I wanted to take a minute and let you know that I have decided to take a break from blogging.
I love blogging however my blog has turned into an unhealthy form of communication between myself and someone else. What I blog or say gets misinterpreted and misunderstood on a very big scale.
It has also lost it's ability to be a form of my own expression as I no longer have the freedom to express myself without monitoring everything I say.
Things that I blog that are completely without blame or consequence and isn't meant to verbally attack in any way, gets taken that way.
Why should I care? Well because it's my children's family.
I try really hard to keep my daughter out of being in the middle of a tough enough situation yet she is constantly being pulled in. I'm sure my blog has become a source of contention for her as well as she is constantly having to read it when she doesn't want to, to defend me or fix the misunderstanding.
For now I am stepping back.
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Friday, August 14, 2015
A BS Interpreter needed. #9
I think I need one. A Bullshit Interpreter. Someone who can translate for me some of the BS...
What can I say. Sometimes dealing with 'professionals' can really get my dander up (piss me off).
Sunday Michael was involuntarily admitted to hospital. This would be his 9th involuntary admittance. It's the best place for him right now. I have seen him a couple of times. He is doing ok actually however he is actively hallucinating if you know the signs. Yesterday I got him into some clean cloths and had him put on some deodorant. I looked at the paper by his bed and he is on his second form until the 25th. He doesn't understand the reason: Serious bodily harm to oneself. As best I could I explained that when he isn't thinking clearly he is physically at risk of hurting himself. He said the problem was the sun, that is was damaging him...
Turns out I was right about the marijuana. He did admit to having some plus I found the pipe in his backpack. On Tuesday when we saw him, I asked him if I could have his backpack for a minute. He asked why and I said I wanted to snoop through it. Really I wanted it to clean out all the garbage but I thought it was cute when he handed it over. Whether he realizes it or not I take that as I sign that he does when it comes right down to it, trust me. It was over half full of garbage, a days worth of missed medications and of course his pipe. All went in the garbage.
I let him know that depending on what happens that I want to get power of attorney. He said that he would rather I didn't do that. I would rather not do it either however he keeps doing things that puts himself in these situations.
One nurse commented that she was shocked at the change in my son when he was around me. I guess he was pretty out of it before I visited. Yes my son can pull it together when he needs to. I think he wanted me to see how well he was doing so that I could get him smoking privileges. He did get them the next day.
When my son was first admitted and his nurse called me, he spoke of a family meeting. I hadn't heard anything about one since that so I brought it up to his nurse last night. So far his nurses have been really nice. She told me to call in the morning so that I could get the doctor as that's when they do their rounds. If anyone has had to call a hospital for a loved one I'm sure you have heard some of these. If you call in the morning it's: We are in the middle of shift change, call back in an hour. You call back in an hour and it's various responses that pretty much end with: Call back tonight. You call at night and it's: Call in the morning when the doctor is here.
So this morning I thought ok let's wait until after 8 and shift change... I call and ask if the doctor has seen my son yet that I would like to talk to him. Her reply was: It's only 8:30. Yes I was told to call in the morning, what time does the doctor normally get there to do his rounds? Before 10 and that I should call back in a couple of hours.
Hello BS Interpreter. I really need your help here...
I did request that a note be left for his doctor to call me. She said she would 'put it on the board'.
I could also use a BS Interpreter for when I get quoted privacy laws. Have you ever asked anyone who is quoting them if they have ever read them? I have and the answer was no. Guess what? I have read them. One person at the shelter quoted them at me, with my son right beside me, telling me that she couldn't tell me if he was there or not. This topic deserves it's own post and eventually I will get around to writing a good one that I'm probably going to submit to the local newspapers.
I will say this though: To anyone who is going to quote me privacy laws. Please read them first because I have and all you appear to be doing to me is protecting your own right to do less work or even use a little common sense.
I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! I'm off to get my day started.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
What can I say. Sometimes dealing with 'professionals' can really get my dander up (piss me off).
