Sunday, July 5, 2015

I have a job! I think... They are back!

It feels like forever since I last blogged and it's only been a week. What a week. I think for the first time in years I can say that I'm glad it's Sunday! So unless you're my daughter, my husband or an emergency, chances are I will not be answering my phone today.

Hubby has been teasing me because I'm usually the one commenting that we go to bed too early and since Wednesday I have been asking him to come to bed anytime after 7. My insomnia certainly hasn't been an issue lately. ;) I've been exhausted. A good exhausted though.

I was put in touch with someone regarding a work from home opportunity. On June 29 I received a call asking if I was available for training that night. Yes! The job itself is fairly easy. It's pre-screening callers to see if they qualify. I had heard the term inside sales before however I wasn't sure exactly what it meant. Now I know. Well at least from this company's perspective. There have been a couple of bumpy spots as I try to learn the system and what is expected of me. Still not completely sure of what is expected of me time wise but that's ok. I still have tons of questions that haven't been answered. Hopefully in time the answers will come. As I learn more about how it works the more confident I feel doing the work. The reason I say I think I have a job is because it hasn't really been confirmed. I guess we could call this my probationary period.

For the past week I have been mentally all in, trying to learn the ropes. I think I'm getting the hang of it pretty good. I know that I can be a little slow getting started. Ask my old bosses! ;) However once I have something, you can usually count on me to carry through and go the extra mile. Tell me what you need and I will do my best to accommodate. If you don't tell me... Well I will give you what I think you need and hope for the best. Which is what I'm currently doing.

So yes bed looks and feels really good now! It feels good to go to bed tired. A good tired. Not like when I go to bed exhausted from butting heads, with no end in sight, with schizophrenia, addiction and all it entails. That exhaustion is grueling and wearing on the soul.

I'm afraid I have nothing good to report on my son. His Invega still has not been upped. His case worker dropped off his weekly medication pack on Friday stating that his nurse has not been in so nothing has been done. Awesome!

Tuesday he got his disability money. Of course that meant a trip to the liquor store for vodka. Hubby did take him to buy cigarettes first. He got 2 cartons. One of them is almost gone. He has missed taking his medications twice. Once he argued with me that he had taken them, that I had given him his medications twice that night. Wednesday he wouldn't take them because of the alcohol he had drank. Saying it would make him sick. I don't know if he still has alcohol left. He bought two bottles and so far I have only seen one bottle in the garbage. He hasn't been out to his 'secret spot' that I'm aware of for the past two days. I don't know if it's because he has forgotten or just doesn't want to. Or the ever present possibility that he has snuck it into his room.

I did give him back the internet however I let him know that it's dependent on me finding out that he is smoking in his room or not. I think he is a little bit however not like he was. I know this because I'm hearing him come in and out all hours of the night.

Yesterday he stressed me out. I was working and he was sitting out front. Our front porch is part of one of the court yards where all the kids play and hang out. I happened to look out... Thank goodness he was wrapped in a blanket but what he was doing was obvious. I quickly went out and stopped or interrupted him and told him to get inside. Of course his answer was no that he was done now. Thankfully there was no kids out there when I went out. I'm really hoping that there wasn't before hand. :( Yes I freaked a little bit. But only a little bit. I let him know that that was not acceptable and that there are children playing and if a parent or child sees him doing that that they can call the police for doing indecent acts in public. I sincerely hope that no one else saw. Mental illness or not I don't think that having schizophrenia excuses that type of behavior and honestly I think his drinking is contributing to this behavior more then psychosis.

Speaking of that. Lately that is another thing that he has been trying to do. Blame schizophrenia. I have schizophrenia so it's not my fault that I'm smoking in my room. It's schizophrenia's fault that I kicked your bedroom door. Take me for a ride as it would really help my psychosis... Even he couldn't keep a straight face for long when I responded with: Good one.

It seems he kicked my bedroom door when I thought he punched it the second time. No memory lapses here. He remembers, just feels justified in doing it. Gucci our poor cat is now freaked out by him. She totally freaked when he did this. I have never seen her act like that. She hid behind the sofa for most of the night that night. Now even if she is relaxing on my bed with me and she hears him on the steps, she tenses and is ready to flee. She won't eat if he is around. I have noticed that she isn't sleeping with me the same. A couple of times I have found her sleeping on my chair downstairs which is new. Perhaps she feels trapped upstairs when he is up there.

The fruit flies are back! Yippee! I haven't been in my son's room much over the past week. After I cleaned it the last time I have pretty much avoided it. I know he is making a mess in there and honestly I just couldn't have cared a less. It seems pointless sometimes to even try and keep it neat or clean. I should have clued in after the last time. But no... I have been noticing them coming back and shaking my head as to why no matter how much I'm keeping the kitchen clean they are still there and in the living room. Last night Michael asked me to scratch his back so I went into his room and moved his garbage can. Yup you guessed it. Fruit flies.

I guess I have some caregiver chores to do today. Hubby had to work today so I'm just enjoying my quiet morning and my Facebook games. Once my son gets up I will 'try' to get him to help me clean his room. Even if that only means him holding the garbage bag ;). I still haven't gotten him in the shower so today is shower day for both of us since I need one too. I noticed my armpits... hmmm yeah. They  never smell. I guess I have been stressing while learning this job more then I thought.

Time for a fresh cup of coffee. Oh yeah. I'm still quit smoking! There was a couple of iffy moments over the past week where I really wanted one but I didn't. I think this job is helping some. It's not part of my routine to smoke while doing it which seems to be helping. Hours will pass where I don't even think about it. When the urge hits I do have nicotine lozenges.

I hope everyone here in Canada enjoyed their July 1st, Canada Day celebrations and that our neighbors to the south in the US enjoyed their July 4th, Independence Day celebrations.


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