To anyone that follows my blog regularly, my apologies for not writing...
I seem to still be struggling a bit with getting back into my grove and my social media with respect to mental illness. I upped my Venlafaxine on Saturday to what my family doctor wants me taking as I was noticing that my thoughts were going back to that negative loop where everything and anything that I'm not impressed with was auto-repeat in my head ;). It takes a couple of days for it to build up and by Wednesday the sedation kicked in and I ended up napping and going to bed early. So hopefully I can get back on track.
Hubby's family get together went well. Very well actually. I ended up reminding/telling my son that he had money as we were taking him to get cigarettes. I asked him to hold off on buying alcohol until after the family get together as I didn't want him being symptomatic while there. He agreed to wait. I know that he found it a bit tiresome but he said that he had a good time.
He didn't buy alcohol until later Monday afternoon. My bad... but I told him that the liquor store wasn't open on Sundays. I didn't think that it was. Hubby told me afterwards that it was open.
I'm guessing it was the alcohol that triggered it; he went a bit manic on Tuesday. Out of nowhere he was putting on jeans, grooming his beard and looking for his dress shoes. We had an interesting conversation about his teeth that day. Some delusional thinking in that he believed he was 'born' when he first started having memories around 3 or 4 and that he has grown new teeth 4 times. His ODD started to act up a little bit. When I didn't engage he said to me: Come on lets talk about this... Translation, come on lets argue ;). Sorry no. I told him that I thought he was being delusional, that I gave birth to him so I know when he was born, if he had teeth or not and that I wasn't going to continue this conversation. I walked away.
He went to his PACT group the following Wednesday which was golf. He participated and had fun. His new nurse from PACT has taken him out of the house for the past two Mondays. I think he is also pushing at PACT that Michael be more involved with the outings so it doesn't look like I have to question if he is on the list for Wednesday's groups anymore. Now his rides are just showing up. I think Monday's outing to the YMCA is being looked at as well. Last Wednesday was supposed to be a trail hike but due to rain they ended up going to the mall instead.
Camping last weekend went well. He said that he had fun. It's hard to tell sometimes. He looks like he is not really paying much attention to where he is yet he must be. Hubby and I stayed up until around 10 and Michael stayed up after that watching the fire ;). His reason for wanting to go camping is the fire. The store at the campsite sells little packets that causes the flames to go different colors which is kinda cool. We got 2 of them this time. Roasted some marshmallows. Hubby and I froze our butts off that night. Not quit warm enough at night yet...
I have had 2 appointments with ADAPT now. I will be meeting with my counselor once a week until she can get through my history. Also because I'm now a client of ADAPT then I'm able to participate in another program they have called 'STOP' which is for quitting smoking. I meet with a gentleman for that Wednesday morning and he gave me a months supply of patches and some lozenges. Now I just have to set my quit date. Because of my own past history with addiction I'm a little bit of both. I'm there as a family member of an addict but I'm also a recovering addict so I should be able to attend some of the programs for that as well.
Every Friday (today) they have a get together for addiction clients where people can talk about addiction, mental illness and how to have a better life. My son keeps asking if he can come to group with hubby and I and of course the answer is no. I reminded him of a youth thing that happens on Wednesday nights however I can't go to that one so he says no. He seemed open to the idea of going to today's session so we will see depending on the weather as it's supposed to downpour. Also I think his motivation may be the food court at the mall where ADAPT is and I can't keep handing money out to these things. Every group he wants money for McDonald's...
Wednesday hubby noticed that Michael seemed a bit edgy or cranky. A week without alcohol and he was/is probably experiencing some withdrawal symptoms. Being aware of this I didn't say anything that would play into that scenario. You know the one that has the addict pushing for a fight or argument so that they have a reason to drink or use ;). I can't say that I want to go through this every time my son gets money. It may not seem like much, however it's a constant cycle of him feeding his addiction then going through withdrawal when he has to go without. Sadly it's him that is suffering with withdrawal...
Hubby and I had group again last night. It was a repeat of the same theme as the last one we attended which was concurrent disorders: addiction and mental illness. Hubby seems to be getting a lot out of these groups. It's helping him to see/hear from others, other then just me. The group last night was through the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario (SSO) and they meet once a month at that location. I was sort of aware however I will make a bigger effort in the future to attend these.