Sunday Michael was involuntarily admitted to hospital. This would be his 9th involuntary admittance. It's the best place for him right now. I have seen him a couple of times. He is doing ok actually however he is actively hallucinating if you know the signs. Yesterday I got him into some clean cloths and had him put on some deodorant. I looked at the paper by his bed and he is on his second form until the 25th. He doesn't understand the reason: Serious bodily harm to oneself. As best I could I explained that when he isn't thinking clearly he is physically at risk of hurting himself. He said the problem was the sun, that is was damaging him...
Turns out I was right about the marijuana. He did admit to having some plus I found the pipe in his backpack. On Tuesday when we saw him, I asked him if I could have his backpack for a minute. He asked why and I said I wanted to snoop through it. Really I wanted it to clean out all the garbage but I thought it was cute when he handed it over. Whether he realizes it or not I take that as I sign that he does when it comes right down to it, trust me. It was over half full of garbage, a days worth of missed medications and of course his pipe. All went in the garbage.
I let him know that depending on what happens that I want to get power of attorney. He said that he would rather I didn't do that. I would rather not do it either however he keeps doing things that puts himself in these situations.
One nurse commented that she was shocked at the change in my son when he was around me. I guess he was pretty out of it before I visited. Yes my son can pull it together when he needs to. I think he wanted me to see how well he was doing so that I could get him smoking privileges. He did get them the next day.
When my son was first admitted and his nurse called me, he spoke of a family meeting. I hadn't heard anything about one since that so I brought it up to his nurse last night. So far his nurses have been really nice. She told me to call in the morning so that I could get the doctor as that's when they do their rounds. If anyone has had to call a hospital for a loved one I'm sure you have heard some of these. If you call in the morning it's: We are in the middle of shift change, call back in an hour. You call back in an hour and it's various responses that pretty much end with: Call back tonight. You call at night and it's: Call in the morning when the doctor is here.
So this morning I thought ok let's wait until after 8 and shift change... I call and ask if the doctor has seen my son yet that I would like to talk to him. Her reply was: It's only 8:30. Yes I was told to call in the morning, what time does the doctor normally get there to do his rounds? Before 10 and that I should call back in a couple of hours.
Hello BS Interpreter. I really need your help here...
I did request that a note be left for his doctor to call me. She said she would 'put it on the board'.
I could also use a BS Interpreter for when I get quoted privacy laws. Have you ever asked anyone who is quoting them if they have ever read them? I have and the answer was no. Guess what? I have read them. One person at the shelter quoted them at me, with my son right beside me, telling me that she couldn't tell me if he was there or not. This topic deserves it's own post and eventually I will get around to writing a good one that I'm probably going to submit to the local newspapers.
I will say this though: To anyone who is going to quote me privacy laws. Please read them first because I have and all you appear to be doing to me is protecting your own right to do less work or even use a little common sense.
I hope everyone has an awesome weekend! I'm off to get my day started.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Not in a good mood.
I just got off the phone with Michael and his answer for not wanting to talk to me is that he is not in a good mood right now. No I guess not. He has not been in a good mood for awhile. The roller coaster ride of feeding your addiction then going through withdrawal is enough to put one in a bad mood. He may not be able to see that right now but for those of us on the outside looking in, shouldn't that be enough of a reason to push for addiction treatment instead of thinking that using in any amount is ok?
I called the shelter this morning to find out how he was doing. I have spoken about the lady from the shelter before that talks to me openly about my son. She seems to understand where I'm coming from and genuinely wants to help my son. She told me that she told PACT that his mother is tired, needs a break and she sees how I'm there for him and that I love him. I keep thinking I need to get her a box of chocolates or something.
He did have a shower and get cleaned up! She said I would have been proud to see him. The shelter didn't make this happen however she did push PACT to be pro-active and get more involved that my son needed them. If they didn't help the shelter would have to find somewhere else for him to go as he couldn't stay there like he was. So his nurse stepped in and helped him get cleaned up and do his laundry.
This is what needs to happen. This is why I try to step out of the picture if I can. So that my son can start to learn to lean on, trust and interact with his treatment team. As well-meaning as even my own intentions are, my love or want to help, can interfere with my son seeking the right kind of support.
