Sarcasm!
Forewarned this post may be a bit if a rant.
I saw my son yesterday. He's a mess. He has obviously been in the same cloths for a long time. He hasn't showered or even washed that I can tell. He hasn't been taking his medications. I'm pretty sure he has been smoking marijuana.
Hubby and I picked him up to take him and get cigarettes. First we had to go to the bank so that I could transfer him his $314 that I owed him from disability. The whole time we were with him he was clenching his fist with all of his strength. I knew when I saw this that he wasn't taking his medications. At one point hubby said he asked my son why he was doing this and my son replied that he was trying to make his body work right. His brain isn't working right so his body isn't going to. He ended up giving me his bank card so that I could buy the smokes for him because he couldn't 'catch his breath' to get out of the car and do it himself.
I told my son that once we got back to the shelter I was going to go in with him so he could get his medications and put on some clean cloths. He said ok. As soon as we walked in to the shelter... Hello ODD. His defiance came out of nowhere. He didn't want his medications. One of the staff said they have been talking to him about showering etc however he 'bolts' or leaves the shelter.
Hubby and I have been talking about what to do. So far we haven't come up with any solid answers. I try not to get pissy with him when he asks me what I'm going to do. But seriously, if I had the answers I would be doing it. I don't have them... I don't know what to do.
I know how much I wanted to grab my son's stuff and bring him home.
Here's the catch. I'm a recovered addict. If I want to stay a recovered addict then one thing that I need to be able to do is think things through to the end. One of the problems with being an addict is that the mind only wants to see the good parts of using. Not the negative consequences and as long as one can keep blocking out those memories then one can keep pretending that using is ok.
I forget the exact wording of what was said during an ADAPT meeting but something along the lines of: An addict will not change until the pain of using is worse then the pain of not using.
I can bring him home. He has over $300 in his bank account. He is unstable and defiant. He believes he should be able to smoke and drink in his room. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where that scenario is most likely going.
I had already said to my husband that I need to bring him home if I can put some things in place. Before I left I tried to talk to my son. I wasn't expecting it to be an in-depth conversation considering his mental state. I got worse then I was expecting. I went to crouch/sit beside him and he got mad and told me to stand up and talk to him. I don't know why he gets like this with me. I mean the not wanting me to talk to him on his level. It just goes against everything that I have read on how to talk to someone experiencing psychosis. Especially since he gets so defiant with me being the main disciplinary. Yet he still gets mad, doesn't want me on his level and wants me to take the authoritative stance. The only thing I can reason is that somewhere in his head is a recognition that he actually needs someone to take on the role of authority for him. But then his ODD gets in the way...
I asked him if he remembered talking to his Nana about not going out there. Yes. I told him that I want to take him home however I can't if he has control over his money to buy alcohol because alcohol is killing him. I want power of attorney. He refused.
A couple of days ago I received a message from his grandmother stating that she had told him no to him coming there and she hoped that made everyone happy. Needless to say I didn't respond. The sarcastic side of me wanted to answer with: Why yes, I'm ecstatic. Thank you! I figured not answering was the better option.
My daughter calls to find out if I got the message and to include the side-note that obviously Nana didn't really mean it and that she would step in and take him if she felt it was necessary.
As far as I know that plans are/were to have my son go directly into a shelter out there. So switching one shelter for another? Then I guess work on getting him into his own place since this is what he wants. Well it's what he says he wants. He knows full well that once he gets there he can say no to any form of assisted living and that if he does that then he will end up with Nana. The ideal situation for him. He doesn't have to care about anyone except himself. He doesn't have to try to be sober and stable. To be blunt, he doesn't have to try period. He will get his pat on the head while someone else cleans up after him and protects him from himself.
The rant. Can you see my son living on his own?! He can't even keep himself stable when he is living somewhere that is feeding him and providing him with basic amenities. Yet that is what him and his grandmother seem to be concocting between the two of them. Unless he is telling her that he will go into a group home out there. If that is the case and it is being believed I can only shake my head some more.
My son, in my opinion, needs several basic things. Mainly he needs long-term treatment for addiction. By long-term I'm thinking 3-6 months to start. He needs help from non-family, so he can't use and manipulate them, to help him become stable, stay stable and learn to mature and grow up. Until he gets these things. Everything else is just prolonging everyone's suffering, including and especially his own.
My son isn't stupid by no means. When I had the police take him, one of them went with him to his room to collect his things. My son was very drunk. Not as drunk as I thought. He made sure to disconnect, unplug and turn off the laptop so that I couldn't have access to it. Before leaving he wanted my phone to call his Nana. I know some may think: Well yes she is the one he knows will support him. Hmm. The one that will support him or enable him. There is a big difference.
Honestly he has support coming out his.... ;) Agencies and people just waiting for him to give the go ahead and they will be right there. PACT has peer support, group support and vocational (job) support. ADAPT has addiction support. Applications have been started for housing. He has an open file at the YMCA for free schooling at his own pace. My son is 21 and says no thank you...
He also has me and my husband. Apparently I expect too much. Expecting Michael to follow basic rules that a 5 year old can follow, clean up after himself, treat me with respect, not be violent, try to be medication compliant and engage is addiction services is apparently too much for him. How do you respond to that? Seriously if he is that bad off then he really should be in the hospital with 24/7 care not traipsing on a plane across the country!
Where we are at now is not new. He has been here before. He has played the system, played and manipulated emotions until he got what he wanted. Freedom from responsibility, stability or sobriety.
Do you think he doesn't know that if he doesn't participate in recovery plans here that in time he will get what he wants? Of course he does. Like I said he isn't stupid.
Something I had too look at and acknowledge was/is that his masturbation episodes are tied into his alcohol use and not his schizophrenia so yes it is more behavioral. I didn't know until I found out about him calling dial-a-bottle that he was during the time of his masturbating frequently and in public, drinking almost a bottle of alcohol a day. I also found out that one of the ladies at the shelter caught him doing this in public and had to talk to him about it. I didn't tell her that I knew that he had purchased a bottle of alcohol since being there. Just like I didn't tell them that I'm pretty sure he probably has marijuana on him. Maybe that is why he bolts when expected to shower and change cloths? He keeps his jacket on and close to him when he is hiding stuff.
There is also the distinct possibility that if he gets himself kicked out of there then in steps his safety net. I may not be actively stopping this from happening however I'm certainly not going to help it happen.
Of all the blogs that I read. Jagged Little Edges is without a doubt one of my favorites. Lorelie doesn't hold any punches on what addiction is and the truth of it's ugliness is spelled out in black and white. Lorelie's last blog post: Loving An Addict Means Saying No.
A lot of Lorelie's posts are also highlighted on: Addiction Campuses
I know there are a lot of families who struggle with concurrent disorders of addiction and mental illness. I only speak for what I see with my son. He doesn't use to self-medicate symptoms. He uses/drinks to feed/satisfy his addictions. It's doing this that triggers his schizophrenia and causes the rebound affect. Also my son doesn't want to medication his symptoms. He very much enjoys his psychosis when he is in it. Probably another reason why he didn't want to take his medications yesterday. Why mess with his high? I have been around addiction enough to recognize that mind-set. I have been there. Don't eat too much before doing this drug or you will lessen the high...
I did tell the lady at the shelter that my son was psychotic and needed his medications so hopefully they were a little more attentive last night about 'reminding him' to take them. It's not a part of their duties and they get busy. Not sure I buy that. The other shelter had less staff and they did more. They followed up on medications. They searched more for drugs etc. being brought in. I know because I watched them do it. Too bad it was in such a horrible neighborhood. I have yet to see this shelter search anyone including my son. The lady asked what the signs were of my son's psychosis. To me it's obvious but I'm mom and have looked at his face for signs for years now. I asked if she knew what high looks like? What extreme exhaustion looks like? Combine them and you have my son's current face. Again I left out that he was most likely high... Really in the end it was the psychosis I'm trying to nip in the butt before something negative happens and high or not high he would still look pretty much the same from psychosis.
My appointment with ADAPT last week got rescheduled to the 18th of August. Today is a civic holiday here in Ontario, Canada so I'm not working! Hubby is :(. My work schedule has changed. Now I'm 12-6:30 Mon-Fri and I think 10:30-2 on Sunday. So 6 days a week and more hours. I may see if I can switch from Sunday to Saturday as Sunday is the one day I can pretty much count on hubby not working. The hours are being split between me and another lady. I got paid! I needed it to help cover rent due to what I had to give to Michael. I got my hair cut yesterday. Pretty short. I guess it's a bob? shorter at the back and long around the face. It feels good. I haven't had a cigarette in 6 weeks! I'm not sure how long it's been for hubby. I think 3 weeks. My homemade protein bars were a hit. We both like them. Have to make more today. I may even get back on my stepper today and do some exercise.
The above things make me happy. Certainly not the situation that my son is in or the fact that I have to fight so hard to try and get him the treatment that he needs.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Showing posts with label ODD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ODD. Show all posts
Monday, August 3, 2015
Sunday, July 12, 2015
A right of passage
Thought I would give a quick update...
Not a lot has changed over the past week. Getting more comfortable with the job and fitting myself into the schedule my boss wants me on. In my opinion the hours are... Well they are broken up throughout the day. Monday to Friday he wants 11:30 - 1, 4:30 - 6 then 8-10. Friday's 11:30 - 2 and Saturday's 9-1. The 8-10 shift is a no go for me. I'm not giving up what little time hubby and I have together during the week and once I get my son back on a sensible sleep schedule than 8 is our bedtime ;). There is also fact that I'm pretty sure calling after 9 PM is legally not a go. I don't get calling at 9 AM on a Saturday and not at 9 AM during the week when it's expected that people be up. Aside from that I'm booking appointments and have submitted my first invoice. So hopefully I will be seeing some money soon!
On July 6 my son's nurse was here for his weekly visit. Like I told his psychiatrist who was here the following day, I think I held it together pretty good. When I told his nurse about his excessive, not in private, out in public masturbating... His response was that since my son didn't have a girlfriend that masturbating was a right of passage and that him doing it out on the front veranda was behavioral. *pats self on back* for not losing it ;).
They drop of his medications every Friday in a blister pack (medications are in pop-out boxes for each day). Which I think is ridiculous and have told them several times it's not necessary but the PACT team insists on it. I guess they like it because when they visit they can see if patients/clients are taking their medications. Since my son doesn't get himself his meds, I do it, it's pointless. A waste of the pharmacists time and resources (and I think costs the government more money) and means every week someone has to come here on Friday instead of just giving me a months supply in a bottle. Anyways... Because I'm apparently not using the blister pack properly (haha) which means not starting the new pack on Friday when they bring it and instead using up the remainder of the previous blister pack, then his nurse couldn't understand what days medications he had missed. For clarification the blister packs have 7 days. Monday to Sunday. So I start a new one on Monday. Confusing right? His nurse thought so. So when I showed him that my son had missed taking his meds on Tuesday and Thursday, he decided that my son had missed 2 days in a row. Sometimes there is just no point in carrying on a conversation...
He did however set up an appointment for Michael's psychiatrist to come here the next day. I filled him. Let him know that even though I appreciate how his nurse is with Michael and that in that regard he is doing very good, that he doesn't take my concerns seriously or listen to me very well. His psychiatrist makes decisions based on the feedback from the other team members and when that feedback isn't relayed properly then I tend to get a bit upset. It's certainly not the first time I have dealt with this. His first nurse with PACT was bad for that too. She blamed almost everything on behavior. I asked his psychiatrist what to do when this happens. Call in and make an appointment with him.
We discussed medication options and decided to add back the Lithium. *shakes head* I have off and on been suggesting this since he was in the shelter in February. I asked for clarification on who I am thinking about my son's behaviors and if I was completely off track. It's a bit of both I guess. On one hand yes some things are behavioral and I can acknowledge that. Punching and kicking my door, behavioral. Insisting on smoking in his room, behavioral. Not knowing that it is inappropriate to masturbate in front of your mother or out in public because one can't see past the urge to do it, not so much. His psychiatrist agreed that this behavior is not normal even for him and he isn't doing it just to piss me off. The problem though is that upping medications will not necessarily correct this. Upping his Invega could cause the opposite affect of what we are looking for and make his negative symptoms worse. I can understand that. Adding the Lithium back should increase the effectiveness of his Invega and hopefully help with his negative symptoms. I think Lithium tends to act like an antidepressant with Michael whereas actual antidepressants do him no good. Why would they? In the bigger picture he is not depressed. He is experiencing negative symptoms which is different.
The Lithium was dropped off on Wednesday. Of course he missed his medications on Thursday due to alcohol. If anyone thinks that alcohol is harmless... Come see what I see. It's far from harmless for my son. It's keeping him unstable and robbing him of a future. Hopefully we have a 3 week break from it and I can work on getting him started on some sort of stability.
He has his days and nights mixed up again. I'm reminding him several times throughout the night to take his pills however he isn't taking them until morning and then sleeping. If it happens again tonight I think I may just let him miss them and try to start fresh tomorrow night.
As for the smoking in his room. It's a constant battle. Thursday night I found his whiskey bottle in his room. His psychiatrist agreed with me that Michael most likely has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and sadly trying to discipline around and keep the appropriate boundaries is even more important due to the ODD. You let one slip and they all go. The mess he is making of his bedroom floor :(. They are shellacked and he throws his cigarettes on them when I walk into his room so I won't see it. Oh yes... According to him he is accidentally smoking in his room. Haha. Because you accidentally close your bedroom door, light an incense to cover up the smell and find something to use for an ashtray. Sometimes that is his garbage can with liquids thrown in it. I have removed his garbage can. He doesn't use it for actual garbage anyways. I have tapped a note to the top of the stairs that says 'no smoking, leave your smokes downstairs' and another one to his bedroom door. At least he can't pretend like he doesn't know the rule :).
The last day or so it's cigarettes... I have warned him and warned him that I'm quit and I'm not supplying him with cigarettes. He knew this when hubby took him to get cigarettes. He got 2 cartons which he now doesn't like. Where we go you can actually smoke in the store and you can try every kind of cigarette that they have to see if you like them. He tried them. I'm guessing he was more concerned with getting the cheaper ones so that he had money for alcohol. His choice. I also gave him the cigarettes that we had gotten for him from before which was another 4 packs. Yesterday he wanted me to buy him a couple of packs with the extra money he is giving me. He isn't giving me any money. Disability is sending me MY portion of his payments. I didn't respond to this comment at all. Then it was can he have a pack of hubby's. Hubby doesn't keep his cigarettes in the home anymore and he wasn't home yesterday. Kinda sad that we can't even keep our own things in our own home. Hubby is also quitting. We just got him patches too. So Michael I'm afraid is going to be shit out'a luck in the smoking department. The kicker though is that he does have cigarettes. He just doesn't like them.
So today is my day off! Yeah! I have to finish the laundry I started yesterday evening. I really need to clean the floors as Michael has spelt pretty much everything, everywhere. I need to wash his blankets too. Still haven't gotten him in the shower :(. He did have a bath on Monday night however that had more do with him liking being in the bathtub when he is drunk. God I hate alcohol!
I guess that wasn't a quick update after all. :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Not a lot has changed over the past week. Getting more comfortable with the job and fitting myself into the schedule my boss wants me on. In my opinion the hours are... Well they are broken up throughout the day. Monday to Friday he wants 11:30 - 1, 4:30 - 6 then 8-10. Friday's 11:30 - 2 and Saturday's 9-1. The 8-10 shift is a no go for me. I'm not giving up what little time hubby and I have together during the week and once I get my son back on a sensible sleep schedule than 8 is our bedtime ;). There is also fact that I'm pretty sure calling after 9 PM is legally not a go. I don't get calling at 9 AM on a Saturday and not at 9 AM during the week when it's expected that people be up. Aside from that I'm booking appointments and have submitted my first invoice. So hopefully I will be seeing some money soon!
On July 6 my son's nurse was here for his weekly visit. Like I told his psychiatrist who was here the following day, I think I held it together pretty good. When I told his nurse about his excessive, not in private, out in public masturbating... His response was that since my son didn't have a girlfriend that masturbating was a right of passage and that him doing it out on the front veranda was behavioral. *pats self on back* for not losing it ;).