I did speak to the lady from SSO for a minute about advocacy and other things. These are the items that SSO is currently working on: Policy and Advocacy
Rules... It came to our attention on Wednesday night, I think, that my son has started smoking in his bedroom. I totally missed the red flag of my son being in his room all night. Here I was thinking: Yah he's sleeping through the night. *face palm* I'm usually more on top of it then that but I guess between upping my antidepressants and my want to not see the negatives... I totally missed it until hubby commented that upstairs smelled like cigarette smoke.
Yesterday he was smoking while I was upstairs so I smelled it. Of course he lied to me. I gave him several chances to tell me the truth and finally had to go find the 'ashtray' and take it out of his room and tell him to go outside. Once outside I brought it up and of course got the: I pay for my room... I didn't respond right away, waited a bit then said to him that I didn't want it to be that every time I bring up something that he is doing that he isn't supposed to be doing that I have to deal with his ODD. He asked what ODD was? Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He says: I'm not being defiant, ok maybe I am but that's because you won't listen. Listen to what? You want to do what you want regardless of the rules because you think you should be able to. Yes you pay for the room however that still doesn't give you the right to smoke in it. If he rented a whole apartment that was non-smoking than he still isn't allowed to smoke in it. The world has rules.
I let him know that moving forward there would be consequences to him not following this rule. Several hours later it's easy to know that he is STILL smoking in his room as he hasn't gone outside for a smoke. I let him know that I'm backing off on giving him attention until he can learn to follow this rule. This may sound harsh however if I let this boundary slip then every other rule or boundary will go out the window with it.
In last night's group there was discussion on the 'slippery slope' of addiction. Well there are slippery slopes with boundaries as well. My son loves to push them and whenever I don't try to keep them then he pushes them all. He will even tell me: Well this is a rule and you let me so I figure this rule doesn't apply either. Typical ODD behavior which is why boundary setting is so important. Regardless of all this I don't want my home full of cigarette smoke, certainly not upstairs when it contributes to my headaches and guess what? It's my home too.
So awesomely today I have totally triggered his ODD ;) by taking his cigarettes out of his room and putting them in the basement. Not an easy tightrope to walk. Enforcing the boundary without allowing this to turn into something ugly so keeping my tone neutral and not reacting to his attitude which as the moment seems to be staring me down...
I'm off to make a coffee and harass my daughter, if I can, as she hasn't been getting to work on time. All I can do is keep calling her phone...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Showing posts with label Camping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Camping. Show all posts
Friday, June 12, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
I'm seemingly not living very well. The 4 C's and Acceptance
'I'm seemingly not living very well.' Is what my son said to me yesterday when I pointed out for the umpteenth time that the patio table was not an ashtray. No he is not functioning very well at the moment.
The fact that he recognizes that he isn't living/functioning very well, I think is a good thing.
I don't know if it's that I'm perhaps a bit fed up with schizophrenia or if it's that I have been going through a phase of acceptance. Both I guess. On one hand I don't seem to have the motivation to be blogging, tweeting etc about mental illness. I think I just needed a bit of a break from it on social media and honestly I'm staring it in the face 24/7 at the moment and that's enough for me right now.
To a certain extend I have always accepted schizophrenia however I'm not sure I accepted how little control I have over it. On Monday and Tuesday evening my hubby and I attended a group through ADAPT for caregiver's of concurrent disorders (addiction and mental illness). Yes I pointed out that according to the DSM that addiction is now considered to be a mental illness ;).
For the first time I am seeking help in dealing with or coping with what our family is going through. It feels good. The 3 C's came up with a twist and I really liked it. The 4 C's: I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, I can't Cure it but I can learn to Cope. I have always accepted that I didn't cause it and even that I don't have very much control over it however I have still been trying to control it to the best of ability. That ever present hope that if I do enough then my son will go into remission and start to build a life for himself.
I still have that hope however I can't build his life for him. I can't cure his schizophrenia. I can't...