When I got my son's cigarettes, we kept one carton in the car so that he wouldn't go through them too quickly. He wants the other carton now so I will get hubby to drop them off on the way home tonight and he also wants a coffee ;). Michael asked if we could take him out for dinner or something. Tomorrow is my day off and hopefully if hubby isn't working then maybe I will see about putting a picnic together and spending some time at a park. I know my son likes that as does hubby.
I think he is back taking at least some of his medications. He said he forgot last night so I told him to go ask for them once he got off the phone.
I will leave it at that for today...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I called the shelter this morning to find out how he was doing. I have spoken about the lady from the shelter before that talks to me openly about my son. She seems to understand where I'm coming from and genuinely wants to help my son. She told me that she told PACT that his mother is tired, needs a break and she sees how I'm there for him and that I love him. I keep thinking I need to get her a box of chocolates or something.
He did have a shower and get cleaned up! She said I would have been proud to see him. The shelter didn't make this happen however she did push PACT to be pro-active and get more involved that my son needed them. If they didn't help the shelter would have to find somewhere else for him to go as he couldn't stay there like he was. So his nurse stepped in and helped him get cleaned up and do his laundry.
This is what needs to happen. This is why I try to step out of the picture if I can. So that my son can start to learn to lean on, trust and interact with his treatment team. As well-meaning as even my own intentions are, my love or want to help, can interfere with my son seeking the right kind of support.
When I got my son's cigarettes, we kept one carton in the car so that he wouldn't go through them too quickly. He wants the other carton now so I will get hubby to drop them off on the way home tonight and he also wants a coffee ;). Michael asked if we could take him out for dinner or something. Tomorrow is my day off and hopefully if hubby isn't working then maybe I will see about putting a picnic together and spending some time at a park. I know my son likes that as does hubby.
I think he is back taking at least some of his medications. He said he forgot last night so I told him to go ask for them once he got off the phone.
I will leave it at that for today...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Why yes, I'm ecstatic!
Sarcasm!
Forewarned this post may be a bit if a rant.
I saw my son yesterday. He's a mess. He has obviously been in the same cloths for a long time. He hasn't showered or even washed that I can tell. He hasn't been taking his medications. I'm pretty sure he has been smoking marijuana.
Hubby and I picked him up to take him and get cigarettes. First we had to go to the bank so that I could transfer him his $314 that I owed him from disability. The whole time we were with him he was clenching his fist with all of his strength. I knew when I saw this that he wasn't taking his medications. At one point hubby said he asked my son why he was doing this and my son replied that he was trying to make his body work right. His brain isn't working right so his body isn't going to. He ended up giving me his bank card so that I could buy the smokes for him because he couldn't 'catch his breath' to get out of the car and do it himself.
I told my son that once we got back to the shelter I was going to go in with him so he could get his medications and put on some clean cloths. He said ok. As soon as we walked in to the shelter... Hello ODD. His defiance came out of nowhere. He didn't want his medications. One of the staff said they have been talking to him about showering etc however he 'bolts' or leaves the shelter.
Hubby and I have been talking about what to do. So far we haven't come up with any solid answers. I try not to get pissy with him when he asks me what I'm going to do. But seriously, if I had the answers I would be doing it. I don't have them... I don't know what to do.
I know how much I wanted to grab my son's stuff and bring him home.
Here's the catch. I'm a recovered addict. If I want to stay a recovered addict then one thing that I need to be able to do is think things through to the end. One of the problems with being an addict is that the mind only wants to see the good parts of using. Not the negative consequences and as long as one can keep blocking out those memories then one can keep pretending that using is ok.
I forget the exact wording of what was said during an ADAPT meeting but something along the lines of: An addict will not change until the pain of using is worse then the pain of not using.
I can bring him home. He has over $300 in his bank account. He is unstable and defiant. He believes he should be able to smoke and drink in his room. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where that scenario is most likely going.