They drop of his medications every Friday in a blister pack (medications are in pop-out boxes for each day). Which I think is ridiculous and have told them several times it's not necessary but the PACT team insists on it. I guess they like it because when they visit they can see if patients/clients are taking their medications. Since my son doesn't get himself his meds, I do it, it's pointless. A waste of the pharmacists time and resources (and I think costs the government more money) and means every week someone has to come here on Friday instead of just giving me a months supply in a bottle. Anyways... Because I'm apparently not using the blister pack properly (haha) which means not starting the new pack on Friday when they bring it and instead using up the remainder of the previous blister pack, then his nurse couldn't understand what days medications he had missed. For clarification the blister packs have 7 days. Monday to Sunday. So I start a new one on Monday. Confusing right? His nurse thought so. So when I showed him that my son had missed taking his meds on Tuesday and Thursday, he decided that my son had missed 2 days in a row. Sometimes there is just no point in carrying on a conversation...
He did however set up an appointment for Michael's psychiatrist to come here the next day. I filled him. Let him know that even though I appreciate how his nurse is with Michael and that in that regard he is doing very good, that he doesn't take my concerns seriously or listen to me very well. His psychiatrist makes decisions based on the feedback from the other team members and when that feedback isn't relayed properly then I tend to get a bit upset. It's certainly not the first time I have dealt with this. His first nurse with PACT was bad for that too. She blamed almost everything on behavior. I asked his psychiatrist what to do when this happens. Call in and make an appointment with him.
We discussed medication options and decided to add back the Lithium. *shakes head* I have off and on been suggesting this since he was in the shelter in February. I asked for clarification on who I am thinking about my son's behaviors and if I was completely off track. It's a bit of both I guess. On one hand yes some things are behavioral and I can acknowledge that. Punching and kicking my door, behavioral. Insisting on smoking in his room, behavioral. Not knowing that it is inappropriate to masturbate in front of your mother or out in public because one can't see past the urge to do it, not so much. His psychiatrist agreed that this behavior is not normal even for him and he isn't doing it just to piss me off. The problem though is that upping medications will not necessarily correct this. Upping his Invega could cause the opposite affect of what we are looking for and make his negative symptoms worse. I can understand that. Adding the Lithium back should increase the effectiveness of his Invega and hopefully help with his negative symptoms. I think Lithium tends to act like an antidepressant with Michael whereas actual antidepressants do him no good. Why would they? In the bigger picture he is not depressed. He is experiencing negative symptoms which is different.
The Lithium was dropped off on Wednesday. Of course he missed his medications on Thursday due to alcohol. If anyone thinks that alcohol is harmless... Come see what I see. It's far from harmless for my son. It's keeping him unstable and robbing him of a future. Hopefully we have a 3 week break from it and I can work on getting him started on some sort of stability.
He has his days and nights mixed up again. I'm reminding him several times throughout the night to take his pills however he isn't taking them until morning and then sleeping. If it happens again tonight I think I may just let him miss them and try to start fresh tomorrow night.
As for the smoking in his room. It's a constant battle. Thursday night I found his whiskey bottle in his room. His psychiatrist agreed with me that Michael most likely has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and sadly trying to discipline around and keep the appropriate boundaries is even more important due to the ODD. You let one slip and they all go. The mess he is making of his bedroom floor :(. They are shellacked and he throws his cigarettes on them when I walk into his room so I won't see it. Oh yes... According to him he is accidentally smoking in his room. Haha. Because you accidentally close your bedroom door, light an incense to cover up the smell and find something to use for an ashtray. Sometimes that is his garbage can with liquids thrown in it. I have removed his garbage can. He doesn't use it for actual garbage anyways. I have tapped a note to the top of the stairs that says 'no smoking, leave your smokes downstairs' and another one to his bedroom door. At least he can't pretend like he doesn't know the rule :).
The last day or so it's cigarettes... I have warned him and warned him that I'm quit and I'm not supplying him with cigarettes. He knew this when hubby took him to get cigarettes. He got 2 cartons which he now doesn't like. Where we go you can actually smoke in the store and you can try every kind of cigarette that they have to see if you like them. He tried them. I'm guessing he was more concerned with getting the cheaper ones so that he had money for alcohol. His choice. I also gave him the cigarettes that we had gotten for him from before which was another 4 packs. Yesterday he wanted me to buy him a couple of packs with the extra money he is giving me. He isn't giving me any money. Disability is sending me MY portion of his payments. I didn't respond to this comment at all. Then it was can he have a pack of hubby's. Hubby doesn't keep his cigarettes in the home anymore and he wasn't home yesterday. Kinda sad that we can't even keep our own things in our own home. Hubby is also quitting. We just got him patches too. So Michael I'm afraid is going to be shit out'a luck in the smoking department. The kicker though is that he does have cigarettes. He just doesn't like them.
So today is my day off! Yeah! I have to finish the laundry I started yesterday evening. I really need to clean the floors as Michael has spelt pretty much everything, everywhere. I need to wash his blankets too. Still haven't gotten him in the shower :(. He did have a bath on Monday night however that had more do with him liking being in the bathtub when he is drunk. God I hate alcohol!
I guess that wasn't a quick update after all. :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Rockin' the Boat, A Mustang & Several Cans of Worms.
Yesterday I had such a great day! Seriously it was all good. Tuesday I got hit with major sedation from my antidepressants. I'm guessing due to it having build up in my system. Yesterday I woke up with the urge to do things... By 9 AM I was already thinking about the things I wanted to make/bake. I made beef jerky, cookies, bread, cheese crackers and tried a new rice recipe for dinner. Cleaned the fridge and did some rearranging in the kitchen. Monday I spent several hours vacuuming and de-cob-webbing our unfinished basement. I knew then that my antidepressants were doing their thing ;).
Last night my son decided to throw a wrench in things. Out of the blue he doesn't need/want his Olanzapine. It's time to try and go off them... Because barely a month of regaining some stability is long enough, I guess.
I'm sitting here trying really hard not to be pissed. For the past 3-4 weeks both myself and my hubby have been nothing but supportive and understanding. I have been patiently cleaning up his messes. Spending quality time with him doing things like messaging and scratching his back, brushing his hair, filing his nails, cuddling and even flossing his teeth. Yup you read that right. His teeth are mess. When the ashtray in the back yard, that is only 3 feet away from him, is to far away; that's ok, I take it too him. I have picking up his garbage, hosing down the yard due to his spitting... What do I ask for in return? Not very much. Perhaps that is the problem. I have been expecting way too little. In my quest to be understanding I am making things way to easy for him, again.
In my last blog post I mentioned him smoking in his room. Another thing that I have been very patient about. I have not yelled at him. I have said very little actually unless I catch him doing it. I have been keeping an eye out and finding what he uses for ashtrays when I can so that I can 'remind him' that there is no smoking in his room. A couple of times I have found the cups or containers that he uses and have removed them. For the past couple of days I haven't been able to find anything. Smart little bugger he is... He forgot this morning to put the lid back on the peanut can that he has been using. The one I thought was full of peanuts. It was full of cigarette butts.
Last weekend hubby got my son another carton of cigarettes as he has gone through 3 cartoons in just over 2 weeks. Of course smoking in his room means that he is smoking even more.
My son agreed last night to take his Olanzapine this morning... Yes as I'm sure you guessed, so far that has not happened. After I found the 'peanut can', I was thinking to myself: 'Do I really want to rock the boat and bring it up?'; as I didn't want to trigger his ODD defiance and cause him to not take the Olanzapine. Honestly what am I thinking... I'm not triggering his ODD. I'm not rockin' the boat... He is. I'm the one 'walking on eggshells' to not rock it and to what end?
I let him know this morning that if he isn't going to take the Olanzapine then he needs to call his nurse and let him know and discuss upping his Invega from 6 mg to 9 mg. Can I do it for him since I'm the one that seems to have a problem with this. Yes I absolutely have a problem with him going into psychosis, losing touch with reality and possibly one of us getting hurt. I can't hold him accountable for symptoms that he has no control over however he can be accountable for making choices that are going to cause a re-emergence of these symptoms. If he is going to make these decisions then he needs to be responsible for them and letting his treatment team know.
I also put away the rest of the carton of cigarettes that my hubby just got and let him know that I will give him a pack a day and they need to stay downstairs, not in his bedroom. Enough is enough. If hubby and I can smoke outside or in the basement then Michael can too and he is just going to have to figure that one out. I wonder how many times I have typed 'enough is enough'. Probably not enough ;) and certainly I need to have better follow through on these things or my son will just continue to break the rules with no consequences.
Ah yes the mustang. Hubby seems to be going through a phase. I feel a bit bad. I know how much he wants one and I won't tell him that he can't have one. He is the one earning a pay check after all. We did take one out for a test drive...
I'm not much for knowing about cars... She does look and sound nice though. Certainly suits hubby. It doesn't suit anything else though. The back seat was very cramped and he would lose a lot of functionality in the front as well. If it was just hubby and I, there would have been zero questions and we probably would have purchased it.
Hubby texted me this morning that one of the credit cards didn't work. I haven't been keeping close tabs on our accounts over the last week. Not that it would have mattered as some things came up that needed to be attended to. Hubby is now completely in debt in his name ;) Actually he has no more credit left and his bank account is in overdraft. Oops.
I hadn't heard from my daughter for a couple of days. Never a good thing. If she doesn't call me on the way to work, then she probably isn't working. She called me last night. She lost her painting job. That was coming and I'm surprised it took that long. She has issues with getting to work on time and having enough bus money to even get to work. She refuses to ask me for help unless it's absolutely necessary. Both hubby and I gave her some 'loving advice' on asking me for help. Regardless of where we are at financially we will gladly help her with getting a bus pass for the month. Same with getting to the doctor for a bladder infection that she has had for a long time now. She doesn't have money for the prescription. Get to the doctor and let me know how much it will cost. Good lord... She is struggling to be independent and to be strong. She is struggling to pay her rent, she is struggling to even take care of herself properly and she isn't succeeding. She needs to come home because she is taking on the responsibility of way to much and to many people where she is.
I meet with my worker at ADAPT on Tuesday. Still doing intake or background information. She asked me about complicated relationships. Haha! All of them! Some I have let go to the wayside as I really don't need them. Some are a little harder as I can't walk away from them. I have an idea of which ones play on me the most as they are the ones that my negative thoughts are on loop about and part of the reason I'm on Venlafaxine. To stop that negative loop that I dislike and I seem to have little control over lately. There is no closure or resolution.
I'm grateful and already this lady has helped me on two occasions with helping me to see what I was missing. Once regarding my husband and on Tuesday. She commented that my feelings on one relationship seemed to be motivated by fear. I know that my anger is usually fueled by something else. Hurt feelings and betrayal are the normal culprits and still do play a part however I completely overlooked fear. She was right. Fear of the damage that it has caused and continues to cause, on occasion. Damage that I have so little control over. I can usually put things behind me however I'm having trouble with this one. To the point where I'm on guard because I feel I have to be or I could easily lose my cool again. I don't like doing that.
Last weekend hubby and I found a store that sells semi-permanent titanium or grey hair dye. I have been looking for silver but no luck so far. As I have been watching my grey slowly grow in, I have been liking it. Hubby says he likes it too. So I want to highlight it with grey. I would do it myself but I don't think I could manage seeing to pull my hair through every second row of the cap.
I think I'm going to try printing my resume and taking it over to the pet store that is just around the corner. I held off as my son was interested for all of what, 24 hours... I'm no way comfortable with the idea of working full time right now as my poor home would be in shambles but part-time. I was excited a couple of weeks ago about another work from home opportunity however after looking into some reviews it appeared to be mostly another scam where you pay a lot of fees with little to no guarantee of work.
Michael has been attending the group meetings through PACT for the past 3 weeks. Thought I would throw that in there!
My quit date for quitting smoking is this weekend. Wish me luck!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Last night my son decided to throw a wrench in things. Out of the blue he doesn't need/want his Olanzapine. It's time to try and go off them... Because barely a month of regaining some stability is long enough, I guess.
I'm sitting here trying really hard not to be pissed. For the past 3-4 weeks both myself and my hubby have been nothing but supportive and understanding. I have been patiently cleaning up his messes. Spending quality time with him doing things like messaging and scratching his back, brushing his hair, filing his nails, cuddling and even flossing his teeth. Yup you read that right. His teeth are mess. When the ashtray in the back yard, that is only 3 feet away from him, is to far away; that's ok, I take it too him. I have picking up his garbage, hosing down the yard due to his spitting... What do I ask for in return? Not very much. Perhaps that is the problem. I have been expecting way too little. In my quest to be understanding I am making things way to easy for him, again.
In my last blog post I mentioned him smoking in his room. Another thing that I have been very patient about. I have not yelled at him. I have said very little actually unless I catch him doing it. I have been keeping an eye out and finding what he uses for ashtrays when I can so that I can 'remind him' that there is no smoking in his room. A couple of times I have found the cups or containers that he uses and have removed them. For the past couple of days I haven't been able to find anything. Smart little bugger he is... He forgot this morning to put the lid back on the peanut can that he has been using. The one I thought was full of peanuts. It was full of cigarette butts.
Last weekend hubby got my son another carton of cigarettes as he has gone through 3 cartoons in just over 2 weeks. Of course smoking in his room means that he is smoking even more.
My son agreed last night to take his Olanzapine this morning... Yes as I'm sure you guessed, so far that has not happened. After I found the 'peanut can', I was thinking to myself: 'Do I really want to rock the boat and bring it up?'; as I didn't want to trigger his ODD defiance and cause him to not take the Olanzapine. Honestly what am I thinking... I'm not triggering his ODD. I'm not rockin' the boat... He is. I'm the one 'walking on eggshells' to not rock it and to what end?
I let him know this morning that if he isn't going to take the Olanzapine then he needs to call his nurse and let him know and discuss upping his Invega from 6 mg to 9 mg. Can I do it for him since I'm the one that seems to have a problem with this. Yes I absolutely have a problem with him going into psychosis, losing touch with reality and possibly one of us getting hurt. I can't hold him accountable for symptoms that he has no control over however he can be accountable for making choices that are going to cause a re-emergence of these symptoms. If he is going to make these decisions then he needs to be responsible for them and letting his treatment team know.
I also put away the rest of the carton of cigarettes that my hubby just got and let him know that I will give him a pack a day and they need to stay downstairs, not in his bedroom. Enough is enough. If hubby and I can smoke outside or in the basement then Michael can too and he is just going to have to figure that one out. I wonder how many times I have typed 'enough is enough'. Probably not enough ;) and certainly I need to have better follow through on these things or my son will just continue to break the rules with no consequences.
Ah yes the mustang. Hubby seems to be going through a phase. I feel a bit bad. I know how much he wants one and I won't tell him that he can't have one. He is the one earning a pay check after all. We did take one out for a test drive...
I'm not much for knowing about cars... She does look and sound nice though. Certainly suits hubby. It doesn't suit anything else though. The back seat was very cramped and he would lose a lot of functionality in the front as well. If it was just hubby and I, there would have been zero questions and we probably would have purchased it.
Hubby texted me this morning that one of the credit cards didn't work. I haven't been keeping close tabs on our accounts over the last week. Not that it would have mattered as some things came up that needed to be attended to. Hubby is now completely in debt in his name ;) Actually he has no more credit left and his bank account is in overdraft. Oops.
I hadn't heard from my daughter for a couple of days. Never a good thing. If she doesn't call me on the way to work, then she probably isn't working. She called me last night. She lost her painting job. That was coming and I'm surprised it took that long. She has issues with getting to work on time and having enough bus money to even get to work. She refuses to ask me for help unless it's absolutely necessary. Both hubby and I gave her some 'loving advice' on asking me for help. Regardless of where we are at financially we will gladly help her with getting a bus pass for the month. Same with getting to the doctor for a bladder infection that she has had for a long time now. She doesn't have money for the prescription. Get to the doctor and let me know how much it will cost. Good lord... She is struggling to be independent and to be strong. She is struggling to pay her rent, she is struggling to even take care of herself properly and she isn't succeeding. She needs to come home because she is taking on the responsibility of way to much and to many people where she is.