It's been just over 2 weeks since I took him off the Latuda and started the Olanzapine. It's felt like a long 2 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only been 2 weeks. If someone broke a limb no one would expect recovery in just 2 weeks. You are looking at months at least. Even with the common cold it can take up to 3 months for the cough to completely go away. Yet here I am thinking: It's been 2 weeks, why hasn't the medication fixed this yet? *face palm* I really do know better. It's just hard to watch and wait.
Something that has been on my mind lately is something I read in an article about asylums or better yet how we need long term facilities. We do. I remember reading that people going through crisis had a place to go and just be or adjust, taking all the time they needed. I wonder if my son needs time to just be and adjust. Time to learn and recognize his own schizophrenia.
Over the past couple of weeks I have been noticing things. When I ask my son if he is hallucinating I don't get the auto-response of no. Now it's I think so. He is learning to recognize that what he sees, I don't. One day I noticed that he was very clammy/sweaty and asked if he was having an episode and he answered with I think so.
So I'm thinking: If I jump in and up his medications is this the right thing? On the surface the answer may seem like a yes. I'm not so sure. Maybe he needs to be in a place where he is stable enough to be aware of what schizophrenia is doing to him so that he can learn or see what it is also keeping him from doing. Living!
He seemed to be slowly improving until Wednesday when he went to the library with part of a group through PACT. He came back a bit more symptomatic and that night didn't sleep well. Yesterday he was off again and I even caught him masturbating in the living room. Can't say I was impressed with that ;). I let him know that I didn't like it and asked him to not do that in the living room. He agreed...
I think the stress of going to the library was too much for him right now. For a bit I actually wondered if he smoked marijuana with someone however I didn't see the other signs and he wasn't relaxed at all so I'm ruling that out. When I told him that he needed to get ready to go he said he didn't want to. I reminded him that he had told his case worker and nurse that he would go. I got him clean cloths and got his backpack ready for him. I didn't tell him that he had to go or that he could stay home. I let him know that if he found it too much that he could come home and that I think he should at least try that getting out may be good for him.
What struck me during the above conversation was like a flashback to when they are small and don't want to go to school. That's another twist that schizophrenia has thrown at us. He has been childlike for lack of a better word. Even my hubby has commented that sometimes when he answers me it's like he is a kid. Him not wanting to go to group was like a child not wanting to go to school. He went because even though I didn't tell him he had to, I didn't tell him couldn't and like a child he was in a way doing what he was told.
My main goal this last couple of weeks has just been to keep him on a good schedule for bed and spending time with him. I have been massaging and scratching his back whenever he asks which is 3-7 times a day. Sometimes at 6 in the morning... oi. It would be nice if it was after I had my coffee but oh well. When he asks, off I go. Every night I spend time with him, just cuddling/holding him. I was a little uncomfortable with this in the beginning however I have lightened up about it. When I first started massaging his back I could visibly see and feel him relax as I was doing it. I think it's been a good experience for both of us. It seems to be bringing us closer together. Hubby has been vacated to the smaller sofa while my son and I occupy the big one, while we watch our TV shows after dinner. Sometimes he puts his head in my lap. Yesterday I even got him to take 2 omega-3! The day before 2 multi-vitamins. I smiled when he walked away because I don't think he even realized what had happened. He stopped beside me while I was getting hubby and I our supplements, I handed him the multi-vitamins and he took them. :) Same with the omega-3. I offered him 2 and first he said no so I asked him to take just one and he decided to take both of them!
It's been a lot of going behind him and putting stuff away. Making sure things are turned off or reminding him that he has things turned on, like the deep fryer ;). I have been pointing all these things out to him however I have been doing it with a very loving tone. No judgments or being mad. Just letting him know that he isn't doing them. I think that is why he was able to say or see that he isn't living (functioning) very well. He knows that he hasn't been able to do these minor things.
I haven't been taking him out much. Realistically I think that even grocery shopping would take more energy then he has right now. I haven't told him that he can't come with us however I have stated that being clean needs to happen for him to come. Since he doesn't have it in him to really do this then he decides not to come. No worries he still gets his fair share of treats and usually McDonald's that we pick up for him on the way back.
