Wednesday, August 27, 2014

11 PM and I'm not impressed

When you write a blog there is always the possibility that people are going to read it :) I know. You are thinking that is the point right? It's the who that I'm trying to sort out in my head. Granted doing it at 11 PM probably isn't the best time to be blogging about it but here I am.

My daughter called me today to tell me that she and her Nana liked my last blog post. Good right? I guess it's what the rest of the conversation implied that I'm still trying to get my mind around. The implication that I only see schizophrenia when I look at my son. I'm not blogging about knitting or Lego's even though those things may get mentioned. I'm blogging about me, my son and schizophrenia. So the question is why is this upsetting me? It's because not for the first time, I get the feeling that my daughter's opinions of me and my blog and writings are not completely her own opinions. As a parent do you ever get that feeling when you are listening to your kids talk that something just doesn't sound right? It doesn't sound like them talking. It's their voice but it's not their words. Since I started blogging I have had to deal with positive and negative feedback and I take it in stride as not everyone is going to see or agree with my point of view. It's not everyone's opinion of me that matters to me. My daughter's opinion of me however does matter to me a great deal and I'm having a problem with the fact that I think she is forming opinions of me and my blog that are in fact not her own opinions but being shaped by someone else. I hear the words and they are not her words. I hear the implications and they do not sound like her thoughts. Maybe I'm wrong but I have learned to trust my gut on things like this.

Why am I awake after 11 PM blogging about it? My phone rang at 10:48, the number was private. Any insomnia sufferers? You know that feeling when you are just about to go under? The phone rings, rings, rings, rings you pick it up, say hello and click... The person hangs up. Nope, not impressed.

Oh well. Hopefully the second melatonin I had to take will do the trick.


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