Bye bye Latuda

I was really hoping or had high hopes for the Latuda as I have heard of good results with it. However the small positives that I have seen are in no way outweighing the negatives. Honestly I'm not sure that the small positives I have seen are even as a result of the Latuda. The only positives I have been seeing is my son sometimes picking up after himself and making himself things to eat which most likely can be attributed to years of me trying to install this habit in him.

My hubby took my son out with him to clean the car on Saturday and they came back with these for Mother's Day:

My son came downstairs where I was doing laundry and gave them to me saying: I thought these would do you. Meaning he picked them out and thought I would like them. He was right!

As I mentioned on Friday he went to the liquor store. I don't think he drank everything on Friday although I can't say when he finished it. One day earlier in the week he threw out the empty bottles. This time he  managed to hide them so that they weren't obvious.

After I cut the Latuda from 80 mg to 40 mg it was still several days before he actually took it and kept it down. He has been vomiting off and on. I wasn't sure if it was the Latuda causing this or not but I'm pretty sure that it is. Although part of it could also be how much he is smoking.

On Monday his new nurse visited. He seems nice... Sometimes my husband will comment that we need someone with more experience. I tend to agree ;) I don't know if it's that I'm so involved in researching medications or watching for signs, however I find that most of his treatment team just don't seem to get it. Maybe I think that I know more then I do. I know what I'm seeing and I know what my gut is telling me and I'm listening.

First I got the run down on cutting pills in half... Hmm... Ok way beyond that. I did my research first. I think I may have gotten chastised for cutting the dose as "How is the doctor going to know if the medication is working as prescribed?" The dose as prescribed was landing my son in an hallucinating state that could have had him suicidal if I hadn't intervened. So thanks for the input but my son is my priority not the doctor.

My son was looking at his nurse, not listening to him, and smiling to the point of almost laughing. His nurse was glad to see him happy... I found that a bit ludicrous, no pun intended. He's not 'happy', he's experiencing symptoms. My son continues to deny voices and hallucinations if asked outright if he is experiencing them. It's obvious that he is. Something I have difficulty pinpointing is the difference between intrusive thoughts and voices. Personally I think that are pretty close to each other with voices perhaps being one step above intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts implies that they are intruding or not wanted however if one is welcoming them then one wouldn't consider them intrusive. Still they are not, for lack of a better description, our own thoughts. So I asked about the difference. His nurse explained to me the difference between thoughts and voices. I guess he missed the word 'intrusive'.

Monday and Tuesday he managed to keep down the 40 mg doses of Latuda. Yesterday (Wednesday) he vomited twice. Once all over the bathroom. That was fun to clean up ;). Since Friday he has started with hand movements, like he is flicking something. It has been progressively getting worse. Now he is doing it almost all the time about once every minute or less. If I hold the hand that is doing it, he starts with the other hand. He says that it isn't bothering him however it IS bothering me because I know it shouldn't be happening. The last 2-3 days he has become very needy in wanting me to cuddle with him. Wanting to sit almost on me on the sofa. Wanting me to file his nails and rub and scratch his back. I'm doing my best to accommodate this change and spend more time with him. Last night he wanted to sleep in my bed. Sadly this is something I'm not comfortable with however I did hold him for awhile in his bed.

Yesterday morning I talked to his case worker. She has been with us since, I think, July of last year. Possibly before that. One thing that I truly appreciate about her is that she listens to me. She doesn't cut me off mid-sentence when I'm telling her about what I'm seeing (his new nurse does as have others). In fact she has commented what a good thing it is that my son has me. She doesn't question the decisions that I make when it comes to medications. Like I said, she listens. So she knows that I make the decisions that I do with some knowledge of what I'm doing. At least that is how I'm reading it ;). I feel reasonably confident that what I tell her gets relayed to the psychiatrist with the appropriate emphasis on the concerning things that I see. With all the others... not so much. Even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing she doesn't chastise me for it, instead brings it to the attention of his psychiatrist.

Yesterday his case worker and I agreed that my son is regressing. That what I'm seeing is not right for my son. I could tell that his hallucinating is getting worse again. He is lost. Goes the cupboard and doesn't seem to know what he is there for. I could tell by how he is walking that he is mentally lost. Some of his behavior has been almost child-like. After he vomited yesterday evening I told my hubby that Dr. Barb is saying no more Latuda. ;) I've tried to give it a chance however enough is enough.