With the hygiene thing... Again I have been pointing it out and again with a loving tone. Last weekend we got him new track-pants as he lost some weight and although the same size, they fit him better due to the style. That night I let him know he needed to get clean and put on clean cloths. He asked if he could not shower. I let him know that he didn't have to but I was going to clean him. He replied: You're going to clean me, ok let's do this... I washed his pits, neck, face and hands and had him put on all clean cloths. He even asked me to get him clean underwear. ;)
Slowly he seems to be becoming more aware of things like his own body odor. Baby steps right?
I'm in the middle of making flat bread as hubbies family is having a get together tomorrow. Not sure what to do about my son. Yesterday he was asking about the date and checking his bank account. Addiction... While he wants to come tomorrow, as soon as he realizes or remembers the date again... Take him with us when he will have triggered symptoms again or leave him home alone with no one making sure he isn't burning the house down ;)
I almost forgot. I finally booked camping! Next Saturday so that should hopefully give him something to look forward to.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
The fact that he recognizes that he isn't living/functioning very well, I think is a good thing.
I don't know if it's that I'm perhaps a bit fed up with schizophrenia or if it's that I have been going through a phase of acceptance. Both I guess. On one hand I don't seem to have the motivation to be blogging, tweeting etc about mental illness. I think I just needed a bit of a break from it on social media and honestly I'm staring it in the face 24/7 at the moment and that's enough for me right now.
To a certain extend I have always accepted schizophrenia however I'm not sure I accepted how little control I have over it. On Monday and Tuesday evening my hubby and I attended a group through ADAPT for caregiver's of concurrent disorders (addiction and mental illness). Yes I pointed out that according to the DSM that addiction is now considered to be a mental illness ;).
For the first time I am seeking help in dealing with or coping with what our family is going through. It feels good. The 3 C's came up with a twist and I really liked it. The 4 C's: I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, I can't Cure it but I can learn to Cope. I have always accepted that I didn't cause it and even that I don't have very much control over it however I have still been trying to control it to the best of ability. That ever present hope that if I do enough then my son will go into remission and start to build a life for himself.
I still have that hope however I can't build his life for him. I can't cure his schizophrenia. I can't...
It's been just over 2 weeks since I took him off the Latuda and started the Olanzapine. It's felt like a long 2 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that it's only been 2 weeks. If someone broke a limb no one would expect recovery in just 2 weeks. You are looking at months at least. Even with the common cold it can take up to 3 months for the cough to completely go away. Yet here I am thinking: It's been 2 weeks, why hasn't the medication fixed this yet? *face palm* I really do know better. It's just hard to watch and wait.
Something that has been on my mind lately is something I read in an article about asylums or better yet how we need long term facilities. We do. I remember reading that people going through crisis had a place to go and just be or adjust, taking all the time they needed. I wonder if my son needs time to just be and adjust. Time to learn and recognize his own schizophrenia.
Over the past couple of weeks I have been noticing things. When I ask my son if he is hallucinating I don't get the auto-response of no. Now it's I think so. He is learning to recognize that what he sees, I don't. One day I noticed that he was very clammy/sweaty and asked if he was having an episode and he answered with I think so.
So I'm thinking: If I jump in and up his medications is this the right thing? On the surface the answer may seem like a yes. I'm not so sure. Maybe he needs to be in a place where he is stable enough to be aware of what schizophrenia is doing to him so that he can learn or see what it is also keeping him from doing. Living!
He seemed to be slowly improving until Wednesday when he went to the library with part of a group through PACT. He came back a bit more symptomatic and that night didn't sleep well. Yesterday he was off again and I even caught him masturbating in the living room. Can't say I was impressed with that ;). I let him know that I didn't like it and asked him to not do that in the living room. He agreed...
I think the stress of going to the library was too much for him right now. For a bit I actually wondered if he smoked marijuana with someone however I didn't see the other signs and he wasn't relaxed at all so I'm ruling that out. When I told him that he needed to get ready to go he said he didn't want to. I reminded him that he had told his case worker and nurse that he would go. I got him clean cloths and got his backpack ready for him. I didn't tell him that he had to go or that he could stay home. I let him know that if he found it too much that he could come home and that I think he should at least try that getting out may be good for him.
