Friday, November 7, 2014

The Worry Jar

I saw reference to this on one of the groups that I'm in. It was for children but I thought why can't I have one too? So I got a jar, wrote down most of my worries and put them in the jar...

That I won't get out of dept
That I won't be able to help my son and keep him stable and safe
That my son will hate me for what I need to do

You get the point... I tend to worry and over think things so even if only for a moment it was a relief to put those worries in a jar... In a safe place... Until I'm ready to pull them out. Kind of like housework :) It's not going anywhere and will wait for me.

The Worry Jar Technique: Help Your Child Overcome Worries and Anxiety

The Worry Solution

I was talking to my best friend and another call came through... It was my son. I ended up having a good cry once I got off the phone. Still am a little bit ;) I can't say that I have heard him sound quit so lost and hopeless. The Invega is working so he is much more coherent but he is still somewhat delusional. He wants me and him to move to another country... The first thing he asked me is if I was coming to get him. For the first time in a long time, probably since the Adderall... he seemed to genuinely believe that I love him! I think that is what broke me, when he said that he knew that I loved him. No ego, no defiance..

I told him that I want to get power of attorney so that this doesn't happen again. He asked about getting or being his own attorney and I told him that up until now he has been his own attorney and look at where it has gotten him. In the hospital again and that even if he doesn't realize it he is lucky that he isn't in jail. I think he is having a hard time understanding what happened. I am not a scientist however I think after psychosis the brain tries to piece together what happened in a reasonably logical way and the pieces just don't fit so confabulations are created.

I did my best to explain to him what me having power of attorney means. That if he decides to go off of medications that I think that he needs then I get to make that decision. I asked him if he is willing to have me help him get his life back on track, back to where we were before the Adderall, to be his attorney or decision maker and he said yes. It was heartbreaking to have my son tell me that he is only looking forward to being here with me and doing nothing because no one well ever want him. As I have always tried to do. I told him that he is so much more then that. That he is an awesome human being and that I will do my best to give him the live that he deserves. That I will not let schizophrenia do this to him without a fight. I love him too much. So no he can not come here and do nothing... My rules have not changed. That I will push him to be the person that I know that he is capable of being.

I asked him if he still had voices, not to lie to me because I know that he did. He says the entities are gone now and that he is alone, that it is just him. Apparently they were driving him nuts (I smiled too!), constantly nagging him. I told him these entities are a part of schizophrenia and that the Invega will help keep them away. Him wanting them gone is a good thing.

I asked him to be a little patient and to give me some time to try to get everything sorted out. I'm still waiting to hear back from disability and the lawyer. Hopefully Monday will have my phone ringing with the answers that I need.


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