For those who noticed that my blog was unavailable for a little bit... For privacy reasons I had changed it to private however even with some of the grief that can come with publicly airing my life, I have decided to make it public again. However please note my copyright notice at the bottom of each page and post. Breaking up my blog into pieces and sharing it without my permission is not authorized.
I know how lost I was when I first starting down this new unknown road of mental illness. If my blog can help even one person to not feel alone then any grief that comes my way is worth it.
On to the important stuff...
My son is now officially living with me and hubby. Still have some things to work out with respect to his disability payments and I'm guessing now a couple years worth of income tax returns. It was assumed that the group home he was living in was taking care of these things for him. They did nothing regarding claiming his income with disability so now he owes disability a lot of money covering two years of overpayments. Since they didn't touch this, I think it's a pretty good bet they didn't do his taxes either.
Because he moved he now has a new caseworker and psychiatrist. His first appointment with the new caseworker was a bit bumpy. Not really her fault however my son got a bit stressed out when she kept asking him about relapse symptoms. It's been years now since his last relapse and as you can imagine, not a place he wants to go to or remember. We made that clear on his next appointment with the psychiatrist and caseworker that that line of questioning will only upset him.
Yesterday my son and I butted heads. It's easy to forget sometimes (most of the time) that he is diagnosed with mental illness and little life stresses can hit him hard. A couple of weeks ago he purchased an electric bike which he has been wanting for a long time. He hasn't been getting the correct amount of charge time. It's all new to me so a bit hard for me to navigate what charge readings mean. Of course he being disappointed got a little bit aggressive in his verbal and body language. I reacted... My bad.
My hubby doesn't handle aggression very well either due to his own diagnoses of anxiety etc. He went to the store and didn't take my son. He almost always takes my son on outings with him. It wasn't intentional however he needed to get away from the aggression my son was displaying.
Next think I know my son is well verbally bashing my hubby. Like I said... I reacted. I don't let anyone disrespect my hubby, including my own children.
Thankfully it didn't get out of hand and once I realized where my son and I were at I turned it around. I apologized to him for yelling in reaction and he apologized for being aggressive.
Still it was a reminder to me that my son isn't mentally 25 years old. Even if he is doing awesome, which he is, he is still not capable of handling disappointments and anxiety the same as someone without mental illness.
I would have to say that I was very proud of his ability to calm down and the two of us talk it out. He recognized that he got aggressive and that he has trouble with anxiety and coping with it.
I was also very proud of him during our meeting with his psychiatrist and caseworker as he seems to have no problem with his medications and likes them because they help him with his anxiety and help him sleep. My son when younger, used to have a lot of issues with his palms sweating. He hasn't had this for a long time now and he attributes this to his Clozapine. Chances are he's right. I have not discussed my son's medications in terms of psychosis since almost the beginning. It's always about the things he can see and recognize that helps him. Anxiety and sleep being the main things. He also stated that without his medications he probably wouldn't be working and he loves his job.
He surprised me even further when he told me that he doesn't even regret being inpatient anymore. That it probably did him some good. This came up when we were at the same hospital he was inpatient at before, waiting on the birth of his niece.
My granddaughter was born last month... Momma, baby and grandson are all doing great.
My daughter is handling being a single mom beautifully. You may recall that she lost her husband in September. I sometimes feel bad that I don't give her a lot of my attention and time. My own little world can get overwhelming at times. Thankfully she has 4 parental figures in her life. One day at church I was asked where my daughter was and I replied: She's at her mom and dads... One can never have too many moms and dads.
My daughter asked me for some help today so I should get my butt in gear...
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2020. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anger. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 11, 2020
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Tis the season. Merry Christmas!
Firstly I would like to wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
All I can think is wow what a year and I can't wait for it to be over...
At church I had my eyes opened to a word that I never really thought about before other then seeing it in the stores on advent calendars. You know the ones with little chocolates in it to countdown the days until Christmas. Well advent is the 4 weeks leading up to the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
I'm sure a lot has questioned the timing of this as I think most of us realize that Jesus wasn't born at Christmas. He was born sometime between March and October. While our calendars date the start of a new year in January... That was not always the case. Spring is the beginning. A time of renewal.
I seriously love Christmas! The last couple of years have been harder to celebrate and this year... I'm going to do my best to celebrate from the point of advent. A time to slow down and enjoy. A time of being grateful for what I do have. Yes a lot easier said than done.
We are pretty much settled into our new 'little' home. A lot to learn and a lot to not take for granted. Water, plumping, sewer, heating, condensation and cooking in a propane oven. All of it needs to be paid attention to and not taken for granted. I've pretty much got the timing of emptying our holding tanks figured out. Getting condensation in my closet and cupboards under control. Showering... Another adjustment on time and water management. Now it's trying to figure out how to cut down on drafts and better heat the place.
When it's just me and hubby here it's not so bad when it comes to lack of room. Add my son and sometimes my daughter and grandson. It gets a little tight. I feel bad when I tell my daughter no to babysitting however spending the day keeping the little one out of or away from my son and his 'mess' is not something one can look forward too. ;)
My son asked last night if he can half move in. He is going off of disability and the group home wants him to pay out of pocket more than what disability covered. I would have to agree with him that staying there wouldn't make sense. I have on occasion tried to look for housing for him. He's supposed to be getting help with this however I guess no one is having any luck with it.
Almost a month ago hubby had a mild stroke. He's gone off medications that he was taking to help stabilize his moods. Between that and his loss of feeling and functioning in his right side, it's hard for him to move around in such little space. Add my son who is in and out a lot of the night which keeps the trailer rocking and disturbing his sleep.
The doctor put hubby on blood pressure and cholesterol medications. His blood pressure is now the best it's been in years so that's a good thing. He's finally not bulking at me trying to put us on a better diet of less salt, sugar and just overall more healthy. Struggling to get used to his CPAP machine for sleep apnea. He needs to get used to it though as sleep apnea causes lack of oxygen to the brain therefore causing more stress on the body and therefor raising blood pressure.
Where am I at with all this? Most days struggling. A couple of times I've been all gung-ho about going back to work. Honestly a part of me is so looking forward to getting back out there around people and helping to financially support us. Okay... Just planning getting out of here. I feel stifled.
Each time I start something happens that makes me rethink what I'm doing. Aside for all the rest I'm in the beginning stages of menopause. Possible about to go fully menopausal. My normal cycle is every 21 days. Yup twice a month. I went 4-5 months where I only had 3. Great right! I started looking for work and ended up with 2 last month. Not so great as they hit me hard and heavy. Spent days fighting off a migraine.
Even if I didn't have to worry about that... Guess who does and takes care of pretty much everything? Am I supposed to work and come home and take care of everything at home too? I'm not even sure at this point how capable he is to cook for himself.
Edit: Section removed due to privacy reasons.
I guess the next decision we have to make is whether to let my son stay here from Monday to Friday every week. Last week we had discussed cutting it down a day.
Oh well... If any of my readers want to pray for us I would greatly appreciate it!
I probably won't blog again until the new year. Hopefully it will be with good news that at least his pension is sorted out!
Ohhh I felt my grandaughter move!
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2019. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
All I can think is wow what a year and I can't wait for it to be over...
At church I had my eyes opened to a word that I never really thought about before other then seeing it in the stores on advent calendars. You know the ones with little chocolates in it to countdown the days until Christmas. Well advent is the 4 weeks leading up to the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
I'm sure a lot has questioned the timing of this as I think most of us realize that Jesus wasn't born at Christmas. He was born sometime between March and October. While our calendars date the start of a new year in January... That was not always the case. Spring is the beginning. A time of renewal.
I seriously love Christmas! The last couple of years have been harder to celebrate and this year... I'm going to do my best to celebrate from the point of advent. A time to slow down and enjoy. A time of being grateful for what I do have. Yes a lot easier said than done.
We are pretty much settled into our new 'little' home. A lot to learn and a lot to not take for granted. Water, plumping, sewer, heating, condensation and cooking in a propane oven. All of it needs to be paid attention to and not taken for granted. I've pretty much got the timing of emptying our holding tanks figured out. Getting condensation in my closet and cupboards under control. Showering... Another adjustment on time and water management. Now it's trying to figure out how to cut down on drafts and better heat the place.
When it's just me and hubby here it's not so bad when it comes to lack of room. Add my son and sometimes my daughter and grandson. It gets a little tight. I feel bad when I tell my daughter no to babysitting however spending the day keeping the little one out of or away from my son and his 'mess' is not something one can look forward too. ;)
My son asked last night if he can half move in. He is going off of disability and the group home wants him to pay out of pocket more than what disability covered. I would have to agree with him that staying there wouldn't make sense. I have on occasion tried to look for housing for him. He's supposed to be getting help with this however I guess no one is having any luck with it.
Almost a month ago hubby had a mild stroke. He's gone off medications that he was taking to help stabilize his moods. Between that and his loss of feeling and functioning in his right side, it's hard for him to move around in such little space. Add my son who is in and out a lot of the night which keeps the trailer rocking and disturbing his sleep.