This morning I called PACT and left a voice message as I know they are having their team meeting today with the psychiatrist and I wanted them to be aware of what I was doing. Last night I gave my son 10 mg of Olanzapine. He seems quite willing to go back on it. Yup, conundrum that he is! He was put on the Latuda because he decided to come off the Olanzapine. *sigh* I gave it to him around 8:30 last night. Put him to bed shortly after, spending time with him cuddling. Found out that there was a war going on his head... When I checked on him around 10, he was sleeping and snoring! As if that was a sound I ever thought I would be happy to hear and I was! I don't think he has had a sound sleep for over two weeks now.

I haven't been in the backyard for the past couple of days as it's been a bit chilly. I went out there this morning as when I looked out there I saw a pile of cigarette butts on the patio table. There is an ashtray on the other side of the table. I guess it was too far away and my son has been butting out his cigarettes on the table. There was butts everywhere. Some of them I could tell hadn't even been put out but went out on there own. It's a good thing there is no smoking in most of the house or there is a distinct possibility we could have been dealing with a house fire. I cleaned them up.

His nurse called me back after receiving my message this morning. I sat there silently fuming as he chastised me for making medication decisions without the psychiatrists ok. Finally I got blunt with him and told him that I'm going to do what I think is best for my son. I know what he has been prescribed and why. Keeping him on medications that are not working and making him worse, regardless of the doctor's orders is not going to happen. He kept cutting me off when I tried to explain what I have been seeing. Basically we ended the call with me saying that my son's psychiatrist should have enough understanding of me by now to know that I'm going to do what I think is best. If history is any indication he has yet to go against any of my decisions and I seriously doubt that he will this time either. The goal is to keep my son out of the hospital not put him there.

I think I need to do some research on medications. I think we need one that only affects dopamine and not serotonin as well, as most of them do. For me the only question right now is what dose of Olanzapine. Previously he was taking 20 mg a day which is supposed to be maximum dose and I would rather not go back to that if we don't have to.

Today he seems a bit better. The hand thing is still going strong. I'm guessing that will take time to go away however if I don't see an improvement in it within the next day or so I will be addressing it further.

We had our follow up appointment with ADAPT on Monday. It's at the mall which is like a 10 minute walk. My son will not be continuing with them. Voluntary and all that crap and he doesn't think that drinking 400 ml of 40% alcohol is a problem. So there you have it. I'm going to continue with them. I need the support and help learning to better cope with being the parent of an addict with mental illness. I have already booked an appointment for next month and registered with some sessions on the 25th and 26th. They also offer support and funding for quitting smoking so I'm going to get hubby and I registered so that hopefully they can provide us with free patches!

I did start the process of registering with a company for work from home opportunities. Been meaning to finish that for the past couple of days.

I wrote a piece for a book that I'm going to be participating in. It's currently pinned to the top of my Facebook page if any of my readers who are parents or caregivers are interested in telling their story and helping to support the non-profit that is putting it together. You can find my Facebook link on the side of this blog or by clicking above.

May 17-23 is Schizophrenia Awareness Week. I had grand intentions of creating a whole lot of literature and informational pieces to highlight on my Facebook page and the event that I created. I still have today and tomorrow...

PS: He has been continuing to take his Invega!

Mom
BarbieBF

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Latuda Roller Coaster

It's been a bit of an interesting week. When my son's case worker stopped by on Monday to drop off his medications for the week and check in, I told her that what I have been seeing is different. I didn't know how to explain different... Just that I wasn't sure that I liked what I was seeing. The Latuda seemed to be helping however in some ways it wasn't.

He went from Friday to Tuesday barely eating. Even though he was going to bed he wasn't sleeping good and he wasn't napping during the day either.

Monday evening he randomly hugged me... Good sign right?

