Monday, July 14, 2014

Camping Trip. It's Behavioral...

I managed to sort of get organized for the camping trip. Got the salads made, even made some cheese flatbread and made sure to pack the coffee! My daughter also made some muffins. Chocolate chip and blueberry. Hubby worked on Friday so we were a little late getting to the campsite. Thankfully it is only about a 15 minute drive so hubby took my daughter and I up there first and we set up the tent while he came back to pick up my son and the remaining items.

I must say we did an awesome job and without losing our patience. I think it's been close to 20 years since I last set up a tent. Basically the same except now the poles are all connected which makes it a lot easier. It was starting to get dark when we decided to put together the lantern. I have used a camping lantern before but I didn't have to assemble it. By the time my daughter and I got it together it was dark. We had to sit in the car for light to read the instructions. By this time everyone was starving since I hadn't made supper yet. My intent was to have fire roasted corn on the cob and beef kabobs but that would have taken to long to prepare so it was boiled corn and hot-dogs instead. A white moth or butterfly decided to join us, staying attached to my son's cup for most of the meal. I regret not taking a pic.

We had a fire and shortly thereafter my hubby, my daughter and myself went to bed. I took a sleeping pill since hubby couldn't bring his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea so I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My son didn't come to bed until much later. So much for hoping that this would help get him back into a better sleep schedule. He stated he wanted to stay up with the fire and go for a walk later. Not sure what to make of him still wanting to go for walks late at night however he isn't going for walks during the day so I'm hoping there is nothing more to it then just walking...

I was the first one up the next morning and enjoyed the quiet, my coffee and the wifi! Recently upgraded my phone to a Smartphone so I can still keep an eye on my Facebook, other multimedia and the forum when I'm not at home. Granted it takes so much longer to view things but I'm having fun with it anyways. Eventually everyone else got up. We had breakfast, made a trip home for forgotten bathing suites and went to the park for a dip in the pool. 1.8 acre pool and it was cold! Refreshing yes since it was hot out that day but still brrr.

My son walked out a little bit then went back in and spent most of the time outside the pool area, smoking cigarettes. I'm surprised he's not chain smoking although at times it is pretty close. I stayed in and swam for a bit with my daughter, making sure to not go in water that was too deep. I usually joke that I must have drowned in a past life as I have never gotten over having a healthy respect (or fear) for water. Went back to the campsite and had the salads with tin foil grilled beef, sweet peppers and onions. My son was most looking forward to the fire again so it was started, died out and rekindled again once it got dark enough. At the campsite office he had picked up something called mystical fire which is supposed to add colors to your fire. It did. It's supposed to last 30-45 minutes. I didn't. Lasted for about 5 minutes and while it was pretty while it lasted it was somewhat disappointing. My son was somewhat disappointed when he first found out that I didn't bring the items needed for s'mores however I find it such a waste. Who eats more then one? I did bring marshmallows which appeased him although he only roasted one. My hubby roasted some marshmallows too. Turns out this was the first time that he had done it.

Thanks to The Weather Network app on my phone I saw that it was calling for a lot of rain starting at 2 in the morning with the risk of thunder showers. The thought of packing up our stuff in the rain was not appealing so after enjoying the fire we decided to pack up and head home instead of waiting until morning. My son and hubby took home the first load while my daughter and I dis-assembled the tent and packed up what was left. Out of the blue my son gave me a hug good-bye when he was leaving with my hubby to drop off the first load. A nice surprise!

His nurse did call me back on Friday. The reason her visit with him was so short was because he had asked her to leave. He wasn't impressed with her questioning him about what he had said to his Nana about me and of course he downplayed it and denied going into any details about it. She told me that he did acknowledge that he had taken some of his Nana's Percocets and talked to her about drinking and that what he had said about me was him venting when he was drunk that he didn't really mean it. I like his nurse however I sometimes wonder if she has enough experience to deal with situations like this. Or perhaps I am expecting to much? Since I don't have a direct line to my son's psychiatrist, he takes his ques from her. In her opinion what she is seeing with my son is not psychosis related and is behavioral. Based on her opinion his pdoc does not think that he needs to see my son. I acknowledge that what we are seeing is behavioral however isn't all of it behavioral? In my opinion you can not separate one from the other. When someone is experiencing psychosis, addiction/withdrawal or unstable mood then their behavior is affected. My son does not randomly become a negative person. When he is unstable his mood is unstable. When he is experiencing stress/symptoms then it is being triggered by something, be it psychosis and/or weed or also in this case Adderall and Percocets. Again I question the mindset of separating them as statistically up to 50% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia have addiction problems. For my son they go hand in hand as weed triggers his psychosis. So telling me that what I'm seeing in my son is behavioral and not psychosis related does not set well with me. The workers I dealt with in the Early Intervention Program that my son used to be in seemed to have a better understanding of this or at the very least I felt like they validated my concerns better. My son has a certain 'look' around his eyes that indicates that he is not ok. While it seems to be diminishing it is still there. I guess if you don't know him than it could be seen as him being tired but he has been getting enough sleep to not warrant looking like that.

I also talked to his nurse about setting up an appointment with a program called Ready4Life. They help to transition people into independent living. I have told my son that I requested this since he doesn't want to follow the rules here then it's time that he take this step. It's not what I want and I don't even know what to say about this except that I also have to make decisions for my own life and having my son continue to bring weed into my home is not something that I can support.

Yesterday during our second attempt at taking my daughter to one of the larger malls, I reminded my son that he had school the next day. He has been off for three weeks. He reminded me of the conversation he thought we had the previous day discussing him not going. This conversation did not take place. He stated that he has not been feeling well and that he was too tired to go. He was not to tired to go for breakfast or to the mall or to stay up most of the night. I reminded him again last night before I went to bed that he had school. This morning I did decide to let him sleep a bit more and let him go in late. When I did wake him up after 9 he said that he was too tired that he hadn't gone to bed until after 7. I was up so I know this isn't true also it was not my choice to stay up, it was his. He can take his pills and go to bed whenever he wants. I also found one of his Lithium pills on his desk this morning that he says he forgot to take. I put all of his pills in one dish so he had to have removed it himself to not take it since he swallows them all at once directly from the dish. He decided that he is willing to lose his laptop for the day and not go. We have never ironed out the details of how long he loses his laptop for and I have never agreed that it is only one day. The not so small detail in all this is that technically it is my laptop. It will be his when he has paid me the almost $3000.00 that is cost me and my hubby. He can accept the conditions of it or not have the privilege of using it. He was coherent enough talking to me that I know that he was capable of getting up if he wanted to. Since he wouldn't I calmly unplugged it and let him know that he can have it back once he is back in school. Hopefully that will be on Wednesday.

It's after 12 and time for me to get some things done. I probably won't get my son to his monthly blood work today that is now due. Need to start some laundry, vacuum, do some cleaning and bake some bread.


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