The doctor put hubby on blood pressure and cholesterol medications. His blood pressure is now the best it's been in years so that's a good thing. He's finally not bulking at me trying to put us on a better diet of less salt, sugar and just overall more healthy. Struggling to get used to his CPAP machine for sleep apnea. He needs to get used to it though as sleep apnea causes lack of oxygen to the brain therefore causing more stress on the body and therefor raising blood pressure.
Where am I at with all this? Most days struggling. A couple of times I've been all gung-ho about going back to work. Honestly a part of me is so looking forward to getting back out there around people and helping to financially support us. Okay... Just planning getting out of here. I feel stifled.
Each time I start something happens that makes me rethink what I'm doing. Aside for all the rest I'm in the beginning stages of menopause. Possible about to go fully menopausal. My normal cycle is every 21 days. Yup twice a month. I went 4-5 months where I only had 3. Great right! I started looking for work and ended up with 2 last month. Not so great as they hit me hard and heavy. Spent days fighting off a migraine.
Even if I didn't have to worry about that... Guess who does and takes care of pretty much everything? Am I supposed to work and come home and take care of everything at home too? I'm not even sure at this point how capable he is to cook for himself.
Edit: Section removed due to privacy reasons.
I guess the next decision we have to make is whether to let my son stay here from Monday to Friday every week. Last week we had discussed cutting it down a day.
Oh well... If any of my readers want to pray for us I would greatly appreciate it!
I probably won't blog again until the new year. Hopefully it will be with good news that at least his pension is sorted out!
Ohhh I felt my grandaughter move!
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2019. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Rockin' the Boat, A Mustang & Several Cans of Worms.
Yesterday I had such a great day! Seriously it was all good. Tuesday I got hit with major sedation from my antidepressants. I'm guessing due to it having build up in my system. Yesterday I woke up with the urge to do things... By 9 AM I was already thinking about the things I wanted to make/bake. I made beef jerky, cookies, bread, cheese crackers and tried a new rice recipe for dinner. Cleaned the fridge and did some rearranging in the kitchen. Monday I spent several hours vacuuming and de-cob-webbing our unfinished basement. I knew then that my antidepressants were doing their thing ;).
Last night my son decided to throw a wrench in things. Out of the blue he doesn't need/want his Olanzapine. It's time to try and go off them... Because barely a month of regaining some stability is long enough, I guess.
I'm sitting here trying really hard not to be pissed. For the past 3-4 weeks both myself and my hubby have been nothing but supportive and understanding. I have been patiently cleaning up his messes. Spending quality time with him doing things like messaging and scratching his back, brushing his hair, filing his nails, cuddling and even flossing his teeth. Yup you read that right. His teeth are mess. When the ashtray in the back yard, that is only 3 feet away from him, is to far away; that's ok, I take it too him. I have picking up his garbage, hosing down the yard due to his spitting... What do I ask for in return? Not very much. Perhaps that is the problem. I have been expecting way too little. In my quest to be understanding I am making things way to easy for him, again.
In my last blog post I mentioned him smoking in his room. Another thing that I have been very patient about. I have not yelled at him. I have said very little actually unless I catch him doing it. I have been keeping an eye out and finding what he uses for ashtrays when I can so that I can 'remind him' that there is no smoking in his room. A couple of times I have found the cups or containers that he uses and have removed them. For the past couple of days I haven't been able to find anything. Smart little bugger he is... He forgot this morning to put the lid back on the peanut can that he has been using. The one I thought was full of peanuts. It was full of cigarette butts.
Last weekend hubby got my son another carton of cigarettes as he has gone through 3 cartoons in just over 2 weeks. Of course smoking in his room means that he is smoking even more.
My son agreed last night to take his Olanzapine this morning... Yes as I'm sure you guessed, so far that has not happened. After I found the 'peanut can', I was thinking to myself: 'Do I really want to rock the boat and bring it up?'; as I didn't want to trigger his ODD defiance and cause him to not take the Olanzapine. Honestly what am I thinking... I'm not triggering his ODD. I'm not rockin' the boat... He is. I'm the one 'walking on eggshells' to not rock it and to what end?
I let him know this morning that if he isn't going to take the Olanzapine then he needs to call his nurse and let him know and discuss upping his Invega from 6 mg to 9 mg. Can I do it for him since I'm the one that seems to have a problem with this. Yes I absolutely have a problem with him going into psychosis, losing touch with reality and possibly one of us getting hurt. I can't hold him accountable for symptoms that he has no control over however he can be accountable for making choices that are going to cause a re-emergence of these symptoms. If he is going to make these decisions then he needs to be responsible for them and letting his treatment team know.
I also put away the rest of the carton of cigarettes that my hubby just got and let him know that I will give him a pack a day and they need to stay downstairs, not in his bedroom. Enough is enough. If hubby and I can smoke outside or in the basement then Michael can too and he is just going to have to figure that one out. I wonder how many times I have typed 'enough is enough'. Probably not enough ;) and certainly I need to have better follow through on these things or my son will just continue to break the rules with no consequences.
Ah yes the mustang. Hubby seems to be going through a phase. I feel a bit bad. I know how much he wants one and I won't tell him that he can't have one. He is the one earning a pay check after all. We did take one out for a test drive...
I'm not much for knowing about cars... She does look and sound nice though. Certainly suits hubby. It doesn't suit anything else though. The back seat was very cramped and he would lose a lot of functionality in the front as well. If it was just hubby and I, there would have been zero questions and we probably would have purchased it.
Hubby texted me this morning that one of the credit cards didn't work. I haven't been keeping close tabs on our accounts over the last week. Not that it would have mattered as some things came up that needed to be attended to. Hubby is now completely in debt in his name ;) Actually he has no more credit left and his bank account is in overdraft. Oops.
I hadn't heard from my daughter for a couple of days. Never a good thing. If she doesn't call me on the way to work, then she probably isn't working. She called me last night. She lost her painting job. That was coming and I'm surprised it took that long. She has issues with getting to work on time and having enough bus money to even get to work. She refuses to ask me for help unless it's absolutely necessary. Both hubby and I gave her some 'loving advice' on asking me for help. Regardless of where we are at financially we will gladly help her with getting a bus pass for the month. Same with getting to the doctor for a bladder infection that she has had for a long time now. She doesn't have money for the prescription. Get to the doctor and let me know how much it will cost. Good lord... She is struggling to be independent and to be strong. She is struggling to pay her rent, she is struggling to even take care of herself properly and she isn't succeeding. She needs to come home because she is taking on the responsibility of way to much and to many people where she is.
I meet with my worker at ADAPT on Tuesday. Still doing intake or background information. She asked me about complicated relationships. Haha! All of them! Some I have let go to the wayside as I really don't need them. Some are a little harder as I can't walk away from them. I have an idea of which ones play on me the most as they are the ones that my negative thoughts are on loop about and part of the reason I'm on Venlafaxine. To stop that negative loop that I dislike and I seem to have little control over lately. There is no closure or resolution.
I'm grateful and already this lady has helped me on two occasions with helping me to see what I was missing. Once regarding my husband and on Tuesday. She commented that my feelings on one relationship seemed to be motivated by fear. I know that my anger is usually fueled by something else. Hurt feelings and betrayal are the normal culprits and still do play a part however I completely overlooked fear. She was right. Fear of the damage that it has caused and continues to cause, on occasion. Damage that I have so little control over. I can usually put things behind me however I'm having trouble with this one. To the point where I'm on guard because I feel I have to be or I could easily lose my cool again. I don't like doing that.
Last weekend hubby and I found a store that sells semi-permanent titanium or grey hair dye. I have been looking for silver but no luck so far. As I have been watching my grey slowly grow in, I have been liking it. Hubby says he likes it too. So I want to highlight it with grey. I would do it myself but I don't think I could manage seeing to pull my hair through every second row of the cap.
I think I'm going to try printing my resume and taking it over to the pet store that is just around the corner. I held off as my son was interested for all of what, 24 hours... I'm no way comfortable with the idea of working full time right now as my poor home would be in shambles but part-time. I was excited a couple of weeks ago about another work from home opportunity however after looking into some reviews it appeared to be mostly another scam where you pay a lot of fees with little to no guarantee of work.
Michael has been attending the group meetings through PACT for the past 3 weeks. Thought I would throw that in there!
My quit date for quitting smoking is this weekend. Wish me luck!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Last night my son decided to throw a wrench in things. Out of the blue he doesn't need/want his Olanzapine. It's time to try and go off them... Because barely a month of regaining some stability is long enough, I guess.
I'm sitting here trying really hard not to be pissed. For the past 3-4 weeks both myself and my hubby have been nothing but supportive and understanding. I have been patiently cleaning up his messes. Spending quality time with him doing things like messaging and scratching his back, brushing his hair, filing his nails, cuddling and even flossing his teeth. Yup you read that right. His teeth are mess. When the ashtray in the back yard, that is only 3 feet away from him, is to far away; that's ok, I take it too him. I have picking up his garbage, hosing down the yard due to his spitting... What do I ask for in return? Not very much. Perhaps that is the problem. I have been expecting way too little. In my quest to be understanding I am making things way to easy for him, again.