I meet with my worker at ADAPT on Tuesday. Still doing intake or background information. She asked me about complicated relationships. Haha! All of them! Some I have let go to the wayside as I really don't need them. Some are a little harder as I can't walk away from them. I have an idea of which ones play on me the most as they are the ones that my negative thoughts are on loop about and part of the reason I'm on Venlafaxine. To stop that negative loop that I dislike and I seem to have little control over lately. There is no closure or resolution.
I'm grateful and already this lady has helped me on two occasions with helping me to see what I was missing. Once regarding my husband and on Tuesday. She commented that my feelings on one relationship seemed to be motivated by fear. I know that my anger is usually fueled by something else. Hurt feelings and betrayal are the normal culprits and still do play a part however I completely overlooked fear. She was right. Fear of the damage that it has caused and continues to cause, on occasion. Damage that I have so little control over. I can usually put things behind me however I'm having trouble with this one. To the point where I'm on guard because I feel I have to be or I could easily lose my cool again. I don't like doing that.
Last weekend hubby and I found a store that sells semi-permanent titanium or grey hair dye. I have been looking for silver but no luck so far. As I have been watching my grey slowly grow in, I have been liking it. Hubby says he likes it too. So I want to highlight it with grey. I would do it myself but I don't think I could manage seeing to pull my hair through every second row of the cap.
I think I'm going to try printing my resume and taking it over to the pet store that is just around the corner. I held off as my son was interested for all of what, 24 hours... I'm no way comfortable with the idea of working full time right now as my poor home would be in shambles but part-time. I was excited a couple of weeks ago about another work from home opportunity however after looking into some reviews it appeared to be mostly another scam where you pay a lot of fees with little to no guarantee of work.
Michael has been attending the group meetings through PACT for the past 3 weeks. Thought I would throw that in there!
My quit date for quitting smoking is this weekend. Wish me luck!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Friday, June 12, 2015
A little bit manic? ADAPT, Camping & Rules
To anyone that follows my blog regularly, my apologies for not writing...
I seem to still be struggling a bit with getting back into my grove and my social media with respect to mental illness. I upped my Venlafaxine on Saturday to what my family doctor wants me taking as I was noticing that my thoughts were going back to that negative loop where everything and anything that I'm not impressed with was auto-repeat in my head ;). It takes a couple of days for it to build up and by Wednesday the sedation kicked in and I ended up napping and going to bed early. So hopefully I can get back on track.
Hubby's family get together went well. Very well actually. I ended up reminding/telling my son that he had money as we were taking him to get cigarettes. I asked him to hold off on buying alcohol until after the family get together as I didn't want him being symptomatic while there. He agreed to wait. I know that he found it a bit tiresome but he said that he had a good time.
He didn't buy alcohol until later Monday afternoon. My bad... but I told him that the liquor store wasn't open on Sundays. I didn't think that it was. Hubby told me afterwards that it was open.
I'm guessing it was the alcohol that triggered it; he went a bit manic on Tuesday. Out of nowhere he was putting on jeans, grooming his beard and looking for his dress shoes. We had an interesting conversation about his teeth that day. Some delusional thinking in that he believed he was 'born' when he first started having memories around 3 or 4 and that he has grown new teeth 4 times. His ODD started to act up a little bit. When I didn't engage he said to me: Come on lets talk about this... Translation, come on lets argue ;). Sorry no. I told him that I thought he was being delusional, that I gave birth to him so I know when he was born, if he had teeth or not and that I wasn't going to continue this conversation. I walked away.
He went to his PACT group the following Wednesday which was golf. He participated and had fun. His new nurse from PACT has taken him out of the house for the past two Mondays. I think he is also pushing at PACT that Michael be more involved with the outings so it doesn't look like I have to question if he is on the list for Wednesday's groups anymore. Now his rides are just showing up. I think Monday's outing to the YMCA is being looked at as well. Last Wednesday was supposed to be a trail hike but due to rain they ended up going to the mall instead.
Camping last weekend went well. He said that he had fun. It's hard to tell sometimes. He looks like he is not really paying much attention to where he is yet he must be. Hubby and I stayed up until around 10 and Michael stayed up after that watching the fire ;). His reason for wanting to go camping is the fire. The store at the campsite sells little packets that causes the flames to go different colors which is kinda cool. We got 2 of them this time. Roasted some marshmallows. Hubby and I froze our butts off that night. Not quit warm enough at night yet...
I have had 2 appointments with ADAPT now. I will be meeting with my counselor once a week until she can get through my history. Also because I'm now a client of ADAPT then I'm able to participate in another program they have called 'STOP' which is for quitting smoking. I meet with a gentleman for that Wednesday morning and he gave me a months supply of patches and some lozenges. Now I just have to set my quit date. Because of my own past history with addiction I'm a little bit of both. I'm there as a family member of an addict but I'm also a recovering addict so I should be able to attend some of the programs for that as well.
Every Friday (today) they have a get together for addiction clients where people can talk about addiction, mental illness and how to have a better life. My son keeps asking if he can come to group with hubby and I and of course the answer is no. I reminded him of a youth thing that happens on Wednesday nights however I can't go to that one so he says no. He seemed open to the idea of going to today's session so we will see depending on the weather as it's supposed to downpour. Also I think his motivation may be the food court at the mall where ADAPT is and I can't keep handing money out to these things. Every group he wants money for McDonald's...
Wednesday hubby noticed that Michael seemed a bit edgy or cranky. A week without alcohol and he was/is probably experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. Being aware of this I didn't say anything that would play into that scenario. You know the one that has the addict pushing for a fight or argument so that they have a reason to drink or use ;). I can't say that I want to go through this every time my son gets money. It may not seem like much, however it's a constant cycle of him feeding his addiction then going through withdrawal when he has to go without. Sadly it's him that is suffering with withdrawal...
Hubby and I had group again last night. It was a repeat of the same theme as the last one we attended which was concurrent disorders: addiction and mental illness. Hubby seems to be getting a lot out of these groups. It's helping him to see/hear from others, other then just me. The group last night was through the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario (SSO) and they meet once a month at that location. I was sort of aware however I will make a bigger effort in the future to attend these.
I did speak to the lady from SSO for a minute about advocacy and other things. These are the items that SSO is currently working on: Policy and Advocacy
Rules... It came to our attention on Wednesday night, I think, that my son has started smoking in his bedroom. I totally missed the red flag of my son being in his room all night. Here I was thinking: Yah he's sleeping through the night. *face palm* I'm usually more on top of it then that but I guess between upping my antidepressants and my want to not see the negatives... I totally missed it until hubby commented that upstairs smelled like cigarette smoke.
Yesterday he was smoking while I was upstairs so I smelled it. Of course he lied to me. I gave him several chances to tell me the truth and finally had to go find the 'ashtray' and take it out of his room and tell him to go outside. Once outside I brought it up and of course got the: I pay for my room... I didn't respond right away, waited a bit then said to him that I didn't want it to be that every time I bring up something that he is doing that he isn't supposed to be doing that I have to deal with his ODD. He asked what ODD was? Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He says: I'm not being defiant, ok maybe I am but that's because you won't listen. Listen to what? You want to do what you want regardless of the rules because you think you should be able to. Yes you pay for the room however that still doesn't give you the right to smoke in it. If he rented a whole apartment that was non-smoking than he still isn't allowed to smoke in it. The world has rules.
I let him know that moving forward there would be consequences to him not following this rule. Several hours later it's easy to know that he is STILL smoking in his room as he hasn't gone outside for a smoke. I let him know that I'm backing off on giving him attention until he can learn to follow this rule. This may sound harsh however if I let this boundary slip then every other rule or boundary will go out the window with it.
In last night's group there was discussion on the 'slippery slope' of addiction. Well there are slippery slopes with boundaries as well. My son loves to push them and whenever I don't try to keep them then he pushes them all. He will even tell me: Well this is a rule and you let me so I figure this rule doesn't apply either. Typical ODD behavior which is why boundary setting is so important. Regardless of all this I don't want my home full of cigarette smoke, certainly not upstairs when it contributes to my headaches and guess what? It's my home too.
So awesomely today I have totally triggered his ODD ;) by taking his cigarettes out of his room and putting them in the basement. Not an easy tightrope to walk. Enforcing the boundary without allowing this to turn into something ugly so keeping my tone neutral and not reacting to his attitude which as the moment seems to be staring me down...
I'm off to make a coffee and harass my daughter, if I can, as she hasn't been getting to work on time. All I can do is keep calling her phone...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I seem to still be struggling a bit with getting back into my grove and my social media with respect to mental illness. I upped my Venlafaxine on Saturday to what my family doctor wants me taking as I was noticing that my thoughts were going back to that negative loop where everything and anything that I'm not impressed with was auto-repeat in my head ;). It takes a couple of days for it to build up and by Wednesday the sedation kicked in and I ended up napping and going to bed early. So hopefully I can get back on track.
Hubby's family get together went well. Very well actually. I ended up reminding/telling my son that he had money as we were taking him to get cigarettes. I asked him to hold off on buying alcohol until after the family get together as I didn't want him being symptomatic while there. He agreed to wait. I know that he found it a bit tiresome but he said that he had a good time.
He didn't buy alcohol until later Monday afternoon. My bad... but I told him that the liquor store wasn't open on Sundays. I didn't think that it was. Hubby told me afterwards that it was open.
I'm guessing it was the alcohol that triggered it; he went a bit manic on Tuesday. Out of nowhere he was putting on jeans, grooming his beard and looking for his dress shoes. We had an interesting conversation about his teeth that day. Some delusional thinking in that he believed he was 'born' when he first started having memories around 3 or 4 and that he has grown new teeth 4 times. His ODD started to act up a little bit. When I didn't engage he said to me: Come on lets talk about this... Translation, come on lets argue ;). Sorry no. I told him that I thought he was being delusional, that I gave birth to him so I know when he was born, if he had teeth or not and that I wasn't going to continue this conversation. I walked away.
He went to his PACT group the following Wednesday which was golf. He participated and had fun. His new nurse from PACT has taken him out of the house for the past two Mondays. I think he is also pushing at PACT that Michael be more involved with the outings so it doesn't look like I have to question if he is on the list for Wednesday's groups anymore. Now his rides are just showing up. I think Monday's outing to the YMCA is being looked at as well. Last Wednesday was supposed to be a trail hike but due to rain they ended up going to the mall instead.
Camping last weekend went well. He said that he had fun. It's hard to tell sometimes. He looks like he is not really paying much attention to where he is yet he must be. Hubby and I stayed up until around 10 and Michael stayed up after that watching the fire ;). His reason for wanting to go camping is the fire. The store at the campsite sells little packets that causes the flames to go different colors which is kinda cool. We got 2 of them this time. Roasted some marshmallows. Hubby and I froze our butts off that night. Not quit warm enough at night yet...
I have had 2 appointments with ADAPT now. I will be meeting with my counselor once a week until she can get through my history. Also because I'm now a client of ADAPT then I'm able to participate in another program they have called 'STOP' which is for quitting smoking. I meet with a gentleman for that Wednesday morning and he gave me a months supply of patches and some lozenges. Now I just have to set my quit date. Because of my own past history with addiction I'm a little bit of both. I'm there as a family member of an addict but I'm also a recovering addict so I should be able to attend some of the programs for that as well.
Every Friday (today) they have a get together for addiction clients where people can talk about addiction, mental illness and how to have a better life. My son keeps asking if he can come to group with hubby and I and of course the answer is no. I reminded him of a youth thing that happens on Wednesday nights however I can't go to that one so he says no. He seemed open to the idea of going to today's session so we will see depending on the weather as it's supposed to downpour. Also I think his motivation may be the food court at the mall where ADAPT is and I can't keep handing money out to these things. Every group he wants money for McDonald's...
Wednesday hubby noticed that Michael seemed a bit edgy or cranky. A week without alcohol and he was/is probably experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. Being aware of this I didn't say anything that would play into that scenario. You know the one that has the addict pushing for a fight or argument so that they have a reason to drink or use ;). I can't say that I want to go through this every time my son gets money. It may not seem like much, however it's a constant cycle of him feeding his addiction then going through withdrawal when he has to go without. Sadly it's him that is suffering with withdrawal...
Hubby and I had group again last night. It was a repeat of the same theme as the last one we attended which was concurrent disorders: addiction and mental illness. Hubby seems to be getting a lot out of these groups. It's helping him to see/hear from others, other then just me. The group last night was through the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario (SSO) and they meet once a month at that location. I was sort of aware however I will make a bigger effort in the future to attend these.
I did speak to the lady from SSO for a minute about advocacy and other things. These are the items that SSO is currently working on: Policy and Advocacy
Rules... It came to our attention on Wednesday night, I think, that my son has started smoking in his bedroom. I totally missed the red flag of my son being in his room all night. Here I was thinking: Yah he's sleeping through the night. *face palm* I'm usually more on top of it then that but I guess between upping my antidepressants and my want to not see the negatives... I totally missed it until hubby commented that upstairs smelled like cigarette smoke.
Yesterday he was smoking while I was upstairs so I smelled it. Of course he lied to me. I gave him several chances to tell me the truth and finally had to go find the 'ashtray' and take it out of his room and tell him to go outside. Once outside I brought it up and of course got the: I pay for my room... I didn't respond right away, waited a bit then said to him that I didn't want it to be that every time I bring up something that he is doing that he isn't supposed to be doing that I have to deal with his ODD. He asked what ODD was? Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He says: I'm not being defiant, ok maybe I am but that's because you won't listen. Listen to what? You want to do what you want regardless of the rules because you think you should be able to. Yes you pay for the room however that still doesn't give you the right to smoke in it. If he rented a whole apartment that was non-smoking than he still isn't allowed to smoke in it. The world has rules.
I let him know that moving forward there would be consequences to him not following this rule. Several hours later it's easy to know that he is STILL smoking in his room as he hasn't gone outside for a smoke. I let him know that I'm backing off on giving him attention until he can learn to follow this rule. This may sound harsh however if I let this boundary slip then every other rule or boundary will go out the window with it.
In last night's group there was discussion on the 'slippery slope' of addiction. Well there are slippery slopes with boundaries as well. My son loves to push them and whenever I don't try to keep them then he pushes them all. He will even tell me: Well this is a rule and you let me so I figure this rule doesn't apply either. Typical ODD behavior which is why boundary setting is so important. Regardless of all this I don't want my home full of cigarette smoke, certainly not upstairs when it contributes to my headaches and guess what? It's my home too.
So awesomely today I have totally triggered his ODD ;) by taking his cigarettes out of his room and putting them in the basement. Not an easy tightrope to walk. Enforcing the boundary without allowing this to turn into something ugly so keeping my tone neutral and not reacting to his attitude which as the moment seems to be staring me down...
I'm off to make a coffee and harass my daughter, if I can, as she hasn't been getting to work on time. All I can do is keep calling her phone...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Sick is as sick does
Yes a lame attempt at a pun on words by Forest Gump's quote: Stupid is as stupid does...
I did get a call back on Thursday from my son's nurse that the psychiatrist was discontinuing the Latuda and reinstating the Olanzapine. ;)
Sadly that hasn't fixed everything as I had hoped. I think we may be heading for an hospitalization if he doesn't start taking care of himself physically. The hand gestures have pretty much stopped or is happening every now and then. Getting him off the Latuda was a good thing. The problem is that he started making himself sick. He has been making himself vomit... So he has barely kept any food down since last week. He is drinking lots of fluids which is good but it's not enough.
We have Pepto-Bismol and Gravol but getting him to take it is another story. It's taken me about 3 days of asking to finally get him to take a Gravol today. As far as I can tell he hasn't vomited today however he is again refusing to take anything so that he won't. I have been trying not to nag as I don't want to trigger his ODD and cause him to get defiant about taking his Invega and Olanzapine.
