Friday, June 20, 2014

Grad Dresses and Accessories, Just In Case

I almost didn't greet my hubby with a big hug and a kiss yesterday. I did my usual hi hun and a quick peek on the lips before entering the kitchen. I caught myself and gave him a big hug and a kiss. I really do love his hugs as being in his arms makes me feel protected and secure. When he isn't crushing me that is :) Lately I have taken to referring to him as the friendly giant as he still doesn't seem to have a good grasp of how strong he is. It wasn't his fault but I had allowed my son to put me in somewhat of a bad mood a little earlier. When I called to make sure that he was up and would be ready to be picked up when my hubby came home from work, he said that he didn't want to come home yet. His reasons? He wanted to spend as much time with his friend as possible because for the next two weeks he was going to be around people he didn't want to spend time with. That would be his Nana, father and sisters that he hasn't seen in a year and certainly not an accurate statement. I know that he wants to see and spend time with them however the residual affects of the Adderall is still causing him to have a negative attitude. Then he started making comments about how his father had had a change of heart and feelings, even though he hasn't talked to his father, and how I knew that my son had also had a change of heart a couple of days ago. I call this psychosis talk. When he thinks that he has the ability or the right to telepathically read and/or manipulate other people's feelings. It's hard to have these conversations with him sometimes. Yes I'm aware my son had a 'change of heart' as he was taken off the Adderall and decided that he didn't want to have a 'break' anymore. However my son doesn't like it when I bluntly make these comments. My version of the truth doesn't set to well with him when he is not stable. I ended up telling him to find his own way home then since I wasn't going to ask my hubby to come home then go back out again and that I couldn't have this conversation with him right now, that I loved him and good-bye. I hung up. He found his own way home later that night.

His friend called this morning to talk to him before we leave. Somehow my son got the idea that we were leaving this morning. I guess he misheard me when I stated that I hoped it would rain so that my hubby didn't have to work and we could leave earlier. It didn't rain, so hubby is working. I told his friend that he was sleeping as he had stayed up all night and didn't go to bed until after 5 this morning. I commented that my son still was not doing so well. His friend told me that he had noticed and that my son seemed to be in his own world most of the time that he was there and didn't even spend much time on his laptop. If you knew my son then you would know that that is not a good sign. They had spend most of the time watching movies. So what was the draw to my son wanting to hang out there longer? He can watch movies and be in his own world at home. No disrespect to their friendship but I'm betting that the lure of marijuana played it's part. It seems that his friend is actually trying to go clean and stay off the marijuana however his brother is not and recently I have noticed that my son is wanting to cultivate a friendship with the brother. Coincidence? I don't think so. My son has been telling me that they are going to be going to the gym together. I don't know the brother however him spending time at the gym is not something I have heard of him doing up until now. My son knows what I want to hear. If the thought of him going to the gym would make me more lenient or ask less questions about the friendship than I have no doubt that my son would perhaps elaborate on the actual facts. On a side note I must say that his friend when he is not drinking all the time or smoking marijuana is actually a pretty decent guy. In his own way he tries to watch over my son.

Hubby recently texted me and asked if my son was up. I sometimes wonder about how strongly that motherly instinct to defend my son can rear it's head in me. I simply replied with no. Much better then the thought of replying with: Of course not. You know that he is still not doing good. You know that he was up all night. You know that he needs his sleep so that his brain can heal... All true but my hubby doesn't think like that and tends to not think of the bigger picture. He just sees that it is now afternoon and my son is still sleeping. I'm happy my son is sleeping. If I hear him snoring that I know that he is in a deep sleep and that makes me feel better. My hubby's snoring on the other hand makes me want to grab a frying pan. Go figure! I'm hoping that he will sleep most of the day. He didn't take his meds until after 5 this morning. When I suggested it was time to go to bed he replied that he needed his meds. They were on the coffee table where he told me to put them the night before. Yet another sign that he is still not firmly in this reality. The overflowing ashtray wasn't reassuring either.

I think I have pretty much everything in order for leaving. Except for packing which I will be starting soon, after I do a load of laundry. Still have some juggling do to on finances. I realized this morning that our car insurance payment bounced. Yippee! I called to fix it but they haven't been notified by the bank yet so they can't do anything yet. Advised to make sure I have enough in the account to cover for when they try to resubmit it which could be anytime in the next 3 weeks. As long as we aren't on the other side of Canada with no insurance in two weeks. As much as hubby and I are looking forward to this, our first vacation together, financially it is going to makes it's dent. Between gas, food and lodging I'm thinking about 3-4000. Then there's the missing income of another 3000. Add that to our current debt of about 15000. Ok enough of the doom and gloom. We will figure it out when the times comes.

I tried on 4 dresses and sent pics to my daughter to see which one she would like me to wear to her graduation.

She likes the one on the very left with the buttons. This one used to belong to my mother and my daughter now wants it. Family airloom! (Her spelling) I will give it to her after the grad. I will pack that one and the one on the far right as there is also a parent brunch the next day. Maybe the red one too. Pulled out my hubby's khakis and they fit! All this nagging on him about what he eats is paying off after all ;) Picked out some jewelry which I probably won't wear. I consider myself pretty understated when it comes to accessories and such. I haven't had make-up on in I don't know how long. I guess I should pack what I do have. I realized that I have thrown out all of my heels. I just don't wear then anymore. Luckily I found a pair that was my daughters, that fit me and will go with 2 of the dresses. I guess I should pull out hubby's dress shoes and give them a shinning. My son's too. Guess I'm not as organized as I thought I was. (Pulls out the shoes and puts on the load of laundry)

I was just looking at my printout of my son's medical information that I keep on hand for emergency purposes. Main notes that I can hand to medical personal if needed. I should update it and print a copy for the road and for his father's house where he will be staying. Just in case. I sometimes forget and get complacent when things have been going good. I forget that just in case is an every day possibility and not an after thought. The suitcases aren't going to pack themselves no matter who much I wish they would. Sometimes I wish I could live in my son's reality ;)


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