In my last blog post I mentioned him smoking in his room. Another thing that I have been very patient about. I have not yelled at him. I have said very little actually unless I catch him doing it. I have been keeping an eye out and finding what he uses for ashtrays when I can so that I can 'remind him' that there is no smoking in his room. A couple of times I have found the cups or containers that he uses and have removed them. For the past couple of days I haven't been able to find anything. Smart little bugger he is... He forgot this morning to put the lid back on the peanut can that he has been using. The one I thought was full of peanuts. It was full of cigarette butts.
Last weekend hubby got my son another carton of cigarettes as he has gone through 3 cartoons in just over 2 weeks. Of course smoking in his room means that he is smoking even more.
My son agreed last night to take his Olanzapine this morning... Yes as I'm sure you guessed, so far that has not happened. After I found the 'peanut can', I was thinking to myself: 'Do I really want to rock the boat and bring it up?'; as I didn't want to trigger his ODD defiance and cause him to not take the Olanzapine. Honestly what am I thinking... I'm not triggering his ODD. I'm not rockin' the boat... He is. I'm the one 'walking on eggshells' to not rock it and to what end?
I let him know this morning that if he isn't going to take the Olanzapine then he needs to call his nurse and let him know and discuss upping his Invega from 6 mg to 9 mg. Can I do it for him since I'm the one that seems to have a problem with this. Yes I absolutely have a problem with him going into psychosis, losing touch with reality and possibly one of us getting hurt. I can't hold him accountable for symptoms that he has no control over however he can be accountable for making choices that are going to cause a re-emergence of these symptoms. If he is going to make these decisions then he needs to be responsible for them and letting his treatment team know.
I also put away the rest of the carton of cigarettes that my hubby just got and let him know that I will give him a pack a day and they need to stay downstairs, not in his bedroom. Enough is enough. If hubby and I can smoke outside or in the basement then Michael can too and he is just going to have to figure that one out. I wonder how many times I have typed 'enough is enough'. Probably not enough ;) and certainly I need to have better follow through on these things or my son will just continue to break the rules with no consequences.
Ah yes the mustang. Hubby seems to be going through a phase. I feel a bit bad. I know how much he wants one and I won't tell him that he can't have one. He is the one earning a pay check after all. We did take one out for a test drive...
I'm not much for knowing about cars... She does look and sound nice though. Certainly suits hubby. It doesn't suit anything else though. The back seat was very cramped and he would lose a lot of functionality in the front as well. If it was just hubby and I, there would have been zero questions and we probably would have purchased it.
Hubby texted me this morning that one of the credit cards didn't work. I haven't been keeping close tabs on our accounts over the last week. Not that it would have mattered as some things came up that needed to be attended to. Hubby is now completely in debt in his name ;) Actually he has no more credit left and his bank account is in overdraft. Oops.
I hadn't heard from my daughter for a couple of days. Never a good thing. If she doesn't call me on the way to work, then she probably isn't working. She called me last night. She lost her painting job. That was coming and I'm surprised it took that long. She has issues with getting to work on time and having enough bus money to even get to work. She refuses to ask me for help unless it's absolutely necessary. Both hubby and I gave her some 'loving advice' on asking me for help. Regardless of where we are at financially we will gladly help her with getting a bus pass for the month. Same with getting to the doctor for a bladder infection that she has had for a long time now. She doesn't have money for the prescription. Get to the doctor and let me know how much it will cost. Good lord... She is struggling to be independent and to be strong. She is struggling to pay her rent, she is struggling to even take care of herself properly and she isn't succeeding. She needs to come home because she is taking on the responsibility of way to much and to many people where she is.
I meet with my worker at ADAPT on Tuesday. Still doing intake or background information. She asked me about complicated relationships. Haha! All of them! Some I have let go to the wayside as I really don't need them. Some are a little harder as I can't walk away from them. I have an idea of which ones play on me the most as they are the ones that my negative thoughts are on loop about and part of the reason I'm on Venlafaxine. To stop that negative loop that I dislike and I seem to have little control over lately. There is no closure or resolution.
I'm grateful and already this lady has helped me on two occasions with helping me to see what I was missing. Once regarding my husband and on Tuesday. She commented that my feelings on one relationship seemed to be motivated by fear. I know that my anger is usually fueled by something else. Hurt feelings and betrayal are the normal culprits and still do play a part however I completely overlooked fear. She was right. Fear of the damage that it has caused and continues to cause, on occasion. Damage that I have so little control over. I can usually put things behind me however I'm having trouble with this one. To the point where I'm on guard because I feel I have to be or I could easily lose my cool again. I don't like doing that.
Last weekend hubby and I found a store that sells semi-permanent titanium or grey hair dye. I have been looking for silver but no luck so far. As I have been watching my grey slowly grow in, I have been liking it. Hubby says he likes it too. So I want to highlight it with grey. I would do it myself but I don't think I could manage seeing to pull my hair through every second row of the cap.
I think I'm going to try printing my resume and taking it over to the pet store that is just around the corner. I held off as my son was interested for all of what, 24 hours... I'm no way comfortable with the idea of working full time right now as my poor home would be in shambles but part-time. I was excited a couple of weeks ago about another work from home opportunity however after looking into some reviews it appeared to be mostly another scam where you pay a lot of fees with little to no guarantee of work.
Michael has been attending the group meetings through PACT for the past 3 weeks. Thought I would throw that in there!
My quit date for quitting smoking is this weekend. Wish me luck!
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Latuda Roller Coaster
It's been a bit of an interesting week. When my son's case worker stopped by on Monday to drop off his medications for the week and check in, I told her that what I have been seeing is different. I didn't know how to explain different... Just that I wasn't sure that I liked what I was seeing. The Latuda seemed to be helping however in some ways it wasn't.
He went from Friday to Tuesday barely eating. Even though he was going to bed he wasn't sleeping good and he wasn't napping during the day either.
Monday evening he randomly hugged me... Good sign right?
Tuesday he asked for the internet back. I asked him if he remembered the things that he had said to me and he replied that he remembered all of it. I asked if he still felt justified in saying what he did. Yes err no... He was upset. Ok I can understand that. I let him know that threatening me was illegal and reminded him that he had threatened to hurt me. He told me that he would never hurt me. Didn't I know that? That's the crutch isn't it? My son, Michael, would never hurt me. Psychosis and alcohol on the other hand is a different story. I gave him back the internet, not that he has used it, and told him that we really need to work on his anger issues.
We talked about his tobacco use. He told me that I had agreed that if he bought one tube of tobacco that I would buy him two. Ok we need to get to the bottom of where these misconceptions are coming from. When did I say that? I didn't but another time I told him that if he bought one carton of cigarettes then I would buy him two cartons. Yes I did do this once because he had spent his money on furniture for his room. Grrr... It does get irritating that whenever I do something nice that it gets turned into something like this. So I made it clear that I would get him some tobacco like I said I would but not two tubes and next month I don't plan on helping with this again.
I talked to his worker at disability and let her know that they are still deducting $40 from his payments due to the supposed over payment of him collecting disability from two provinces at once. This should be fixed for next payment so that they are only deducting $10. The drug cards finally got faxed over to the pharmacy that is supplying his medications and starting next month they should be mailing them to me.
I also tried to address the alcohol... It's not helping him. It's depressing him and triggering anger. He is not a happy drunk when he drinks now. It's seriously impairing him and his functionality. Off he went to the liquor store anyways...
I know he thinks I'm being hard on him however I can't continue to support his drinking and we are not spending more money on his tobacco then we do our own. We shouldn't have to. Hubby has been talking about quitting again. Maybe we should. It's harder to tell my son no when we are smoking.
Wednesday morning he started drinking at 9 AM. I didn't say anything... thought I guess I should be happy that he didn't drink it all the day before. Sad isn't it when that is what I'm left with... Back to the different that I noted at the beginning of this post. I haven't had much experience in seeing my son actively hallucinate. Things don't usually get that far here. I asked my son if he was hallucinating and he said no. Now my bad here because really I'm asking someone who is seeing what they see as being just as real as everything I see and expecting him to know the different ;) I notice by Wednesday afternoon that he was acting odd even for him. It was like he was pushing stuff away from him and it almost looked like bouncing a ball or something... Things I couldn't see.
Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster for him. Early afternoon he was making noises that I couldn't at first tell if it was crying or laughing. However the look on his face was one of pain. At the same time he was having issues with his privates. I'm guessing tactile hallucinations. Several times I asked him if he was ok and if he was crying. He said no however at one point he told me to leave him alone and stop looking at him while he was crying. He didn't want me touching him and he couldn't tell me why he was crying just that he was. I asked if it was ok if I called PACT and talked to his nurse about the Latuda that his dose is too high. He said yes.
I called and of course his nurse wasn't in, his case worker wasn't available and the other nurses were all in a meeting but I could leave a message. I did. They haven't called me back yet.
The off and on crying and issues with his privates continued for about an hour. I was on the verge of putting us in a cab and going to emergency. I asked him if he was having thoughts of hurting himself and he said that he wasn't. I asked that if he did that he let me know right away. Finally it stopped and he said that he was feeling better. I was coloring and he joined me. Then it started again however not as bad as before and was shorter. Then he was very happy. I think perhaps a bit manic based on the continual smile. I could see that he was hallucinating again. That had me concerned for a bit as he was doing air punches or interacting with his hallucinations, I'm not sure, but too close to me so I asked him not to do that around me. Thankfully this didn't last long.
