I have been thinking on this since last night. My son refers to my hubby as "My mom's boyfriend". He is my son's step-dad since hubby and I are common-law. The thing is... He is not just my boyfriend. He is not just my son's step-dad. No disrespect to anyone however my hubby as been there for me, my son and my daughter since he came into our lives, to the best of his ability.
So today I wanted to take the time to acknowledge my husband and all that he is, has been and continues to be for me and my family. He may not always have the patience or understanding that I sometimes expect from him. Really who does?
In September 2012 I decided to leave my job with my hubby's support. In April 2013 I brought my son home with my hubby's support. In July 2014 we drove across Canada for my daughter's grade 12 graduation. Three months ago we decided it was time to move to a bigger place as it looked like my daughter was going to be moving back with me. Of course my daughter has decided not to move and my son is currently in a shelter... So now we are moving into a 3 bedroom town-home and it's just the 2 of us :)
Yesterday evening my son called: Are you bringing me smokes? Without even hesitating my hubby was there to drive me to my son even though he had worked all day. Today he was there to drive me to the shelter for a scheduled meeting. Just like always he is there. He may not have a very good understanding of mental illness but he is trying and he is trying very hard. No matter what it is he says to me: Barb whatever it is you know that I'm behind you 100%. Do what you gotta do... The best part of that is that I know that I can count on him to be true to that.
He may not be my son's biological father however he has been there for over two years now for my son. Yes he finds it hard. We all find it hard. BUT he is willing to try. He is willing to put himself out there emotionally and financially for me, my children and by extension my children's family. It's my husband that is there trying to understand. So much to say however I will leave it at that and just say that he is the one making it all possible.
So thank you to my hubby for being a better husband and step-dad then I could have hoped for! To quote the movie Avatar: "I see you" and I love you for all that you are willing to put up with from me and my children.
Back to my son... I had a fairly nice conversation with a taxi driver today as hubby couldn't come back to get me after the meeting which I will discuss shortly, so I took a cab home. He asked me if I was working in the town he picked me up in? I said no that I didn't work and that I was visiting my son at the shelter because he is there due to mental illness. He asked me what mental illness? I told him schizophrenia and addiction. We actually had a nice conversation about it as he himself used to work in a facility that dealt with mental illness. A very nice man and he wished me good luck when he dropped me off. I thanked him stating I could use some ;)
I did go see my son at the shelter last Saturday and meet with the lady that I had spoken to on the phone. We went over my son's medications a little bit. They don't oversee medication compliancy so my son has been missing some doses here and there. Discussed my son's level of self-care which is pretty non-existent. They may not equipped to handle the support my son seems to need. I didn't put him there... Discussed his need for drug treatment which my son still doesn't want to acknowledge. I had taken him his winter jacket and brought back his other one. He called me later that night. I'm not sure what happened but his roommate accused him of touching his stuff and threatened him. I talked to the shelter the next morning and that guy was no longer there. The person I spoke to was working when my son arrived there so he was aware of my son's case and we talked for a minute about what was going on.
I went to see my son last night and bring him some smokes. Not sure what my son is saying however they were under the impression that my son was without the proper clothing and needed assistance with that. He has winter boots and a dresser full of cloths. He only has... Yes that's because he packed himself and his goal at the time had nothing to do with what he was going to wear but with the opportunity to get high. So I packed a small suitcase this morning with his boots, another pair of jeans, long sleeved shirts and more socks and underwear. Last night he was supposed to have a shower. That didn't happen. It probably won't unless someone 'guides' him into having one.
Today I went to the shelter and meet with my son's case worker from PACT, the lady from Ready4Life and one of the shelter staff. Actually the guy I just spoke about. I wasn't sure how it was going to go with the lady from Ready4Life or how I was going to react to her... but it was fine. We discussed my son's possible housing options. We are all in agreement that he isn't capable of living on his own. He can't see that which makes it harder because they can only do what he will agree to. As far as I can tell the goal is to get him into the group home that better fits him because he can't be in the one that expects him to be out during the day.
