Conflicted

Today I'm feeling a little conflicted. The police were at my door again last night and informed me that my downstairs neighbors are deceased. Today is the first day in awhile that I was able to leave my apartment alone and feel safe in doing so. That is a relief. It is very sad though that this relief comes at such a high price and that is two people's lives.

I'm also conflicted on how to proceed with my son. He has not been taking his medications properly. I just talked to him about the fact that I have been counting his pills and that they don't add up. He has only taken 4 Invega in the past week when there should be 7 gone. He acknowledged that he hasn't been taking them, that he doesn't need them, this after trying to tell me that he has been taking them. He may have taken 50 mg of Clozapine last night however he is supposed to be taking 150 mg. He has not taken his Lithium in 2 days. First he tried to tell me that he took his pills after waking up this morning. I counted them today after he was asleep and he hadn't woken up and the count hadn't changed from yesterday. I have been noticing that he is, again, sometimes randomly laughing or giggling out loud for no apparent reason. Great!

I just told him that he needs to wash his bedding. It smells.

I got up this morning to the coffee table a mess again.

I'm thinking that I am not in that good of a mood today. Shouldn't getting a good night sleep have the opposite affect?! I have actually slept through the night for the last two nights. I don't think that has happened in years! I'm not sure if my insomnia is finally under control or if knowing that there have been police officers around has contributed. I'm going to go with having my insomnia under control, I hope!

Should I try getting my son's treatment involved? I'm not sure it will do much good at this point. For now I will *cross my fingers and toes* and hope that he remembers or decides to take his pills tonight...

Mom
BarbieBF