Since PACT didn't call me back, I looked it up and his Latuda pills can be cut in half. Latuda is supposed to be taken with food. Not snacks but an actual meal. Given that he hasn't been eating that has been a tough one and he wanted to take it at night with his Invega. I think between the too high dose and not taking it with food that it has been hitting him too hard. Latuda can cause mania as far as I know. I know it's not supposed to be sedating which means it can be activating. Since he has been taking it before bed I think it's been interfering with his sleep as Wednesday night he did take two Melatonin and still didn't sleep good.
So I have cut his dose from 80 mg to 40 mg and gave it to him with dinner last night. The up side to the mini manic phase seems to be that he ate dinner fairly good. He didn't eat all of it but he did eat his chicken and salad so an ok base for the Latuda.
He still hasn't showered however he has been in the bath the last two nights. While it may sound like a good thing... When he is experiencing symptoms or tactile hallucinations he seems to like the sensation of being in the tube so it's not really a good sign when he wants to have a bath every day. Last night I went into the bathroom and took out his dirty socks, underwear and shirt and put out clean ones so that he had no choice but to but on clean ones.
Around 9:30 last night I went into his room and had him take his Invega and two Melatonin. He slept although not as deep as I would like. He got up today at 8:30 AM. Not bad actually as he has been getting up with me and hubby around 5 for the past week. I had debating not giving him any Latuda last night however if I did that I ran the risk of him not taking it again as he has done this with several medications in the past. Just because 80 mg is too much I don't want to not give this medication a chance. He needs the antipsychotic right now.
I called PACT and left another message letting them know I cut the dose. Hopefully today I will see a reduction in what I was seeing yesterday. Probably not though as he appeared to be hallucinating a little while ago and is now off to the liquor store again...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
He went from Friday to Tuesday barely eating. Even though he was going to bed he wasn't sleeping good and he wasn't napping during the day either.
Monday evening he randomly hugged me... Good sign right?
Tuesday he asked for the internet back. I asked him if he remembered the things that he had said to me and he replied that he remembered all of it. I asked if he still felt justified in saying what he did. Yes err no... He was upset. Ok I can understand that. I let him know that threatening me was illegal and reminded him that he had threatened to hurt me. He told me that he would never hurt me. Didn't I know that? That's the crutch isn't it? My son, Michael, would never hurt me. Psychosis and alcohol on the other hand is a different story. I gave him back the internet, not that he has used it, and told him that we really need to work on his anger issues.
We talked about his tobacco use. He told me that I had agreed that if he bought one tube of tobacco that I would buy him two. Ok we need to get to the bottom of where these misconceptions are coming from. When did I say that? I didn't but another time I told him that if he bought one carton of cigarettes then I would buy him two cartons. Yes I did do this once because he had spent his money on furniture for his room. Grrr... It does get irritating that whenever I do something nice that it gets turned into something like this. So I made it clear that I would get him some tobacco like I said I would but not two tubes and next month I don't plan on helping with this again.
I talked to his worker at disability and let her know that they are still deducting $40 from his payments due to the supposed over payment of him collecting disability from two provinces at once. This should be fixed for next payment so that they are only deducting $10. The drug cards finally got faxed over to the pharmacy that is supplying his medications and starting next month they should be mailing them to me.
I also tried to address the alcohol... It's not helping him. It's depressing him and triggering anger. He is not a happy drunk when he drinks now. It's seriously impairing him and his functionality. Off he went to the liquor store anyways...
I know he thinks I'm being hard on him however I can't continue to support his drinking and we are not spending more money on his tobacco then we do our own. We shouldn't have to. Hubby has been talking about quitting again. Maybe we should. It's harder to tell my son no when we are smoking.
Wednesday morning he started drinking at 9 AM. I didn't say anything... thought I guess I should be happy that he didn't drink it all the day before. Sad isn't it when that is what I'm left with... Back to the different that I noted at the beginning of this post. I haven't had much experience in seeing my son actively hallucinate. Things don't usually get that far here. I asked my son if he was hallucinating and he said no. Now my bad here because really I'm asking someone who is seeing what they see as being just as real as everything I see and expecting him to know the different ;) I notice by Wednesday afternoon that he was acting odd even for him. It was like he was pushing stuff away from him and it almost looked like bouncing a ball or something... Things I couldn't see.
Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster for him. Early afternoon he was making noises that I couldn't at first tell if it was crying or laughing. However the look on his face was one of pain. At the same time he was having issues with his privates. I'm guessing tactile hallucinations. Several times I asked him if he was ok and if he was crying. He said no however at one point he told me to leave him alone and stop looking at him while he was crying. He didn't want me touching him and he couldn't tell me why he was crying just that he was. I asked if it was ok if I called PACT and talked to his nurse about the Latuda that his dose is too high. He said yes.
I called and of course his nurse wasn't in, his case worker wasn't available and the other nurses were all in a meeting but I could leave a message. I did. They haven't called me back yet.
The off and on crying and issues with his privates continued for about an hour. I was on the verge of putting us in a cab and going to emergency. I asked him if he was having thoughts of hurting himself and he said that he wasn't. I asked that if he did that he let me know right away. Finally it stopped and he said that he was feeling better. I was coloring and he joined me. Then it started again however not as bad as before and was shorter. Then he was very happy. I think perhaps a bit manic based on the continual smile. I could see that he was hallucinating again. That had me concerned for a bit as he was doing air punches or interacting with his hallucinations, I'm not sure, but too close to me so I asked him not to do that around me. Thankfully this didn't last long.
Since PACT didn't call me back, I looked it up and his Latuda pills can be cut in half. Latuda is supposed to be taken with food. Not snacks but an actual meal. Given that he hasn't been eating that has been a tough one and he wanted to take it at night with his Invega. I think between the too high dose and not taking it with food that it has been hitting him too hard. Latuda can cause mania as far as I know. I know it's not supposed to be sedating which means it can be activating. Since he has been taking it before bed I think it's been interfering with his sleep as Wednesday night he did take two Melatonin and still didn't sleep good.
So I have cut his dose from 80 mg to 40 mg and gave it to him with dinner last night. The up side to the mini manic phase seems to be that he ate dinner fairly good. He didn't eat all of it but he did eat his chicken and salad so an ok base for the Latuda.
He still hasn't showered however he has been in the bath the last two nights. While it may sound like a good thing... When he is experiencing symptoms or tactile hallucinations he seems to like the sensation of being in the tube so it's not really a good sign when he wants to have a bath every day. Last night I went into the bathroom and took out his dirty socks, underwear and shirt and put out clean ones so that he had no choice but to but on clean ones.
Around 9:30 last night I went into his room and had him take his Invega and two Melatonin. He slept although not as deep as I would like. He got up today at 8:30 AM. Not bad actually as he has been getting up with me and hubby around 5 for the past week. I had debating not giving him any Latuda last night however if I did that I ran the risk of him not taking it again as he has done this with several medications in the past. Just because 80 mg is too much I don't want to not give this medication a chance. He needs the antipsychotic right now.
I called PACT and left another message letting them know I cut the dose. Hopefully today I will see a reduction in what I was seeing yesterday. Probably not though as he appeared to be hallucinating a little while ago and is now off to the liquor store again...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
You win some, you lose some.
Monday night and Tuesday was a little rough. Ok a lot rough ;) I did indeed come down with my son's stomach flu. Not nice! Finally starting to feel better.
That good news I mentioned in my last post... Not so good after all. I called up an old boss and he told me to Google employment scams... Sure enough this 'job' meets the requirements. So yah, I came pretty close to being scammed. Sucks too because I was so happy to have the opportunity to 'pull my own weight' and bring in some money. Oh well. Next time!
Knocking on wood didn't keep my son from alcohol for very long. Tuesday was a bottle of hard liquor and Wednesday was a bottle of wine. Yesterday morning he was asking me about the types of demons. Last night he was all negative about life. *sigh* How to help him see what is so obvious... Drinking makes him depressed, anxious and causes his mind to race. As well as triggers his schizophrenia symptoms and delusional thinking.
He has been a little moody? Not as agitated as I have seen him in the past but it's still there. I have been trying to keep an eye on any signs of his ODD acting up. So far there hasn't been much defiance. I don't know if that's him or me trying hard to know when to walk away or just stop talking. He has spent his disability money for the month so there have already been a couple of occasions where he wants to 'discuss' me giving him more money. I let him know that it's his actions that brought us to this point of disability handling his money as they are and that I am not going to protect him from the consequences. I remind him that we have already spent more then the amount he wants, on him. I have been keeping the receipts just in case he ever wants to argue this ;) If the conversation starts to take a turn for the worse and he starts to get angry then I'm doing my best to just not respond. Seems to working. For now anyways. Although it could be the knowledge that he can't run away from home with his whole check anymore that is stopping him from acting out as he has in the past about not getting his own way.
Thursday he had his appointment with ADAPT, addiction services. I was allowed to participate in the meeting. I gave the lady a short history of his alcohol consumption.
