Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Wishful thinking, not out of the woods yet.

We may have sidestepped the storm but we are still experiencing some high winds or what I call residual affects. Yesterday he was pretty distracted at the doctor's office and seemed to have difficulty following and concentrating on what the doctor was saying to him. He has been chain smoking cigarettes. He didn't sleep much last night. He did get about 10 hours the night before but last night probably only 2-4 which isn't good after being awake for over 30 hours. He was up at 5 this morning. He did go to school however returned after 2 hours instead of 3 as he was having trouble concentrating. Some smaller things that I am also noticing include the fact that he has been leaving the bathroom door open again when he goes number two and he is somewhat resistant about brushing his teeth and washing his hands before leaving the apartment. After months of making this routine it's noticeable that he asks why I want him to do these things. Morning breathe for one! Then there is reminding him that washing his hands is just good hygiene. He is a functioning male after all, if you get my meaning. He has also had on a pair of sunglasses since 5 this morning. Not sure what that one is all about. He was wearing them yesterday too and I teased him with: It's so bright in here you have to wear shades.

I called his nurse this morning. I needed to let her know that the family doctor didn't have a copy of the ECG results so we couldn't go over them. She will send him a copy. I also asked her if she knew what anxiety treatment had been discussed between my son and one of his workers on Monday. The couple of times that he has brought it up me, he just wasn't making a lot of sense. First he told me that he was done with ADHD medications but that his worker said she was going to look into an alternative. I know that he doesn't want Strattera so that wasn't making sense. He brought it up again this morning referring to it as a supplement. I asked him if he knew what a supplement was as I have been trying to get him to take vitamins and other supplements for a year now and he resists all of them. So supplement was not the right word however he has not been forthcoming with what this alternative treatment or supplement is. He has been approaching it the same way with his main nurse also. What is it? Medical marijuana. Really not all that surprising however I was not thinking it. I really should know better. Where else would my son's mind be after having his addiction and psychosis triggered?

It was somewhat reassuring to have someone else note that my son can be pretty manipulative and he has said things on his own that is raising red flags and letting his nurse, and therefore his pdoc, know that he should not be prescribed stimulants. Within 24 hours of being on the Adderall he was already talking about needing the dose upped and that it was helping him so much with his concentration at school. I fell for that one too however I guess he should not have noticed that big of a difference that quickly. He was saying what he thought we needed to hear. I let his nurse know that I didn't know until after it was prescribed that my son's motivation was in fact what he had read online about it's similarities to speed and that he didn't know until his appointment with his pdoc that he wouldn't be able to crush it. Yes he did admit this to me. She has already let him know that his pdoc will not be prescribing him medical marijuana. As usual I'm a little bemused over how my son approaches things. He discussed getting this with the person he figured would give him the most sympathy as I do believe she is the worker with personal experience with depression and has given him the most sympathy about his anxiety symptoms. In the end they all report back to his pdoc and take my point of view into consideration so I'm never to sure what he is expecting to happen. Wishful thinking I guess.

Another 'symptom' that I have been noticing and perhaps appears to be getting worst is that he has been laughing randomly and somewhat hysterically over nothing except perhaps his own thoughts or things that really are not that funny. Every now and then I hear him giggle when there is nothing funny on TV and nothing else is going on. Just a little while ago he found it extremely funny that I called the iced tea he was making lemonade. As I'm typing this he is in his room laughing. I have heard him laugh like this before and he was in psychosis at the time. He has also been 'playing' with the hamster a little more. In the past when not doing well he has wanted to bread them (we had two at the time) and train them and perhaps create souls in them? I really don't remember exactly what anymore. He did state that the one we have is his companion and will live forever. As I tend to do when things are not adding up and I know that he is wanting to experience certain things, I have searched his room for hidden, not taken, anti-psychotics. I couldn't find any however that does not bring me too much relief at the moment. As hopeful as I was it does not seem that we are out of the woods yet.

2 more days! I made arrangements to have our mail held for 2 weeks. Already submitted the rent cheque. Emailed the YMCA and let them know that my son would not be attending classes for 2 weeks. Have all of his pills. My neighbor said he would watch the hamster so I should talk to him and remind him of that today. Printed the hotel information and other things that we may need to know. I still need to pack. Dress up Barbie time!


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