I had already said to my husband that I need to bring him home if I can put some things in place. Before I left I tried to talk to my son. I wasn't expecting it to be an in-depth conversation considering his mental state. I got worse then I was expecting. I went to crouch/sit beside him and he got mad and told me to stand up and talk to him. I don't know why he gets like this with me. I mean the not wanting me to talk to him on his level. It just goes against everything that I have read on how to talk to someone experiencing psychosis. Especially since he gets so defiant with me being the main disciplinary. Yet he still gets mad, doesn't want me on his level and wants me to take the authoritative stance. The only thing I can reason is that somewhere in his head is a recognition that he actually needs someone to take on the role of authority for him. But then his ODD gets in the way...
I asked him if he remembered talking to his Nana about not going out there. Yes. I told him that I want to take him home however I can't if he has control over his money to buy alcohol because alcohol is killing him. I want power of attorney. He refused.
A couple of days ago I received a message from his grandmother stating that she had told him no to him coming there and she hoped that made everyone happy. Needless to say I didn't respond. The sarcastic side of me wanted to answer with: Why yes, I'm ecstatic. Thank you! I figured not answering was the better option.
My daughter calls to find out if I got the message and to include the side-note that obviously Nana didn't really mean it and that she would step in and take him if she felt it was necessary.
As far as I know that plans are/were to have my son go directly into a shelter out there. So switching one shelter for another? Then I guess work on getting him into his own place since this is what he wants. Well it's what he says he wants. He knows full well that once he gets there he can say no to any form of assisted living and that if he does that then he will end up with Nana. The ideal situation for him. He doesn't have to care about anyone except himself. He doesn't have to try to be sober and stable. To be blunt, he doesn't have to try period. He will get his pat on the head while someone else cleans up after him and protects him from himself.
The rant. Can you see my son living on his own?! He can't even keep himself stable when he is living somewhere that is feeding him and providing him with basic amenities. Yet that is what him and his grandmother seem to be concocting between the two of them. Unless he is telling her that he will go into a group home out there. If that is the case and it is being believed I can only shake my head some more.
My son, in my opinion, needs several basic things. Mainly he needs long-term treatment for addiction. By long-term I'm thinking 3-6 months to start. He needs help from non-family, so he can't use and manipulate them, to help him become stable, stay stable and learn to mature and grow up. Until he gets these things. Everything else is just prolonging everyone's suffering, including and especially his own.
My son isn't stupid by no means. When I had the police take him, one of them went with him to his room to collect his things. My son was very drunk. Not as drunk as I thought. He made sure to disconnect, unplug and turn off the laptop so that I couldn't have access to it. Before leaving he wanted my phone to call his Nana. I know some may think: Well yes she is the one he knows will support him. Hmm. The one that will support him or enable him. There is a big difference.
Honestly he has support coming out his.... ;) Agencies and people just waiting for him to give the go ahead and they will be right there. PACT has peer support, group support and vocational (job) support. ADAPT has addiction support. Applications have been started for housing. He has an open file at the YMCA for free schooling at his own pace. My son is 21 and says no thank you...
He also has me and my husband. Apparently I expect too much. Expecting Michael to follow basic rules that a 5 year old can follow, clean up after himself, treat me with respect, not be violent, try to be medication compliant and engage is addiction services is apparently too much for him. How do you respond to that? Seriously if he is that bad off then he really should be in the hospital with 24/7 care not traipsing on a plane across the country!
Where we are at now is not new. He has been here before. He has played the system, played and manipulated emotions until he got what he wanted. Freedom from responsibility, stability or sobriety.
Do you think he doesn't know that if he doesn't participate in recovery plans here that in time he will get what he wants? Of course he does. Like I said he isn't stupid.
Something I had too look at and acknowledge was/is that his masturbation episodes are tied into his alcohol use and not his schizophrenia so yes it is more behavioral. I didn't know until I found out about him calling dial-a-bottle that he was during the time of his masturbating frequently and in public, drinking almost a bottle of alcohol a day. I also found out that one of the ladies at the shelter caught him doing this in public and had to talk to him about it. I didn't tell her that I knew that he had purchased a bottle of alcohol since being there. Just like I didn't tell them that I'm pretty sure he probably has marijuana on him. Maybe that is why he bolts when expected to shower and change cloths? He keeps his jacket on and close to him when he is hiding stuff.