Mar 6: 2 bottles
Mar 10: 3 bottles
Mar 16: 2 bottles
Mar 27: 1 bottle
Mar 31: 1 bottle
Apr 7: 1 bottle
Apr 8: Wine
He also gets these little bottles of something else... So in the last month he has drunk over 4000 ml of hard liquor. Reluctantly he is agreeing to give ADAPT a chance so *fingers crossed* some good will come out of this. I'm really hoping that he will listen to someone else about what addiction is and can do to a person and hopefully they can help him...
I booked doctor appointments for me and my son on Thursday. I needed to get my antidepressants refilled and appease hubby that I'm doing ok. I did have to acknowledge yesterday when I had a bath that yeah I have lost weight. The stomach flu didn't help but I do need to put some weight back on. Anyways the doctor said I'm good. I had asked the PACT team to do blood work on my son to make sure his was healthy. I guess I didn't clarify that I wanted this for his family doctor as well to make sure he was healthy not just for organ functions regarding antipsychotic use, so the blood work they had done wasn't what I thought. So my son now has a new blood work requisition that he is agreeing to do 'For mom' he told the doctor ;) so we can check his vitamin etc levels. Once that is done then he will also get a physical done as I brought up my son's wheezing that he is still doing!
My son wants us to set up the backyard. I still don't think its that nice out today but I think I have put him off long enough and tomorrow is supposed to be really nice. So I'm off to the backyard with my son...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
That good news I mentioned in my last post... Not so good after all. I called up an old boss and he told me to Google employment scams... Sure enough this 'job' meets the requirements. So yah, I came pretty close to being scammed. Sucks too because I was so happy to have the opportunity to 'pull my own weight' and bring in some money. Oh well. Next time!
Knocking on wood didn't keep my son from alcohol for very long. Tuesday was a bottle of hard liquor and Wednesday was a bottle of wine. Yesterday morning he was asking me about the types of demons. Last night he was all negative about life. *sigh* How to help him see what is so obvious... Drinking makes him depressed, anxious and causes his mind to race. As well as triggers his schizophrenia symptoms and delusional thinking.
He has been a little moody? Not as agitated as I have seen him in the past but it's still there. I have been trying to keep an eye on any signs of his ODD acting up. So far there hasn't been much defiance. I don't know if that's him or me trying hard to know when to walk away or just stop talking. He has spent his disability money for the month so there have already been a couple of occasions where he wants to 'discuss' me giving him more money. I let him know that it's his actions that brought us to this point of disability handling his money as they are and that I am not going to protect him from the consequences. I remind him that we have already spent more then the amount he wants, on him. I have been keeping the receipts just in case he ever wants to argue this ;) If the conversation starts to take a turn for the worse and he starts to get angry then I'm doing my best to just not respond. Seems to working. For now anyways. Although it could be the knowledge that he can't run away from home with his whole check anymore that is stopping him from acting out as he has in the past about not getting his own way.
Thursday he had his appointment with ADAPT, addiction services. I was allowed to participate in the meeting. I gave the lady a short history of his alcohol consumption.
Mar 6: 2 bottles
Mar 10: 3 bottles
Mar 16: 2 bottles
Mar 27: 1 bottle
Mar 31: 1 bottle
Apr 7: 1 bottle
Apr 8: Wine
He also gets these little bottles of something else... So in the last month he has drunk over 4000 ml of hard liquor. Reluctantly he is agreeing to give ADAPT a chance so *fingers crossed* some good will come out of this. I'm really hoping that he will listen to someone else about what addiction is and can do to a person and hopefully they can help him...
I booked doctor appointments for me and my son on Thursday. I needed to get my antidepressants refilled and appease hubby that I'm doing ok. I did have to acknowledge yesterday when I had a bath that yeah I have lost weight. The stomach flu didn't help but I do need to put some weight back on. Anyways the doctor said I'm good. I had asked the PACT team to do blood work on my son to make sure his was healthy. I guess I didn't clarify that I wanted this for his family doctor as well to make sure he was healthy not just for organ functions regarding antipsychotic use, so the blood work they had done wasn't what I thought. So my son now has a new blood work requisition that he is agreeing to do 'For mom' he told the doctor ;) so we can check his vitamin etc levels. Once that is done then he will also get a physical done as I brought up my son's wheezing that he is still doing!
My son wants us to set up the backyard. I still don't think its that nice out today but I think I have put him off long enough and tomorrow is supposed to be really nice. So I'm off to the backyard with my son...
Mom
BarbieBF
© BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey, 2014 - 2015. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blogs author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links to blog posts and/or pages as a whole (in there entirety) may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to BarbieBF and Schizophrenia - Mom's Journey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Things went South... or North?
I swear this disease or disorder, whatever you want to call it, has a way of flipping things so that you don't know if up is down or left is right or North is South. Confusing right? Sorry I'm being my usual whimsical self.
After my blog post yesterday I happily went in and turned on the shower, thinking I can do this. Boy was I wrong. I ended up interrupting my son's 'private time' if you get my meaning and made him mad. So even though I backed off and walked away it was already too late. His anger took over and in the length of time it took me to walk down the hall, he started punching the wall and I could hear the rage taking over, he was just getting warmed up. Without even thinking I instinctively picked up the phone and called 911. I can't say I'm particularly proud of myself for doing this but I have been here before with my son and it quickly escalates into him threatening me with physical harm. Because I'm mom he thinks that it is ok. The last time my husband was home. This time I was alone and afraid of my son. Not a nice feeling. The 911 operator stayed on the phone with my son until officers arrived which is a good thing because he was telling her how angry he was and that he didn't think he could control it. She got to listen to a tirade of accusations against me. That I was stealing his disability check, controlling my husband to the point that he is afraid to stand up to me and should leave me, that I'm always yelling and that I punch things too... You would have to know me but I have never punched anything, period. I hate violence. He also accused me of discrimination because I told 911 that he has schizophrenia. It was so they would send mental health workers.
They arrived. Not that they were much help. I swear they should really have to learn the systems that they talk about before they talk about them. One of my son's biggest concerns through all this was his money that I was stealing. No matter how many times I explain it to him or even show him his disability stubs he just can't get his mind around it. No one else seems to get it either. So here is his stub for August.
He doesn't pay rent. He is board and lodging which means I cover all of his living expenses. The stub clearly shows that the check dated Aug 29 is for the period Aug 1-31 NOT for September. I have no idea why disability pays board and lodgings this way but they do. As for how much is supposed to come to me for board and lodgings. This is directly from the disability website: http://www.communitylivingontario.ca/
In situations where the individual’s shelter needs and basic needs are met by the same person or persons (for example, where they live with family members or someone else who provides both room and board) the ODSP income support is currently set at a combined amount of $706 per month for a single person.
Personal Needs Allowance (sometimes referred to as a “comfort allowance”) of $119 per month.
I'm not stealing his money because it's not his money. Somehow he gets $126 instead of $119. Perhaps a travel allowance for medical purposes.
I ended up having to give my son back his disability check even though he had already signed it and given it to me and I had already emailed him a transfer of $132. I must say the police officer was extremely helpful in agreeing with my son that that his check was for September (even though I showed him the stub!) and that if he hadn't accepted the email transfer then technically I hadn't given him his money. He was also very helpful in pointing out that even though my son's check was dated for the next day that he could deposit it in a bank machine. Then stated that he didn't want to get in the middle of it... Sorry to late, thanx for the help! So off my son goes with an $832 check! A check according to him last night I have! To bad for me I guess that I was going to put this towards rent...
Of course he downplayed not eating and sleeping. Said that he had taken his medications when he hadn't. He really does have a gift. Maybe he should be in sales? :) They left stating there was nothing that they could do. My son was happy of course because he had gotten what he wanted. His check and support from the officers that I was in the wrong. Part of me really wants to send a letter to the Police letting them know they really should have a clue before they say things that feed into someone's delusions. He came back from his walk that the officer's advised him to do to cool off, quit relaxed. Went to his room, all laid back, smoking, without a care in the world.
I waited until my husband got home from work then started calling shelters. Some numbers that PACT had given me to call. Guess what? Some of them won't tell me if they even have a bed available because it has to be son making the call. The one's that would tell me had no beds. Call back at 9:30 when we do our bed checks. So as usual I found my own resources. Found a shelter that of course wouldn't disclose to me if they have a bed so I put my son on the phone. It's one I had looked up before and deals with youth ages 16-21. They provide meals, school, employment and addiction counselling. Have a public health nurse and support staff. My son got off the phone and said he needed a ride. Waiting for him to get ready was fun as he took forever. At one point I went in to see what he was doing. Looking through his lighters and knickknacks deciding which ones to take. Finally he was ready then asked for his pocket knife back. I don't think I had it in me to argue this with him so went and got the case I had put all of his knives in, gave it to him and asked him to keep them all in there for now. Off we went to the shelter, with the windows rolled down! Found the place and dropped him off. Watched him go in. I managed to breathe through it but man was it hard.
Hubby and I went to get something to eat. I missed a call from the shelter so called them back. It was my son wanting me to come pick up his knives as he can't have them there. I had thought about telling him that this might be a problem when he asked for them but it's not like he would have believed me anyways. He needs to learn for himself that the world has expectations, rules and boundaries. So we drove the 20 minutes back to the shelter to find my son sitting outside waiting. He wanted me to take him to a thrift store so that he could sell his knives! He thinks he can get $300 for knives that all together cost less then $150. I said no, told him to give me the knives and I would put them away where they would be safe, that I didn't drive all the way back there for this. He handed them over and we left, again. I'm still not sure how I managed to not fall apart through all this but I did.
