Friday, November 28, 2014

Will you be my elder?

This is what my son asked me when he eventually got up after 4 pm. I sat with him on sofa for a bit so that we could talk some things through. I started the conversation with the fact that I know he got defiant about me bringing up the hospital however I want us to be able to have open discussions about it and schizophrenia. I let him know that he was doing much better the day before and I'm worried that the alcohol he drank may be making him worse again. He can't see it as he feels great which seems to be his answer when anyone asks him how he is doing. I'm great! He had questions about the Xbox, how it was put together, what it was and what invisible things were inside it. I let him know that he didn't question these things before that he knew what an Xbox was. He wanted to know how I could assist him with the spiritual entities. I didn't answer this one as I don't have an answer. Hopefully the Invega and time will lessen their impact on him.

I let him know my theory on why he is finding his bed or the sofa uncomfortable and that if we were to go away somewhere that he would still fill uncomfortable because it is coming from inside him because of schizophrenia. He acknowledged that he does feel uncomfortable inside. I said yes that's because there is probably too much dopamine in his brain right now. I talked to him about trying to make his bed more comfortable and cuddly by adding a comforter to sleep on. He liked that idea and I did this last night when I had him go to bed at 3.

He asked about working and I told him I don't think he is ready for that right now as when you work your employee needs to be able to count on you and I don't think he is ready for that. He agreed that he is too tired. We discussed how PACT can help him with this when he is ready. Currently picking up after himself is something that needs to start happening and he agreed that it is something that he should be doing.

I asked him how he felt about schizophrenia now. He said that he is confused about it which I think is a good thing. Sometimes we need to be confused to tear down old walls on what we think we know.

Yesterday I went looking in our apartment building for his whisky bottle since I haven't seen it. I couldn't find it. I asked him about it yesterday and he said that it was hidden with his wine... He wants to become a wine junkie. I suggested being a health junkie may be better for him ;) He said he was going for a walk last night to drink... I just told him to take his ID in case he gets picked up by the police since drinking in public is illegal. He probably didn't even leave the building... Speaking off, I need to sweep the buildings stairway of ashes as he has been sitting there to smoke sometimes since we don't smoke inside anymore.

I have delved a bit deeper into my understanding of word salad. Maybe word salad is not the most appropriate phrase for what I see happening with my son as his words do have meaning and connection with each other whereas word salad seems to imply sentences where words do not go together at all. So I learned something new today!

He seems to be improving although I'm very concerned about his cognition. He asked for assistance putting on his toque last night as he didn't seem to know how. He did make a pot of coffee though! He is putting on clean shirts every day. He did have a bath Wednesday morning however I will need to get him in the shower at some point as he is not getting clean and he needs to wash his hair. I know my husband wants to get a hair cut this weekend so maybe *fingers crossed* I can motivate him to go with and have a shower first.

His friend from across the hall just knocked on the door. He doesn't live there anymore however he must be visiting his dad. I told him no marijuana as it will land my son back in the hospital. His friend doesn't look good either. I asked him if he was ok and he said ya, tired and not eating... I would guess too much partying as happens across the hall. I'm so glad that I have given up that lifestyle. The further I am from it the more pathetic it appears to me. The inability to put family above addiction. It's entirely too sad because there is a choice with this mental illness called addiction. I guess I can't preach though since I have been there. I'm just so thankful that I am not there anymore! Thankfully my son was still sleeping and *fingers crossed* that he leaves to go home before my son becomes aware of his presence.

I did manage to get an Omega 3 into him last night by joking that I was his elder and that it's part of his 'healthy life' note...

Still trying to get his drug benefits...

It's 1:41 pm and he just got up...


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