There is also the distinct possibility that if he gets himself kicked out of there then in steps his safety net. I may not be actively stopping this from happening however I'm certainly not going to help it happen.
Of all the blogs that I read. Jagged Little Edges is without a doubt one of my favorites. Lorelie doesn't hold any punches on what addiction is and the truth of it's ugliness is spelled out in black and white. Lorelie's last blog post: Loving An Addict Means Saying No.
A lot of Lorelie's posts are also highlighted on: Addiction Campuses
I know there are a lot of families who struggle with concurrent disorders of addiction and mental illness. I only speak for what I see with my son. He doesn't use to self-medicate symptoms. He uses/drinks to feed/satisfy his addictions. It's doing this that triggers his schizophrenia and causes the rebound affect. Also my son doesn't want to medication his symptoms. He very much enjoys his psychosis when he is in it. Probably another reason why he didn't want to take his medications yesterday. Why mess with his high? I have been around addiction enough to recognize that mind-set. I have been there. Don't eat too much before doing this drug or you will lessen the high...
I did tell the lady at the shelter that my son was psychotic and needed his medications so hopefully they were a little more attentive last night about 'reminding him' to take them. It's not a part of their duties and they get busy. Not sure I buy that. The other shelter had less staff and they did more. They followed up on medications. They searched more for drugs etc. being brought in. I know because I watched them do it. Too bad it was in such a horrible neighborhood. I have yet to see this shelter search anyone including my son. The lady asked what the signs were of my son's psychosis. To me it's obvious but I'm mom and have looked at his face for signs for years now. I asked if she knew what high looks like? What extreme exhaustion looks like? Combine them and you have my son's current face. Again I left out that he was most likely high... Really in the end it was the psychosis I'm trying to nip in the butt before something negative happens and high or not high he would still look pretty much the same from psychosis.
My appointment with ADAPT last week got rescheduled to the 18th of August. Today is a civic holiday here in Ontario, Canada so I'm not working! Hubby is :(. My work schedule has changed. Now I'm 12-6:30 Mon-Fri and I think 10:30-2 on Sunday. So 6 days a week and more hours. I may see if I can switch from Sunday to Saturday as Sunday is the one day I can pretty much count on hubby not working. The hours are being split between me and another lady. I got paid! I needed it to help cover rent due to what I had to give to Michael. I got my hair cut yesterday. Pretty short. I guess it's a bob? shorter at the back and long around the face. It feels good. I haven't had a cigarette in 6 weeks! I'm not sure how long it's been for hubby. I think 3 weeks. My homemade protein bars were a hit. We both like them. Have to make more today. I may even get back on my stepper today and do some exercise.
The above things make me happy. Certainly not the situation that my son is in or the fact that I have to fight so hard to try and get him the treatment that he needs.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Forewarned this post may be a bit if a rant.
I saw my son yesterday. He's a mess. He has obviously been in the same cloths for a long time. He hasn't showered or even washed that I can tell. He hasn't been taking his medications. I'm pretty sure he has been smoking marijuana.
Hubby and I picked him up to take him and get cigarettes. First we had to go to the bank so that I could transfer him his $314 that I owed him from disability. The whole time we were with him he was clenching his fist with all of his strength. I knew when I saw this that he wasn't taking his medications. At one point hubby said he asked my son why he was doing this and my son replied that he was trying to make his body work right. His brain isn't working right so his body isn't going to. He ended up giving me his bank card so that I could buy the smokes for him because he couldn't 'catch his breath' to get out of the car and do it himself.
I told my son that once we got back to the shelter I was going to go in with him so he could get his medications and put on some clean cloths. He said ok. As soon as we walked in to the shelter... Hello ODD. His defiance came out of nowhere. He didn't want his medications. One of the staff said they have been talking to him about showering etc however he 'bolts' or leaves the shelter.