What struck me during the above conversation was like a flashback to when they are small and don't want to go to school. That's another twist that schizophrenia has thrown at us. He has been childlike for lack of a better word. Even my hubby has commented that sometimes when he answers me it's like he is a kid. Him not wanting to go to group was like a child not wanting to go to school. He went because even though I didn't tell him he had to, I didn't tell him couldn't and like a child he was in a way doing what he was told.
My main goal this last couple of weeks has just been to keep him on a good schedule for bed and spending time with him. I have been massaging and scratching his back whenever he asks which is 3-7 times a day. Sometimes at 6 in the morning... oi. It would be nice if it was after I had my coffee but oh well. When he asks, off I go. Every night I spend time with him, just cuddling/holding him. I was a little uncomfortable with this in the beginning however I have lightened up about it. When I first started massaging his back I could visibly see and feel him relax as I was doing it. I think it's been a good experience for both of us. It seems to be bringing us closer together. Hubby has been vacated to the smaller sofa while my son and I occupy the big one, while we watch our TV shows after dinner. Sometimes he puts his head in my lap. Yesterday I even got him to take 2 omega-3! The day before 2 multi-vitamins. I smiled when he walked away because I don't think he even realized what had happened. He stopped beside me while I was getting hubby and I our supplements, I handed him the multi-vitamins and he took them. :) Same with the omega-3. I offered him 2 and first he said no so I asked him to take just one and he decided to take both of them!
It's been a lot of going behind him and putting stuff away. Making sure things are turned off or reminding him that he has things turned on, like the deep fryer ;). I have been pointing all these things out to him however I have been doing it with a very loving tone. No judgments or being mad. Just letting him know that he isn't doing them. I think that is why he was able to say or see that he isn't living (functioning) very well. He knows that he hasn't been able to do these minor things.
I haven't been taking him out much. Realistically I think that even grocery shopping would take more energy then he has right now. I haven't told him that he can't come with us however I have stated that being clean needs to happen for him to come. Since he doesn't have it in him to really do this then he decides not to come. No worries he still gets his fair share of treats and usually McDonald's that we pick up for him on the way back.
With the hygiene thing... Again I have been pointing it out and again with a loving tone. Last weekend we got him new track-pants as he lost some weight and although the same size, they fit him better due to the style. That night I let him know he needed to get clean and put on clean cloths. He asked if he could not shower. I let him know that he didn't have to but I was going to clean him. He replied: You're going to clean me, ok let's do this... I washed his pits, neck, face and hands and had him put on all clean cloths. He even asked me to get him clean underwear. ;)
Slowly he seems to be becoming more aware of things like his own body odor. Baby steps right?
I'm in the middle of making flat bread as hubbies family is having a get together tomorrow. Not sure what to do about my son. Yesterday he was asking about the date and checking his bank account. Addiction... While he wants to come tomorrow, as soon as he realizes or remembers the date again... Take him with us when he will have triggered symptoms again or leave him home alone with no one making sure he isn't burning the house down ;)
I almost forgot. I finally booked camping! Next Saturday so that should hopefully give him something to look forward to.
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Camping Trip. It's Behavioral...
I managed to sort of get organized for the camping trip. Got the salads made, even made some cheese flatbread and made sure to pack the coffee! My daughter also made some muffins. Chocolate chip and blueberry. Hubby worked on Friday so we were a little late getting to the campsite. Thankfully it is only about a 15 minute drive so hubby took my daughter and I up there first and we set up the tent while he came back to pick up my son and the remaining items.
I must say we did an awesome job and without losing our patience. I think it's been close to 20 years since I last set up a tent. Basically the same except now the poles are all connected which makes it a lot easier. It was starting to get dark when we decided to put together the lantern. I have used a camping lantern before but I didn't have to assemble it. By the time my daughter and I got it together it was dark. We had to sit in the car for light to read the instructions. By this time everyone was starving since I hadn't made supper yet. My intent was to have fire roasted corn on the cob and beef kabobs but that would have taken to long to prepare so it was boiled corn and hot-dogs instead. A white moth or butterfly decided to join us, staying attached to my son's cup for most of the meal. I regret not taking a pic.