I guess the shelter had tried to have my son agree to go to Safe Beds as they can offer more support and oversee medications however as usual for my son he declined. I explained that because my son is not stable that I think he confuses this time in the shelter with September 2014. He put up resistant to getting the right kind of help then too. He turns his back on and puts up road blocks to those trying to help him because right now his addiction is controlling him. He doesn't want support... He wants freedom. One comment he made was the he wants to snort percocets for the rest of his life. Not hard to tell where his thinking is at since he used to snort his Nana's perks.
At least this time we all seem to be on the same page and because we were all together my son didn't put up much resistance to all of us working together to help him achieve his long-term goal of having his own place. It came up about him coming home... That's not an easy question to answer. I would love to have my son come home however the reality is that once he gets it into his head that he wants to use then all of his promises of not being disrespectful or violent and doing chores etc, all go out the window.
We all tried to impress on him that this is the time that he needs to start making the right decisions. He can only stay at this shelter for 30 days. I'm ok with him coming home in between if it's needed however he still needs to participate in making choices that are going to keep him stable. He has it in his head that he doesn't have to worry about it because he will have his own place by then. Or he thinks he will be in British Columbia? Not if I have my say. I can't see him getting the same assistance as last time from the case workers here as they seem to already have a much clearer picture of how my son is acting. It wasn't even me this time that first commented that certain behaviors could be considered manipulative. Yes A++ in that skill ;).
I think the short-term goal is to get him into Safe Beds as they are much better equipped to deal with my son's issues. He did agree to have Safe Beds oversee his medications as I guess they are in the same building. It's a start. I did on several occasions speak to my son and try to get him to pay attention. I can't say I like it when people talk to him and he is obviously not paying attention to them and they keep talking... So I step in and get his attention and repeat what they had to say in words then I think will make sense to him. I asked him what he plans on doing if it comes to the point of his 30 days being up there and he doesn't have housing in place because he is not going back to BC. I had to repeat that scenario twice which is fine because that means he was listening. He seemed less resistant to Safe Beds after that and agreed to them overseeing his medications.
Whether we can get him into some sort of drug treatment is still up in the air. The lady from Ready4Life will be contacting ADAPT which is for addiction services. Maybe they can help to teach him how addiction is controlling his live. He doesn't see it as a problem. I explained to him that if his need to use is affecting his life and choices then it is a problem. Someone doesn't have to be drunk all the time or high all the time to have an addiction problem. If it changes who they are then it's a problem and my son's need/want to use changes who he is and how he acts. Also it furthers his schizophrenia which keeps him unstable.
Not sure exactly what is happening with disability. They still haven't called me back however my son says he is getting a check direct deposited next week. They did process him a drug benefits card which PACT has so they are now taking care of ordering and getting his medications.
Poor hubby... He is getting off of work, taking me to get my son smokes which is a 20 minute drive each way and then he may have to go work his second job of snow plowing.
Oh... Did you see that my blog got accepted here: Mental Health Writer's Guild. My Facebook page reached 500 likes yesterday. Ya me!
Mom
BarbieBF
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Showing posts with label Percocets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Percocets. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Before and After
We are done painting... for now... Still have the kitchen and doors to do. The kitchen will be done some day :). We have to get a different kind of paint for the doors but honestly neither my hubby or myself are looking forward to tackling those. I did take some before and after pics. Pardon the mess!
This is the living room.
This is the spare bedroom:
Our bedroom, I'm very happy with:
Do you see how high the bed is?! I almost need a footstool to get in it and hubby laughs at me when I slide off until my feet reach the floor. Other then the fact that it seems to collect dust faster then I can blink, I really do love it! By the way, that is an Elvis Presley, Jailhouse Rock Barbie and Pez on my dresser. Along with signed by DJ Fontana drumsticks!
I don't think the before pic of the spare bedroom walls does justice to the difference. My daughter went through a poster phase... Yup, tape all over two walls that I never could get completely off. My son finished the job with his feet wherever his computer desk was. The walls look much better now!