Once we got home I waited as long as I could then called the shelter to see if they would tell me if he was even there or not. Privacy laws you know. Picturing him wondering around a city he didn't know was killing me. I'm still surprised at this but they were going to call me because my son had actually signed a release giving them permission to talk to me! I think I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor! At first he was resistant but then he ate, calmed down and agreed. He ate! I don't even know if I can explain the relief that this phone call gave me. We went over his medications that he had taken with him. Of course he didn't take his Invega. At first there was some concern as his Trazodone bottle was empty and I knew that there should be about 21 of them. I found them dumped out on his dresser. I have no idea what he was thinking when he did this. He told them that he has anxiety, ADHD, OCD and schizophrenia so as is normal for my son, I gave them a heads up that he has a tendency to seek benzos for his anxiety. I was assured that they keep all medications locked up and controlled. So I filled them in on what has been happening for the past couple of weeks. They could tell that something was up but how delayed he was in talking to them. Since he is in a shelter for the first time there are services available to him that they will help him with. I gave them all of his treatment teams information and numbers. I let them know that he has his disability check on him. This is when I found out that according to him I have it. So I explained what happened.
So as hard as all this is I think that South may be North or down may be up. Meaning that he may be able to get the help that he needs where he is now. That what seems like a bad situation may in fact be the best thing for him. He can't blame mom for being controlling when where he is will put even more restrictions on him then I did. They won't let him stay up all night and sleep all day. He won't have control over his medications like he did here. There will be no punching walls just because someone made him mad and he certainly won't have as much privacy there as he did here. Him masturbating won't be a priority for them and it shouldn't be. He will have to learn some self-control. And if things start to go South again then they can get him the help that he needs as they are a part of the system instead of me fighting the system.
My son really does amaze me at times. I tried to check his computer this morning as he tends to write out his thoughts and beliefs in documents on his computer. Yes I want to know what's going on his head. He made sure before he left to disconnect everything from the laptop and log himself out. Of course I don't know the password ;) He is obviously thinking good enough to do this and far from psychotic enough to not do it.
So even though my heart is broken, shredded really, I do believe that I am making the right decision. It certainly helps that so far I have received nothing but support from his treatment team and assurances that as hard as it is I'm making the right decisions. This reality check has been a long time overdue.
Mom
BarbieBF
After my blog post yesterday I happily went in and turned on the shower, thinking I can do this. Boy was I wrong. I ended up interrupting my son's 'private time' if you get my meaning and made him mad. So even though I backed off and walked away it was already too late. His anger took over and in the length of time it took me to walk down the hall, he started punching the wall and I could hear the rage taking over, he was just getting warmed up. Without even thinking I instinctively picked up the phone and called 911. I can't say I'm particularly proud of myself for doing this but I have been here before with my son and it quickly escalates into him threatening me with physical harm. Because I'm mom he thinks that it is ok. The last time my husband was home. This time I was alone and afraid of my son. Not a nice feeling. The 911 operator stayed on the phone with my son until officers arrived which is a good thing because he was telling her how angry he was and that he didn't think he could control it. She got to listen to a tirade of accusations against me. That I was stealing his disability check, controlling my husband to the point that he is afraid to stand up to me and should leave me, that I'm always yelling and that I punch things too... You would have to know me but I have never punched anything, period. I hate violence. He also accused me of discrimination because I told 911 that he has schizophrenia. It was so they would send mental health workers.
They arrived. Not that they were much help. I swear they should really have to learn the systems that they talk about before they talk about them. One of my son's biggest concerns through all this was his money that I was stealing. No matter how many times I explain it to him or even show him his disability stubs he just can't get his mind around it. No one else seems to get it either. So here is his stub for August.
He doesn't pay rent. He is board and lodging which means I cover all of his living expenses. The stub clearly shows that the check dated Aug 29 is for the period Aug 1-31 NOT for September. I have no idea why disability pays board and lodgings this way but they do. As for how much is supposed to come to me for board and lodgings. This is directly from the disability website: http://www.communitylivingontario.ca/
In situations where the individual’s shelter needs and basic needs are met by the same person or persons (for example, where they live with family members or someone else who provides both room and board) the ODSP income support is currently set at a combined amount of $706 per month for a single person.
Personal Needs Allowance (sometimes referred to as a “comfort allowance”) of $119 per month.
I'm not stealing his money because it's not his money. Somehow he gets $126 instead of $119. Perhaps a travel allowance for medical purposes.
I ended up having to give my son back his disability check even though he had already signed it and given it to me and I had already emailed him a transfer of $132. I must say the police officer was extremely helpful in agreeing with my son that that his check was for September (even though I showed him the stub!) and that if he hadn't accepted the email transfer then technically I hadn't given him his money. He was also very helpful in pointing out that even though my son's check was dated for the next day that he could deposit it in a bank machine. Then stated that he didn't want to get in the middle of it... Sorry to late, thanx for the help! So off my son goes with an $832 check! A check according to him last night I have! To bad for me I guess that I was going to put this towards rent...
Of course he downplayed not eating and sleeping. Said that he had taken his medications when he hadn't. He really does have a gift. Maybe he should be in sales? :) They left stating there was nothing that they could do. My son was happy of course because he had gotten what he wanted. His check and support from the officers that I was in the wrong. Part of me really wants to send a letter to the Police letting them know they really should have a clue before they say things that feed into someone's delusions. He came back from his walk that the officer's advised him to do to cool off, quit relaxed. Went to his room, all laid back, smoking, without a care in the world.
I waited until my husband got home from work then started calling shelters. Some numbers that PACT had given me to call. Guess what? Some of them won't tell me if they even have a bed available because it has to be son making the call. The one's that would tell me had no beds. Call back at 9:30 when we do our bed checks. So as usual I found my own resources. Found a shelter that of course wouldn't disclose to me if they have a bed so I put my son on the phone. It's one I had looked up before and deals with youth ages 16-21. They provide meals, school, employment and addiction counselling. Have a public health nurse and support staff. My son got off the phone and said he needed a ride. Waiting for him to get ready was fun as he took forever. At one point I went in to see what he was doing. Looking through his lighters and knickknacks deciding which ones to take. Finally he was ready then asked for his pocket knife back. I don't think I had it in me to argue this with him so went and got the case I had put all of his knives in, gave it to him and asked him to keep them all in there for now. Off we went to the shelter, with the windows rolled down! Found the place and dropped him off. Watched him go in. I managed to breathe through it but man was it hard.
Hubby and I went to get something to eat. I missed a call from the shelter so called them back. It was my son wanting me to come pick up his knives as he can't have them there. I had thought about telling him that this might be a problem when he asked for them but it's not like he would have believed me anyways. He needs to learn for himself that the world has expectations, rules and boundaries. So we drove the 20 minutes back to the shelter to find my son sitting outside waiting. He wanted me to take him to a thrift store so that he could sell his knives! He thinks he can get $300 for knives that all together cost less then $150. I said no, told him to give me the knives and I would put them away where they would be safe, that I didn't drive all the way back there for this. He handed them over and we left, again. I'm still not sure how I managed to not fall apart through all this but I did.
Once we got home I waited as long as I could then called the shelter to see if they would tell me if he was even there or not. Privacy laws you know. Picturing him wondering around a city he didn't know was killing me. I'm still surprised at this but they were going to call me because my son had actually signed a release giving them permission to talk to me! I think I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor! At first he was resistant but then he ate, calmed down and agreed. He ate! I don't even know if I can explain the relief that this phone call gave me. We went over his medications that he had taken with him. Of course he didn't take his Invega. At first there was some concern as his Trazodone bottle was empty and I knew that there should be about 21 of them. I found them dumped out on his dresser. I have no idea what he was thinking when he did this. He told them that he has anxiety, ADHD, OCD and schizophrenia so as is normal for my son, I gave them a heads up that he has a tendency to seek benzos for his anxiety. I was assured that they keep all medications locked up and controlled. So I filled them in on what has been happening for the past couple of weeks. They could tell that something was up but how delayed he was in talking to them. Since he is in a shelter for the first time there are services available to him that they will help him with. I gave them all of his treatment teams information and numbers. I let them know that he has his disability check on him. This is when I found out that according to him I have it. So I explained what happened.
So as hard as all this is I think that South may be North or down may be up. Meaning that he may be able to get the help that he needs where he is now. That what seems like a bad situation may in fact be the best thing for him. He can't blame mom for being controlling when where he is will put even more restrictions on him then I did. They won't let him stay up all night and sleep all day. He won't have control over his medications like he did here. There will be no punching walls just because someone made him mad and he certainly won't have as much privacy there as he did here. Him masturbating won't be a priority for them and it shouldn't be. He will have to learn some self-control. And if things start to go South again then they can get him the help that he needs as they are a part of the system instead of me fighting the system.
My son really does amaze me at times. I tried to check his computer this morning as he tends to write out his thoughts and beliefs in documents on his computer. Yes I want to know what's going on his head. He made sure before he left to disconnect everything from the laptop and log himself out. Of course I don't know the password ;) He is obviously thinking good enough to do this and far from psychotic enough to not do it.