Tuesday he asked for the internet back. I asked him if he remembered the things that he had said to me and he replied that he remembered all of it. I asked if he still felt justified in saying what he did. Yes err no... He was upset. Ok I can understand that. I let him know that threatening me was illegal and reminded him that he had threatened to hurt me. He told me that he would never hurt me. Didn't I know that? That's the crutch isn't it? My son, Michael, would never hurt me. Psychosis and alcohol on the other hand is a different story. I gave him back the internet, not that he has used it, and told him that we really need to work on his anger issues.

We talked about his tobacco use. He told me that I had agreed that if he bought one tube of tobacco that I would buy him two. Ok we need to get to the bottom of where these misconceptions are coming from. When did I say that? I didn't but another time I told him that if he bought one carton of cigarettes then I would buy him two cartons. Yes I did do this once because he had spent his money on furniture for his room. Grrr... It does get irritating that whenever I do something nice that it gets turned into something like this. So I made it clear that I would get him some tobacco like I said I would but not two tubes and next month I don't plan on helping with this again.

I talked to his worker at disability and let her know that they are still deducting $40 from his payments due to the supposed over payment of him collecting disability from two provinces at once. This should be fixed for next payment so that they are only deducting $10. The drug cards finally got faxed over to the pharmacy that is supplying his medications and starting next month they should be mailing them to me.

I also tried to address the alcohol... It's not helping him. It's depressing him and triggering anger. He is not a happy drunk when he drinks now. It's seriously impairing him and his functionality. Off he went to the liquor store anyways...

I know he thinks I'm being hard on him however I can't continue to support his drinking and we are not spending more money on his tobacco then we do our own. We shouldn't have to. Hubby has been talking about quitting again. Maybe we should. It's harder to tell my son no when we are smoking.

Wednesday morning he started drinking at 9 AM. I didn't say anything... thought I guess I should be happy that he didn't drink it all the day before. Sad isn't it when that is what I'm left with... Back to the different that I noted at the beginning of this post. I haven't had much experience in seeing my son actively hallucinate. Things don't usually get that far here. I asked my son if he was hallucinating and he said no. Now my bad here because really I'm asking someone who is seeing what they see as being just as real as everything I see and expecting him to know the different ;) I notice by Wednesday afternoon that he was acting odd even for him. It was like he was pushing stuff away from him and it almost looked like bouncing a ball or something... Things I couldn't see.

Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster for him. Early afternoon he was making noises that I couldn't at first tell if it was crying or laughing. However the look on his face was one of pain. At the same time he was having issues with his privates. I'm guessing tactile hallucinations. Several times I asked him if he was ok and if he was crying. He said no however at one point he told me to leave him alone and stop looking at him while he was crying. He didn't want me touching him and he couldn't tell me why he was crying just that he was. I asked if it was ok if I called PACT and talked to his nurse about the Latuda that his dose is too high. He said yes.

I called and of course his nurse wasn't in, his case worker wasn't available and the other nurses were all in a meeting but I could leave a message. I did. They haven't called me back yet.

The off and on crying and issues with his privates continued for about an hour. I was on the verge of putting us in a cab and going to emergency. I asked him if he was having thoughts of hurting himself and he said that he wasn't. I asked that if he did that he let me know right away. Finally it stopped and he said that he was feeling better. I was coloring and he joined me. Then it started again however not as bad as before and was shorter. Then he was very happy. I think perhaps a bit manic based on the continual smile. I could see that he was hallucinating again. That had me concerned for a bit as he was doing air punches or interacting with his hallucinations, I'm not sure, but too close to me so I asked him not to do that around me. Thankfully this didn't last long.

Since PACT didn't call me back, I looked it up and his Latuda pills can be cut in half. Latuda is supposed to be taken with food. Not snacks but an actual meal. Given that he hasn't been eating that has been a tough one and he wanted to take it at night with his Invega. I think between the too high dose and not taking it with food that it has been hitting him too hard. Latuda can cause mania as far as I know. I know it's not supposed to be sedating which means it can be activating. Since he has been taking it before bed I think it's been interfering with his sleep as Wednesday night he did take two Melatonin and still didn't sleep good.

So I have cut his dose from 80 mg to 40 mg and gave it to him with dinner last night. The up side to the mini manic phase seems to be that he ate dinner fairly good. He didn't eat all of it but he did eat his chicken and salad so an ok base for the Latuda.