I talked to my son yesterday. While he sounded better then the last time I talked to him which was the day before he was admitted, he still didn't sound very good. He could follow me but was still pretty distracted and I had to repeat a lot of what I was saying. I asked him what pills (medications) he was taking and he told me Clozapine and Lithium but he didn't seem to know the name of the third one. When my son is stable he is pretty on top of the names of his medications so to me this is just another sign of how unwell he still is. I don't know if it's an indication of where he is at mentally or if he is still peeved at me however he wouldn't respond to me telling him that I loved him. Even when things were tough between us we had always managed to hold on to that to some degree. Now he sounds very cold and far away emotionally. Perhaps detached is a better word. I can't help but wonder if he is abusing percocets or something as even when unstable he is not usually that detached and cold. Even when he was at the shelter, before leaving, he would respond to me telling him that I loved him. Even if he didn't mean it he at least went through the motions. It felt like even doing that was too much for him. I did my best to let him know that I still loved him and despite what we went through that I will always love him, that nothing can change that.
Mom
BarbieBF
This is the living room.
Our bedroom, I'm very happy with:
Do you see how high the bed is?! I almost need a footstool to get in it and hubby laughs at me when I slide off until my feet reach the floor. Other then the fact that it seems to collect dust faster then I can blink, I really do love it! By the way, that is an Elvis Presley, Jailhouse Rock Barbie and Pez on my dresser. Along with signed by DJ Fontana drumsticks!
I don't think the before pic of the spare bedroom walls does justice to the difference. My daughter went through a poster phase... Yup, tape all over two walls that I never could get completely off. My son finished the job with his feet wherever his computer desk was. The walls look much better now!
I talked to my son yesterday. While he sounded better then the last time I talked to him which was the day before he was admitted, he still didn't sound very good. He could follow me but was still pretty distracted and I had to repeat a lot of what I was saying. I asked him what pills (medications) he was taking and he told me Clozapine and Lithium but he didn't seem to know the name of the third one. When my son is stable he is pretty on top of the names of his medications so to me this is just another sign of how unwell he still is. I don't know if it's an indication of where he is at mentally or if he is still peeved at me however he wouldn't respond to me telling him that I loved him. Even when things were tough between us we had always managed to hold on to that to some degree. Now he sounds very cold and far away emotionally. Perhaps detached is a better word. I can't help but wonder if he is abusing percocets or something as even when unstable he is not usually that detached and cold. Even when he was at the shelter, before leaving, he would respond to me telling him that I loved him. Even if he didn't mean it he at least went through the motions. It felt like even doing that was too much for him. I did my best to let him know that I still loved him and despite what we went through that I will always love him, that nothing can change that.
Mom
BarbieBF
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Betrayal
The definition of betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral or psychological conflict within a relationship...
At the moment I'm sure a lot of people are feeling betrayed however I can only speak of my own feelings regarding this. Truth for me in any form has always been very important to me. Regardless of what my son has gone through or is experiencing I have never lied to him, or anyone else and I have certainly not done things without being upfront about what I am doing and why. Lying by omission is the same as outright lying in my eyes as the intent to deceive is the same.
This last 24 plus hours have left me feeling betrayed. Yesterday I was so mad and frustrated that honestly speaking in a normal tone was almost beyond my capabilities which really isn't like me :) I have had to emotionally step back and examine what the root cause is and it's an overwhelming sense of betrayal. Not by my son. That doesn't mean that he is not hurting me however I do understand that schizophrenia is playing it's part in not allowing my son to see the bigger picture. He can't see past his current mental state. I know that he feels betrayed by me. I wish that I could change that however at least where I'm concerned he seems to measure love by how much I can give him. If I'm not spending money on him or letting him do whatever he wants then I don't love him.
That doesn't mean that I am not there for him as I have been for the past 15 months. There has not been a single moment where every decision and consequence has not been weighed with only one goal in mind and that is his stability and future. I am trying to give him what he needs not what he thinks he wants. A 5 year old says I want to stay up all night, drink pop/cola and watch horror movies. Do we let them just because it's what they want? No we don't because as parents we know that there is a much bigger picture and what that child needs is stability and boundaries. The child has a temper tantrum, rolls on the floor kicking and screaming telling us how horrible we are and that we don't love them. Any of this sound familiar? Unfortunately my son is 20 so his temper tantrums are not harmlessly rolling around on the floor kicking and screaming. They are putting holes in walls, breaking things, threatening physical violence and now he has the vocabulary and understanding of emotions to know how to manipulate them. I have listened to my son, lots, and I know how he measures and interprets love. Not at the age displayed on his birth certificate. One of the symptoms of schizophrenia is cognitive impairment. Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by a deficit (loss) of typical emotional response. It's a splitting of mental functions. My son is unable, in my opinion, to act or react to emotions or his environment as his age implies. His emotions override rational thought on a bigger scale than is typical or normal. Because he feels something than it must be. Paranoia is a good example of this. I have marveled at my son's ability to turn a thought into reality regardless of the facts. The facts that don't serve him are quickly forgotten or ignored. As he has told me himself he just doesn't let himself think about it. One of the perks of his mental illness. I don't blame my son as it's not his fault that schizophrenia has done this however love for him is a tool that he uses to manipulate others into giving him what he wants.