Hubby and I have been talking about what to do. So far we haven't come up with any solid answers. I try not to get pissy with him when he asks me what I'm going to do. But seriously, if I had the answers I would be doing it. I don't have them... I don't know what to do.
I know how much I wanted to grab my son's stuff and bring him home.
Here's the catch. I'm a recovered addict. If I want to stay a recovered addict then one thing that I need to be able to do is think things through to the end. One of the problems with being an addict is that the mind only wants to see the good parts of using. Not the negative consequences and as long as one can keep blocking out those memories then one can keep pretending that using is ok.
I forget the exact wording of what was said during an ADAPT meeting but something along the lines of: An addict will not change until the pain of using is worse then the pain of not using.
I can bring him home. He has over $300 in his bank account. He is unstable and defiant. He believes he should be able to smoke and drink in his room. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where that scenario is most likely going.
I had already said to my husband that I need to bring him home if I can put some things in place. Before I left I tried to talk to my son. I wasn't expecting it to be an in-depth conversation considering his mental state. I got worse then I was expecting. I went to crouch/sit beside him and he got mad and told me to stand up and talk to him. I don't know why he gets like this with me. I mean the not wanting me to talk to him on his level. It just goes against everything that I have read on how to talk to someone experiencing psychosis. Especially since he gets so defiant with me being the main disciplinary. Yet he still gets mad, doesn't want me on his level and wants me to take the authoritative stance. The only thing I can reason is that somewhere in his head is a recognition that he actually needs someone to take on the role of authority for him. But then his ODD gets in the way...
I asked him if he remembered talking to his Nana about not going out there. Yes. I told him that I want to take him home however I can't if he has control over his money to buy alcohol because alcohol is killing him. I want power of attorney. He refused.
A couple of days ago I received a message from his grandmother stating that she had told him no to him coming there and she hoped that made everyone happy. Needless to say I didn't respond. The sarcastic side of me wanted to answer with: Why yes, I'm ecstatic. Thank you! I figured not answering was the better option.
My daughter calls to find out if I got the message and to include the side-note that obviously Nana didn't really mean it and that she would step in and take him if she felt it was necessary.
As far as I know that plans are/were to have my son go directly into a shelter out there. So switching one shelter for another? Then I guess work on getting him into his own place since this is what he wants. Well it's what he says he wants. He knows full well that once he gets there he can say no to any form of assisted living and that if he does that then he will end up with Nana. The ideal situation for him. He doesn't have to care about anyone except himself. He doesn't have to try to be sober and stable. To be blunt, he doesn't have to try period. He will get his pat on the head while someone else cleans up after him and protects him from himself.
The rant. Can you see my son living on his own?! He can't even keep himself stable when he is living somewhere that is feeding him and providing him with basic amenities. Yet that is what him and his grandmother seem to be concocting between the two of them. Unless he is telling her that he will go into a group home out there. If that is the case and it is being believed I can only shake my head some more.
My son, in my opinion, needs several basic things. Mainly he needs long-term treatment for addiction. By long-term I'm thinking 3-6 months to start. He needs help from non-family, so he can't use and manipulate them, to help him become stable, stay stable and learn to mature and grow up. Until he gets these things. Everything else is just prolonging everyone's suffering, including and especially his own.
My son isn't stupid by no means. When I had the police take him, one of them went with him to his room to collect his things. My son was very drunk. Not as drunk as I thought. He made sure to disconnect, unplug and turn off the laptop so that I couldn't have access to it. Before leaving he wanted my phone to call his Nana. I know some may think: Well yes she is the one he knows will support him. Hmm. The one that will support him or enable him. There is a big difference.
Honestly he has support coming out his.... ;) Agencies and people just waiting for him to give the go ahead and they will be right there. PACT has peer support, group support and vocational (job) support. ADAPT has addiction support. Applications have been started for housing. He has an open file at the YMCA for free schooling at his own pace. My son is 21 and says no thank you...
