Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Define Odd

I have used the word odd a couple of times today and after the last time, I thought to myself: What does odd mean? Well... for me it means things that make you go hmm... I won't say things that aren't normal as our normal is odd ;) So things that stand out for me within our 'normal'.

At 9 AM this morning I was thinking about titling this blog post: Sadly I know where my child is... And it was standing outside the liquor store waiting for it to open since he got his disability money today. He returned stating that they didn't open until 10 AM so he got munchies instead. I did check the times online and they open at 10. Now it's 12 and he has not gone back out. Yes this is odd... or red flag material. He was awake 30 minutes ago. So what changed? He was awake this morning at 5:30 when I got up, most likely counting down the time to when he could get to the liquor store. He was at the liquor store for 9. Now it's 12...

Could he have gotten a hold of marijuana instead? A distinct possibility. He hasn't been down for a cigarette in a bit either. Awake, not smoking, just lying there... usually not good signs. He was playing one of his games this morning before he went out. Of course I could be over-thinking... I doubt it though.

I guess it was Friday that my son asked me for $3 to go to the store for candy. I was busy paying bills and not really thinking and gave him the $3. He left on his bike. He doesn't need his bike to go get candy since we have a corner store almost attached to the the town-home complex. Between that $3 and other change he had been collecting he went and got a mickey (small bottle) of vodka.

I can say that I was pissed. Of all the things that one can say or do that I will tolerate, lying is the one thing that will get me madder then anything else. I didn't say much just let him know that I was pissed off. He said that he deserved to get the alcohol. I deserve to not be lied to!

Hubby and I left to take Gucci to the vet. She got her booster and a clean bill of health. Her sneezing is fairly common and nothing to worry about unless it gets worse. It has been getting better as she settles in. Apparently stress can trigger it. Who knew? Got her a toothbrush and poultry flavored enzymatic toothpaste as she had some plaque on her back teeth. So ya I'm learning how to brush a cats teeth ;)

I don't know if it was Friday or Saturday night but my son decided he really wanted a PRN which means a benzo. It must have been Saturday as I think he was craving alcohol pretty bad. He asked me to take him to the hospital. I actually said no that I wasn't spending 6-12 hours in emergency because he was going through withdrawals and they won't give him a benzo anyways. They will most likely give him more Olanzapine and he is already taking the max dose of that. I know this may sound harsh however it's not the first time he has done this to get a benzo and it probably won't be the last. He started getting mad and told me I had no idea what he was going through... My cue to leave the room which I did. A little while later he comes downstairs and watches TV with us. Then really nicely asks me if I will go to the store and get him some NyQuil. *high five* for trying... I told him no that I know he only wants it for the alcohol content which effectively ended that conversation.

A little note: If you know someone recovering from or trying to get sober. Keep them away from cough syrups etc that contain alcohol. If you know someone recovering from or trying to get clean from drugs. Be careful of over the counter cold medications. As far as I know crystal meth/speed is made from the same active ingredient. These things can be an instant trigger for relapse without the person even being aware that they have put themselves in that situation.

I tried to get a little creative on Sunday. Decided to take some pictures so that I could make some picture posts for my Facebook page. A couple of hours later, looked at them on the computer... They were all date stamped with 2007/01/01. Hopefully I can crop that off of most of them.

Sunday night my son randomly asked me about tetanus shots. He said that his robot had injected him with one...

This caused me to start thinking about his Citalopram/Celexa as for some reason I thought his last bottle of vodka was on Tuesday instead of Friday so it shouldn't be still affecting his psychosis. He is downing these mickeys or 375 ml bottles of vodka or rum like Kool-Aid. Either way the antidepressant doesn't appear to be doing him any good and in fact may be hindering his recovery as it can do for some people diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. So as of yesterday I have cut his dose in half from 20 mg to 10 mg.

His nurse was here yesterday and I discussed this with her. She acknowledged that it was possible and said she would let his psychiatrist and team know that I was doing this. I would stop it completely however I don't want him experiencing withdrawal or negative side affects from coming off it cold turkey as can happen with these medications.

Yesterday afternoon my son tells me that he is: Seemingly having a really good day. I responded that that was good and I was happy for him. Shortly after I paused... How many times has he done this for me to find out that the reason he is having a 'good day' is because he has abused a medication or is using when I didn't know it. I counted my Venlafaxine. They are all there.

I'm still worried though. We have been very careful to not say Adderall in front of my son. My hubby is on this for his ADHD and if you recall it triggered my son's psychosis in July last year. We usually refer to it as my hubby's ADHD med... Well the other I let it slip and my son was in the car with us... Can I trust my son to not get into them? Unfortunately I can't. My hubby did have them stashed in the car just in case and I said he was overreacting... Maybe he's not. Just in case I should count them I guess.

My son has been having a lot of baths since he's been back home. I think part of this is for 'private time' as I have caught him several times now. Why am I catching him? Because he is not closing the bathroom door. Same with yesterday I went to go upstairs and he is in his room masturbating with the door open. Not the first time. I'm being cautioned to not go upstairs in my own home because he is masturbating! I have heard that tactile hallucinations can fuel this so I'm not sure if that is what this is or just my son being hormonal. Either is possible. Regardless it needs to be addressed somehow. He can masturbate all he wants but he really needs to learn consideration and how to do it privately. As well as follow up hygiene.

It's 2 PM now and he just left for the 'store'... *sigh*

Going to see what I can do with those pictures I took and try not to over-think what the next week is going to be like.


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