He hasn't been doing anything except making messes ;) I have been having to hose down areas of the backyard sometimes a couple of times a day. Between him spitting, leaving food items and garbage and even vomiting, it's been fun... Finally I put a bucket out for him which I'm having to dump and clean. Poor hubby. Watching my son make himself sick and listening to it, has been making my hubby want to be sick and he can't be around it. If he wasn't my son I would probably be the same.
It's gotten to the point where I'm moving the ashtray outside to where he is sitting because if I don't he is putting his cigarettes out on the table. When I point it out to him he says he doesn't remember doing it.
I commented today in a group I'm in about how to handle aggression. My helpful hint was to try to remember how we acted when they were small. Ignore the negative behaviors if you can. Yes I know... that doesn't really work with everything. I was thinking today that it sucks because at least with a child you can tell them that if they can't carry drinks without spilling etc then they can't carry drinks. Try telling that to a 21 year old that is spilling drinks everywhere or leaving opened freezes everywhere. I found one leaking all over my magazines. One today making a sticky mess in the backyard.
He had a bath today... He walked by me and phew... Several times a day he has been wanting me to message his back as well as at bedtime and cuddle with him. I told him today that I couldn't tonight if he didn't get clean.
You may not remember the brown corduroys that he got when he was in the shelter the last time. They came out last week. Finally one night I went into his room and put them in the laundry. Thankfully he gets undressed for bed. There was no way he was wearing them another day if I could help it. I'm debating getting rid of them and told him so. He said ok. They never did fit him right and so they have been falling off him.
So it's pretty much a waiting game right now on whether he will start eating and keeping it down.
*fingers crossed*
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I did get a call back on Thursday from my son's nurse that the psychiatrist was discontinuing the Latuda and reinstating the Olanzapine. ;)
Sadly that hasn't fixed everything as I had hoped. I think we may be heading for an hospitalization if he doesn't start taking care of himself physically. The hand gestures have pretty much stopped or is happening every now and then. Getting him off the Latuda was a good thing. The problem is that he started making himself sick. He has been making himself vomit... So he has barely kept any food down since last week. He is drinking lots of fluids which is good but it's not enough.
We have Pepto-Bismol and Gravol but getting him to take it is another story. It's taken me about 3 days of asking to finally get him to take a Gravol today. As far as I can tell he hasn't vomited today however he is again refusing to take anything so that he won't. I have been trying not to nag as I don't want to trigger his ODD and cause him to get defiant about taking his Invega and Olanzapine.
He hasn't been doing anything except making messes ;) I have been having to hose down areas of the backyard sometimes a couple of times a day. Between him spitting, leaving food items and garbage and even vomiting, it's been fun... Finally I put a bucket out for him which I'm having to dump and clean. Poor hubby. Watching my son make himself sick and listening to it, has been making my hubby want to be sick and he can't be around it. If he wasn't my son I would probably be the same.
It's gotten to the point where I'm moving the ashtray outside to where he is sitting because if I don't he is putting his cigarettes out on the table. When I point it out to him he says he doesn't remember doing it.
I commented today in a group I'm in about how to handle aggression. My helpful hint was to try to remember how we acted when they were small. Ignore the negative behaviors if you can. Yes I know... that doesn't really work with everything. I was thinking today that it sucks because at least with a child you can tell them that if they can't carry drinks without spilling etc then they can't carry drinks. Try telling that to a 21 year old that is spilling drinks everywhere or leaving opened freezes everywhere. I found one leaking all over my magazines. One today making a sticky mess in the backyard.
He had a bath today... He walked by me and phew... Several times a day he has been wanting me to message his back as well as at bedtime and cuddle with him. I told him today that I couldn't tonight if he didn't get clean.
You may not remember the brown corduroys that he got when he was in the shelter the last time. They came out last week. Finally one night I went into his room and put them in the laundry. Thankfully he gets undressed for bed. There was no way he was wearing them another day if I could help it. I'm debating getting rid of them and told him so. He said ok. They never did fit him right and so they have been falling off him.
So it's pretty much a waiting game right now on whether he will start eating and keeping it down.
*fingers crossed*
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Aspirin for arthritis and fruit-flies.
I don't recall what day I found a bunch of these aspirin in my son's coat. I had no idea what they were until I showed them to my hubby and he grabbed his bottle of aspirin from the top of the fridge. They are over the counter but they are long acting that our doctor recommended he take daily to ward off the headaches he gets. Feeling relief that that was all they were I didn't think anything else of it. Friday I was cleaning the floor in my son's room and while moving around his make-shift coffee table I heard what I immediately figured was a bottle of vodka that he managed to get in the house and hide under the table. It was a bowl with crushed up white stuff and a rolled up piece of paper for snorting it.
My son received his disability money on Thursday. That day he got his vodka... I didn't say anything except to remind him that it doesn't come onto our property. He sat outside our gate and drank it. When hubby got off work we went to our chiropractor, to the bank and to a store for my son to buy tobacco since he has decided to roll cigarettes. He wasn't happy that it cost him $40 for his tub of tobacco. That night I gave him an Olanzapine with his Invega and he took it.
Friday had the makings of a bad day. He was outside drinking another bottle of vodka and hmmm, I'm really going to have to write down the name of the other bottle he gets, when I found the bowl in his room. I went out to ask him what it was. He told me aspirin.
I was somewhat impressed with myself as I didn't get mad or even upset. I was kind of amused as honestly what could you possible get out of snorting aspirin? I'm not even sure when the conversation took the negative turn that it did but it did. He told me that he was better then me. I replied that he wasn't better then me. Next thing I'm being called a bitch and a fat whore numerous times along with other swear words. I did my best to keep it light. Told him that no matter what he called me I was still going to love him and seriously look at me... Do I look like a fat whore? Apparently yes...
I was just thinking to meet this hate with love... I told him again that I loved him. He said prove it. I replied that I was still here and I knelt down. I was 3 feet away from him and I didn't get any closer. At this point I got told to get out of his face or he was going to smack me and knock me out. He said he wasn't threatening me... I again told him I loved him and walked away. Left him sitting out there, in the dirt, surrounded by 3 bottles (one from the day before) and cigarette butts. We were also back to the "I pay the rent around here and this is 35% my property."
I came inside and called PACT and talked to his new nurse. I think I was looking for some sort of assurance, not that I got any... If I felt unsafe... A year ago I didn't know what he was capable of. Although he is not in active psychosis right now. He is experiencing symptoms yes however he is aware of what he is saying. He is relatively stable. I was seeing an angry drunk... Really nothing new there as I have been seeing that all my life and sadly he does have it in his genes.
Perhaps not the best choice however one boundary I refuse to budge on is the consequences to swearing at me. I disconnected the internet. Went back to the cleaning I was doing. He comes downstairs and asks when he is going to get the internet back. Some how he has morphed what was said into me telling him that he wasn't better. Period. So therefor he was justified in talking to me the way that he did. I told him I wasn't going to discuss it right now. Another flood of name calling and swearing that ended with "Cook my dinner bitch."
I ignored him and went about my cleaning. I think he passed out for a bit...
Since then his defiance has been in high gear. About pretty much anything and everything. Friday his case worker dropped off his Latuda. He has been prescribed 80 mg. Apparently he was prescribed 60 mg however disability doesn't cover this dosage. Ridiculous isn't it? I think disability only recently started covering this medication. So his psychiatrist changed it to 80 as I think that may be the dose he was looking at eventually anyways. Average dosages seems to be between 40 and 160.
His nurse called on Saturday to check in and see if he took his Latuda. As far as I can tell he has been taking it. Since his defiance is in high gear he won't take his medications if he's alert and I'm watching him.
Hubby and I went grocery shopping without him on Saturday. He wasn't up when we left and honestly I'm not rewarding his behavior or attitude. We did bring him back a coffee since we had gotten ourselves one. He asked why I didn't get him up to go? Do you remember what you said to me yesterday? Yes... Well I'm not rewarding that. You got me a coffee. Yes, just because I'm not rewarding you doesn't mean I'm going to be rude either. Do you want the coffee? Give it to me... I started to walk in the house with it and told him he isn't going to get it by talking to me like that. He asked for it nicely so I gave it to him.
I had picked up some coloring books, crayons, pencil crayons and markers while shopping. A Thor book for him and two other ones for me. For a bit he colored in the Thor one. One of the ones I got is Care Bears. I used to love them when I was a kid :)
Remember the camping... He brings it up wanting to go... I told him not this weekend and we don't have money for it right now anyways. He says that I promised this month. No I didn't. I said I would look into it for this month. Well isn't saying it the same as promising? My son knows the difference in that very well as he usually won't promise anything. I just replied that no it wasn't the same and asked if he wanted to make everything into an argument? I think that he does...
I'm not sure why not however he hasn't been to the liquor store since Friday. He does still have enough money left for probably two trips of his usual. The next thing was asking me to take him to the grocery store for treats. I agreed to take him however he was paying for it. Well it's my job to feed him three meals a day and I'm not doing it so he is going to call his Nana and tell her I'm not buying him groceries... Our kitchen is quit full of food since we spend over $1200 a month on groceries. He made his phone call... We took him to the grocery store. He didn't get anything. I offered to take him to the dollar store as he can load up on treats there for cheap. He said no that he had better things to spend his money on like alcohol.
Again I will have to say how impressed I have been with hubby. I know he has a hard time dealing with seeing my son act like this however he is slowly seeing most of it for what it is. My son is having temper tantrums like a child except he is doing it with a 21 year old vocabulary and in a man's body which can be concerning when alcohol is added to the mix. Even my hubby has started getting stuff for my son when we are grocery shopping and he is not with us. Michael likes these...
In between all this my son is giving me a hard time about doing anything that I ask him to do. I have jars for the beef jerky that I make. Friday night I had one of them out and my son brought out the other two along with other snacks. Asking him to put this stuff away the next day... Yah that was fun. Well one of them was mine so therefore he shouldn't have to pick it up. I put mine away. He refused to put the other two away. Finally a day later I did...
Yesterday it was grapes that he took out. I asked if he was done with them could he put them away. He wasn't done with them yet... He did finally put them away and of course as is usual for my son he has to do these things when I'm in the kitchen in the middle of doing something. No excuse me's or anything... He pays the rent ;) You can see it in the way that he is walking around here and how he is looking at us. Pure defiance. We have been trying our best to ignore it and not give it any attention.
We have fruit-flies. I have been noticing them for a couple of days now. I have been trying to disinfect the kitchen and figure out where they are coming from. Yesterday I went around emptying all the garbages just in case. At least 30 of them came out of my son's garbage in his room when I grabbed it. Great! It's all the sweats and treats that he doesn't have ;) He has a big bag full of assorted treats in his room and his garbage was full of ice cream wrappers etc. I sprayed stuff down with Febreze but I'm going to have to get some Lysol I guess...
The last time he had a bath was on April 23. Before that it was awhile as I had asked him to make sure he cleans the tub afterwards because he does private stuff while in the tub and I didn't want to be bathing in it myself. Yesterday I tried to motivate him into a shower. Hubby and I had to go get cigarettes and I said he could come with us for the car ride however I wanted him to have a shower first as it's been awhile. He didn't have the energy and would have one later. This never happens when he says this. I said we would wait for him to get up the energy to have one so that he could go with us. I had an errand to run so we went to do that to give my son time and we brought him back a coffee. He decided not to come...
Hubby and I had a nice drive. We need that one on one time to just be a couple.
We came back and I spent time in the backyard with my son. Not saying much because right now it doesn't seem to matter what I say to him he will respond in the negative. So I colored. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a mom and I have experience with kids having temper tantrums and using negative tactics to get attention. My son has never done this... I could feel him watching/looking at me. He put both his legs on the table and started rocking them. The whole table was rocking along with everything on it. He is just looking at me... I ignored him and kept coloring. Eventually he stopped ;)
He stopped taking Melatonin, again, when he started the Latuda. So even though we have the new antipsychotic on board he is still not sleeping good because he isn't taking anything to help him sleep. Latuda is not sedating. Last night when I checked on him around 1:30, he had taken the Melatonin and not his Invega or Latuda. Just breathe right... I woke him up to take them. Of course asking very nicely so that I don't trigger his ODD defiance any further. This morning he was up before 5...
What woke me up was my son asking my hubby for a pack of cigarettes. Now I haven't rolled cigarettes since my kids were small... So I Googled it ;) On Thursday he bought 100 grams of tobacco which should roll around a carton or 200 cigarettes. It's been 3 days and he has gone through 3/4 of it. He is now out of tubes. He said he had around 180 tubes when he got the tobacco so it seems to fit. He also has partial packs of two other kinds of cigarettes and yesterday was smoking my hubby's. I got attitude for asking him not to just take my hubby's cigarettes as he was without asking.
I know this post is getting long winded. So many thoughts in my head... I put hubby's cigarettes away because I know my son will just take them when he wants and we can't afford this. My son probably has more money in his bank account right now then hubby and I do put together. I'm trying really hard not to go further into dept. Because of my son snorting the aspirin I have now put away anything that can be crushed up and snorted... It makes me think of all the times in the past that I have fallen for the mindset of how hard-done-by my son was however I also know how hard it can be to keep things for other people when my son thinks that he is entitled to anything that he wants.
Wouldn't it be nice if someone I trusted could walk in and tell me what to do? Notice I added the trusted part. ;) I'm sure I could get lots of advise however depending on who gave it to me I wouldn't trust it... We need more money coming in to cover our expenses and our dept. The thought of leaving my home unattended and open to whatever my son sees fit to do with or in it while I'm at work... Seriously nothing would be safe from addiction or schizophrenia.
Oh well...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
My son received his disability money on Thursday. That day he got his vodka... I didn't say anything except to remind him that it doesn't come onto our property. He sat outside our gate and drank it. When hubby got off work we went to our chiropractor, to the bank and to a store for my son to buy tobacco since he has decided to roll cigarettes. He wasn't happy that it cost him $40 for his tub of tobacco. That night I gave him an Olanzapine with his Invega and he took it.
Friday had the makings of a bad day. He was outside drinking another bottle of vodka and hmmm, I'm really going to have to write down the name of the other bottle he gets, when I found the bowl in his room. I went out to ask him what it was. He told me aspirin.
I was somewhat impressed with myself as I didn't get mad or even upset. I was kind of amused as honestly what could you possible get out of snorting aspirin? I'm not even sure when the conversation took the negative turn that it did but it did. He told me that he was better then me. I replied that he wasn't better then me. Next thing I'm being called a bitch and a fat whore numerous times along with other swear words. I did my best to keep it light. Told him that no matter what he called me I was still going to love him and seriously look at me... Do I look like a fat whore? Apparently yes...
I was just thinking to meet this hate with love... I told him again that I loved him. He said prove it. I replied that I was still here and I knelt down. I was 3 feet away from him and I didn't get any closer. At this point I got told to get out of his face or he was going to smack me and knock me out. He said he wasn't threatening me... I again told him I loved him and walked away. Left him sitting out there, in the dirt, surrounded by 3 bottles (one from the day before) and cigarette butts. We were also back to the "I pay the rent around here and this is 35% my property."
I came inside and called PACT and talked to his new nurse. I think I was looking for some sort of assurance, not that I got any... If I felt unsafe... A year ago I didn't know what he was capable of. Although he is not in active psychosis right now. He is experiencing symptoms yes however he is aware of what he is saying. He is relatively stable. I was seeing an angry drunk... Really nothing new there as I have been seeing that all my life and sadly he does have it in his genes.
Perhaps not the best choice however one boundary I refuse to budge on is the consequences to swearing at me. I disconnected the internet. Went back to the cleaning I was doing. He comes downstairs and asks when he is going to get the internet back. Some how he has morphed what was said into me telling him that he wasn't better. Period. So therefor he was justified in talking to me the way that he did. I told him I wasn't going to discuss it right now. Another flood of name calling and swearing that ended with "Cook my dinner bitch."
I ignored him and went about my cleaning. I think he passed out for a bit...
Since then his defiance has been in high gear. About pretty much anything and everything. Friday his case worker dropped off his Latuda. He has been prescribed 80 mg. Apparently he was prescribed 60 mg however disability doesn't cover this dosage. Ridiculous isn't it? I think disability only recently started covering this medication. So his psychiatrist changed it to 80 as I think that may be the dose he was looking at eventually anyways. Average dosages seems to be between 40 and 160.