He still hasn't showered however he has been in the bath the last two nights. While it may sound like a good thing... When he is experiencing symptoms or tactile hallucinations he seems to like the sensation of being in the tube so it's not really a good sign when he wants to have a bath every day. Last night I went into the bathroom and took out his dirty socks, underwear and shirt and put out clean ones so that he had no choice but to but on clean ones.

Around 9:30 last night I went into his room and had him take his Invega and two Melatonin. He slept although not as deep as I would like. He got up today at 8:30 AM. Not bad actually as he has been getting up with me and hubby around 5 for the past week. I had debating not giving him any Latuda last night however if I did that I ran the risk of him not taking it again as he has done this with several medications in the past. Just because 80 mg is too much I don't want to not give this medication a chance. He needs the antipsychotic right now.

I called PACT and left another message letting them know I cut the dose. Hopefully today I will see a reduction in what I was seeing yesterday. Probably not though as he appeared to be hallucinating a little while ago and is now off to the liquor store again...

Mom
BarbieBF

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Aspirin for arthritis and fruit-flies.

I don't recall what day I found a bunch of these aspirin in my son's coat. I had no idea what they were until I showed them to my hubby and he grabbed his bottle of aspirin from the top of the fridge. They are over the counter but they are long acting that our doctor recommended he take daily to ward off the headaches he gets. Feeling relief that that was all they were I didn't think anything else of it. Friday I was cleaning the floor in my son's room and while moving around his make-shift coffee table I heard what I immediately figured was a bottle of vodka that he managed to get in the house and hide under the table. It was a bowl with crushed up white stuff and a rolled up piece of paper for snorting it.

My son received his disability money on Thursday. That day he got his vodka... I didn't say anything except to remind him that it doesn't come onto our property. He sat outside our gate and drank it. When hubby got off work we went to our chiropractor, to the bank and to a store for my son to buy tobacco since he has decided to roll cigarettes. He wasn't happy that it cost him $40 for his tub of tobacco. That night I gave him an Olanzapine with his Invega and he took it.

Friday had the makings of a bad day. He was outside drinking another bottle of vodka and hmmm, I'm really going to have to write down the name of the other bottle he gets, when I found the bowl in his room. I went out to ask him what it was. He told me aspirin.

I was somewhat impressed with myself as I didn't get mad or even upset. I was kind of amused as honestly what could you possible get out of snorting aspirin? I'm not even sure when the conversation took the negative turn that it did but it did. He told me that he was better then me. I replied that he wasn't better then me. Next thing I'm being called a bitch and a fat whore numerous times along with other swear words. I did my best to keep it light. Told him that no matter what he called me I was still going to love him and seriously look at me... Do I look like a fat whore? Apparently yes...

I was just thinking to meet this hate with love... I told him again that I loved him. He said prove it. I replied that I was still here and I knelt down. I was 3 feet away from him and I didn't get any closer. At this point I got told to get out of his face or he was going to smack me and knock me out. He said he wasn't threatening me... I again told him I loved him and walked away. Left him sitting out there, in the dirt, surrounded by 3 bottles (one from the day before) and cigarette butts. We were also back to the "I pay the rent around here and this is 35% my property."

I came inside and called PACT and talked to his new nurse. I think I was looking for some sort of assurance, not that I got any... If I felt unsafe... A year ago I didn't know what he was capable of. Although he is not in active psychosis right now. He is experiencing symptoms yes however he is aware of what he is saying. He is relatively stable. I was seeing an angry drunk... Really nothing new there as I have been seeing that all my life and sadly he does have it in his genes.

Perhaps not the best choice however one boundary I refuse to budge on is the consequences to swearing at me. I disconnected the internet. Went back to the cleaning I was doing. He comes downstairs and asks when he is going to get the internet back. Some how he has morphed what was said into me telling him that he wasn't better. Period. So therefor he was justified in talking to me the way that he did. I told him I wasn't going to discuss it right now. Another flood of name calling and swearing that ended with "Cook my dinner bitch."

I ignored him and went about my cleaning. I think he passed out for a bit...

Since then his defiance has been in high gear. About pretty much anything and everything. Friday his case worker dropped off his Latuda. He has been prescribed 80 mg. Apparently he was prescribed 60 mg however disability doesn't cover this dosage. Ridiculous isn't it? I think disability only recently started covering this medication. So his psychiatrist changed it to 80 as I think that may be the dose he was looking at eventually anyways. Average dosages seems to be between 40 and 160.