So the question is. Do we give in and figuratively speaking hand over the keys to the car just because our child thinks they deserve it? For me the answer at some point has to be no. He can have my love, all that I have to give if he wants it, without monetary strings attached. BUT therein lies the problem. I'm done giving financially so I am of little use. My worth is tied to my bank card. For him it's time to move on...
It took some phone calls and piecing together to try and figure out what appears to have been going on. It's not so much what is being done but how it is being done. Before my son moved back with me, everything that I did was done upfront, not behind anyone's back. I kept everyone in the loop. I didn't hide what I was doing. I didn't not pick up a phone and inform the people involved of my actions and certainly not the very people who loved my son. It appears I have not been given this same consideration or respect. Despite the fact that I am here, everyday, talking to his care workers, trying to make plans, trying to keep my son stable, trying to make the system work for him even though he is fighting against it tooth and nail... I apparently do not warrant any consideration.
Honestly I'm pissed... Beyond pissed really. I want to yell and scream and remind everyone that despite what anyone thinks this is MY SON! And if anyone thinks that I am just going to sit back and let my son, without a fight, become the chronic marijuana smoking, percocet stealing, hallucinating, delusional boy that I brought home 15 months ago. They don't know me very well. It took me months to get him even remotely stable. I remember 16 months ago. I remember being begged to take him, now! I remember a boy who almost daily was calling me that he wanted to reincarnate, come back as a bird, so that he could fly to my window. Sending me videos from the hours that he spent doing telekinesis. I remember a boy who was so stoned at times that he could hardly talk. I remember the stolen percocets and the stolen bank card. I remember no food because he spent most of his money on marijuana. I remember sending money just so the rent could be paid. I remember sending money so that Christmas could happen. I remember being their for emotional support regardless of the circumstances. I researched medications. I researched diet and sent vitamins and supplements. I tried for months to get my son. Until one day when resources were tapped out I was told to take him! Not in a month or a week but now!
There is a much bigger picture then the circumstances that my son is currently finding himself. It took me everyday, constantly pushing, researching, working with his treatment team but we accomplished so much. He has not been inpatient in a year! He has been stable, in fact better then he has been in 4 years! He has been drug and alcohol free for long periods! He has attended school! I have done everything that I can do to not let schizophrenia have my son. I have advocated and fought even him when needed to keep him moving forward and stable. Regarding schizophrenia symptoms his worse days have been better then his best days 16 months ago.
I can only sit here and shake me head and ask wth is everyone thinking?! There is so much that I want to say. I'm trying my best to be diplomatic and fair which limits what I can unleash... I guess in the end I only have this to say. Where will my son be when the next heart attack happens? Where will my son be when one or both are inpatient or suicidal again? Who is going to keep him off of marijuana and percocets? Who is going to advocate less medications or even the right medications? Certainly not the psychiatrist he appears to be going back too. Of all the time he treated my son he couldn't even see that my son had ADHD which two other psychiatrists noted after meeting him only once. My son didn't like or respect him and certainly never listened to him. BUT he will prescribe Clonazepam or whatever benzo my son wants. Benzos that only make my son worse.
As much as I want to fight for my son it appears I have lost the fight which in my eyes means my son has lost too. Everything that I have done for the past 15 months has been for nothing. Everything that I have fought for and accomplished is now blowing uselessly in the wind. So with a very heavy heart and tearful eyes I wave the white flag of surrender...
Sorry this post probably doesn't make sense unless I state that it looks like my son is moving. Away from me and back to where he used to live 15 months ago.