He also has me and my husband. Apparently I expect too much. Expecting Michael to follow basic rules that a 5 year old can follow, clean up after himself, treat me with respect, not be violent, try to be medication compliant and engage is addiction services is apparently too much for him. How do you respond to that? Seriously if he is that bad off then he really should be in the hospital with 24/7 care not traipsing on a plane across the country!
Where we are at now is not new. He has been here before. He has played the system, played and manipulated emotions until he got what he wanted. Freedom from responsibility, stability or sobriety.
Do you think he doesn't know that if he doesn't participate in recovery plans here that in time he will get what he wants? Of course he does. Like I said he isn't stupid.
Something I had too look at and acknowledge was/is that his masturbation episodes are tied into his alcohol use and not his schizophrenia so yes it is more behavioral. I didn't know until I found out about him calling dial-a-bottle that he was during the time of his masturbating frequently and in public, drinking almost a bottle of alcohol a day. I also found out that one of the ladies at the shelter caught him doing this in public and had to talk to him about it. I didn't tell her that I knew that he had purchased a bottle of alcohol since being there. Just like I didn't tell them that I'm pretty sure he probably has marijuana on him. Maybe that is why he bolts when expected to shower and change cloths? He keeps his jacket on and close to him when he is hiding stuff.
There is also the distinct possibility that if he gets himself kicked out of there then in steps his safety net. I may not be actively stopping this from happening however I'm certainly not going to help it happen.
Of all the blogs that I read. Jagged Little Edges is without a doubt one of my favorites. Lorelie doesn't hold any punches on what addiction is and the truth of it's ugliness is spelled out in black and white. Lorelie's last blog post: Loving An Addict Means Saying No.
A lot of Lorelie's posts are also highlighted on: Addiction Campuses
I know there are a lot of families who struggle with concurrent disorders of addiction and mental illness. I only speak for what I see with my son. He doesn't use to self-medicate symptoms. He uses/drinks to feed/satisfy his addictions. It's doing this that triggers his schizophrenia and causes the rebound affect. Also my son doesn't want to medication his symptoms. He very much enjoys his psychosis when he is in it. Probably another reason why he didn't want to take his medications yesterday. Why mess with his high? I have been around addiction enough to recognize that mind-set. I have been there. Don't eat too much before doing this drug or you will lessen the high...
I did tell the lady at the shelter that my son was psychotic and needed his medications so hopefully they were a little more attentive last night about 'reminding him' to take them. It's not a part of their duties and they get busy. Not sure I buy that. The other shelter had less staff and they did more. They followed up on medications. They searched more for drugs etc. being brought in. I know because I watched them do it. Too bad it was in such a horrible neighborhood. I have yet to see this shelter search anyone including my son. The lady asked what the signs were of my son's psychosis. To me it's obvious but I'm mom and have looked at his face for signs for years now. I asked if she knew what high looks like? What extreme exhaustion looks like? Combine them and you have my son's current face. Again I left out that he was most likely high... Really in the end it was the psychosis I'm trying to nip in the butt before something negative happens and high or not high he would still look pretty much the same from psychosis.
My appointment with ADAPT last week got rescheduled to the 18th of August. Today is a civic holiday here in Ontario, Canada so I'm not working! Hubby is :(. My work schedule has changed. Now I'm 12-6:30 Mon-Fri and I think 10:30-2 on Sunday. So 6 days a week and more hours. I may see if I can switch from Sunday to Saturday as Sunday is the one day I can pretty much count on hubby not working. The hours are being split between me and another lady. I got paid! I needed it to help cover rent due to what I had to give to Michael. I got my hair cut yesterday. Pretty short. I guess it's a bob? shorter at the back and long around the face. It feels good. I haven't had a cigarette in 6 weeks! I'm not sure how long it's been for hubby. I think 3 weeks. My homemade protein bars were a hit. We both like them. Have to make more today. I may even get back on my stepper today and do some exercise.
The above things make me happy. Certainly not the situation that my son is in or the fact that I have to fight so hard to try and get him the treatment that he needs.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)