His nurse called on Saturday to check in and see if he took his Latuda. As far as I can tell he has been taking it. Since his defiance is in high gear he won't take his medications if he's alert and I'm watching him.

Hubby and I went grocery shopping without him on Saturday. He wasn't up when we left and honestly I'm not rewarding his behavior or attitude. We did bring him back a coffee since we had gotten ourselves one. He asked why I didn't get him up to go? Do you remember what you said to me yesterday? Yes... Well I'm not rewarding that. You got me a coffee. Yes, just because I'm not rewarding you doesn't mean I'm going to be rude either. Do you want the coffee? Give it to me... I started to walk in the house with it and told him he isn't going to get it by talking to me like that. He asked for it nicely so I gave it to him.

I had picked up some coloring books, crayons, pencil crayons and markers while shopping. A Thor book for him and two other ones for me. For a bit he colored in the Thor one. One of the ones I got is Care Bears. I used to love them when I was a kid :)

Remember the camping... He brings it up wanting to go... I told him not this weekend and we don't have money for it right now anyways. He says that I promised this month. No I didn't. I said I would look into it for this month. Well isn't saying it the same as promising? My son knows the difference in that very well as he usually won't promise anything. I just replied that no it wasn't the same and asked if he wanted to make everything into an argument? I think that he does...

I'm not sure why not however he hasn't been to the liquor store since Friday. He does still have enough money left for probably two trips of his usual. The next thing was asking me to take him to the grocery store for treats. I agreed to take him however he was paying for it. Well it's my job to feed him three meals a day and I'm not doing it so he is going to call his Nana and tell her I'm not buying him groceries... Our kitchen is quit full of food since we spend over $1200 a month on groceries. He made his phone call... We took him to the grocery store. He didn't get anything. I offered to take him to the dollar store as he can load up on treats there for cheap. He said no that he had better things to spend his money on like alcohol.

Again I will have to say how impressed I have been with hubby. I know he has a hard time dealing with seeing my son act like this however he is slowly seeing most of it for what it is. My son is having temper tantrums like a child except he is doing it with a 21 year old vocabulary and in a man's body which can be concerning when alcohol is added to the mix. Even my hubby has started getting stuff for my son when we are grocery shopping and he is not with us. Michael likes these...

In between all this my son is giving me a hard time about doing anything that I ask him to do. I have jars for the beef jerky that I make. Friday night I had one of them out and my son brought out the other two along with other snacks. Asking him to put this stuff away the next day... Yah that was fun. Well one of them was mine so therefore he shouldn't have to pick it up. I put mine away. He refused to put the other two away. Finally a day later I did...

Yesterday it was grapes that he took out. I asked if he was done with them could he put them away. He wasn't done with them yet... He did finally put them away and of course as is usual for my son he has to do these things when I'm in the kitchen in the middle of doing something. No excuse me's or anything... He pays the rent ;) You can see it in the way that he is walking around here and how he is looking at us. Pure defiance. We have been trying our best to ignore it and not give it any attention.

We have fruit-flies. I have been noticing them for a couple of days now. I have been trying to disinfect the kitchen and figure out where they are coming from. Yesterday I went around emptying all the garbages just in case. At least 30 of them came out of my son's garbage in his room when I grabbed it. Great! It's all the sweats and treats that he doesn't have ;) He has a big bag full of assorted treats in his room and his garbage was full of ice cream wrappers etc. I sprayed stuff down with Febreze but I'm going to have to get some Lysol I guess...

The last time he had a bath was on April 23. Before that it was awhile as I had asked him to make sure he cleans the tub afterwards because he does private stuff while in the tub and I didn't want to be bathing in it myself. Yesterday I tried to motivate him into a shower. Hubby and I had to go get cigarettes and I said he could come with us for the car ride however I wanted him to have a shower first as it's been awhile. He didn't have the energy and would have one later. This never happens when he says this. I said we would wait for him to get up the energy to have one so that he could go with us. I had an errand to run so we went to do that to give my son time and we brought him back a coffee. He decided not to come...