His nurse called on Saturday to check in and see if he took his Latuda. As far as I can tell he has been taking it. Since his defiance is in high gear he won't take his medications if he's alert and I'm watching him.
Hubby and I went grocery shopping without him on Saturday. He wasn't up when we left and honestly I'm not rewarding his behavior or attitude. We did bring him back a coffee since we had gotten ourselves one. He asked why I didn't get him up to go? Do you remember what you said to me yesterday? Yes... Well I'm not rewarding that. You got me a coffee. Yes, just because I'm not rewarding you doesn't mean I'm going to be rude either. Do you want the coffee? Give it to me... I started to walk in the house with it and told him he isn't going to get it by talking to me like that. He asked for it nicely so I gave it to him.
I had picked up some coloring books, crayons, pencil crayons and markers while shopping. A Thor book for him and two other ones for me. For a bit he colored in the Thor one. One of the ones I got is Care Bears. I used to love them when I was a kid :)
Remember the camping... He brings it up wanting to go... I told him not this weekend and we don't have money for it right now anyways. He says that I promised this month. No I didn't. I said I would look into it for this month. Well isn't saying it the same as promising? My son knows the difference in that very well as he usually won't promise anything. I just replied that no it wasn't the same and asked if he wanted to make everything into an argument? I think that he does...
I'm not sure why not however he hasn't been to the liquor store since Friday. He does still have enough money left for probably two trips of his usual. The next thing was asking me to take him to the grocery store for treats. I agreed to take him however he was paying for it. Well it's my job to feed him three meals a day and I'm not doing it so he is going to call his Nana and tell her I'm not buying him groceries... Our kitchen is quit full of food since we spend over $1200 a month on groceries. He made his phone call... We took him to the grocery store. He didn't get anything. I offered to take him to the dollar store as he can load up on treats there for cheap. He said no that he had better things to spend his money on like alcohol.
Again I will have to say how impressed I have been with hubby. I know he has a hard time dealing with seeing my son act like this however he is slowly seeing most of it for what it is. My son is having temper tantrums like a child except he is doing it with a 21 year old vocabulary and in a man's body which can be concerning when alcohol is added to the mix. Even my hubby has started getting stuff for my son when we are grocery shopping and he is not with us. Michael likes these...
In between all this my son is giving me a hard time about doing anything that I ask him to do. I have jars for the beef jerky that I make. Friday night I had one of them out and my son brought out the other two along with other snacks. Asking him to put this stuff away the next day... Yah that was fun. Well one of them was mine so therefore he shouldn't have to pick it up. I put mine away. He refused to put the other two away. Finally a day later I did...
Yesterday it was grapes that he took out. I asked if he was done with them could he put them away. He wasn't done with them yet... He did finally put them away and of course as is usual for my son he has to do these things when I'm in the kitchen in the middle of doing something. No excuse me's or anything... He pays the rent ;) You can see it in the way that he is walking around here and how he is looking at us. Pure defiance. We have been trying our best to ignore it and not give it any attention.
We have fruit-flies. I have been noticing them for a couple of days now. I have been trying to disinfect the kitchen and figure out where they are coming from. Yesterday I went around emptying all the garbages just in case. At least 30 of them came out of my son's garbage in his room when I grabbed it. Great! It's all the sweats and treats that he doesn't have ;) He has a big bag full of assorted treats in his room and his garbage was full of ice cream wrappers etc. I sprayed stuff down with Febreze but I'm going to have to get some Lysol I guess...
The last time he had a bath was on April 23. Before that it was awhile as I had asked him to make sure he cleans the tub afterwards because he does private stuff while in the tub and I didn't want to be bathing in it myself. Yesterday I tried to motivate him into a shower. Hubby and I had to go get cigarettes and I said he could come with us for the car ride however I wanted him to have a shower first as it's been awhile. He didn't have the energy and would have one later. This never happens when he says this. I said we would wait for him to get up the energy to have one so that he could go with us. I had an errand to run so we went to do that to give my son time and we brought him back a coffee. He decided not to come...
Hubby and I had a nice drive. We need that one on one time to just be a couple.
We came back and I spent time in the backyard with my son. Not saying much because right now it doesn't seem to matter what I say to him he will respond in the negative. So I colored. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a mom and I have experience with kids having temper tantrums and using negative tactics to get attention. My son has never done this... I could feel him watching/looking at me. He put both his legs on the table and started rocking them. The whole table was rocking along with everything on it. He is just looking at me... I ignored him and kept coloring. Eventually he stopped ;)
He stopped taking Melatonin, again, when he started the Latuda. So even though we have the new antipsychotic on board he is still not sleeping good because he isn't taking anything to help him sleep. Latuda is not sedating. Last night when I checked on him around 1:30, he had taken the Melatonin and not his Invega or Latuda. Just breathe right... I woke him up to take them. Of course asking very nicely so that I don't trigger his ODD defiance any further. This morning he was up before 5...
What woke me up was my son asking my hubby for a pack of cigarettes. Now I haven't rolled cigarettes since my kids were small... So I Googled it ;) On Thursday he bought 100 grams of tobacco which should roll around a carton or 200 cigarettes. It's been 3 days and he has gone through 3/4 of it. He is now out of tubes. He said he had around 180 tubes when he got the tobacco so it seems to fit. He also has partial packs of two other kinds of cigarettes and yesterday was smoking my hubby's. I got attitude for asking him not to just take my hubby's cigarettes as he was without asking.
I know this post is getting long winded. So many thoughts in my head... I put hubby's cigarettes away because I know my son will just take them when he wants and we can't afford this. My son probably has more money in his bank account right now then hubby and I do put together. I'm trying really hard not to go further into dept. Because of my son snorting the aspirin I have now put away anything that can be crushed up and snorted... It makes me think of all the times in the past that I have fallen for the mindset of how hard-done-by my son was however I also know how hard it can be to keep things for other people when my son thinks that he is entitled to anything that he wants.
Wouldn't it be nice if someone I trusted could walk in and tell me what to do? Notice I added the trusted part. ;) I'm sure I could get lots of advise however depending on who gave it to me I wouldn't trust it... We need more money coming in to cover our expenses and our dept. The thought of leaving my home unattended and open to whatever my son sees fit to do with or in it while I'm at work... Seriously nothing would be safe from addiction or schizophrenia.
Oh well...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Saint Dymphna, Saint Michael, a job? and being healthy.
About three weeks ago I learned about Saint Dymphna. She is the patron saint of the nervous, emotionally disturbed, mentally ill and those who suffer neurological disorders. She is also the patron saint of victims of incest.
Her story can be found here: Wikipedia - Saint Dymphna
My prayer to her:
I decided that I wanted a pendent for my necklace of her so my husband made it my birthday present. Saturday morning we went to a store that carries them. In the beginning I was thinking about getting three of them. One for me, my son and my daughter. Yesterday I had mine engraved with the initials of both of my children.
While at the store discussing Saints the clerk mentioned Saint Michael who is an Archangel. I knew that he was an Archangel however I know little of him beyond that. He is the patron saint of chivalry and warriors. The sick and the suffering also consider him to be their patron. The serpent that he is slaying in depictions of him represents evil. He is seen as one who protects against evil.
His story can be found here: Wikipedia - Saint Michael (Archangel)
My son's name is Michael... It just made sense so I got my son Saint Michael he does need help fighting his demons or evil entities. When I saw the detail of Michael's sword as it slayed the serpent... My son's hallucinations involve him creating armor to protect himself and he enjoys playing online games that involve armor etc. When we got home I took it to him and put it on him explaining who Saint Michael was. I also got him a medallion he can carry around that says: My son. You may have outgrown my lap but you will never outgrow my heart. I couldn't find one similar for my daughter. :(
I blogged a bit ago about my son wanting stuffed animals or stuffies as he calls them :). For awhile he wasn't paying much attention to them however recently he is back to cuddling with them. I know because I helped to arrange them last night before I did what has become our night time activity of me scratching and rubbing his back and head.
I know that sometimes my writing here can sound fairly negative. It's because this is my place to vent my thoughts and feelings and sort them out. Getting them out here means that they won't be directed at my son. Perhaps my hubby at times ;) but not my son. I can't recall the last time that I even raised my voice to him. Certainly not since we moved or since I've been on the Venlafaxine, so a couple of months. My husband says that he has seen a change in my son with how he is with me since I went to British Columbia to get him and that my son loves me more then I give him credit for. He may be right. I do know it's different now. My son spends more time sitting on the same sofa as us when we are watching TV. He spends more time having tea and watching TV with us. In fact if I don't think to ask my son to join us then my husband does because he doesn't want my son spending to much time in his room alone.
Despite our issues at times, I never need to wonder why I love my husband. I know that he finds all this frustrating at times, as I do, because we have seen how good my son can be. I don't mean good in behavior but good as in stable, clean and basically schizophrenia symptom free. It's hard to accept that as good as my son is doing right now and all things considered he is doing good, that this is the best we can expect because... Honestly why should we when we know that it can be so much better.
It's sad because instances like February and the shelter happen and they are no one's fault. It's when addiction, schizophrenia and oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) take over. If we could keep these things at bay for just a little while... Imagine what we could accomplish!
Yesterday my hubby asked me if my son was ok because he got up and didn't say anything. My hubby has problems reading social ques and people'e emotions. I really do think he has some asperger traits ;). No it's our routine... I may be up early but I don't like to talk. I want to wake up with my coffee, doing my social media. My son seems to be the same way. He gets up, we say good morning, he goes for a cigarette, grabs his energy drink and back up to his room sometimes to play his games, watch TV or 'think' depending on where his stability is at. As the day goes on we interact more.
Yes he is drinking energy drinks again. We have an agreement that if he keeps it to one a day and isn't drinking them at night, preferably in the morning than we buy him some when grocery shopping. So far he is doing this.
Remember the stones my hubby brought home for the back yard? Yesterday my husband asked for my son's help in placing them. Of course this meant my husband doing it but my son interacting with us while he did it. Then we were to go to the mall so I could get my pendant engraved.
Out of the blue my son asked about applying for a job at the corner store stating that if he had a job and some extra money his life would be perfect. Are you shocked? ;) I suggested the pet store that is just around the corner as I was thinking about applying there for some extra income. I had my son clip his nails and clean up a bit and we went over. They don't have applications so we have to do up a resume. They usually hire for summer hours.
Now I'm not sure what is motivating this however my son has been eating healthier. I have blogged about my own eating habits and what I eat for lunch. My son has also started eating the same things for snacks. Several times he would look at my lunch and take a cracker with brie cheese or a snap pea. Last week he started making his own plate of it including almonds!
Off and on he is now taking NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine) in the mornings. He isn't giving me grief about taking his multi-vitamins or Omega 3. It's not everyday and sometimes he forgets but when he does he is now taking two of each! Yesterday I even got him to take a B50 complex. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it as if I did he would probably stop ;) It's part of me and my husband's routine to take our supplements after dinner with our tea while we watch TV so I'm just including my son in that routine without any fanfare and for now anyways I think it is helping.
When I brought up the B50 my son asked what does it do. Does is have the sun vitamin? No that's vitamin D, I think. We take it to be healthier. My son stated he didn't want to be healthier because he doesn't want to have more energy during the day. Some old thinking/issues rearing their little head that I refer to as his ODD. I replied: Do you see me jumping around with lots of energy? It will just make you healthier not more energetic. He took it. Although he forgot to take his Omega 3. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. ;)
Tomorrow it will be one week since my son stopped taking his Olanzapine. He is still being compliant with 6 mg of Invega as he says he doesn't mind this one. So he is only on one medication. Honestly I was expecting that we would be in a pretty bad spot by now. While voices have emerged or what my son is referring to as thoughts... Everything else seems to be holding steady. His appetite is good. Fairly good actually as he is usually asking me now what time my hubby is getting home from work so that we can have supper/dinner. In fact he usually asks me earlier in the day what we are having for dinner and will sometimes ask if we can have a different side dish. Whenever it's rice he asks me to make extra for him. I'm glad my cooking skills are improving ;) So far he is still on a good sleep schedule. He goes to bed when hubby and I do which is anywhere between 8 and 9. He was up at 9 this morning and rarely goes past 10:30. He is sometimes up earlier in the night for a cigarette and something to eat but goes right back to bed. There has been no sleeping on the sofa!
One night it was cute because hubby wasn't working the next day, so we stayed up later watching TV. I think it was around 10, which is really late for us, my son asks: Isn't it bedtime? He was tired and wanted to go to bed but I guess he was waiting for us to go too. Our routines may be hard to implement and his ODD may flair up here and there but they are really helping him.
Whether it's diet or Saint Michael or routine and boundaries... I don't know but I'm glad, knock on wood, that we have managed at least for now to keep my son from going to far in the wrong direction. I know that the end of the month is coming and yes we will probably be dealing with a 'hiccup' and alcohol but every day that we are not is an accomplishment and a step in the right direction.
Today it is raining so hubby came home early from work. They went to go exchange cigarettes. My son has decided he wants to roll them. My hubby wasn't happy with his last carton either. Oi... They worked it out last night. Since what they are returning is what hubby and I paid for then my son doesn't get back the money and instead my hubby will us it to buy my son his tobacco and rolling papers.
When they get back we are going to take my son to get his blood work done for the family doctor and his physical.
His caseworker from PACT was just here to drop off his meds and a copy of another letter she sent to British Columbia disability. I guess because my son hasn't been attending their Wednesday outings he is at risk for losing his spot with this. I can understand that as they have a lot of clients and ones who want to participate. Will have to put more energy into this and hopefully he will attend this Wednesday's outing.
I'm off to do some dishes, get dressed and wait for my boys to come back.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Her story can be found here: Wikipedia - Saint Dymphna
My prayer to her:
I decided that I wanted a pendent for my necklace of her so my husband made it my birthday present. Saturday morning we went to a store that carries them. In the beginning I was thinking about getting three of them. One for me, my son and my daughter. Yesterday I had mine engraved with the initials of both of my children.
While at the store discussing Saints the clerk mentioned Saint Michael who is an Archangel. I knew that he was an Archangel however I know little of him beyond that. He is the patron saint of chivalry and warriors. The sick and the suffering also consider him to be their patron. The serpent that he is slaying in depictions of him represents evil. He is seen as one who protects against evil.
His story can be found here: Wikipedia - Saint Michael (Archangel)
My son's name is Michael... It just made sense so I got my son Saint Michael he does need help fighting his demons or evil entities. When I saw the detail of Michael's sword as it slayed the serpent... My son's hallucinations involve him creating armor to protect himself and he enjoys playing online games that involve armor etc. When we got home I took it to him and put it on him explaining who Saint Michael was. I also got him a medallion he can carry around that says: My son. You may have outgrown my lap but you will never outgrow my heart. I couldn't find one similar for my daughter. :(
I blogged a bit ago about my son wanting stuffed animals or stuffies as he calls them :). For awhile he wasn't paying much attention to them however recently he is back to cuddling with them. I know because I helped to arrange them last night before I did what has become our night time activity of me scratching and rubbing his back and head.
I know that sometimes my writing here can sound fairly negative. It's because this is my place to vent my thoughts and feelings and sort them out. Getting them out here means that they won't be directed at my son. Perhaps my hubby at times ;) but not my son. I can't recall the last time that I even raised my voice to him. Certainly not since we moved or since I've been on the Venlafaxine, so a couple of months. My husband says that he has seen a change in my son with how he is with me since I went to British Columbia to get him and that my son loves me more then I give him credit for. He may be right. I do know it's different now. My son spends more time sitting on the same sofa as us when we are watching TV. He spends more time having tea and watching TV with us. In fact if I don't think to ask my son to join us then my husband does because he doesn't want my son spending to much time in his room alone.
Despite our issues at times, I never need to wonder why I love my husband. I know that he finds all this frustrating at times, as I do, because we have seen how good my son can be. I don't mean good in behavior but good as in stable, clean and basically schizophrenia symptom free. It's hard to accept that as good as my son is doing right now and all things considered he is doing good, that this is the best we can expect because... Honestly why should we when we know that it can be so much better.