Mom
BarbieBF
So the question is. Do we give in and figuratively speaking hand over the keys to the car just because our child thinks they deserve it? For me the answer at some point has to be no. He can have my love, all that I have to give if he wants it, without monetary strings attached. BUT therein lies the problem. I'm done giving financially so I am of little use. My worth is tied to my bank card. For him it's time to move on...
It took some phone calls and piecing together to try and figure out what appears to have been going on. It's not so much what is being done but how it is being done. Before my son moved back with me, everything that I did was done upfront, not behind anyone's back. I kept everyone in the loop. I didn't hide what I was doing. I didn't not pick up a phone and inform the people involved of my actions and certainly not the very people who loved my son. It appears I have not been given this same consideration or respect. Despite the fact that I am here, everyday, talking to his care workers, trying to make plans, trying to keep my son stable, trying to make the system work for him even though he is fighting against it tooth and nail... I apparently do not warrant any consideration.
Honestly I'm pissed... Beyond pissed really. I want to yell and scream and remind everyone that despite what anyone thinks this is MY SON! And if anyone thinks that I am just going to sit back and let my son, without a fight, become the chronic marijuana smoking, percocet stealing, hallucinating, delusional boy that I brought home 15 months ago. They don't know me very well. It took me months to get him even remotely stable. I remember 16 months ago. I remember being begged to take him, now! I remember a boy who almost daily was calling me that he wanted to reincarnate, come back as a bird, so that he could fly to my window. Sending me videos from the hours that he spent doing telekinesis. I remember a boy who was so stoned at times that he could hardly talk. I remember the stolen percocets and the stolen bank card. I remember no food because he spent most of his money on marijuana. I remember sending money just so the rent could be paid. I remember sending money so that Christmas could happen. I remember being their for emotional support regardless of the circumstances. I researched medications. I researched diet and sent vitamins and supplements. I tried for months to get my son. Until one day when resources were tapped out I was told to take him! Not in a month or a week but now!
There is a much bigger picture then the circumstances that my son is currently finding himself. It took me everyday, constantly pushing, researching, working with his treatment team but we accomplished so much. He has not been inpatient in a year! He has been stable, in fact better then he has been in 4 years! He has been drug and alcohol free for long periods! He has attended school! I have done everything that I can do to not let schizophrenia have my son. I have advocated and fought even him when needed to keep him moving forward and stable. Regarding schizophrenia symptoms his worse days have been better then his best days 16 months ago.
I can only sit here and shake me head and ask wth is everyone thinking?! There is so much that I want to say. I'm trying my best to be diplomatic and fair which limits what I can unleash... I guess in the end I only have this to say. Where will my son be when the next heart attack happens? Where will my son be when one or both are inpatient or suicidal again? Who is going to keep him off of marijuana and percocets? Who is going to advocate less medications or even the right medications? Certainly not the psychiatrist he appears to be going back too. Of all the time he treated my son he couldn't even see that my son had ADHD which two other psychiatrists noted after meeting him only once. My son didn't like or respect him and certainly never listened to him. BUT he will prescribe Clonazepam or whatever benzo my son wants. Benzos that only make my son worse.
As much as I want to fight for my son it appears I have lost the fight which in my eyes means my son has lost too. Everything that I have done for the past 15 months has been for nothing. Everything that I have fought for and accomplished is now blowing uselessly in the wind. So with a very heavy heart and tearful eyes I wave the white flag of surrender...
Sorry this post probably doesn't make sense unless I state that it looks like my son is moving. Away from me and back to where he used to live 15 months ago.
Mom
BarbieBF
Monday, July 14, 2014
Camping Trip. It's Behavioral...
I managed to sort of get organized for the camping trip. Got the salads made, even made some cheese flatbread and made sure to pack the coffee! My daughter also made some muffins. Chocolate chip and blueberry. Hubby worked on Friday so we were a little late getting to the campsite. Thankfully it is only about a 15 minute drive so hubby took my daughter and I up there first and we set up the tent while he came back to pick up my son and the remaining items.