Hubby and I had a nice drive. We need that one on one time to just be a couple.

We came back and I spent time in the backyard with my son. Not saying much because right now it doesn't seem to matter what I say to him he will respond in the negative. So I colored. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm a mom and I have experience with kids having temper tantrums and using negative tactics to get attention. My son has never done this... I could feel him watching/looking at me. He put both his legs on the table and started rocking them. The whole table was rocking along with everything on it. He is just looking at me... I ignored him and kept coloring. Eventually he stopped ;)

He stopped taking Melatonin, again, when he started the Latuda. So even though we have the new antipsychotic on board he is still not sleeping good because he isn't taking anything to help him sleep. Latuda is not sedating. Last night when I checked on him around 1:30, he had taken the Melatonin and not his Invega or Latuda. Just breathe right... I woke him up to take them. Of course asking very nicely so that I don't trigger his ODD defiance any further. This morning he was up before 5...

What woke me up was my son asking my hubby for a pack of cigarettes. Now I haven't rolled cigarettes since my kids were small... So I Googled it ;) On Thursday he bought 100 grams of tobacco which should roll around a carton or 200 cigarettes. It's been 3 days and he has gone through 3/4 of it.  He is now out of tubes. He said he had around 180 tubes when he got the tobacco so it seems to fit. He also has partial packs of two other kinds of cigarettes and yesterday was smoking my hubby's. I got attitude for asking him not to just take my hubby's cigarettes as he was without asking.

I know this post is getting long winded. So many thoughts in my head... I put hubby's cigarettes away because I know my son will just take them when he wants and we can't afford this. My son probably has more money in his bank account right now then hubby and I do put together. I'm trying really hard not to go further into dept. Because of my son snorting the aspirin I have now put away anything that can be crushed up and snorted... It makes me think of all the times in the past that I have fallen for the mindset of how hard-done-by my son was however I also know how hard it can be to keep things for other people when my son thinks that he is entitled to anything that he wants.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone I trusted could walk in and tell me what to do? Notice I added the trusted part. ;) I'm sure I could get lots of advise however depending on who gave it to me I wouldn't trust it... We need more money coming in to cover our expenses and our dept. The thought of leaving my home unattended and open to whatever my son sees fit to do with or in it while I'm at work... Seriously nothing would be safe from addiction or schizophrenia.

Oh well...

Mom
BarbieBF

© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What a conundrum he is.

Conundrum, riddle or puzzle... Yes that is my son at the moment.

He didn't sleep much the night before last so I wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get up when his psychiatrist showed up yesterday morning. We spoke for a bit before I got my son up. I gave him a quick overview, advised him how to get a more accurate response regarding voices/entities and discussed my concerns about upping the Invega and what our options were.

Then I got my son up. He seemed to respond better with the psychiatrist then with the new nurse and was more alert. My son has known this psychiatrist for awhile now and seems to like him so that probably helped. As I advised his psychiatrist asked him about the entities (rather then do you have voices?) and my son's response was more honest and he replied that yes they are there and that he has voices.

It was agreed that we would try adding Latuda instead of upping his Invega because upping his Invega could have the opposite affect to what we are looking for and it could actually drag him down. We didn't mention losing his libido but I'm guessing the psychiatrist was also taking this into account and that's what he meant my dragging him down. I told the psychiatrist that my son seems to do best on lower doses of two medications and since this is what we are going to try then we seem to be on the same page. We discussed weight gain and I let him know that the only time I have seen this due to medications is on 450 mg of Clozapine. Other then that my son's weight doesn't fluctuate that much. For me this is another reason to keep him on lower doses, if possible, as weight gain could become a reason to be non-compliant and we don't need to give him reasons for that. ;)

The only question my son seemed to have is if the Latuda would help with stress. Yes it will. Some information on Latuda here: Lurasidone/Latuda. I know that I have heard of good results with it and that it can also act like an antidepressant while it is still an antipsychotic which is a good match for my son. I have never seen antidepressants help him. As with his Invega it is an atypical or next generation medication and is what they call cleaner so has less side affects. I'm very hopeful of this combination as being on two medications that are considered cleaner and keeping to lower doses should work out well.

