Thursday, March 26, 2015

Spring... waiting... waiting...

I was doing my thing on the internet, looked outside and it was snowing! Yuk!

For the past couple of weeks my son keeps asking about camping or going to the park for a picnic. One I'm not camping when it's still going below zero at night and two I'm not picnicking if I need to wear gloves ;) I reminded him that just because he doesn't feel the cold it doesn't mean I don't. Hopefully soon we can start going for picnics again. That is if spring ever actually gets here.

I noticed something today when I was getting dressed. I went down a belt size... Hubby keeps saying how I'm too skinny. It's hard to look at myself objectively that way as for me I'm seeing that I can fit into cloths that used to be tight... He wants to be at my next doctor appointment. I think I'm just eating better. In fact I have had to add eating something for breakfast so that I can take my Venlafaxine. So I eat a bowl of Special K now. For lunch it's usually my crackers with brie cheese, a pepperoni, snap peas and a handful of almonds. Sometimes a mandarin orange. Plus a good dinner. I'm eating less and less junk food. Sometimes just a tiny dish of something while watching our TV shows. So seriously I don't think it's anything to worry about but I will have the doctor check my weight the next time we are there. We don't own a scale so I have no idea what I weight. Also we just did my blood work in February and all was good.

I decided to let my grey hair grow in. I know, big step! I'm tired of having hubby dye it. I'm about 40-50% grey now it seems. I did have hubby highlight it the other day. That was fun! It took him about 2 hours to pull it through the cap. So fingers crossed on what it will look like in a couple of months ;)

Yesterday I heard my son on the phone and asked who he was talking to. He was talking to the bank and updating his information. I asked why? He was seeing if someone could lend him some money. At first I was confused. You asked the bank to lend you money? No I'm trying to get Nana to. Ahh... He wanted $7 for a bottle of alcohol. I think he is still trying since I think he called her today. He will have his disability soon enough to spend on alcohol, unfortunately.

I did talk to him a bit yesterday about alcohol and being unhappy. I even went so far as to talk to him about what some are capable of when their schizophrenia is not being managed properly. He thought it was funny when I told him about someone who is currently in the news for decapitating someone on transit due to psychosis. Inappropriate emotional response... because honestly there is nothing funny about what untreated psychosis can do. And sadly him even drinking alcohol can cancel out the affect of his antipsychotics.

I talked about how addiction is a self-absorbing disease. He agreed that he was self-absorbed and didn't care about anyone except himself. I don't believe that... I do believe that due to addiction and schizophrenia he is not in touch with his emotions however it does not have to be like that. Yes in order to feel love that means that you will also feel pain. That's ok. It's worth it to feel love. And I know that he does feel love. I do see it when he is cuddling with the cat. I feel it when he hugs me back. He is just a little lost in what schizophrenia is taking away from him and what addiction keeps interfering with. Recovery is possible if he would just give it a chance and stop trying to hide from life.

He spoke about gateways... He meant gateways into his world. I told him there was a gateway downstairs that if he opened the door could lead to him seeing a beautiful world. But he has to go out there and take it.

He was supposed to go to group yesterday but that fell through. They are still understaffed. They are looking into getting him into the Monday groups that go to the YMCA. He is fairly open to this one which is good so hopefully soon.

ADAPT called today and his appointment is now on April 9. It was a cute conversation. No I don't think I need it but my mom is saying I have to. I just drink and I don't want to stop. Yes I have schizophrenia. I'm with PACT. Yes my mom will be with me...

Sadly we can't find his teddy. It's a little white baby rabbit... He has had it since he was a boy. I think it's the baby to a mommy and baby Easter gift to me from the kids (Dad) when they were small. He had it at the shelter and we both thought that he had it here at the new place but I can't find it. I called the shelter this morning to see if they still had it. Long shot I know but I wanted to try. The lady I blogged about before answered the phone. She remember my son and me and asked how he was doing. She even remembered me bringing him the teddy. She went to look for me but it's not there.

Yesterday evening we went and got him 4 new teddies. A multicolored caterpillar, a turtle, an Easter bunny that looked kinda like an old man and a little grumpy cat that he said looks like one of his voices. I also gave him a teddy that I have held on to that says I love mom. One he (Dad) gave me.

Earlier in the week he asked me about the fact that I'm going to be getting $700 from disability instead of $600 that I had told him I would agree to. My first thought when he brought it up was: Now you want to talk about what we agreed to? It's not important to him when he isn't doing what he agreed to ;) I just told him I'm not giving him extra money for alcohol. Today he was asking to go to the store for oil and onion rings... I let him know that I have been starting to keep receipts on his 'extras' because he needs to start understanding money management if he has it in his head he can afford to live on his own with his spending habits. For the past two weeks I (hubby) has spent over $150 on him. Not counting McDonald's, Timmies or the Chinese food he wanted the other night. I told him today the next time he wants to ask about the other $100 he won't be getting... Here are the receipts.

I have to go... Hubby has his doctor appointment today and is on his way home and I have to see my chiropractor.


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