I don't usually use words like stupid or idiot but sometimes...
Friday night my son decides to bike to the liquor store. He didn't even have to ask how to get there. Amazing what he can do when he wants to do it. Hubby and I made it very clear, no alcohol in the house or on the property. Obviously that went in one ear and out the other. First he hid it behind something that is part of the complexes property. After finding one bottle in his room last night, I found another bottle under my back steps this morning. I threw it out. Last night it's how unfair it is that he can't drink here. Really?! How unfair is it to me and my husband to have alcohol in the home when we have fought to become alcohol free and sober? For some who likes to throw around the respect word, he has little to know understanding of it. His soul is 11 trillion years old... A soul that old should have better common sense shouldn't it?
This morning he is asking for my help on looking up places to live on Kijiji (online classifieds). Thank you to the person that gave him that bright idea. He is looking up places in a different city that is part of a different district and therefore a whole different treatment team. But what does he care? He doesn't because his only concern is the ability to drink and smoke marijuana. And smoke in his room as now that's unfair too that he can't.
I was out this morning/afternoon when he got up and when I got home I got him his medications. I asked him who would make sure he takes his pills when he is living on his own? A little while ago he asked me what is for dinner. I don't know... Is it just me that sees this glaring, dare I say stupid opinion that he can live on his own?
Lets move on to hubby... Today he went and got the 3rd cable box since we have moved into the townhouse. Apparently the fact that we are not getting APTN and YTV is of grave concerns to someone. I assure you it's not me because I can do without cable. Between my son who we had already butted heads over this morning and my hormones, I decided staying home while hubby went out was the best option. I'm packing up the cable box and he tells me to pack up the remote too as they were giving us another box. Earlier he had told me that were giving him an older box as they seem to be more reliable. I tell him that the remote works with both boxes as we didn't exchange it last time. Apparently I don't listen. I didn't clarify that the remote is a universal remote... What was the point. He was to busy trying to tell me how he was getting a Motorola box. Ok... Off he goes.
He comes back to say that he didn't need to get a new remote (ahem) but they gave him one anyways. Great. You are sinking it to the TV since the old remote already was. Well you didn't tell me about that... No apparently I was to busy not listening...
There are some days where I truly want to lose it, just a little bit. I almost went with hubby, not because I wanted to but because I knew he wanted me to. Also if I don't handle saying no to going in a 'nice' way then he gets upset. I actually had my coat on... Then stopped myself thinking what the heck? Tough if everyone else is not ok because I'm not ok. Guess what? I'm not ok right now.
My son has barely been back home a week and already the 'honeymoon' phase is pretty much over. I want... I deserve... What rules? Promises and agreements?
I was hoping that I would be able to stay on the lowest dose of Venlafaxine... Will see. Guess what is due today which certainly isn't helping. Today I had a hot-flash combined I guess with not eating enough on the Venlafaxine which had me feeling like crap. Before I started using tinctures and supplements for my menstrual/menopause symptoms, my cycles were getting pretty tough. However for the past 2 years they have been really good. If today is an indication then I guess it's time to up the tinctures and supplements.
I sometimes think that I don't need the whole 'knight in shining armor on a white horse' routine BUT maybe a Page? A knight in training? Someone that could put aside their own feelings, issues or whatnot and be my pillar for a change. Don't get me wrong. I love my hubby and he has his good points. Unfortunately one of them is not the ability to handle my emotions.
Someday's I can't believe how alone I can feel. Just me, sitting here trying to figure out how to stop my son from running off that cliff. I see him running for it and I can't stop him. Addiction, schizophrenia... Whatever. Today my word is stupidity and I'm sticking with it...
Mom
BarbieBF
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