It's sad because instances like February and the shelter happen and they are no one's fault. It's when addiction, schizophrenia and oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) take over. If we could keep these things at bay for just a little while... Imagine what we could accomplish!
Yesterday my hubby asked me if my son was ok because he got up and didn't say anything. My hubby has problems reading social ques and people'e emotions. I really do think he has some asperger traits ;). No it's our routine... I may be up early but I don't like to talk. I want to wake up with my coffee, doing my social media. My son seems to be the same way. He gets up, we say good morning, he goes for a cigarette, grabs his energy drink and back up to his room sometimes to play his games, watch TV or 'think' depending on where his stability is at. As the day goes on we interact more.
Yes he is drinking energy drinks again. We have an agreement that if he keeps it to one a day and isn't drinking them at night, preferably in the morning than we buy him some when grocery shopping. So far he is doing this.
Remember the stones my hubby brought home for the back yard? Yesterday my husband asked for my son's help in placing them. Of course this meant my husband doing it but my son interacting with us while he did it. Then we were to go to the mall so I could get my pendant engraved.
Out of the blue my son asked about applying for a job at the corner store stating that if he had a job and some extra money his life would be perfect. Are you shocked? ;) I suggested the pet store that is just around the corner as I was thinking about applying there for some extra income. I had my son clip his nails and clean up a bit and we went over. They don't have applications so we have to do up a resume. They usually hire for summer hours.
Now I'm not sure what is motivating this however my son has been eating healthier. I have blogged about my own eating habits and what I eat for lunch. My son has also started eating the same things for snacks. Several times he would look at my lunch and take a cracker with brie cheese or a snap pea. Last week he started making his own plate of it including almonds!
Off and on he is now taking NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine) in the mornings. He isn't giving me grief about taking his multi-vitamins or Omega 3. It's not everyday and sometimes he forgets but when he does he is now taking two of each! Yesterday I even got him to take a B50 complex. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it as if I did he would probably stop ;) It's part of me and my husband's routine to take our supplements after dinner with our tea while we watch TV so I'm just including my son in that routine without any fanfare and for now anyways I think it is helping.
When I brought up the B50 my son asked what does it do. Does is have the sun vitamin? No that's vitamin D, I think. We take it to be healthier. My son stated he didn't want to be healthier because he doesn't want to have more energy during the day. Some old thinking/issues rearing their little head that I refer to as his ODD. I replied: Do you see me jumping around with lots of energy? It will just make you healthier not more energetic. He took it. Although he forgot to take his Omega 3. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. ;)
Tomorrow it will be one week since my son stopped taking his Olanzapine. He is still being compliant with 6 mg of Invega as he says he doesn't mind this one. So he is only on one medication. Honestly I was expecting that we would be in a pretty bad spot by now. While voices have emerged or what my son is referring to as thoughts... Everything else seems to be holding steady. His appetite is good. Fairly good actually as he is usually asking me now what time my hubby is getting home from work so that we can have supper/dinner. In fact he usually asks me earlier in the day what we are having for dinner and will sometimes ask if we can have a different side dish. Whenever it's rice he asks me to make extra for him. I'm glad my cooking skills are improving ;) So far he is still on a good sleep schedule. He goes to bed when hubby and I do which is anywhere between 8 and 9. He was up at 9 this morning and rarely goes past 10:30. He is sometimes up earlier in the night for a cigarette and something to eat but goes right back to bed. There has been no sleeping on the sofa!
One night it was cute because hubby wasn't working the next day, so we stayed up later watching TV. I think it was around 10, which is really late for us, my son asks: Isn't it bedtime? He was tired and wanted to go to bed but I guess he was waiting for us to go too. Our routines may be hard to implement and his ODD may flair up here and there but they are really helping him.
Whether it's diet or Saint Michael or routine and boundaries... I don't know but I'm glad, knock on wood, that we have managed at least for now to keep my son from going to far in the wrong direction. I know that the end of the month is coming and yes we will probably be dealing with a 'hiccup' and alcohol but every day that we are not is an accomplishment and a step in the right direction.
Today it is raining so hubby came home early from work. They went to go exchange cigarettes. My son has decided he wants to roll them. My hubby wasn't happy with his last carton either. Oi... They worked it out last night. Since what they are returning is what hubby and I paid for then my son doesn't get back the money and instead my hubby will us it to buy my son his tobacco and rolling papers.
When they get back we are going to take my son to get his blood work done for the family doctor and his physical.
His caseworker from PACT was just here to drop off his meds and a copy of another letter she sent to British Columbia disability. I guess because my son hasn't been attending their Wednesday outings he is at risk for losing his spot with this. I can understand that as they have a lot of clients and ones who want to participate. Will have to put more energy into this and hopefully he will attend this Wednesday's outing.
I'm off to do some dishes, get dressed and wait for my boys to come back.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
You win some, you lose some.
Monday night and Tuesday was a little rough. Ok a lot rough ;) I did indeed come down with my son's stomach flu. Not nice! Finally starting to feel better.
That good news I mentioned in my last post... Not so good after all. I called up an old boss and he told me to Google employment scams... Sure enough this 'job' meets the requirements. So yah, I came pretty close to being scammed. Sucks too because I was so happy to have the opportunity to 'pull my own weight' and bring in some money. Oh well. Next time!
Knocking on wood didn't keep my son from alcohol for very long. Tuesday was a bottle of hard liquor and Wednesday was a bottle of wine. Yesterday morning he was asking me about the types of demons. Last night he was all negative about life. *sigh* How to help him see what is so obvious... Drinking makes him depressed, anxious and causes his mind to race. As well as triggers his schizophrenia symptoms and delusional thinking.
He has been a little moody? Not as agitated as I have seen him in the past but it's still there. I have been trying to keep an eye on any signs of his ODD acting up. So far there hasn't been much defiance. I don't know if that's him or me trying hard to know when to walk away or just stop talking. He has spent his disability money for the month so there have already been a couple of occasions where he wants to 'discuss' me giving him more money. I let him know that it's his actions that brought us to this point of disability handling his money as they are and that I am not going to protect him from the consequences. I remind him that we have already spent more then the amount he wants, on him. I have been keeping the receipts just in case he ever wants to argue this ;) If the conversation starts to take a turn for the worse and he starts to get angry then I'm doing my best to just not respond. Seems to working. For now anyways. Although it could be the knowledge that he can't run away from home with his whole check anymore that is stopping him from acting out as he has in the past about not getting his own way.
Thursday he had his appointment with ADAPT, addiction services. I was allowed to participate in the meeting. I gave the lady a short history of his alcohol consumption.
Mar 6: 2 bottles
Mar 10: 3 bottles
Mar 16: 2 bottles
Mar 27: 1 bottle
Mar 31: 1 bottle
Apr 7: 1 bottle
Apr 8: Wine
He also gets these little bottles of something else... So in the last month he has drunk over 4000 ml of hard liquor. Reluctantly he is agreeing to give ADAPT a chance so *fingers crossed* some good will come out of this. I'm really hoping that he will listen to someone else about what addiction is and can do to a person and hopefully they can help him...
I booked doctor appointments for me and my son on Thursday. I needed to get my antidepressants refilled and appease hubby that I'm doing ok. I did have to acknowledge yesterday when I had a bath that yeah I have lost weight. The stomach flu didn't help but I do need to put some weight back on. Anyways the doctor said I'm good. I had asked the PACT team to do blood work on my son to make sure his was healthy. I guess I didn't clarify that I wanted this for his family doctor as well to make sure he was healthy not just for organ functions regarding antipsychotic use, so the blood work they had done wasn't what I thought. So my son now has a new blood work requisition that he is agreeing to do 'For mom' he told the doctor ;) so we can check his vitamin etc levels. Once that is done then he will also get a physical done as I brought up my son's wheezing that he is still doing!
My son wants us to set up the backyard. I still don't think its that nice out today but I think I have put him off long enough and tomorrow is supposed to be really nice. So I'm off to the backyard with my son...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
That good news I mentioned in my last post... Not so good after all. I called up an old boss and he told me to Google employment scams... Sure enough this 'job' meets the requirements. So yah, I came pretty close to being scammed. Sucks too because I was so happy to have the opportunity to 'pull my own weight' and bring in some money. Oh well. Next time!
Knocking on wood didn't keep my son from alcohol for very long. Tuesday was a bottle of hard liquor and Wednesday was a bottle of wine. Yesterday morning he was asking me about the types of demons. Last night he was all negative about life. *sigh* How to help him see what is so obvious... Drinking makes him depressed, anxious and causes his mind to race. As well as triggers his schizophrenia symptoms and delusional thinking.
He has been a little moody? Not as agitated as I have seen him in the past but it's still there. I have been trying to keep an eye on any signs of his ODD acting up. So far there hasn't been much defiance. I don't know if that's him or me trying hard to know when to walk away or just stop talking. He has spent his disability money for the month so there have already been a couple of occasions where he wants to 'discuss' me giving him more money. I let him know that it's his actions that brought us to this point of disability handling his money as they are and that I am not going to protect him from the consequences. I remind him that we have already spent more then the amount he wants, on him. I have been keeping the receipts just in case he ever wants to argue this ;) If the conversation starts to take a turn for the worse and he starts to get angry then I'm doing my best to just not respond. Seems to working. For now anyways. Although it could be the knowledge that he can't run away from home with his whole check anymore that is stopping him from acting out as he has in the past about not getting his own way.
Thursday he had his appointment with ADAPT, addiction services. I was allowed to participate in the meeting. I gave the lady a short history of his alcohol consumption.
Mar 6: 2 bottles
Mar 10: 3 bottles
Mar 16: 2 bottles
Mar 27: 1 bottle
Mar 31: 1 bottle
Apr 7: 1 bottle
Apr 8: Wine
He also gets these little bottles of something else... So in the last month he has drunk over 4000 ml of hard liquor. Reluctantly he is agreeing to give ADAPT a chance so *fingers crossed* some good will come out of this. I'm really hoping that he will listen to someone else about what addiction is and can do to a person and hopefully they can help him...
I booked doctor appointments for me and my son on Thursday. I needed to get my antidepressants refilled and appease hubby that I'm doing ok. I did have to acknowledge yesterday when I had a bath that yeah I have lost weight. The stomach flu didn't help but I do need to put some weight back on. Anyways the doctor said I'm good. I had asked the PACT team to do blood work on my son to make sure his was healthy. I guess I didn't clarify that I wanted this for his family doctor as well to make sure he was healthy not just for organ functions regarding antipsychotic use, so the blood work they had done wasn't what I thought. So my son now has a new blood work requisition that he is agreeing to do 'For mom' he told the doctor ;) so we can check his vitamin etc levels. Once that is done then he will also get a physical done as I brought up my son's wheezing that he is still doing!
My son wants us to set up the backyard. I still don't think its that nice out today but I think I have put him off long enough and tomorrow is supposed to be really nice. So I'm off to the backyard with my son...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, February 9, 2015
It's none of your business... It doesn't take much.
First I would like to highlight some of the reading that I have been doing the last couple of days.
This blog caught my attention and I'm loving it: Behind The Walls
A couple of articles in particular that I really liked are: "Why a fear of labels can cause more damage then calling it like it is" and "The dangers of 'coddling' a child who lives with a serious mental illness. Five ways to be supportive instead".
Another site that I came across is: Empowering Parents
3 Parenting styles that undermine your authority
The Jekyll and Hyde Child
I have read and reread articles on keeping boundaries in place and keeping to the rules even more so when dealing with ADHD and/or ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Still I let them slip...
Saturday night I didn't stop him from sleeping on the sofa. Maybe one day I will learn... We had a good dinner. The chicken turned out good. Hubby again had to go snow plowing and left early evening. Around 9 or 10 I suggested to my son that he take an Olanzapine to knock out the voices and to get a good nights sleep as he hadn't slept much the night before and was up all day. He surprisingly easily agreed and went and took one and his Invega. Then dragged his blanket out to the sofa... I tidied up his room and fixed up his bed and told him to go to bed and watch his tablet or something. He went to bed and I went to read in bed.
Within about 15 minutes I could hear him almost hysterically laughing. I went to check on him as for a minute I wondered if he was crying... No he was laughing. I again suggested he watch something on his tablet as he wasn't helping himself by putting so much attention into the voices. I told him that if he continued to do so that he may make it worse and possibly bring on tactile hallucination which I know he doesn't like. He did start playing a game on it. For about 10 minutes... Then he was dragging his blanket out to the sofa again stating he was going to watch TV. I reminded him that he wasn't sleeping on the sofa.
I dosed off for a bit and woke up I think around 11:30. Of course he is asleep on the sofa. I wake him up and he states: I'm going to sleep here tonight. No you are not. Hubby wasn't home but he would need the sofa when he got home since that is where he sleeps now due to his restless legs being so bad. I nicely shooed him off to bed. My hubby's pillow was soaked with my son's sweat. I'm sure the sofa was too. So I took off the pillow case and went hunting for another one. Didn't find one ;)
My son got up around 11:30 today. I asked: How did you sleep? Good. Then I asked: How are the voices? I guess today that question wasn't ok again. I got told it was none of my business. This time I let him know that that comment pissed me off. I didn't yell or anything like that however I did calmly tell him that he had pissed me off. That he is my business and so is his mental health. If he is not my business than he can call disability today and straighten out his file since he is on it due to his mental health which is none of my business. Then I went for a smoke. Sadly I'm smoking more lately...
A little while later he decides to tell me that he has no entities and that the they are voices now and aren't real. I had to ask him: Now was that so hard? Reality is he probably wants me to call disability for him.
Several hours later I brought up to him about sleeping on the sofa and that he had slept on my hubby's pillow and soaked it with sweat. He insists he didn't sleep on the sofa... He started bringing out the room and board contract we had signed stating I couldn't do... I pulled it out and read it. Along with the things he is supposed to be doing per the contract and isn't. It was starting to turn into a disagreement so I finally said: If you don't want to acknowledge it then that's ok. And I started putting my stuff on to go out for another smoke!
I'm not sure where the verbal outburst came from but it came... I got called a string of derogatory comments and swore at. So many I couldn't count them. I calmly walked over to where the wireless internet is and unplugged it stating: Well you have lost the internet for a while. (Rule is one day for each offense so I think around 10?) He calmly got up and left for a smoke. Now the tell-tale sign that my son was in complete control over what he was saying was the fact that when he left he very quietly closed the front door. The way he had talked to me was on purpose.
Shortly after his case worker showed up with his Invega. I gave her a quick rundown. She tried to talk to him and he laughed it off, said it was funny that he called me what he did. Then he tried asking for Ativan. Could he get it if he went to the hospital? She said not likely that his psychiatrist won't prescribe it and it's on his file at the hospital that he is benzo seeking.
I did discuss with his case worker then I'm really believing that the Olanzapine is bringing out aggression in my son. This is probably the 3rd time that I have seen him become more aggressive after taking it. Everyone says it shouldn't... Tell that to my son ;) Don't get me wrong as I do believe he was in control and that it is behavioral just being fueled by something. Either the Olanzapine or voices... Yet the Olanzapine seems to knock out the voices so that would even more point to the fact that his behavior is not schizophrenia related. I'm seriously on the fence with the Olanzapine. Knock out voices vs. apparently causing aggression.
I did bring up perhaps upping his Invega due to the brief conversation my son and I had Sunday morning about the fact that he shouldn't have to be killing entities in his head like he was. He stated he liked doing it... laughing at her. Finally I just said to his worker that he doesn't appear to be stable enough to be having this conversation. Although I would bet a paycheck (if I had one) on the fact that he made it appear worse to strengthen his case on needing/wanting benzos. She is going to talk to his team about his behavior and see what they have to say. She may also be scheduling him an appointment with his psychiatrist as he is due and discussed having him participate in some of the groups and activities. One of them being swimming on Mondays. She thinks he needs out more. I agree.
