Saturday, July 26, 2014

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me.

Respect... This word has been brought up a couple of times today. I asked my son this morning if he took his pills last night as he has been up all night and is still up at noon today and showing no signs of fatigue. He felt disrespected. I'm not sure I understand my son's feelings on respect or disrespect or this generations for that matter. I get that it can and does upset those with a mental illness to be asked such a question however sometimes it is a valid question.

I decided to take a leap and try to talk to my son this morning about the current situation between him, myself and his Nana. We managed to keep the conversation calm however I did not make any headway it seems. I asked him if he gained anything by having his Nana hate me. He said yes. I asked him he felt that Nana would love him less if he told the truth and his first response was yes and then he seemed confused by the question and asked what is the truth? That he usually does tell her the truth eventually... I'm thinking not!

I'm afraid I'm really struggling with this situation. I feel that his Nana and I should be working together, in love not hate, regarding my son's future. We do after all both love him. Unfortunately we have different view points on how to help him which really isn't anything new. The difference is that when he was living with her and calling me and telling me what a bitch she was I didn't fall for it hook, line and sinker. I insisted that he talk about her with respect. I knew she acted out of love even if I didn't agree with what was being done.

I asked my son where in all this was there any respect for me? Where do my feelings fit in? There seems to be zero consideration for me or my feelings or what I am trying to accomplish. I'm not trying to keep drugs and alcohol out of his life, give him structure or teach him responsibility for his choices and actions because I don't love him. This may be a little controlling on my part but I do find it really hard to swallow that it is my phone that he uses to call her and lie about me. It would be like me using my bosses phone to call someone and complain what a tyrant he is. Can't imagine that going over very well. Can you? In my opinion that would be disrespectful.

Another thing I'm finding hard at the moment is keeping my cool about the messes that he is making. Every morning I'm waking up to a kitchen and living room looking like a tornado hit it. Pickles and pickle juice, snacks, popcorn everywhere, overflowing ashtray and butts on the floor and coffee table and that is just the living room! The kitchen counter cluttered with popcorn wrappers and garbage with spilled Kool-Aid and coffee all down the cupboards and on the floor. If he is capable of making the mess then he is capable of cleaning it up or at least reaching the garbage which isn't in some far off land. I got told yesterday that it was his father's fault that he was making these messes because he had broken his heart. Sorry not to be harsh but I'm not buying into that and I told him that he is 20 years old and his current actions are a reflection on no one except himself. His father is not here distracting him and causing him to throw things around like we lived in a garbage dump. Showing some respect for the home that he is being provided is not beyond his capabilities.

He is not liking the fact that I'm refusing to give him money early. His disability check has not arrived and even when it does it can not be cashed until the last day of the month. I don't mind compromising and giving him money once the check has come in and he has signed it over to me for cashing as that is my only security in receiving my portion for room and board. As it is I don't take what is supposed to come to me. It's becoming a monthly discussion on why I won't give him money early. Today he asked for the number for disability as he wants to call them and get a payment early for the place that he is going to move into. What place?! He was talking to his friend on Skype yesterday and I'm guessing neither one of them have money for alcohol at the moment.

I also got told yesterday when pointing out the mess that he already knows he is supposed to pick up, I don't need to remind him, that he was going to call his father about making arrangements to get the hell out of here. What about the place he needs his disability early for? Needless to say I told him to tell his father about the messes that he is making and the 2 grams of weed I had to throw out. It's a pretty sure bet that he didn't relay that instead centered on how I'm treating him like a child and yelling at him for no reason.

One a good note he finally had a shower this morning. He wanted to go for breakfast so I let him know that he wasn't leaving the apartment with me until he had a shower. It's been way to long. This shower also included some personal grooming of his facial hair. I must say he cleans up really nice!


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