I must say we did an awesome job and without losing our patience. I think it's been close to 20 years since I last set up a tent. Basically the same except now the poles are all connected which makes it a lot easier. It was starting to get dark when we decided to put together the lantern. I have used a camping lantern before but I didn't have to assemble it. By the time my daughter and I got it together it was dark. We had to sit in the car for light to read the instructions. By this time everyone was starving since I hadn't made supper yet. My intent was to have fire roasted corn on the cob and beef kabobs but that would have taken to long to prepare so it was boiled corn and hot-dogs instead. A white moth or butterfly decided to join us, staying attached to my son's cup for most of the meal. I regret not taking a pic.
We had a fire and shortly thereafter my hubby, my daughter and myself went to bed. I took a sleeping pill since hubby couldn't bring his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea so I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My son didn't come to bed until much later. So much for hoping that this would help get him back into a better sleep schedule. He stated he wanted to stay up with the fire and go for a walk later. Not sure what to make of him still wanting to go for walks late at night however he isn't going for walks during the day so I'm hoping there is nothing more to it then just walking...
I was the first one up the next morning and enjoyed the quiet, my coffee and the wifi! Recently upgraded my phone to a Smartphone so I can still keep an eye on my Facebook, other multimedia and the Schizophrenia.com forum when I'm not at home. Granted it takes so much longer to view things but I'm having fun with it anyways. Eventually everyone else got up. We had breakfast, made a trip home for forgotten bathing suites and went to the park for a dip in the pool. 1.8 acre pool and it was cold! Refreshing yes since it was hot out that day but still brrr.
My son walked out a little bit then went back in and spent most of the time outside the pool area, smoking cigarettes. I'm surprised he's not chain smoking although at times it is pretty close. I stayed in and swam for a bit with my daughter, making sure to not go in water that was too deep. I usually joke that I must have drowned in a past life as I have never gotten over having a healthy respect (or fear) for water. Went back to the campsite and had the salads with tin foil grilled beef, sweet peppers and onions. My son was most looking forward to the fire again so it was started, died out and rekindled again once it got dark enough. At the campsite office he had picked up something called mystical fire which is supposed to add colors to your fire. It did. It's supposed to last 30-45 minutes. I didn't. Lasted for about 5 minutes and while it was pretty while it lasted it was somewhat disappointing. My son was somewhat disappointed when he first found out that I didn't bring the items needed for s'mores however I find it such a waste. Who eats more then one? I did bring marshmallows which appeased him although he only roasted one. My hubby roasted some marshmallows too. Turns out this was the first time that he had done it.
Thanks to The Weather Network app on my phone I saw that it was calling for a lot of rain starting at 2 in the morning with the risk of thunder showers. The thought of packing up our stuff in the rain was not appealing so after enjoying the fire we decided to pack up and head home instead of waiting until morning. My son and hubby took home the first load while my daughter and I dis-assembled the tent and packed up what was left. Out of the blue my son gave me a hug good-bye when he was leaving with my hubby to drop off the first load. A nice surprise!
His nurse did call me back on Friday. The reason her visit with him was so short was because he had asked her to leave. He wasn't impressed with her questioning him about what he had said to his Nana about me and of course he downplayed it and denied going into any details about it. She told me that he did acknowledge that he had taken some of his Nana's Percocets and talked to her about drinking and that what he had said about me was him venting when he was drunk that he didn't really mean it. I like his nurse however I sometimes wonder if she has enough experience to deal with situations like this. Or perhaps I am expecting to much? Since I don't have a direct line to my son's psychiatrist, he takes his ques from her. In her opinion what she is seeing with my son is not psychosis related and is behavioral. Based on her opinion his pdoc does not think that he needs to see my son. I acknowledge that what we are seeing is behavioral however isn't all of it behavioral? In my opinion you can not separate one from the other. When someone is experiencing psychosis, addiction/withdrawal or unstable mood then their behavior is affected. My son does not randomly become a negative person. When he is unstable his mood is unstable. When he is experiencing stress/symptoms then it is being triggered by something, be it psychosis and/or weed or also in this case Adderall and Percocets. Again I question the mindset of separating them as statistically up to 50% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia have addiction problems. For my son they go hand in hand as weed triggers his psychosis. So telling me that what I'm seeing in my son is behavioral and not psychosis related does not set well with me. The workers I dealt with in the Early Intervention Program that my son used to be in seemed to have a better understanding of this or at the very least I felt like they validated my concerns better. My son has a certain 'look' around his eyes that indicates that he is not ok. While it seems to be diminishing it is still there. I guess if you don't know him than it could be seen as him being tired but he has been getting enough sleep to not warrant looking like that.