He is supposed to make dinner tonight. We had spoken about that this morning. Before the disagreement ;). Hubby is now home and it's dinner time. I haven't reminded him will be his reason for not doing it. It's on his calendar which is on the end table... that he refuses to look it.
Perhaps another dinner out for hubby and I. He has been working so much I have hardly seen him this last week or so, so we could do with the one on one time.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
This blog caught my attention and I'm loving it: Behind The Walls
A couple of articles in particular that I really liked are: "Why a fear of labels can cause more damage then calling it like it is" and "The dangers of 'coddling' a child who lives with a serious mental illness. Five ways to be supportive instead".
Another site that I came across is: Empowering Parents
3 Parenting styles that undermine your authority
The Jekyll and Hyde Child
I have read and reread articles on keeping boundaries in place and keeping to the rules even more so when dealing with ADHD and/or ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Still I let them slip...
Saturday night I didn't stop him from sleeping on the sofa. Maybe one day I will learn... We had a good dinner. The chicken turned out good. Hubby again had to go snow plowing and left early evening. Around 9 or 10 I suggested to my son that he take an Olanzapine to knock out the voices and to get a good nights sleep as he hadn't slept much the night before and was up all day. He surprisingly easily agreed and went and took one and his Invega. Then dragged his blanket out to the sofa... I tidied up his room and fixed up his bed and told him to go to bed and watch his tablet or something. He went to bed and I went to read in bed.
Within about 15 minutes I could hear him almost hysterically laughing. I went to check on him as for a minute I wondered if he was crying... No he was laughing. I again suggested he watch something on his tablet as he wasn't helping himself by putting so much attention into the voices. I told him that if he continued to do so that he may make it worse and possibly bring on tactile hallucination which I know he doesn't like. He did start playing a game on it. For about 10 minutes... Then he was dragging his blanket out to the sofa again stating he was going to watch TV. I reminded him that he wasn't sleeping on the sofa.
I dosed off for a bit and woke up I think around 11:30. Of course he is asleep on the sofa. I wake him up and he states: I'm going to sleep here tonight. No you are not. Hubby wasn't home but he would need the sofa when he got home since that is where he sleeps now due to his restless legs being so bad. I nicely shooed him off to bed. My hubby's pillow was soaked with my son's sweat. I'm sure the sofa was too. So I took off the pillow case and went hunting for another one. Didn't find one ;)
My son got up around 11:30 today. I asked: How did you sleep? Good. Then I asked: How are the voices? I guess today that question wasn't ok again. I got told it was none of my business. This time I let him know that that comment pissed me off. I didn't yell or anything like that however I did calmly tell him that he had pissed me off. That he is my business and so is his mental health. If he is not my business than he can call disability today and straighten out his file since he is on it due to his mental health which is none of my business. Then I went for a smoke. Sadly I'm smoking more lately...
A little while later he decides to tell me that he has no entities and that the they are voices now and aren't real. I had to ask him: Now was that so hard? Reality is he probably wants me to call disability for him.
Several hours later I brought up to him about sleeping on the sofa and that he had slept on my hubby's pillow and soaked it with sweat. He insists he didn't sleep on the sofa... He started bringing out the room and board contract we had signed stating I couldn't do... I pulled it out and read it. Along with the things he is supposed to be doing per the contract and isn't. It was starting to turn into a disagreement so I finally said: If you don't want to acknowledge it then that's ok. And I started putting my stuff on to go out for another smoke!
I'm not sure where the verbal outburst came from but it came... I got called a string of derogatory comments and swore at. So many I couldn't count them. I calmly walked over to where the wireless internet is and unplugged it stating: Well you have lost the internet for a while. (Rule is one day for each offense so I think around 10?) He calmly got up and left for a smoke. Now the tell-tale sign that my son was in complete control over what he was saying was the fact that when he left he very quietly closed the front door. The way he had talked to me was on purpose.
Shortly after his case worker showed up with his Invega. I gave her a quick rundown. She tried to talk to him and he laughed it off, said it was funny that he called me what he did. Then he tried asking for Ativan. Could he get it if he went to the hospital? She said not likely that his psychiatrist won't prescribe it and it's on his file at the hospital that he is benzo seeking.
I did discuss with his case worker then I'm really believing that the Olanzapine is bringing out aggression in my son. This is probably the 3rd time that I have seen him become more aggressive after taking it. Everyone says it shouldn't... Tell that to my son ;) Don't get me wrong as I do believe he was in control and that it is behavioral just being fueled by something. Either the Olanzapine or voices... Yet the Olanzapine seems to knock out the voices so that would even more point to the fact that his behavior is not schizophrenia related. I'm seriously on the fence with the Olanzapine. Knock out voices vs. apparently causing aggression.
I did bring up perhaps upping his Invega due to the brief conversation my son and I had Sunday morning about the fact that he shouldn't have to be killing entities in his head like he was. He stated he liked doing it... laughing at her. Finally I just said to his worker that he doesn't appear to be stable enough to be having this conversation. Although I would bet a paycheck (if I had one) on the fact that he made it appear worse to strengthen his case on needing/wanting benzos. She is going to talk to his team about his behavior and see what they have to say. She may also be scheduling him an appointment with his psychiatrist as he is due and discussed having him participate in some of the groups and activities. One of them being swimming on Mondays. She thinks he needs out more. I agree.
He is supposed to make dinner tonight. We had spoken about that this morning. Before the disagreement ;). Hubby is now home and it's dinner time. I haven't reminded him will be his reason for not doing it. It's on his calendar which is on the end table... that he refuses to look it.
Perhaps another dinner out for hubby and I. He has been working so much I have hardly seen him this last week or so, so we could do with the one on one time.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Support & Facebook Page
Yesterday hubby and I did go for dinner together. I'm glad that we did. Sometimes it feels really good to get out and spend some one on one time with my hubby that isn't centered around grocery shopping, doctor's appointments or errands. Around 7 PM my son asks: Are you making dinner? No...
His case worker was here today and discussed with him what support meant. Asked him when the last time was that he went grocery shopping by himself? Never. Does he know how to grocery shop or what to look for? He knows what he likes to eat. Does he have any bills that he pays? No. Does he cook meals? No. Does he know how to use public transit? Yes (if there is drugs or alcohol involved lol). Does he do his own laundry? Yes (still not done from two weeks ago). Does he shower regularly? When it gets bad enough (when I insist). Does he know what medications he is taking or prescribed? Yes Invega (and Olanzapine). Does he know the doses? No. Does he take them on his own? Yes (I remind him sometimes/usually).
His case worker had him call and leave a message with the lady from housing support stating that he now understands what support means and that he is willing to accept it. I stayed out of the conversation as much as I could so that I didn't trigger any defiance in him. :)
Yesterday I was informed that his psychiatrist had discontinued his Trazodone prescription. Today I asked his case worker why because even though me may not take it often, sometimes it is needed and it's a PRN anyways... Apparently his nurse had advised his psychiatrist that he wasn't taking it so that is why. Good logic! If he stops taking his Invega would they stop prescribing that too?! Geesh! His case worker said she would let them know that he does take it sometimes.
You may want to hold onto something... My son just did the dishes! I think I'm smiling like an idiot, on the inside anyways. As much as I would like to make a big deal of this I know that it's not a good idea. Sometimes it can be taken as belittling or condescending and with my son it usually gives him the ok to not do anything else... I did say a very nice thank you! Think I'm going to go outside for a cigarette so I can smile like an idiot for a minute! Be right back...
Remember the calendars that I said I was going to print yesterday? Well I printed some for this month and next month. I noted what days he is supposed to cook, do dishes and clean the toilet. Today is the day for dishes. Of course he isn't looking at them on his own. Baby steps right? I pointed out to him that today is dishes day. No movement to do them... A little while later I reminded him again. He asked what was for dinner and if it could be the salmon I took out yesterday. I did buy it because he said he likes salmon. I told him we were having salmon but I wasn't going to start dinner until he did the dishes and that it would be better for him to do them before I made more dirty. If he didn't do the dishes then I wouldn't cook dinner and I would go out instead. He said this wasn't fair. I asked if he had any money? No. When he does then we will discuss fair.
Shortly after he got up to do the dishes asking for help as he had no idea how. I helped him get started and he did them! Soap suds galore! :) I'm also making honey roasted carrots for dinner since he really likes them too! Wish me luck on the salmon as I think this is my first attempt at making it.
I decided to start a Facebook page. I sometimes feel like I may be over posting mental health posts on my normal news feed. I started one before but I never gave it much of a chance. With this page I can post to my hearts content! Also I can't post news articles etc here so I feel like I'm missing out on passing on information that someone may find useful.
If you are interested then this is the page: Facebook Page: Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey
I was thinking about reminding my son, again, about his laundry but I think I will leave that until tomorrow. He is playing games etc today for the first time in probably over a week.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
His case worker was here today and discussed with him what support meant. Asked him when the last time was that he went grocery shopping by himself? Never. Does he know how to grocery shop or what to look for? He knows what he likes to eat. Does he have any bills that he pays? No. Does he cook meals? No. Does he know how to use public transit? Yes (if there is drugs or alcohol involved lol). Does he do his own laundry? Yes (still not done from two weeks ago). Does he shower regularly? When it gets bad enough (when I insist). Does he know what medications he is taking or prescribed? Yes Invega (and Olanzapine). Does he know the doses? No. Does he take them on his own? Yes (I remind him sometimes/usually).
His case worker had him call and leave a message with the lady from housing support stating that he now understands what support means and that he is willing to accept it. I stayed out of the conversation as much as I could so that I didn't trigger any defiance in him. :)
Yesterday I was informed that his psychiatrist had discontinued his Trazodone prescription. Today I asked his case worker why because even though me may not take it often, sometimes it is needed and it's a PRN anyways... Apparently his nurse had advised his psychiatrist that he wasn't taking it so that is why. Good logic! If he stops taking his Invega would they stop prescribing that too?! Geesh! His case worker said she would let them know that he does take it sometimes.
You may want to hold onto something... My son just did the dishes! I think I'm smiling like an idiot, on the inside anyways. As much as I would like to make a big deal of this I know that it's not a good idea. Sometimes it can be taken as belittling or condescending and with my son it usually gives him the ok to not do anything else... I did say a very nice thank you! Think I'm going to go outside for a cigarette so I can smile like an idiot for a minute! Be right back...
Remember the calendars that I said I was going to print yesterday? Well I printed some for this month and next month. I noted what days he is supposed to cook, do dishes and clean the toilet. Today is the day for dishes. Of course he isn't looking at them on his own. Baby steps right? I pointed out to him that today is dishes day. No movement to do them... A little while later I reminded him again. He asked what was for dinner and if it could be the salmon I took out yesterday. I did buy it because he said he likes salmon. I told him we were having salmon but I wasn't going to start dinner until he did the dishes and that it would be better for him to do them before I made more dirty. If he didn't do the dishes then I wouldn't cook dinner and I would go out instead. He said this wasn't fair. I asked if he had any money? No. When he does then we will discuss fair.
Shortly after he got up to do the dishes asking for help as he had no idea how. I helped him get started and he did them! Soap suds galore! :) I'm also making honey roasted carrots for dinner since he really likes them too! Wish me luck on the salmon as I think this is my first attempt at making it.
I decided to start a Facebook page. I sometimes feel like I may be over posting mental health posts on my normal news feed. I started one before but I never gave it much of a chance. With this page I can post to my hearts content! Also I can't post news articles etc here so I feel like I'm missing out on passing on information that someone may find useful.
If you are interested then this is the page: Facebook Page: Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey
I was thinking about reminding my son, again, about his laundry but I think I will leave that until tomorrow. He is playing games etc today for the first time in probably over a week.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, January 26, 2015
Addiction-Go-Round
I just realized today that a lot of pictures have been removed from some of my past blog posts. My apologies. I think when I updated my profile to a blogger profile, it removed the pictures as I no longer had rights to them? I'm guessing :) I no longer have a lot of them however I did try to re-add where I could.
We did go to Red Lobster for dinner yesterday for my son's birthday. His first question: Can I have a real (alcoholic) Caesar? Even if I pay for it myself? No, not unless you want to sit at another table which would defy the point of us taking you out for your birthday.
It was a pretty quiet meal. My son due to symptoms and/or alcohol he may have already been drinking yesterday, was a little spacey. Slow to respond and had a hard time deciding and remembering his dinner choices. My husband asked him earlier in the day if he had been drinking already today as I guess he reeked of alcohol and my son replied: Yes. I don't know what to think unless he is hiding it in his room however I did a quick check yesterday and couldn't find it. Usually if he is hiding it outside the apartment then he is in and out a lot! but he hasn't been. Unless he finished it yesterday morning... Or I just didn't find it. *sigh*
Shortly after coming back from the restaurant my son was in bed, said he felt sick. I suggested he take an Olanzapine that night to counteract the alcohol and agreed that he looked sick as the alcohol and a missed dose of Invega was probably causing some psychosis. His typical response of: It appears that way and of course he later refused to take an Olanzapine.
I'm glad I got the pill case. Now I just peek in it and I can see what he didn't take. Right now he is only taking the Invega and a Melatonin at bed time. Thankfully he is sleeping as I'm pretty sure if we added no sleep to the mix right now he wouldn't be in a very good spot. He is also eating so that is a good thing.
He did get up and come out to watch a movie with us. Well set in the living room with us ;) When he is like this he doesn't watch TV even though he says he is. Twenty plus minutes into watching something and him saying something like: What are we watching? Is a pretty good sign that he has been in la-la land for the past twenty plus minutes.
A lot of lying around, doing nothing. Just lying there staring off into space or being in his own head space as I call it. He starts to play a game but it doesn't last long. Laughing out loud for no apparent reason is happening off and on. He is going to his room and closing the door... Ack! I was thinking he was doing 'private time' but perhaps I should be looking harder for the alcohol. *face palm* He is usually much longer when it's private time!
Today he asked me to call PACT for him as he wants his psychiatrist to prescribe a benzo. According to him it's been awhile since he abused them so they should be willing to try again. Hmmm. Because what we are seeing happening right now, missed meds and alcohol abuse, is an indication that things have changed? And he hasn't abused them because they haven't been prescribed. I reminded him that PACT's number is on his phone and that benzos are not allowed in the home so if he wants them then he will have to deal with PACT coming to administer them daily. Quit amazing how this little bit of information seems to stop him from trying to get them. If he really wanted them for the right reasons then PACT administering them wouldn't be the end of it.
He has been up for over five hours and I think has only gone out for two cigarettes. That's not a good sign. His smoking habits can be an indication of where he is at.
He has a telephone interview or intake session tomorrow morning with someone from either Ready4Life and/or one of the housing applications he did. It was the same number as the previous lady who worked for Ready4Life. I almost didn't answer the phone thinking it was here ;) It was another lady. I don't think he did an application for Ready4Life this time so they must be connected.
He still won't do his laundry but I did get him to cut his fingernails before going to Red Lobster. Toenails he put up resistance :(
Mark this on your calendar for January 28! Bell Let's Talk
Still no word on disability. While I'm not counting on his room and board money it would certainly come in handy! Juggling which credit payments to make priority isn't fun ;) Yet at the same time the thought of him having access to more money right now. *shudder*
I don't know if he is doing this just to push my buttons which is quit possible however he has started talking about smoking crack-cocaine, that he needs/wants to. He has no idea what a crack high is to even want it. Expensive as all get out is what it is and it only lasts for thirty seconds! Honestly if it was put in front of me today I don't think I would have any problems flushing it. So yah he is most likely trying to push my buttons. I haven't said much about the alcohol and I haven't been bugging him about taking his medications so his ODD is probably chomping at the bit to start an argument over something. Since he is cycling between addiction and symptoms then he probably has some pent up energy that needs a release. I will do my best to not be a scapegoat! Pray for me! :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
We did go to Red Lobster for dinner yesterday for my son's birthday. His first question: Can I have a real (alcoholic) Caesar? Even if I pay for it myself? No, not unless you want to sit at another table which would defy the point of us taking you out for your birthday.