We had a fire and shortly thereafter my hubby, my daughter and myself went to bed. I took a sleeping pill since hubby couldn't bring his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea so I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My son didn't come to bed until much later. So much for hoping that this would help get him back into a better sleep schedule. He stated he wanted to stay up with the fire and go for a walk later. Not sure what to make of him still wanting to go for walks late at night however he isn't going for walks during the day so I'm hoping there is nothing more to it then just walking...
I was the first one up the next morning and enjoyed the quiet, my coffee and the wifi! Recently upgraded my phone to a Smartphone so I can still keep an eye on my Facebook, other multimedia and the Schizophrenia.com forum when I'm not at home. Granted it takes so much longer to view things but I'm having fun with it anyways. Eventually everyone else got up. We had breakfast, made a trip home for forgotten bathing suites and went to the park for a dip in the pool. 1.8 acre pool and it was cold! Refreshing yes since it was hot out that day but still brrr.
My son walked out a little bit then went back in and spent most of the time outside the pool area, smoking cigarettes. I'm surprised he's not chain smoking although at times it is pretty close. I stayed in and swam for a bit with my daughter, making sure to not go in water that was too deep. I usually joke that I must have drowned in a past life as I have never gotten over having a healthy respect (or fear) for water. Went back to the campsite and had the salads with tin foil grilled beef, sweet peppers and onions. My son was most looking forward to the fire again so it was started, died out and rekindled again once it got dark enough. At the campsite office he had picked up something called mystical fire which is supposed to add colors to your fire. It did. It's supposed to last 30-45 minutes. I didn't. Lasted for about 5 minutes and while it was pretty while it lasted it was somewhat disappointing. My son was somewhat disappointed when he first found out that I didn't bring the items needed for s'mores however I find it such a waste. Who eats more then one? I did bring marshmallows which appeased him although he only roasted one. My hubby roasted some marshmallows too. Turns out this was the first time that he had done it.
Thanks to The Weather Network app on my phone I saw that it was calling for a lot of rain starting at 2 in the morning with the risk of thunder showers. The thought of packing up our stuff in the rain was not appealing so after enjoying the fire we decided to pack up and head home instead of waiting until morning. My son and hubby took home the first load while my daughter and I dis-assembled the tent and packed up what was left. Out of the blue my son gave me a hug good-bye when he was leaving with my hubby to drop off the first load. A nice surprise!
His nurse did call me back on Friday. The reason her visit with him was so short was because he had asked her to leave. He wasn't impressed with her questioning him about what he had said to his Nana about me and of course he downplayed it and denied going into any details about it. She told me that he did acknowledge that he had taken some of his Nana's Percocets and talked to her about drinking and that what he had said about me was him venting when he was drunk that he didn't really mean it. I like his nurse however I sometimes wonder if she has enough experience to deal with situations like this. Or perhaps I am expecting to much? Since I don't have a direct line to my son's psychiatrist, he takes his ques from her. In her opinion what she is seeing with my son is not psychosis related and is behavioral. Based on her opinion his pdoc does not think that he needs to see my son. I acknowledge that what we are seeing is behavioral however isn't all of it behavioral? In my opinion you can not separate one from the other. When someone is experiencing psychosis, addiction/withdrawal or unstable mood then their behavior is affected. My son does not randomly become a negative person. When he is unstable his mood is unstable. When he is experiencing stress/symptoms then it is being triggered by something, be it psychosis and/or weed or also in this case Adderall and Percocets. Again I question the mindset of separating them as statistically up to 50% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia have addiction problems. For my son they go hand in hand as weed triggers his psychosis. So telling me that what I'm seeing in my son is behavioral and not psychosis related does not set well with me. The workers I dealt with in the Early Intervention Program that my son used to be in seemed to have a better understanding of this or at the very least I felt like they validated my concerns better. My son has a certain 'look' around his eyes that indicates that he is not ok. While it seems to be diminishing it is still there. I guess if you don't know him than it could be seen as him being tired but he has been getting enough sleep to not warrant looking like that.
