Monday, August 25, 2014

More of the same

The last couple of days have pretty much been a repeat of Friday. Every morning it's hearing him say that he took his pills and must have insomnia. Once I count them and tell him that he didn't take them, he takes them and within 45 minutes is off to bed for 10-12 hours. Gets up around dinner time. He is eating some which is good. I question whether he is eating because he wants to or because he knows that part of the reason he got admitted to hospital in September was due to not eating, drinking and sleeping. That is how he remembers it. And the marijuana of course. He doesn't really remember the psychosis part or how bad it was. The laughing or hysterical laughing is still happening. I usually ask him to go to his room if he has to do it and he stops. My husband got up to it happening this morning.

Friday night I managed to get him to wash his bedding and do a load of laundry. Making his bed I found about 10 knife holes in his sheet and in the mattress. It's an $800 mattress that we got for my daughter after her scoliosis surgery. I'm glad I got the knives out of his room when I did before any more damage was done.

I know how much my son likes to go to the park so Friday night I told him that if he went to bed at a reasonable time then Saturday we would go for a picnic, after he showered of course. He liked the idea however stayed up all night again so that didn't happen. Hubby and I went grocery shopping alone which saved as about $50 :) And my son thinks he only eats $20 a week in food...

Sunday my hubby told me that it felt like I was trying to pick a fight with him. After some thinking, he may have been right. There is a part of me that wants to fight for my son and in a lot of ways I can't. I can't fight what schizophrenia is doing to him. I can't make him see that the choices he is making is doing him more harm then good. I'm afraid I'm not as open to discussions of his 'spirituality' as I used to be. Personally I don't believe it is spirituality. It is a symptom of his schizophrenia that masks itself as spirituality. I did tell him to ask himself one question. If he was meant to live as a purely spiritual being then why was he put here on earth in a physical form? I don't believe the universe made a mistake. I believe he was meant to live a life that takes both into consideration. How many years does he want to waste looking for answers that schizophrenia only tempts him with? Since I can't fight schizophrenia perhaps I was looking for a fight with my hubby ;)

His case worker took him to pick up his Lithium and Neurontin on Saturday. He still hasn't showered so it will be two weeks tomorrow. Wore the same shirt for 3 days which he finally took off last night. Like I said, more of the same...


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