I also talked to his nurse about setting up an appointment with a program called Ready4Life. They help to transition people into independent living. I have told my son that I requested this since he doesn't want to follow the rules here then it's time that he take this step. It's not what I want and I don't even know what to say about this except that I also have to make decisions for my own life and having my son continue to bring weed into my home is not something that I can support.
Yesterday during our second attempt at taking my daughter to one of the larger malls, I reminded my son that he had school the next day. He has been off for three weeks. He reminded me of the conversation he thought we had the previous day discussing him not going. This conversation did not take place. He stated that he has not been feeling well and that he was too tired to go. He was not to tired to go for breakfast or to the mall or to stay up most of the night. I reminded him again last night before I went to bed that he had school. This morning I did decide to let him sleep a bit more and let him go in late. When I did wake him up after 9 he said that he was too tired that he hadn't gone to bed until after 7. I was up so I know this isn't true also it was not my choice to stay up, it was his. He can take his pills and go to bed whenever he wants. I also found one of his Lithium pills on his desk this morning that he says he forgot to take. I put all of his pills in one dish so he had to have removed it himself to not take it since he swallows them all at once directly from the dish. He decided that he is willing to lose his laptop for the day and not go. We have never ironed out the details of how long he loses his laptop for and I have never agreed that it is only one day. The not so small detail in all this is that technically it is my laptop. It will be his when he has paid me the almost $3000.00 that is cost me and my hubby. He can accept the conditions of it or not have the privilege of using it. He was coherent enough talking to me that I know that he was capable of getting up if he wanted to. Since he wouldn't I calmly unplugged it and let him know that he can have it back once he is back in school. Hopefully that will be on Wednesday.
It's after 12 and time for me to get some things done. I probably won't get my son to his monthly blood work today that is now due. Need to start some laundry, vacuum, do some cleaning and bake some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
I must say we did an awesome job and without losing our patience. I think it's been close to 20 years since I last set up a tent. Basically the same except now the poles are all connected which makes it a lot easier. It was starting to get dark when we decided to put together the lantern. I have used a camping lantern before but I didn't have to assemble it. By the time my daughter and I got it together it was dark. We had to sit in the car for light to read the instructions. By this time everyone was starving since I hadn't made supper yet. My intent was to have fire roasted corn on the cob and beef kabobs but that would have taken to long to prepare so it was boiled corn and hot-dogs instead. A white moth or butterfly decided to join us, staying attached to my son's cup for most of the meal. I regret not taking a pic.
We had a fire and shortly thereafter my hubby, my daughter and myself went to bed. I took a sleeping pill since hubby couldn't bring his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea so I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My son didn't come to bed until much later. So much for hoping that this would help get him back into a better sleep schedule. He stated he wanted to stay up with the fire and go for a walk later. Not sure what to make of him still wanting to go for walks late at night however he isn't going for walks during the day so I'm hoping there is nothing more to it then just walking...
I was the first one up the next morning and enjoyed the quiet, my coffee and the wifi! Recently upgraded my phone to a Smartphone so I can still keep an eye on my Facebook, other multimedia and the Schizophrenia.com forum when I'm not at home. Granted it takes so much longer to view things but I'm having fun with it anyways. Eventually everyone else got up. We had breakfast, made a trip home for forgotten bathing suites and went to the park for a dip in the pool. 1.8 acre pool and it was cold! Refreshing yes since it was hot out that day but still brrr.
My son walked out a little bit then went back in and spent most of the time outside the pool area, smoking cigarettes. I'm surprised he's not chain smoking although at times it is pretty close. I stayed in and swam for a bit with my daughter, making sure to not go in water that was too deep. I usually joke that I must have drowned in a past life as I have never gotten over having a healthy respect (or fear) for water. Went back to the campsite and had the salads with tin foil grilled beef, sweet peppers and onions. My son was most looking forward to the fire again so it was started, died out and rekindled again once it got dark enough. At the campsite office he had picked up something called mystical fire which is supposed to add colors to your fire. It did. It's supposed to last 30-45 minutes. I didn't. Lasted for about 5 minutes and while it was pretty while it lasted it was somewhat disappointing. My son was somewhat disappointed when he first found out that I didn't bring the items needed for s'mores however I find it such a waste. Who eats more then one? I did bring marshmallows which appeased him although he only roasted one. My hubby roasted some marshmallows too. Turns out this was the first time that he had done it.
