Friday, June 13, 2014

Little Red Flags and our old friend Addiction

I seem to find myself, yet again, in a fairly normal mind space of trying to decide if I'm overreacting or being sensible. I may have mentioned in an earlier post that I am a bit of a worry wort as I tend to over think or worry about the what ifs. I seem to always be on the look out for what I call red flags or indicators that things may be heading in the wrong direction.

I had a hard time getting my son up yesterday to meet with his nurse from the PACT Team. We have an agreement now that she/they will call me when they are on their way since showing up on time is not usually the norm and I don't like getting my son up if it's not necessary. So she called to let me know that she would be here in 20 minutes and wanted to take my son for a coffee. This was around 11 am. Getting him up was not easy so I asked him what time he had gone to bed. Around 5. On a good note, I guess my insomnia is getting better as I am usually more aware of him being up that late. 7 hours of sleep and I could barely get an answer from him that wasn't being punctuated with snores. As irritating as that is I consider it a pretty good indication that he is taken his night time medications. I finally got him up and out the door to meet his nurse. He wanted money. They will only cover the cost of a small coffee and that isn't good enough for my son. Go big or stay at home...

He returned from his meeting and asked for one of his Adderalls. He also stated that he wanted to hold on to them. Not a chance. I have made it clear that any type of medication that can be abused will not be allowed in my home unless I have control over it. If that is not acceptable then PACT can administer them or he can move out. Clonazepam/Klonopin and Lorazepam/Ativan among others, have been abused by my son when he was knee deep in his marijuana addiction. My son has low impulse control and an addictive personality. If he has it he will abuse it. Unfortunately that is how addiction works. I know I can't stop this forever however I can control it while he is living under my roof. On one occasion when we were discussing him being put on a stimulant and my reservations about it (I wanted Strattera prescribed for his ADHD as it is not considered to be a stimulant), he agreed that I would be the one in control of the medication since he wanted it prescribed but didn't want PACT administering it. So here we are. He got Adderall prescribed like he wanted. Now he wants to hold on to them. Ironically he does not want to hold on to his Clozapine, Risperidone, Lithium or even his Gabapentin. I know that he has discussed Adderall with his new (girl)friend from school. That is not a good sign. Regardless of what my son's pdoc has told us about how hard (but not impossible) it is to abuse Adderall, I am well aware that the reason my son wanted it is for recreation purposes not to treat his ADHD symptoms. His reaction when I said no to giving him the pill bottle. The usual: I'm an adult, I'm a grown man, You are being unreasonable. I reminded him of his own agreement that I have control and that I was not going to discuss it, that if this arrangement was not satisfactory then I will give them to PACT. He went to his room and closed the door. I was expecting him to slam the door but he didn't, so it's nice to know that my past efforts of discipline and boundary setting are doing some good. I am worried that the Adderall may be triggering some addiction behaviors. Strike that. I know that it is. I'm guessing that he didn't get the answer that he wanted from his nurse regarding upping his Adderall since he didn't say anything to me about it. I'm betting he talked to her about it. I also over heard him talking on his computer with someone about Adderall and sleeping pills. Phrases like: I would like to get my hands on some of those sleeping pills... Let me know what you find out... A little scary. Back to making sure that his pills are in my purse and that my purse is put away every night and certainly not out of my sight for any length of time. I don't feel bad for doing this because I do not trust temptation and addiction. When my son is being controlled by these things then it's best to be prepared, just in case.

A couple more red flags yesterday. Mom we need pop (soda) because there is nothing here to drink. Flashbacks to when he was messing with his meds, drinking and using marijuana and his mood was unstable causing comments like 'There is nothing here to eat', even though I had literally just done a $300 grocery shopping because I refused to take him to McDonald's. Apparently doing things like that is child abuse... Later in the day I asked him how a phone call he had made early regarding his laptop had gone and he responded by calling the lady he had been talking to a whore because she wouldn't listen to what he had to say.

I finally got around to making him an appointment with the family doctor for next week. Baked some bread and made spaghetti sauce, sort of from scratch. I didn't actually boil tomatoes since I used a can of diced tomatoes. Spaghetti and fresh bread for dinner! I know my husband and I enjoyed it. My son ate in his room while on the phone with the lady (whore) from Dell. I didn't bring up getting his blood work done yesterday. When my son is being moody it can be best to not bring up things that will trigger what I call his ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). When he is doing good he doesn't mind the blood work but when his mood is unstable then he gets mad that he has to do it to be on a medication he doesn't even want to be on. Hopefully today will be better and we can get that done as we are already a week late doing it.

For myself, I'm sitting her trying to mentally block out my downstairs neighbors music. She usually starts at 9:30 am. Thanx to a lot of hassle with calling the police (noise violation ticket) and making complaints, I don't usually have to deal with my floor and furniture vibrating anymore however it is still very intrusive and irritating. It's Friday so it started getting worse as usual last night. Dealing with this/her is having the resulting affect of eating away at my patience so I have less for my husband and son. Deep breathe Barbie... I need to walk to Walmart today and pick up my new glasses so hopefully the fresh air will do me some good. After most of my life wearing glassed and therefor not wearing sunglasses, I finally ordered a pair of prescription sunglasses. I'm excited! I finally get to be cool...

Oh ya. I added to my little collection of apartment rules and does and don'ts that apparently only I read. Apartment rules with resulting consequences are on my small coffee table for my son. It at least makes it easier when discussing discipline and I can point to the paper and he can't argue that he didn't know about it since it's been there for a long time. Does and don'ts on picking up after yourself and putting things away are on one of my kitchen cupboards. Yesterday I printed and framed a saying that I have been meaning to print for a long time. I'm sure if you are on Facebook then you have probably seen something along these lines before.


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