I also talked to his nurse about setting up an appointment with a program called Ready4Life. They help to transition people into independent living. I have told my son that I requested this since he doesn't want to follow the rules here then it's time that he take this step. It's not what I want and I don't even know what to say about this except that I also have to make decisions for my own life and having my son continue to bring weed into my home is not something that I can support.
Yesterday during our second attempt at taking my daughter to one of the larger malls, I reminded my son that he had school the next day. He has been off for three weeks. He reminded me of the conversation he thought we had the previous day discussing him not going. This conversation did not take place. He stated that he has not been feeling well and that he was too tired to go. He was not to tired to go for breakfast or to the mall or to stay up most of the night. I reminded him again last night before I went to bed that he had school. This morning I did decide to let him sleep a bit more and let him go in late. When I did wake him up after 9 he said that he was too tired that he hadn't gone to bed until after 7. I was up so I know this isn't true also it was not my choice to stay up, it was his. He can take his pills and go to bed whenever he wants. I also found one of his Lithium pills on his desk this morning that he says he forgot to take. I put all of his pills in one dish so he had to have removed it himself to not take it since he swallows them all at once directly from the dish. He decided that he is willing to lose his laptop for the day and not go. We have never ironed out the details of how long he loses his laptop for and I have never agreed that it is only one day. The not so small detail in all this is that technically it is my laptop. It will be his when he has paid me the almost $3000.00 that is cost me and my hubby. He can accept the conditions of it or not have the privilege of using it. He was coherent enough talking to me that I know that he was capable of getting up if he wanted to. Since he wouldn't I calmly unplugged it and let him know that he can have it back once he is back in school. Hopefully that will be on Wednesday.
It's after 12 and time for me to get some things done. I probably won't get my son to his monthly blood work today that is now due. Need to start some laundry, vacuum, do some cleaning and bake some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
I must say we did an awesome job and without losing our patience. I think it's been close to 20 years since I last set up a tent. Basically the same except now the poles are all connected which makes it a lot easier. It was starting to get dark when we decided to put together the lantern. I have used a camping lantern before but I didn't have to assemble it. By the time my daughter and I got it together it was dark. We had to sit in the car for light to read the instructions. By this time everyone was starving since I hadn't made supper yet. My intent was to have fire roasted corn on the cob and beef kabobs but that would have taken to long to prepare so it was boiled corn and hot-dogs instead. A white moth or butterfly decided to join us, staying attached to my son's cup for most of the meal. I regret not taking a pic.
We had a fire and shortly thereafter my hubby, my daughter and myself went to bed. I took a sleeping pill since hubby couldn't bring his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea so I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. My son didn't come to bed until much later. So much for hoping that this would help get him back into a better sleep schedule. He stated he wanted to stay up with the fire and go for a walk later. Not sure what to make of him still wanting to go for walks late at night however he isn't going for walks during the day so I'm hoping there is nothing more to it then just walking...
I was the first one up the next morning and enjoyed the quiet, my coffee and the wifi! Recently upgraded my phone to a Smartphone so I can still keep an eye on my Facebook, other multimedia and the Schizophrenia.com forum when I'm not at home. Granted it takes so much longer to view things but I'm having fun with it anyways. Eventually everyone else got up. We had breakfast, made a trip home for forgotten bathing suites and went to the park for a dip in the pool. 1.8 acre pool and it was cold! Refreshing yes since it was hot out that day but still brrr.
My son walked out a little bit then went back in and spent most of the time outside the pool area, smoking cigarettes. I'm surprised he's not chain smoking although at times it is pretty close. I stayed in and swam for a bit with my daughter, making sure to not go in water that was too deep. I usually joke that I must have drowned in a past life as I have never gotten over having a healthy respect (or fear) for water. Went back to the campsite and had the salads with tin foil grilled beef, sweet peppers and onions. My son was most looking forward to the fire again so it was started, died out and rekindled again once it got dark enough. At the campsite office he had picked up something called mystical fire which is supposed to add colors to your fire. It did. It's supposed to last 30-45 minutes. I didn't. Lasted for about 5 minutes and while it was pretty while it lasted it was somewhat disappointing. My son was somewhat disappointed when he first found out that I didn't bring the items needed for s'mores however I find it such a waste. Who eats more then one? I did bring marshmallows which appeased him although he only roasted one. My hubby roasted some marshmallows too. Turns out this was the first time that he had done it.
