Saturday, December 20, 2014

I sound burnt out? Paranoia?

My son playing the Wii u was short lived... about 15 minutes or so. Then he was throwing air punches. I asked him what he was doing and he said dancing. I replied that I have been dancing for over 30 years and that was not dancing, it looked like sparring to me. He agreed. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him doing this within 5 feet of me so he went to his room. Shortly after he was lifting my husbands weights and I was somewhat shocked by what was coming out of his mouth. Something about inbred ignorants... I think I talked him through that stating that the circumstances of someone's birth shouldn't be held against them and that technically he was born a bastard... He should be sympathetic... Unfortunately the people we were talking about was obviously visual hallucinations.

Shortly after that his nurse called me back. His psychiatrist wants him to stay on Invega injection, he is not willing to give it every 3 weeks instead of 4 however he is upping the dose from 75 to 100 on his next dose. They will be discussing his case on Tuesday! So in the meantime we are supposed to be supplementing the fact that his Invega is NOT working enough with the Olanzapine. Honestly the whole conversation just pissed me off! I let her know that PACT is causing me to lose faith in them which apparently is fine as I don't have to trust them right just let his psychiatrist do his job. This partially in response to my questions/concerns about his serotonin being messed with too much. I seem to be the only one even looking at this and to date no one has been able to discuss or help me with my research into neurotransmitters. Have faith! Not likely. I let his nurse know what was happening and my feelings that we are seriously failing my son here. How can we expect him to keep insight or stay stable when we are not giving him what he needs. All I got in response was her agreeing with my concerns but not addressing them. Humoring me is not going to help my son. I asked on the forum if Olanzapine can cause aggression and it doesn't appear so unless in the context of withdrawal. I also fount out that the PRN dose that my son has been prescribed is actually the maximum dose for that medication. Not really reassuring. His nurse assured me that in her experience it doesn't cause aggression. It was more reassuring to hear it on the forum as these are the people taking and experiencing the affects of these medications.

About half way through this conversation I was told that I sound like I'm getting burnt out. I think I sounded mad and fed up. Honestly if they want me to trust them with my son and not be his psychiatrist then perhaps they need to show me that they can do the job. Sorry I know that I'm sounding harsh however I don't see any of them here, day to day, talking my son through delusional thinking or even helping him to understand what he is going through and experiencing. Telling me to not be his psychiatrist when he is mentally ill would be like telling any parent to not be cook, maid, teacher, therapist... You get my point. It goes with the territory. What am I supposed to say when he starts talking to me about entities? Call your psychiatrist. Talk to your treatment team about what they call voices and/or hallucinations. Ask them about dopamine and serotonin. I'm pretty sure he would believe me more at this point as very few on his treatment team have shown much practical understanding of what he is going through.

Basically I was left with the option to give or not give Olanzapine. To use my own judgement. I did give him one since the consensus on the forum was that it should knock out aggression and is giving in the ER setting for that reason. He said at first that it seemed to be helping but then later said that he felt depressed (hello serotonin blocker!) and today told me that it made him feel sick and he doesn't want me offering it anymore. I did end up giving him an supplement called 5-HTP which helps the body to produce serotonin and he said that he felt better after taking it. He wanted me to leave the bottle out... I said no that to much of it may cause mania. I let him know that the psychiatrist had left him on the Lithium in BC as he was worried about a mood component so he may be schizoaffective. My son asked what that was. It's schizophrenia with a mood component like depression. My son immediately said: Then I'm schizoaffective :) I also reminding him that he had missed his Trazodone the night before which might be further contributing to his low mood since it's supposed to increase serotonin. Honestly how am I supposed to not worry about or talk about dopamine and serotonin when the medications he is taking are having an affect on these neurotransmitters?! Wouldn't it be like not talking about the side affects of any medications and having blinders on to not try to understand? Would a doctor tell someone who is taking chemo to not worry about or talk about the fact that it is also killing the good cells and they may lose their hair or get sick? He did take his Trazodone last night and was sleeping at 12:30 and slept until 10:30.

 Maybe I should consider having him go back on the Clozapine/Clozaril as that only messes with his dopamine (if his psychiatrist will even agree now). As much as I'm not liking or he is not liking the Olanzapine it does seem to be helping to calm his voices/entities. It's just doing it with negative side affects and because of that he doesn't want to take it. *fingers crossed* that we get through until Tuesday or Monday if I need to harass the PACT Team :P

On a side note I know that technically the diagnoses is not the important part but treating symptoms is. Still if someone is schizoaffective instead of schizophrenia then certain medications can carry a higher risk of triggering mania as far as I know. Same with not acknowledging my son's ADHD symptoms. Attributing everything to schizophrenia is not going to help my son be on the right medications.

Paranoia... I can't say that I'm seeing a lot of warning signs however I am seeing some indications that it is there. Yesterday he asked me if he could have a weapon for when he goes outside to protect himself. I reminded him that the weapons he is looking for are considered to be illegal and that I don't think that he needs protection here were we live. I hate the fact that I'm constantly telling him that what he is experiencing is a symptom of schizophrenia however that is what I did, letting him know that paranoia can make him feel like he is not safe or that he needs protection.

On a lighter note. We went grocery shopping last night as my son asked to go rather then waiting until today as he has been asking most of the week for treats and I've been putting him until shopping day. I was on the phone with my daughter so I wasn't paying to much attention at the check out... We get home and my son is taking items out of the grocery bags that I had no idea he had picked up. Haha! He probably added $20-30 to the grocery bill... Hubby said he had noticed him doing it but didn't say thing :)

I'm off to continue to ignore or nicely reply with no to my son's fairly constant requests for marijuana...


No comments:

Post a Comment