Thursday, August 28, 2014

$300 should do it...

That would be the amount of money that my son thinks I should 'be nice' and give to him from his disability payment. Really there should be some sort of 'Yes he's an adult and still my dependent (yes I can provide receipts!)' option on my income tax return because honestly he costs me (my hubby) a lot more then what disability covers. I thought I was being nice by already writing off the money he currently owes my hubby for tobacco. But no, he wants to buy his gaming subscriptions (that he doesn't even play regularly), probably tweak his nicotine habit (almost every month he wants to buy something new that he ends up not liking) and walk to the store everyday. And to think I give my hubby a hard time about buying food from the food truck at work when he's the one working his ass off 10 hours a day! And it's his taxes (hard work) that cover disability payments, not the infamous 'government'. That's all I will say about that! ;)

Now if I could just get my son in the shower... It's times like that this, only times like this, that I wish that I was a man, better yet, Hulk Hogan because I would physically pick him up and throw him in the shower while wearing nose plugs! I'm being cute but honestly the boy smells, bad, two feet radius bad.

I took a sleeping pill last night and actually got 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep! That would probably explain why I'm in good spirits about all this. Not that I can do much about any of it anyways but it helps to not be depressed about it.

As for how my son is doing. He slept about 10-12 hours. The best I can figure he woke up sometime between 1 and 4:30 AM. He still hasn't eaten anything. So the last time he ate (that big plate of rice!) was Tuesday, so almost two days ago. Oh and the two pickles... He is drinking fluids which is good although mostly coffee. I'm sure his brain could do without the extra stimuli but coffee and energy drinks seem to go with the territory. If they could come out with an instantly energizing drink that was actually good for you... He hasn't taken any medications since yesterday morning. His plan is to take them tonight when he goes to bed. When I asked what time that would be I just got a blank look. I'm really hoping he hasn't found an excuse to delay or not take them as I think one of his workers may have suggested that he try doing this to help him get back on a better sleep schedule. Honestly my son couldn't care one way or the other when he sleeps and if his days and night are mixed up. So really all they did was give him a reason to not take them and while I get the reason behind it, I don't see how going a day and half without medications is going to do him any good. Maybe it will actually let him progress to the point that I can have him admitted? I know, that sounds so bad even to me but it's the bigger picture that I'm looking at.

That's true... I am hearing that a lot when I tell my son things. You need in the shower, you smell. That's true... You need a good nights sleep. That's true... I don't think you should go to that shelter if people in the business are saying it's not a good one. That's true... I asked him the other day if he was cold and he responded with: It appears that way...

The shelter reference. While I want my son in a place that can give him more structure and while I do not want to watch this slow decline without being able to stop it, I'm still not going to send him to a place that is going to do him more harm then good. The one shelter that appears to have a bed available is in another city about 20-40 minutes from me and does not have a good reputation. He says that he is willing to go. I'm saying I don't think it's a good idea. If his worker is saying that it's not a good choice then it's not a good choice. If he really wants to go then I will support it but I think we should wait until a bed opens in one of the two shelters that does offer the support and environment that he needs. Really the choice is more mine then his since I can't even get him in the shower so he certainly isn't going to take or make the steps needed to go to this particular shelter.

So for now my son is staying where he is. In his room looking at nothing and smoking cigarettes while he contemplates whatever it is that his schizophrenia has him thinking about. I wonder if I start the shower if I can get him in it? Worth a try...


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