I was expecting that my son would go back to bed after the psychiatrist left. He didn't and in fact seemed to have an ok day. The voices are there but they didn't seem as bad. Yesterday was my hubby's birthday so I thought I would 'try' to bake him a chocolate cake which of course I didn't have. I asked my son to walk to the corner store with me. He asked if he could get two things. It ended up being five things... They didn't have a chocolate cake mix.

When we got back he went up to his room with his treats and got on his computer! Happily listening to the sounds of his computer gaming, I looked through my cupboards and came up with the idea of a vanilla, strawberry and whipped cream cake to make for my hubby along with some double chocolate chip cookies. The cake was a hit! Surprisingly since my baking skills are not so great and as is usual for me I wasn't following a recipe.

While I was in the kitchen I noticed that my son was snacking on things like he usually does when stable. And he was cleaning up after himself! I know! I didn't say anything. Randomly talked to him, joined him outside for cigarettes and gave him a cookie when they were done. Once when he walked by me I commented that he really needed a shower or at least a change of cloths and off he went and put on clean cloths! Minus socks ;)

Hubby came home and was pleasantly happy about dinner. He was really hungry and expecting that it would be something like fish and rice as he knows this type of diet can help my son. However it was his birthday dinner so it was steak, corn on the cob and baked potatoes. My son really enjoys steak and corn on the cob as well so he ate good too. Win win!

After dinner I asked my son if he wanted tea. First he said no then he said yes. I made us all tea, put out all of our vitamins as I usually do and put on our TV shows. Reminded my son that the vitamins were there once then left them alone. A little while later I went to pick them up and put them away and just commented: I guess you don't want these? First he said no then said wait I will take these (picked up the multivitamins), I will take this too (picked up the B50), I guess I will take the fish ones too... So he took them all! It was after 8 so I went and got his Invega which he took then and there.

We all went out for a cigarette and when we came back in I asked him if he felt like taking his Melatonin tonight. He said sure... So I got him two and put them in his room. He was on his computer when hubby and I went to bed. He was eating a candy... I know that may sound like something small however after a week of seeing him in such a negative symptom swing it was a welcome sight and I went up to him and hugged him tight, telling him I loved him. Stumbled over my words as I said something like: It's good to see looking better... or acting better.. or... I paused and finished with: It's good to have you back. He just smiled at me, hugged me back and told me he loved me too.

I think it was around 11:30 that I woke up and checked on him. He was in bed but awake. I asked him if he had taken his Melatonin and he had forgotten so he took them! As far as I know he slept through the night until 9:30 this morning.

PACT called around 9 to see if he wanted to go on there outing today which is I think a trail walk. I woke him up to ask him and he said no. Thirty minutes later when he got up, I brought it up again asking if he was sure. He said he woke up in a bad mood so no. I said ok but it's a trail walk so in nature which you like. He replied with yah I might like that. Call them back and tell them I want to go. I called and left a message stating that if they still had a spot left that he wanted to go so hopefully they will call back. It's supposed to be a pretty nice day out.

So ya... I'm slightly bemused at the change since we haven't added the Latuda yet. He's adjusting to no Olanzapine? I have no idea. I'm just glad to see him functioning a bit better. I know that some would recommend interacting with him more, to pull him out of his head when he isn't doing well but I tend to give him his space to a certain degree. When the voices are bad then I'm just another voice talking to him and I think that can stress him even further. I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I had a room full of people talking at me and someone else decided to chime in ;) I know that doing even minor physical or 'real life' things takes a lot of energy and I don't need to be an extra stimulant for him if I can help it. Just like yesterday... When he is ready and able then I'm there.

I should get going. He asked again about camping last night so I should look into booking something in the relatively near future. I also need to follow up again with disability as the pharmacy supplying his medications still hasn't received his drug cards for March and April.

Mom
BarbieBF

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Oops. Things not always as they appear...

Most of the time I think I have a pretty good grasp on what is happening but sometimes I have to acknowledge that I can be wrong. Yes I can do that ;) Yesterday my son asked me if I had seen his vaporizer as he thought someone had stolen it. I told him that I had it and why. He had a good explanation. During our last grocery shop I bought him a light wave speaker. He is using the charged vaporizer to power the speaker so that he can move it around with him. He pointed out that he can't use the vaporizer for weed as he would have to make it into liquid first. Yes I know but I couldn't rule out him doing this. So for now the use of the vaporizer has been explained.