It was a pretty quiet meal. My son due to symptoms and/or alcohol he may have already been drinking yesterday, was a little spacey. Slow to respond and had a hard time deciding and remembering his dinner choices. My husband asked him earlier in the day if he had been drinking already today as I guess he reeked of alcohol and my son replied: Yes. I don't know what to think unless he is hiding it in his room however I did a quick check yesterday and couldn't find it. Usually if he is hiding it outside the apartment then he is in and out a lot! but he hasn't been. Unless he finished it yesterday morning... Or I just didn't find it. *sigh*
Shortly after coming back from the restaurant my son was in bed, said he felt sick. I suggested he take an Olanzapine that night to counteract the alcohol and agreed that he looked sick as the alcohol and a missed dose of Invega was probably causing some psychosis. His typical response of: It appears that way and of course he later refused to take an Olanzapine.
I'm glad I got the pill case. Now I just peek in it and I can see what he didn't take. Right now he is only taking the Invega and a Melatonin at bed time. Thankfully he is sleeping as I'm pretty sure if we added no sleep to the mix right now he wouldn't be in a very good spot. He is also eating so that is a good thing.
He did get up and come out to watch a movie with us. Well set in the living room with us ;) When he is like this he doesn't watch TV even though he says he is. Twenty plus minutes into watching something and him saying something like: What are we watching? Is a pretty good sign that he has been in la-la land for the past twenty plus minutes.
A lot of lying around, doing nothing. Just lying there staring off into space or being in his own head space as I call it. He starts to play a game but it doesn't last long. Laughing out loud for no apparent reason is happening off and on. He is going to his room and closing the door... Ack! I was thinking he was doing 'private time' but perhaps I should be looking harder for the alcohol. *face palm* He is usually much longer when it's private time!
Today he asked me to call PACT for him as he wants his psychiatrist to prescribe a benzo. According to him it's been awhile since he abused them so they should be willing to try again. Hmmm. Because what we are seeing happening right now, missed meds and alcohol abuse, is an indication that things have changed? And he hasn't abused them because they haven't been prescribed. I reminded him that PACT's number is on his phone and that benzos are not allowed in the home so if he wants them then he will have to deal with PACT coming to administer them daily. Quit amazing how this little bit of information seems to stop him from trying to get them. If he really wanted them for the right reasons then PACT administering them wouldn't be the end of it.
He has been up for over five hours and I think has only gone out for two cigarettes. That's not a good sign. His smoking habits can be an indication of where he is at.
He has a telephone interview or intake session tomorrow morning with someone from either Ready4Life and/or one of the housing applications he did. It was the same number as the previous lady who worked for Ready4Life. I almost didn't answer the phone thinking it was here ;) It was another lady. I don't think he did an application for Ready4Life this time so they must be connected.
He still won't do his laundry but I did get him to cut his fingernails before going to Red Lobster. Toenails he put up resistance :(
Mark this on your calendar for January 28! Bell Let's Talk
Still no word on disability. While I'm not counting on his room and board money it would certainly come in handy! Juggling which credit payments to make priority isn't fun ;) Yet at the same time the thought of him having access to more money right now. *shudder*
I don't know if he is doing this just to push my buttons which is quit possible however he has started talking about smoking crack-cocaine, that he needs/wants to. He has no idea what a crack high is to even want it. Expensive as all get out is what it is and it only lasts for thirty seconds! Honestly if it was put in front of me today I don't think I would have any problems flushing it. So yah he is most likely trying to push my buttons. I haven't said much about the alcohol and I haven't been bugging him about taking his medications so his ODD is probably chomping at the bit to start an argument over something. Since he is cycling between addiction and symptoms then he probably has some pent up energy that needs a release. I will do my best to not be a scapegoat! Pray for me! :)
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Building Blocks, Things I Need to Work On.
Building blocks went through my mind the other day as I was talking to my son about money and cigarettes. I asked a leading question: Why do you not have any cigarettes? I knew the answer but I wanted to see if he was able to put two and two together and understand that consequences of his own actions. His response: Because I sold my carton of cigarettes. He sold ten packs of cigarettes and didn't even get enough money to buy two packs. Then ended up going back to the person he sold them too and getting back one of the packs. I ended up giving him some of my husbands. I explained to my son that the responsibility of this is on him and his choices. He would still have half a carton of cigarettes if he had not done what he did.
My son's 21st birthday is coming up. I know this may sound harsh however I agreed to purchase him cigarettes but he is to pay me back from the birthday money that he will be receiving from other family members. It will be his choice if he wants to buy expensive ones and be left with less money or learn to be responsible and buy the cheaper ones that he can afford (or quit). He actually bought even cheaper ones than he used to get! Impressive right?
Like I said I know it sounds a little harsh to do this regarding his birthday money however there is always something... Christmas and hospitalizations are two of them. Always reasons to not help my son learn responsibility and consequences for his own actions. Reasons that I can no longer afford or support.
Through no fault of his own and admittedly with my help my son has not learned some of the basic building blocks of being responsible or mature. For too many years he has been sheltered from the consequences of his own actions because he has schizophrenia. No it's not his fault... Still I'm beginning to see the error in not holding my son accountable for the choices that he sometimes make. Yes he has schizophrenia but he is not without the capability of understanding the consequences of those choices. Choices that everyone else, including myself, shoulder the responsibility for. Choices that I'm really beginning to see have very little to do with my son's schizophrenia.
A saying I like to use with my son is: The proof is in the pudding. When my son is not being given the opportunity to run away from his life here... The change in him and his attitude is night and day. Although his birthday is coming up so I could be mis-reading all of this...
Wednesday night things could have gone pretty badly. We were quickly heading to a repeat of September and a shelter. He was doing what he has been taught that he can do and get away with which was lying and manipulating. Thankfully it did not come to that again...
Since Thursday morning... Like I said night and day. My son's schizophrenia symptoms have not changed but his attitude has. Mom I have decided that I want to stay here and deal with... Really the choice was made for him but still it's the thought... Due to his symptoms he has not been doing too much. Still staying up late most nights and over all lying around. The difference is how he is going about it. He seems more willing to accept the idea that what he is experiencing is schizophrenia symptoms. He seems more willing to at least for right now be medication compliant. I have told him that he can't run from himself or schizophrenia. All this will follow him until he can learn to manage it. Perhaps by not being able to run from one thing he is also not running from other things as well?
He is back to doing things for himself. Not a lot but he is trying. Mom can you do...? No but I can show you how. And that is what I do. The other day I showed him how to make a tuna sandwich since he likes how I spice the tuna. A tuna sandwich may not sound like much but when my son has gone long periods without lifting a finger to do anything for himself, it's more then a start. If he only picks up some of the garbage when I'm tidying up his room, it's better then not helping at all. If he misses items while picking up after himself in the living room, he is picking up after himself. He did a load of laundry on Friday with little prompting from me. He still has another load to do and maybe today I can get him to tackle it.
I have been thinking about my part to play in all this. How I can help to build the right foundation with the right building blocks. He has missed out on so much including a reasonably normal child and parent relationship which includes arguments and butting heads over responsibilities and boundaries. Both of my kids have... I think I blogged a little while ago that I'm pretty fed up with schizophrenia. I have allowed it to control almost every aspect of our lives when it doesn't need to. Schizophrenia like any disease or disorder is not all of who my son is. He is a person outside of that and that person is not always Mr. Sunshine. Neither am I for that matter ;)
As a child grows and learns the boundaries of what s/he can or cannot do... My son has never learned those boundaries. Instead he has run from parent to parent to grandparent which we allowed. Each of us in turn contributing to what I can now see is probably more behavioral issues then mental illness.
I have been trying to think through and decide what to do about my son living with me long-term or being in the group home. I do believe that the group home is the best choice for him. Not the easy choice but the best choice. Currently we are experiencing a calm time... It never lasts though. And in the end my son can't live at home forever. He needs to take those steps out into adulthood.
What can I do? I think I need to reread how to discipline ADHD and ODD children and how to set appropriate boundaries and not be drawn into stupid arguments. This is a big one as I'm pretty sure my son tried to draw me into one last night. He again wanted a ride over to his friend's house or partner in instability is what I've given to calling him in my head. I of course said no to giving him a ride. I didn't say no to him going, I'm just not going to contribute to or enable the choice of drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana. Like I have referenced before (I think), I wouldn't drive him to a crack house so why would I drive him to a marijuana house... The reality is that right now alcohol and marijuana are as dangerous to my son as crack-cocaine is to me (a recovering addict) perhaps even more so as using will make him psychotic.
I blogged about ODD here: Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Anger
The harder part in all this may be the age appropriate boundaries... How to tell what is age appropriate for someone recovering from psychosis. I guess I will have to wing it... I know that he is capable of doing much much more then he is willing to do. Control myself, pick my battles, resist rescuing him from consequences and build on the positives! Bless him as he even makes building on the positives a hard one. It's like praising him gives him the idea that he can stop trying...
When I said that I wasn't taking him and that I wasn't going to discuss it further he asked me: What can we discuss then!? Ironically watching my husband refrain from saying anything even though I could see it pissing him off, helped me to not respond. It was obvious by my son's tone that he was looking for an argument. Piss me off and I would be more willing to have him out of the home and therefore give him a ride. I'm learning from my husband! Yes pick me up off the floor ;). It's a good learning curve for me though and I need to spend some time reading the books he is reading as I know that I'm not above learning and I really don't know everything... ;)
I blogged about these books here: Hello 2015! CBT and Mindfullness
I think I'm finally over that god awful cold! Now that I'm feeling better I can start putting myself in a better frame of mind and start taking care of things again. I sometimes mentally shake my head at myself as I let things slide entirely too far. I stopped doing all or most of the things that I tell other caregivers to do for themselves. Shame on me! I don't know where she went but my normal upbeat self got lost there for a little bit. I'm glad I'm coming back :) I need to take care of me too and that means not missing vitamins and supplements, doing my stretches and taking some time away from schizophrenia and mental health related things.
We are moving! So I need to start getting organized. I can't do much yet as we don't have an exact moving date but I can start clearing out things as I get back into the routine of doing more then the bare minimum around here. A little or lot of housework will do me some good!
To my sister if you are still reading: Thank you for the tablet for my son! He is enjoying it very much!
Mom
BarbieBF
My son's 21st birthday is coming up. I know this may sound harsh however I agreed to purchase him cigarettes but he is to pay me back from the birthday money that he will be receiving from other family members. It will be his choice if he wants to buy expensive ones and be left with less money or learn to be responsible and buy the cheaper ones that he can afford (or quit). He actually bought even cheaper ones than he used to get! Impressive right?
Like I said I know it sounds a little harsh to do this regarding his birthday money however there is always something... Christmas and hospitalizations are two of them. Always reasons to not help my son learn responsibility and consequences for his own actions. Reasons that I can no longer afford or support.
Through no fault of his own and admittedly with my help my son has not learned some of the basic building blocks of being responsible or mature. For too many years he has been sheltered from the consequences of his own actions because he has schizophrenia. No it's not his fault... Still I'm beginning to see the error in not holding my son accountable for the choices that he sometimes make. Yes he has schizophrenia but he is not without the capability of understanding the consequences of those choices. Choices that everyone else, including myself, shoulder the responsibility for. Choices that I'm really beginning to see have very little to do with my son's schizophrenia.
A saying I like to use with my son is: The proof is in the pudding. When my son is not being given the opportunity to run away from his life here... The change in him and his attitude is night and day. Although his birthday is coming up so I could be mis-reading all of this...
Wednesday night things could have gone pretty badly. We were quickly heading to a repeat of September and a shelter. He was doing what he has been taught that he can do and get away with which was lying and manipulating. Thankfully it did not come to that again...
Since Thursday morning... Like I said night and day. My son's schizophrenia symptoms have not changed but his attitude has. Mom I have decided that I want to stay here and deal with... Really the choice was made for him but still it's the thought... Due to his symptoms he has not been doing too much. Still staying up late most nights and over all lying around. The difference is how he is going about it. He seems more willing to accept the idea that what he is experiencing is schizophrenia symptoms. He seems more willing to at least for right now be medication compliant. I have told him that he can't run from himself or schizophrenia. All this will follow him until he can learn to manage it. Perhaps by not being able to run from one thing he is also not running from other things as well?
He is back to doing things for himself. Not a lot but he is trying. Mom can you do...? No but I can show you how. And that is what I do. The other day I showed him how to make a tuna sandwich since he likes how I spice the tuna. A tuna sandwich may not sound like much but when my son has gone long periods without lifting a finger to do anything for himself, it's more then a start. If he only picks up some of the garbage when I'm tidying up his room, it's better then not helping at all. If he misses items while picking up after himself in the living room, he is picking up after himself. He did a load of laundry on Friday with little prompting from me. He still has another load to do and maybe today I can get him to tackle it.
I have been thinking about my part to play in all this. How I can help to build the right foundation with the right building blocks. He has missed out on so much including a reasonably normal child and parent relationship which includes arguments and butting heads over responsibilities and boundaries. Both of my kids have... I think I blogged a little while ago that I'm pretty fed up with schizophrenia. I have allowed it to control almost every aspect of our lives when it doesn't need to. Schizophrenia like any disease or disorder is not all of who my son is. He is a person outside of that and that person is not always Mr. Sunshine. Neither am I for that matter ;)
As a child grows and learns the boundaries of what s/he can or cannot do... My son has never learned those boundaries. Instead he has run from parent to parent to grandparent which we allowed. Each of us in turn contributing to what I can now see is probably more behavioral issues then mental illness.
I have been trying to think through and decide what to do about my son living with me long-term or being in the group home. I do believe that the group home is the best choice for him. Not the easy choice but the best choice. Currently we are experiencing a calm time... It never lasts though. And in the end my son can't live at home forever. He needs to take those steps out into adulthood.
What can I do? I think I need to reread how to discipline ADHD and ODD children and how to set appropriate boundaries and not be drawn into stupid arguments. This is a big one as I'm pretty sure my son tried to draw me into one last night. He again wanted a ride over to his friend's house or partner in instability is what I've given to calling him in my head. I of course said no to giving him a ride. I didn't say no to him going, I'm just not going to contribute to or enable the choice of drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana. Like I have referenced before (I think), I wouldn't drive him to a crack house so why would I drive him to a marijuana house... The reality is that right now alcohol and marijuana are as dangerous to my son as crack-cocaine is to me (a recovering addict) perhaps even more so as using will make him psychotic.
I blogged about ODD here: Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Anger
The harder part in all this may be the age appropriate boundaries... How to tell what is age appropriate for someone recovering from psychosis. I guess I will have to wing it... I know that he is capable of doing much much more then he is willing to do. Control myself, pick my battles, resist rescuing him from consequences and build on the positives! Bless him as he even makes building on the positives a hard one. It's like praising him gives him the idea that he can stop trying...
When I said that I wasn't taking him and that I wasn't going to discuss it further he asked me: What can we discuss then!? Ironically watching my husband refrain from saying anything even though I could see it pissing him off, helped me to not respond. It was obvious by my son's tone that he was looking for an argument. Piss me off and I would be more willing to have him out of the home and therefore give him a ride. I'm learning from my husband! Yes pick me up off the floor ;). It's a good learning curve for me though and I need to spend some time reading the books he is reading as I know that I'm not above learning and I really don't know everything... ;)
I blogged about these books here: Hello 2015! CBT and Mindfullness
I think I'm finally over that god awful cold! Now that I'm feeling better I can start putting myself in a better frame of mind and start taking care of things again. I sometimes mentally shake my head at myself as I let things slide entirely too far. I stopped doing all or most of the things that I tell other caregivers to do for themselves. Shame on me! I don't know where she went but my normal upbeat self got lost there for a little bit. I'm glad I'm coming back :) I need to take care of me too and that means not missing vitamins and supplements, doing my stretches and taking some time away from schizophrenia and mental health related things.
We are moving! So I need to start getting organized. I can't do much yet as we don't have an exact moving date but I can start clearing out things as I get back into the routine of doing more then the bare minimum around here. A little or lot of housework will do me some good!
To my sister if you are still reading: Thank you for the tablet for my son! He is enjoying it very much!
Mom
BarbieBF
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