So even though my heart is broken, shredded really, I do believe that I am making the right decision. It certainly helps that so far I have received nothing but support from his treatment team and assurances that as hard as it is I'm making the right decisions. This reality check has been a long time overdue.
Mom
BarbieBF
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
On pins and needles
Due to rain my hubby was home from work yesterday so we all went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. It was pretty much what I thought it would be before I heard that it was a great movie. I think I would probably have enjoyed Maleficent much more. My son seemed more interested in the three Lego figurines I got him at the movie theater, although he did say that he thought it was a good movie. These Lego figurines instigated us making a trip to Walmart for Lego. My son picked out a kit for a house and I picked up a small kit to make a 'power digger' for my hubby since he is in construction and is an heavy machine operator. I actually had fun putting it together and he put it on our night table.
My son had fun putting together his three figurines and moving furniture around looking for the pieces he kept dropping. He had stated that he wanted to put the house together with me however I think sometime in the middle of the night he must have changed his mind...
On Monday one of my son's workers stopped by for a quick visit. I told her that at the moment my son is the least of my concerns however he is still a concern :) He has been doing good. Still sleeping in his own bed, so it's been 10 nights, although I use nights loosely as he doesn't go to bed until sometime between 4 and 6 AM. He is not making as many messes and is attempting to clean up after himself. His room is starting to look like another tornado hit it. He can't seem to manage reaching his garbage can or laundry basket. I had forwarded him an email from the YMCA asking if they should be closing his file with them as they can't keep his file open with no activity or progress to report. I feel that he needs to be the one to respond and take responsibility for the choice to not attend. I don't know if he answered it but I'm guessing that he didn't.
When we did grocery shopping last Sunday my son asked if they had anything in the vitamin section, like a herb, to help him with his anxiety. I have tried in the past to help him with this by getting him an herbal tincture however he abused it so I had to throw it out. I take a lot of supplements and vitamins and have been trying to get him to take them as well however he refuses. He even refuses a multivitamin. He has on several occasions stated that he wants some sort of muscle relaxer. Yes he is still looking for that quick fix. In my opinion it's his nerve system that is causing his muscles to be tense. He is either under or overstimulated or some combination of the two. To treat the symptom and not the cause is not going to help him in the long run. 5-HTP caught my eye and his too. 5-HTP is an amino acid that the body produces naturally and I do believe helps to regulate or produce serotonin which helps to regulate mood. I agreed to let him try it as long as he doesn't abuse it. So far it doesn't appear that he is abusing it. He noticed a couple of hours after taking one that he felt more relaxed. I noticed this too as usually even when he is just sitting/lying on the sofa his foot is in constant motion and that night it wasn't. I am trying not to micromanage him taking his pills however I am counting how many are in the bottles every now and then. I also handed him over his Gabapentin/Neurontin on Friday. The first night 5 went missing. He says he put them in another pill bottle. He seems to be on track with his 100 mg Clozapine however his Invega and Lithium are not adding up. I haven't counted his 25 mg Clozapine.
This morning my son and I butted heads as he was still up when I got up at 5:30. Of course not being particularly coherent myself I triggered his ODD when I told him he needed to take his pills and go to bed. According to my son he doesn't need them and that is why his psychiatrist is weaning him off them because he knows that he doesn't need them. Delusional or manipulative? I don't know. Somehow he pulled his friend into the conversation and it was his friend's fault that he had no friends that his friend treats him like crap... I won't say what else he had to say as I'm pretty sure it was being motivated by negative emotions rather then an honest opinion of his friend. As I said I wasn't being particularly coherent and I managed to hurt his feelings by saying something about me doing what I'm doing because I love him and if he can't see that then there is something wrong with him. I meant this in terms of maturity and I tried to tell him that however he took it to heart. Told me to kick him out because he can't handle being here and he would rather be out on the streets. I told him that I am tired of having to walk on eggshells and monitor everything that I say because he can't handle some truth. I'm not going to kick him out on the streets so that he can use that to manipulate others into feeling sorry for him. If he wants to go then go but I'm not telling him to. I don't know if it was lack of sleep, having not taken his pills yet or something else (psychosis) but his eyes were telling their own story. He did go to sleep a short time later.
As for why I am on pins and needles... I think I have spoken some about my downstairs neighbors and their excessive noise. I don't know if I have spoken about the verbal harassment. Saturday I got a pretty big scare. The lady from that unit tried to forcibly enter my apartment as she thought that I had called mental health services on her and freaked out when they tried to contact her. It turns out a police officer that had attended for my previous noise complaint had contacted them. Accusing me of putting an eviction notice in her mailbox that was obviously from the building management and not me, among other things, made them question her mental health. Long story short this has been going on for some time now and whenever I try to get it to stop I'm being verbally harassed by them and having to deal with physical outbursts like banging on walls and what happened on Saturday. Saturday being the second time she has approached my apartment in an aggressive manner. After me almost losing it in front of a police officer and him seeing how afraid I was, something is finally being done about it. I think the charges will be criminal harassment and mischief, once they arrest her... She has been avoiding being arrested since Sunday. The quiet is somewhat unnerving and not knowing where she is has got me more then a little tense. As grateful as I am that something is being done I'm more afraid to leave my apartment alone then I was before as she and her husband have to be pissed at me. On the bright side, they have both been warned to not communicate with/at me and my family or they could both be facing further charges. So now it's a bit of a waiting game and if she doesn't appear they may have to issue an arrest warrant. Hopefully for her sake it doesn't come to that. In the meantime I'm jumping at every sound in my hallway... *deep breathes*
The YMCA called me a little while ago. I told them to close his file for now since he obviously isn't going to follow through on dealing with this. His nurse also dropped by about an hour ago and he went out to talk to her and grab his Clozapine that PACT picked up for him. I'm waiting for some dough to rise and telling myself that I don't need another cigarette! I have been smoking way to much lately. I think it's time for a herbal tea before I start making dinner.
Mom
BarbieBF
My son had fun putting together his three figurines and moving furniture around looking for the pieces he kept dropping. He had stated that he wanted to put the house together with me however I think sometime in the middle of the night he must have changed his mind...
On Monday one of my son's workers stopped by for a quick visit. I told her that at the moment my son is the least of my concerns however he is still a concern :) He has been doing good. Still sleeping in his own bed, so it's been 10 nights, although I use nights loosely as he doesn't go to bed until sometime between 4 and 6 AM. He is not making as many messes and is attempting to clean up after himself. His room is starting to look like another tornado hit it. He can't seem to manage reaching his garbage can or laundry basket. I had forwarded him an email from the YMCA asking if they should be closing his file with them as they can't keep his file open with no activity or progress to report. I feel that he needs to be the one to respond and take responsibility for the choice to not attend. I don't know if he answered it but I'm guessing that he didn't.
When we did grocery shopping last Sunday my son asked if they had anything in the vitamin section, like a herb, to help him with his anxiety. I have tried in the past to help him with this by getting him an herbal tincture however he abused it so I had to throw it out. I take a lot of supplements and vitamins and have been trying to get him to take them as well however he refuses. He even refuses a multivitamin. He has on several occasions stated that he wants some sort of muscle relaxer. Yes he is still looking for that quick fix. In my opinion it's his nerve system that is causing his muscles to be tense. He is either under or overstimulated or some combination of the two. To treat the symptom and not the cause is not going to help him in the long run. 5-HTP caught my eye and his too. 5-HTP is an amino acid that the body produces naturally and I do believe helps to regulate or produce serotonin which helps to regulate mood. I agreed to let him try it as long as he doesn't abuse it. So far it doesn't appear that he is abusing it. He noticed a couple of hours after taking one that he felt more relaxed. I noticed this too as usually even when he is just sitting/lying on the sofa his foot is in constant motion and that night it wasn't. I am trying not to micromanage him taking his pills however I am counting how many are in the bottles every now and then. I also handed him over his Gabapentin/Neurontin on Friday. The first night 5 went missing. He says he put them in another pill bottle. He seems to be on track with his 100 mg Clozapine however his Invega and Lithium are not adding up. I haven't counted his 25 mg Clozapine.
This morning my son and I butted heads as he was still up when I got up at 5:30. Of course not being particularly coherent myself I triggered his ODD when I told him he needed to take his pills and go to bed. According to my son he doesn't need them and that is why his psychiatrist is weaning him off them because he knows that he doesn't need them. Delusional or manipulative? I don't know. Somehow he pulled his friend into the conversation and it was his friend's fault that he had no friends that his friend treats him like crap... I won't say what else he had to say as I'm pretty sure it was being motivated by negative emotions rather then an honest opinion of his friend. As I said I wasn't being particularly coherent and I managed to hurt his feelings by saying something about me doing what I'm doing because I love him and if he can't see that then there is something wrong with him. I meant this in terms of maturity and I tried to tell him that however he took it to heart. Told me to kick him out because he can't handle being here and he would rather be out on the streets. I told him that I am tired of having to walk on eggshells and monitor everything that I say because he can't handle some truth. I'm not going to kick him out on the streets so that he can use that to manipulate others into feeling sorry for him. If he wants to go then go but I'm not telling him to. I don't know if it was lack of sleep, having not taken his pills yet or something else (psychosis) but his eyes were telling their own story. He did go to sleep a short time later.
