedroom walls are full of them again. He says it's from him punching the walls and skin coming off. I did find his empty Olanzapine wrapper so I'm guessing he did finally take it sometime between 3:30 and 6.
As I was walking down the stairs he said that he wanted to talk to me about something. I'm pretty sure it's about either money or most likely marijuana as yesterday he told me that he hasn't been happy for over a year now so he should be able to smoke some now can we discuss it. No we cannot. No amount of sympathy gaining/manipulation is going to make me agree to marijuana. Anyways I just told him this morning that whatever it is he wants to talk about is going to have to wait because I just got up and I would like some coffee.
A little later he sits in the living room. He knows that his bothers me. He puts his feet on the coffee table, usually with shoes on (like this morning) and bounces his legs/feet. So the coffee table is making a racket, the floor is vibrating and I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee. After several times telling him to stop it he finally went to his room. Of course he is up there making a racket that he says he isn't.
I guess it's a combination of his ADHD and schizophrenia that when he gets a bit unstable he becomes very loud physically. He doesn't walk, he stomps. He doesn't sit, he drops/plunks onto furniture. He isn't gentle with anything that he touches or uses.
I guess that good thing I can try to take away from this is having a better idea of where his stability is at (or not at). If missing one dose of medications is going to have this affect than it's good to know. Although there is something else that I have been pondering and didn't mention. I guess it was two weekends ago when hubby and my son got their hair cut. Well while at the barber we ran into his 'friend' from across the hall at the old apartment. Hubby and I tried to keep an eye on them talking just in case there was an exchange of any type (marijuana). We didn't see anything and I have been trying not to over think it however he has been starting to slip since shortly after that. Combine this with some of the guilty behavior that I have been seeing like hiding his hands under the blanket when I walk into his room when he isn't smoking cigarettes, him stating yesterday that he must have been going through withdrawal or something... has me wondering. He has been keeping his hoodies on and it's not hot in here which used to be a red flag for him having stuff on him. I have checked them when I can and haven't found anything however that doesn't mean anything. Throw in Michael now asking me about letting him smoke it when that hasn't been brought up in a long time... Oh well.
*fingers crossed* that when/if his case worker from PACT drops off his medications today that his Invega has been upped. I'm not counting on it but it would be nice. Oh yeah... He missed group on Wednesday which sucks as it was strawberry picking.
On a good note, I might have a job! Talked to a lady yesterday and went over what the position is. Basically inside sales, from home. Something a little new to me although I do have some knowledgeable of the concept, requirements and expectations since I did work for a recruiting firm for over 9 years.
I did quit smoking on Sunday. So far, so good. Wednesday was a bit of a test ;). The patches are really helping so I'm rarely getting cravings. When I do then I also have lozenges which I'm using about 3 times a day. Like now :).
My goal today. Getting my son in the shower. It's been weeks and it's been a bit since I washed him. Also the last shower he did have, didn't help much. The big question: How to accomplish this?
Mom
BarbieBF
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