Thanks to The Weather Network app on my phone I saw that it was calling for a lot of rain starting at 2 in the morning with the risk of thunder showers. The thought of packing up our stuff in the rain was not appealing so after enjoying the fire we decided to pack up and head home instead of waiting until morning. My son and hubby took home the first load while my daughter and I dis-assembled the tent and packed up what was left. Out of the blue my son gave me a hug good-bye when he was leaving with my hubby to drop off the first load. A nice surprise!
His nurse did call me back on Friday. The reason her visit with him was so short was because he had asked her to leave. He wasn't impressed with her questioning him about what he had said to his Nana about me and of course he downplayed it and denied going into any details about it. She told me that he did acknowledge that he had taken some of his Nana's Percocets and talked to her about drinking and that what he had said about me was him venting when he was drunk that he didn't really mean it. I like his nurse however I sometimes wonder if she has enough experience to deal with situations like this. Or perhaps I am expecting to much? Since I don't have a direct line to my son's psychiatrist, he takes his ques from her. In her opinion what she is seeing with my son is not psychosis related and is behavioral. Based on her opinion his pdoc does not think that he needs to see my son. I acknowledge that what we are seeing is behavioral however isn't all of it behavioral? In my opinion you can not separate one from the other. When someone is experiencing psychosis, addiction/withdrawal or unstable mood then their behavior is affected. My son does not randomly become a negative person. When he is unstable his mood is unstable. When he is experiencing stress/symptoms then it is being triggered by something, be it psychosis and/or weed or also in this case Adderall and Percocets. Again I question the mindset of separating them as statistically up to 50% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia have addiction problems. For my son they go hand in hand as weed triggers his psychosis. So telling me that what I'm seeing in my son is behavioral and not psychosis related does not set well with me. The workers I dealt with in the Early Intervention Program that my son used to be in seemed to have a better understanding of this or at the very least I felt like they validated my concerns better. My son has a certain 'look' around his eyes that indicates that he is not ok. While it seems to be diminishing it is still there. I guess if you don't know him than it could be seen as him being tired but he has been getting enough sleep to not warrant looking like that.
I also talked to his nurse about setting up an appointment with a program called Ready4Life. They help to transition people into independent living. I have told my son that I requested this since he doesn't want to follow the rules here then it's time that he take this step. It's not what I want and I don't even know what to say about this except that I also have to make decisions for my own life and having my son continue to bring weed into my home is not something that I can support.
Yesterday during our second attempt at taking my daughter to one of the larger malls, I reminded my son that he had school the next day. He has been off for three weeks. He reminded me of the conversation he thought we had the previous day discussing him not going. This conversation did not take place. He stated that he has not been feeling well and that he was too tired to go. He was not to tired to go for breakfast or to the mall or to stay up most of the night. I reminded him again last night before I went to bed that he had school. This morning I did decide to let him sleep a bit more and let him go in late. When I did wake him up after 9 he said that he was too tired that he hadn't gone to bed until after 7. I was up so I know this isn't true also it was not my choice to stay up, it was his. He can take his pills and go to bed whenever he wants. I also found one of his Lithium pills on his desk this morning that he says he forgot to take. I put all of his pills in one dish so he had to have removed it himself to not take it since he swallows them all at once directly from the dish. He decided that he is willing to lose his laptop for the day and not go. We have never ironed out the details of how long he loses his laptop for and I have never agreed that it is only one day. The not so small detail in all this is that technically it is my laptop. It will be his when he has paid me the almost $3000.00 that is cost me and my hubby. He can accept the conditions of it or not have the privilege of using it. He was coherent enough talking to me that I know that he was capable of getting up if he wanted to. Since he wouldn't I calmly unplugged it and let him know that he can have it back once he is back in school. Hopefully that will be on Wednesday.
It's after 12 and time for me to get some things done. I probably won't get my son to his monthly blood work today that is now due. Need to start some laundry, vacuum, do some cleaning and bake some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
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