My son is struggling right now and I'm not to sure how to help him. He told me yesterday that he has been asked to not attend the YMCA for schooling as he is not progressing. I will have to call or email them on Monday as I'm thinking there is a little more to it then that. I remember when he had his first appointment with them to sign up, being told that they have some who have been there for a long time as they can work at their own pace, so I'm not to sure I understand what is happening. Perhaps he is being nudged into applying himself more? He said that he can't do it so he will have to start looking for a job. If he can't apply himself to 6 hours a week schooling then chances are he can't apply himself to learn a job. He seems to think that working is easy and takes no mental effort. Delusion or immature thinking? Since he doesn't have much personal experience to draw from on this then I'm thinking lack of experience or immature thinking. We both agreed that he will have to learn for himself that it does take mental effort to do a job.

He said that he can't put into words the 'stress' that he is currently experiencing that maybe one day he could explain it to me so that I can understand. Personally I don't think that he even understands the stress that he is feeling as he doesn't want to or can't understand the negative impact of symptoms. It's times like this that I myself have to re-evaluate my opinion on whether or not my son has schizophrenia. I explained to him that there is more to schizophrenia then positive symptoms like hallucinations and voices. There is also negative symptoms which get in the way of people's ability to cope with normal life stresses. On the surface his life can not, in my opinion, get much easier. I pointed out that he was doing great up until the Adderall and nothing else has changed so it's his inability to cope that needs to be looked at. I took a leap and suggested that maybe we need to look at upping his anti-psychotics for a little bit until things can get under control again. He doesn't want to be on pills for the rest of his life. 'I would rather die...' My heart hurt when I told him that he may need to be on pills for the rest of his life if he does in fact have schizophrenia.

He seems to understand that he needs help however he wants to be prescribed benzodiazepines even though he knows that he will not have an easy time getting them. He also doesn't want anti-depressants. I know that he doesn't like being on the Clozapine and doesn't want to be on another anti-psychotic since in his eyes he doesn't need them. I don't know how to help him come to terms with this and I am afraid to push and cause his ODD to flare up. I don't know if it's his ADHD or schizophrenia symptoms but for the past couple of days he has been pretty jittery. Not really hyper like I have seen where he is punching his bed or hitting walls or jumping like a 5 year old but like a muted undertone of something not right. Maybe it's time to look into another medication. I know that he has been tried on a lot of them but they were during times of chronic high marijuana use and nothing seemed to help except the Clozapine. I have heard of some good results with Latuda. It's an atypical or new generation AP that seems to work on blocking or antagonizing dopamine D2 receptors. No I don't really understand exactly what this means except that it helps to limit the amount of dopamine my son's brain has to work with. Clozapine is also one. I look at these things as I believe my son's brain produces too much dopamine and especially after the Adderall certain types of medications will do him more harm then good.

Because of his legs going pretty non-stop I asked him last night if he wanted a Neurontin. The last time I gave him one he didn't take it so I'm never to sure if I should be giving it to him or not however I do know that despite his tendency to try and abuse it that it does help with his anxiety and it does seem to help keep his mood more stable. It works on the central nervous system. I'm hoping that he took the one that I gave him last night. He was up this morning when I got up just before 6 stating that he had been asleep for a couple of hours but woke up and was just having a smoke. He seemed too alert to have already been asleep. His pill dish was empty and he is sleeping sound now so I'm guessing he took them shortly before I got up. One of the benefits to my insomnia is that being up and down all night allowed me to keep a closer eye on him so that I could nicely nag him into taking his pills and going to bed. Maybe knowing that my daughter is around and can get me up if needed is allowing me to sleep better.

I almost feel like we are on a precipice or the edge of a cliff and I don't know if we are going to go over or manage to shuffle ourselves out of harms way. I don't know how to move us forward and away from this edge without causing harm yet I also feel that if we don't move forward then we will inevitably succumb to gravity and fall of the edge anyways. We can not stay teetering as we are. Perhaps I can but for my son it is not a good place.

Mom
BarbieBF