Thanks to The Weather Network app on my phone I saw that it was calling for a lot of rain starting at 2 in the morning with the risk of thunder showers. The thought of packing up our stuff in the rain was not appealing so after enjoying the fire we decided to pack up and head home instead of waiting until morning. My son and hubby took home the first load while my daughter and I dis-assembled the tent and packed up what was left. Out of the blue my son gave me a hug good-bye when he was leaving with my hubby to drop off the first load. A nice surprise!
His nurse did call me back on Friday. The reason her visit with him was so short was because he had asked her to leave. He wasn't impressed with her questioning him about what he had said to his Nana about me and of course he downplayed it and denied going into any details about it. She told me that he did acknowledge that he had taken some of his Nana's Percocets and talked to her about drinking and that what he had said about me was him venting when he was drunk that he didn't really mean it. I like his nurse however I sometimes wonder if she has enough experience to deal with situations like this. Or perhaps I am expecting to much? Since I don't have a direct line to my son's psychiatrist, he takes his ques from her. In her opinion what she is seeing with my son is not psychosis related and is behavioral. Based on her opinion his pdoc does not think that he needs to see my son. I acknowledge that what we are seeing is behavioral however isn't all of it behavioral? In my opinion you can not separate one from the other. When someone is experiencing psychosis, addiction/withdrawal or unstable mood then their behavior is affected. My son does not randomly become a negative person. When he is unstable his mood is unstable. When he is experiencing stress/symptoms then it is being triggered by something, be it psychosis and/or weed or also in this case Adderall and Percocets. Again I question the mindset of separating them as statistically up to 50% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia have addiction problems. For my son they go hand in hand as weed triggers his psychosis. So telling me that what I'm seeing in my son is behavioral and not psychosis related does not set well with me. The workers I dealt with in the Early Intervention Program that my son used to be in seemed to have a better understanding of this or at the very least I felt like they validated my concerns better. My son has a certain 'look' around his eyes that indicates that he is not ok. While it seems to be diminishing it is still there. I guess if you don't know him than it could be seen as him being tired but he has been getting enough sleep to not warrant looking like that.
I also talked to his nurse about setting up an appointment with a program called Ready4Life. They help to transition people into independent living. I have told my son that I requested this since he doesn't want to follow the rules here then it's time that he take this step. It's not what I want and I don't even know what to say about this except that I also have to make decisions for my own life and having my son continue to bring weed into my home is not something that I can support.
Yesterday during our second attempt at taking my daughter to one of the larger malls, I reminded my son that he had school the next day. He has been off for three weeks. He reminded me of the conversation he thought we had the previous day discussing him not going. This conversation did not take place. He stated that he has not been feeling well and that he was too tired to go. He was not to tired to go for breakfast or to the mall or to stay up most of the night. I reminded him again last night before I went to bed that he had school. This morning I did decide to let him sleep a bit more and let him go in late. When I did wake him up after 9 he said that he was too tired that he hadn't gone to bed until after 7. I was up so I know this isn't true also it was not my choice to stay up, it was his. He can take his pills and go to bed whenever he wants. I also found one of his Lithium pills on his desk this morning that he says he forgot to take. I put all of his pills in one dish so he had to have removed it himself to not take it since he swallows them all at once directly from the dish. He decided that he is willing to lose his laptop for the day and not go. We have never ironed out the details of how long he loses his laptop for and I have never agreed that it is only one day. The not so small detail in all this is that technically it is my laptop. It will be his when he has paid me the almost $3000.00 that is cost me and my hubby. He can accept the conditions of it or not have the privilege of using it. He was coherent enough talking to me that I know that he was capable of getting up if he wanted to. Since he wouldn't I calmly unplugged it and let him know that he can have it back once he is back in school. Hopefully that will be on Wednesday.
It's after 12 and time for me to get some things done. I probably won't get my son to his monthly blood work today that is now due. Need to start some laundry, vacuum, do some cleaning and bake some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
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