Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Can you be my friend? Can I have...?

That was a short lived... Hubby and I went to get my son from the shelter that night after he called me asking to come home. He had called his Nana and she told him to call me, apologize and for him to come home, so he did. I was actually pleasantly surprised when I got to the shelter. It's a different one then the one he went to last time and a lot nicer! It is in an industrial area, therefore not a bad neighbourhood. The grounds were clean and even though I only went in a small ways, I could see a fairly big living area with lots of sofas, a TV and computers. It was decorated for Christmas. He said that the food was great as he had lunch and dinner there. The people that I did see hanging around were certainly a different type then what I say at the last shelter and for the better. Good to know in case we are ever in need of a shelter again that this one would definitely be the one to go to. I did ask him before we left if coming home was what he wanted as I wanted him to be aware that he was making a choice and I didn't want him to do it just because he was told to. He paused for a moment and said yes I want to come home.

I didn't talk to him much that night as by the time we got home it was after 8:30 so bed time for hubby and I. I did ask him if he was craving marijuana and he said yes but not bad. I asked if this whole shelter thing was so that he could find a way to use marijuana as honestly I'm still trying to figure all this out and what his motivation was. He said no. I asked if he could explain what it was then because I don't understand. His anger got the best of him. He was mad at me because I expected him to do what I asked without giving him a chance to do it. Hmm not quit accurate. When I ask him to do something several times with anywhere from 10-60 minutes in between asking... He also stated that I should be more lenient as his mom. I really can't be more lenient without treating him like he is 5 and has a physical disability that makes him incapable of moving. Anyways I'm done being lenient and I told him so. If he can act appropriately at a shelter, which he can, then he act appropriately at home by picking up after himself and being on a sensible sleep schedule. I'm so horrible aren't I? (sarcasm) We agreed on him being in bed by 12 and up by 10. Deja vu! as we have made that agreement before.

Yesterday I set up some alarms on his cell phone to go off when it's time for him to take his medications and when it's time to get up. Yesterday even though I started trying to get him up before 10, I had no luck until almost 11 when I stated that if he didn't get up he wouldn't get the internet back. He got up right away! Shortly after he got up I'm being asked if I'm his friend? Can I be his friend? I told him I will always be his mom first before I'm his friend. Next it was asking me if I would give our neighbour permission to give him marijuana. His idea of being a friend... He can think to plot out a conversation leading up to this type of manipulation but can't pick up his own garbage?!

The last two days have been mostly him asking for things. Money for the store. A trip for cigarettes even though he still has over a carton. A new pen with different colors from Staples. Netflix. I don't remember the other things. Recently I upgraded his World of Warcraft and paid for the monthly subscription and he's been playing Maple Story, a free online game! Speaking of, I need to cancel that subscription. I guess he is now already bored with the new Wii u. Actually I might play it once I'm done this post as I enjoyed one of the games I played while trying to set it up :) I swear I could give him the world on a silver platter and he would still ask for and expect something else. I know that he is having trouble and yesterday I tried to talk to him and explain that what he is feeling is a result of his schizophrenia not being under control. He wants marijuana and he wants me to agree to him having it as a way to deal with his anxiety and stress. I explained that if we do that then we are just treating part of the problem since masking his anxiety and stress is not managing or treating the schizophrenia that is causing it. I asked him how much brain damage he is willing to cause himself by taking this route, that this last break has done damage and it was obvious that it had, which he agreed. I will not agree to marijuana under any circumstances while he is living with me. If you ever need to wonder what motivates my son on occasion (frequently) to want to move, get away from me and this place... I'm pretty sure this is the main reason. Freedom. Freedom to spend his first paycheck (disability) as he calls it on marijuana and get as high as he can with no one to stop him or interfere.

Last night another conversation regarding the fact that he wants/needs more money and this world is messed up if people have to work to get what they want and aren't going to hand him whatever he wants. He wanted me to agree to not take my portion of his next two disability payments. I don't think so. I'm already supporting him with no income and paying for his medications. The bank is closed :) Then it was that he may move back to British Columbia. I didn't even comment or respond to that one. Really what's the point. Nothing I say or do at the moment will be good enough unless it's to give him whatever he wants and to pat him on the head while I walk around behind him picking up his messes and putting him to bed which I did last night at 1.

This morning he actually got up when his alarm went off at 10. He had asked my husband last night if he could take him for a drive today and that was the first thing he asked when got up. Amazing how well his memory works isn't it? ;) Yet it took me 3 or 4 times of asking to get him to pick up his garbage off the coffee table from last night and clean up the mess he made on the kitchen counter. I keep reminding myself to keep my cool and try my best to ignore this type of behaviour as if I ask him to do something and don't turn away or expect him to do it right away, he will purposely sit down and not do it. I'm serious lol I have watched as I sometimes ask him while his already standing up and standing beside the garbage. He will sit down and say: ya ok, in a minute... 15 minutes later when I start to ask again, he cuts me off before I can even get the words out. Tell me that's not defiance at it's best! I remind him that according to him he doesn't do it because I do it and I'm not picking up after him anymore so therefore he needs to be the one doing it.

It's frustrating that he keeps using me being mom as the reason why he doesn't want to do anything yet expects me to give him the freedom of a 20 year old while expecting me to treat him like he is 5. I'm not stopping him from taking this freedom. I spent about 2-3 hours this morning printing and filling out housing forms and applications. Covering a range of services including group homes, shared living and geared to income apartments. He thinks because his Nana got an apartment for $300 then he should be able to as well. I tried to explain that these types of services are 30% of your income not a set dollar amount and he will need to pay for groceries, utilities himself. He wants me doing it and not his case worker from PACT even though I explained that these forms are by referral from professionals, which I am not. So ya back to being defiant about accepting PACT's help. Probably because I told him that I want him interacting with them more even if it's only to go for a coffee and talk. I really do sometimes think that doing something that I want him to do without it being a fight or hassle just might kill him :) I filled out what I could for the forms and left the professional parts blank for his case worker. I was pretty truthful on the forms and I'm hoping it doesn't have a negative result as there was questions regarding violence (verbal & physical) and a history of property damage. Unfortunately the answers are yes.

I'm off to play some Wii...


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