As for why I am on pins and needles... I think I have spoken some about my downstairs neighbors and their excessive noise. I don't know if I have spoken about the verbal harassment. Saturday I got a pretty big scare. The lady from that unit tried to forcibly enter my apartment as she thought that I had called mental health services on her and freaked out when they tried to contact her. It turns out a police officer that had attended for my previous noise complaint had contacted them. Accusing me of putting an eviction notice in her mailbox that was obviously from the building management and not me, among other things, made them question her mental health. Long story short this has been going on for some time now and whenever I try to get it to stop I'm being verbally harassed by them and having to deal with physical outbursts like banging on walls and what happened on Saturday. Saturday being the second time she has approached my apartment in an aggressive manner. After me almost losing it in front of a police officer and him seeing how afraid I was, something is finally being done about it. I think the charges will be criminal harassment and mischief, once they arrest her... She has been avoiding being arrested since Sunday. The quiet is somewhat unnerving and not knowing where she is has got me more then a little tense. As grateful as I am that something is being done I'm more afraid to leave my apartment alone then I was before as she and her husband have to be pissed at me. On the bright side, they have both been warned to not communicate with/at me and my family or they could both be facing further charges. So now it's a bit of a waiting game and if she doesn't appear they may have to issue an arrest warrant. Hopefully for her sake it doesn't come to that. In the meantime I'm jumping at every sound in my hallway... *deep breathes*
The YMCA called me a little while ago. I told them to close his file for now since he obviously isn't going to follow through on dealing with this. His nurse also dropped by about an hour ago and he went out to talk to her and grab his Clozapine that PACT picked up for him. I'm waiting for some dough to rise and telling myself that I don't need another cigarette! I have been smoking way to much lately. I think it's time for a herbal tea before I start making dinner.
Mom
BarbieBF
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Anger
I thought I would center today's post on ODD since I make reference to my son's ODD fairly frequently and I myself am trying to get a better understanding of what is happening and motivating my son's behavior.
Two articles that have caught my attention today are:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and AD/HD
http://www.additudemag.com
Physiology of Anger
http://www.mentalhelp.net
My son's nurse was here this morning. I had tried to get him up before she arrived but I had no success as yet again he was up all night and didn't go to sleep until after 4. Another morning of waking up to him sleeping on the sofa. By the way it is one of the apartment rules that he sleep in his own bed. She dropped off a list of the weekly event schedule for June, July & August. Hopefully the next one will make it to him earlier :) I brought up to her that even though I know my son isn't officially diagnosed with ODD that it seems to be controlling his behavior so much right now. During this conversation she commented that his pdoc had mentioned that he might not have schizophrenia but psychosis NOS. I don't know what to think. I'm guessing only time will tell for sure. In the meantime it's symptoms of ODD that I think need the most attention right now. My son did get up while she was still here not that he particularly played a big part in the conversation. We were discussing what services Ready4Life could help him with and I rubbed his leg to get him to pay attention since this is his life and services that he will need to be aware of and to ask for help with. Defiance poked it's little head up and he kind of snapped: yes I know and went back to ignoring us. As I said on another post his only concern seems to be getting away from me without any regard to what is going to happen once he is on his own or any thoughts as to how is going to manage and take care of himself. I'm guessing that part of this defiance or anger is because I have made it clear that we will not be spending money on him like we have in the past. We did take him to get cigarettes for the rest of the month before he spent what little money he did have. He ended up buying an E-Cigarette Vaporizer and extra flavored cartridges that don't give nicotine and one carton of cherry flavored cigarettes. He still had one carton of his normal cigarettes. My son smokes at least a carton a week. The math doesn't really work does it? Last night he decided to spend the last of his money on a pocket knife. A knife I heard hitting his bedroom door last night. I reminded him again that he has a whole month to go yet and he will have no money for cigarettes or energy drinks etc. His response is that he will go without. We have had our issues in the past trying to limit his cigarettes when my hubby and I were the ones paying for them. It was a daily argument at 30 a day. Maybe I should be looking forward to him moving out so that I don't have to deal with this!
When his nurse asked him about PACT talking to Ready4Life and I stated that he had signed a waiver allowing Ready4Life to talk to PACT, his defiance reared it's head again. He didn't recall signing it. The lady from Ready4Life had made it quit clear what it was and had made sure that he understood what it was that he was signing although I guess at the time his only concern was not having my name on it. If you read the above link my son fits all of the criteria not just four. I have seen him purposely not do things just because I have asked him to do it. I have seen him purposely do things around me that he knows that I don't like that he does not do around other people. All these things and more are happening consistently even when he is not psychotic and they are having a significant impairment on his functioning. I have some pretty basic apartment rules that he is refusing to follow like cleaning up after himself and sleeping in his own bed. Rules that a 5 year old can follow. Rules that he has agreed are reasonable and that he knows he has to do however blames everyone else for him not doing them. I guess I need to get back to some basics on how to handle/discipline ADHD and ODD as I have been lax on the boundaries and not enforcing the consequences. This should be fun!
The above article on anger helps to give a better understanding of anger. However I still don't get why someone with psychosis seems unable to feel or react appropriately to emotions like love yet seem to have an unending supply of emotions like anger and resentment. Perhaps it's because different neurotransmitters are involved? I wonder if that is something that science should be looking into! Between feelings of anger and resentment and what appears to be ODD to me, my son seems to be acting and reacting on a basic instinct of, well to put it bluntly, screw you. With no regard to his own mental or physical well-being. Being defiant is more important.
Oops... I forgot that I had started making some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
Two articles that have caught my attention today are:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and AD/HD
http://www.additudemag.com
Physiology of Anger
http://www.mentalhelp.net
My son's nurse was here this morning. I had tried to get him up before she arrived but I had no success as yet again he was up all night and didn't go to sleep until after 4. Another morning of waking up to him sleeping on the sofa. By the way it is one of the apartment rules that he sleep in his own bed. She dropped off a list of the weekly event schedule for June, July & August. Hopefully the next one will make it to him earlier :) I brought up to her that even though I know my son isn't officially diagnosed with ODD that it seems to be controlling his behavior so much right now. During this conversation she commented that his pdoc had mentioned that he might not have schizophrenia but psychosis NOS. I don't know what to think. I'm guessing only time will tell for sure. In the meantime it's symptoms of ODD that I think need the most attention right now. My son did get up while she was still here not that he particularly played a big part in the conversation. We were discussing what services Ready4Life could help him with and I rubbed his leg to get him to pay attention since this is his life and services that he will need to be aware of and to ask for help with. Defiance poked it's little head up and he kind of snapped: yes I know and went back to ignoring us. As I said on another post his only concern seems to be getting away from me without any regard to what is going to happen once he is on his own or any thoughts as to how is going to manage and take care of himself. I'm guessing that part of this defiance or anger is because I have made it clear that we will not be spending money on him like we have in the past. We did take him to get cigarettes for the rest of the month before he spent what little money he did have. He ended up buying an E-Cigarette Vaporizer and extra flavored cartridges that don't give nicotine and one carton of cherry flavored cigarettes. He still had one carton of his normal cigarettes. My son smokes at least a carton a week. The math doesn't really work does it? Last night he decided to spend the last of his money on a pocket knife. A knife I heard hitting his bedroom door last night. I reminded him again that he has a whole month to go yet and he will have no money for cigarettes or energy drinks etc. His response is that he will go without. We have had our issues in the past trying to limit his cigarettes when my hubby and I were the ones paying for them. It was a daily argument at 30 a day. Maybe I should be looking forward to him moving out so that I don't have to deal with this!
When his nurse asked him about PACT talking to Ready4Life and I stated that he had signed a waiver allowing Ready4Life to talk to PACT, his defiance reared it's head again. He didn't recall signing it. The lady from Ready4Life had made it quit clear what it was and had made sure that he understood what it was that he was signing although I guess at the time his only concern was not having my name on it. If you read the above link my son fits all of the criteria not just four. I have seen him purposely not do things just because I have asked him to do it. I have seen him purposely do things around me that he knows that I don't like that he does not do around other people. All these things and more are happening consistently even when he is not psychotic and they are having a significant impairment on his functioning. I have some pretty basic apartment rules that he is refusing to follow like cleaning up after himself and sleeping in his own bed. Rules that a 5 year old can follow. Rules that he has agreed are reasonable and that he knows he has to do however blames everyone else for him not doing them. I guess I need to get back to some basics on how to handle/discipline ADHD and ODD as I have been lax on the boundaries and not enforcing the consequences. This should be fun!
The above article on anger helps to give a better understanding of anger. However I still don't get why someone with psychosis seems unable to feel or react appropriately to emotions like love yet seem to have an unending supply of emotions like anger and resentment. Perhaps it's because different neurotransmitters are involved? I wonder if that is something that science should be looking into! Between feelings of anger and resentment and what appears to be ODD to me, my son seems to be acting and reacting on a basic instinct of, well to put it bluntly, screw you. With no regard to his own mental or physical well-being. Being defiant is more important.
Oops... I forgot that I had started making some bread.
Mom
BarbieBF
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