Sunday, January 4, 2015

Who wants to be depressed?

How do you rationally talk to someone who is being irrational? I guess you don't...

If I could get inside my son's head for 5 minutes and try to figure out what he is thinking or what is motivating his behavior... I have some ideas based on what I know of my son so far.

2 nights ago he got it into his head that it was unfair of me to expect him to sit on the small sofa or love-seat so that hubby and I could have the big sofa. He has rights you know? Yes so do we. Hubby and I did vacate the living room and spent some time in our bedroom partially due to this and partially due to the fact that the power had gone out so we just went to our room. When the power came back on and we were able to get the movie we were watching back on, it was several times asking very nicely, please can you move to the other sofa? According to my son the love-seat is uncomfortable. To clarify the love-seat and the big sofa are the same set and in fact the big sofa is harder and more worn out then the love-seat. He finally agreed to move but wanted to rearrange the living room furniture because of it. I said no and that when he has his own place and his own furniture he can decide where he wants it and who sets were. He won't be inviting me to his place. Honestly I found this somewhat humorous so my tone was light when I responded and told him to remember that when he is calling me with: Mom I have no money. Mom I can't pay my bills or Mom I'm hungry... Off he went to call his Nana...

Later that night, around 12, he was taking a part one of my bookshelves, taking my mouse-pad for my computer and just overall making a racket in his room since his floor is a mess and he can't walk in there without walking on stuff. All this so he could play on his laptop in bed. I think he is playing World of Warcraft again which is good however I will get back to that...

Yesterday, I thought, was a pretty good day. He spend the day in the living room with hubby and I watching movies and going for smokes with us. Once we asked him to walk to the store with us however he didn't see the point in going since I said I wasn't going to spend any money... Hubby had won some free Lotto tickets.

Last night when I saw that he had gone to bed and not taking his pills, I took the dish into him. I'm not taking the Lithium... I tried to talk him into taking half of it as stopping it like that may cause him to get too depressed or even suicidal considering he is not ok right now. He said that he wants to be depressed. I tried... but like I said: How do you rationally talk to someone who is being irrational? He told me to take them. Well I don't have a chemical imbalance of too much dopamine in my brain so I don't need them. He is not a robot... No and these pills would not work on a robot because robots don't have dopamine but he does because he is human. Since I have such a problem with this then I should fix it... That's what I'm trying to do. I told him that what he is saying isn't logical. I have never heard anyone say that they wanted to be depressed. How is he going to take care of himself when he is living in the shared townhouse living that he wants if he is too depressed to take care of himself. That's another thing... He needs a shower. I could smell him from 3-4 feet away. He says that is ok that there is nothing wrong with the smell of BO (body odor). I gave up and went to bed.

Now, today, he is refusing his Olanzapine as well. He has been taking one when he gets up for the past 2 days since I know that he needs it due to the Invega wearing off and it has been helping. Now today... It's a PRN (as needed) and he doesn't need it. I said to him: Can you please explain to me what is going on in your head because I don't understand why you want to be sick? Why do I care so much? Because I love you and I give a crap about your mental health. Oh well, I'm not taking it.

I'm wondering if his wanting to be depressed could have anything to do with him playing World of Warcraft again. His subscription will be running out soon. When I bought the upgrade as an early Christmas present and paid for the monthly subscription it was under two conditions. One he not spend the little money he had on alcohol and two that he was to pay me back for the monthly subscription the following day. Well he didn't pay me back and the money did go on alcohol. He is aware that I cancelled the subscription from charging my credit card again this month. Only time will tell but if I here: Mom I'm depressed so I need you to buy... I'm not saying my son doesn't think that he has experienced depression however I'm pretty sure he has no idea what long-term depression really feels like. Not being euphorically or intensely happy is not depressed. Not being hyper is not depressed. Being bored is not depressed.

My daughter called this morning... Mom I need money... Mom doesn't have any money... I think it's long past time for this to start being a reality for someone other then me and my hubby. The motor is gone in our car, again... I won't rant about this as really in the end it's for me to start putting my foot down and saying no. I'm not mad at my daughter... My love is free but it's time to start looking elsewhere for money.

I need a shower and hubby is home so I'm off...


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